Item #: SCP-5283
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, SCP-5283 is currently self-contained at Site-37.
Description: SCP-5283 is an immovable, third-party Nerf N-Strike Elite Universal suction dart stuck to the ceiling of Site-37's central cafeteria.
Addendum-1: Removal Attempts| Attempt | Method | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| #1 | Researcher Harbor Wilson attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. | Failure |
| #2 | A different staff member attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. | Failure |
| #3-8 | Dr. Wilson directs six other staff members to attempt to remove SCP-5283 | Failure |
| #9 | Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a knife. | Failure |
| #10 | Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a motorized saw. | Failure |
| #11 | Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a chainsaw. | Failure |
| #12 | Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a PLS.1 | Failure |
| #13-16 | Dr. Wilson attempts to remove the entire ceiling tile SCP-5283 is attached to.2 | Failure |
| #17 | Dr. Wilson attempts to burn SCP-5283 using a lighter. | Failure |
| #18 | Dr. Wilson attempts to melt SCP-5283 using a flamethrower. | Failure |
| #19 | Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 using three minuscule detonation charges. | Failure |
| #20-23 | Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 with a shotgun. | Failure |
| #24 | Dr. Wilson attempts to destabilize the local reality around SCP-5283 to result in its disconnection from the ceiling. | Failure |
| #25 | Dr. Wilson prays for SCP-5283's removal. | Failure |
| #26 | Dr. Wilson prays for his removal. | N/A |
| #27 | Dr. Wilson spends approximately 78 minutes shouting at SCP-5283, demanding it fall off of the ceiling. | Failure |
| #28-███ | Dr. Wilson attempts to punch SCP-5283 off of the ceiling. | Fuck This Failure |
Further attempts are pending.
To: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces|r_nosral)
From: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw)
Subject: THE DAMN NERF DART
I say this in the most respectful way possible: What the hell do you expect me to do about the nerf dart? Seriously. I have tried everything. Manpower. Blades. Saws. Fire - no, you do not need to remind me of how big of a failure that was. Detonation charges. I even spent over an hour shouting at the damn thing! No matter what I do, it doesn't budge. Nothing! I feel like I'm going insane. I've become a laughingstock here. The guy who "can't even move a nerf dart." It's degrading.
If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Because I am this fucking close to submitting my resignation letter.
To: Researcher Harbor Wilson (tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw#tenpics.eruces|h_nosliw)
From: Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (tenpics.eruces|r_nosral#tenpics.eruces|r_nosral)
Subject: RE: THE DAMN NERF DART
Have you tried asking it nicely?
Following this email correspondence, Dr. Wilson was seen walking into Site-37's central cafeteria while muttering the phrase "What kind of bullshit idea is that?" He then reportedly walked over to SCP-5283 and asked, "Can you please get off of the ceiling, SCP-5283?" He was immediately met with the laughter of most nearby staff - much to Wilson's seeming embarrassment - though it ceased moments later when SCP-5283 seemingly obliged the request, falling from the ceiling. Since its removal, all anomalous effects have ceased and SCP-5283 has been reclassified as "Neutralized."
Dr. Wilson has since started seeing a Foundation therapist.
