rating: +20+x

Item #: SCP-500-J

Object Class: Super Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-500 is to be kept in the Primary Containment Zone of Containment Area 25b replacing SCP-076 with her mouth covered at all times (the original duct tape has since been replaced). For the time being SCP-076 has been placed in the 3rd floor janitor's closet, security for which will be provided by Scruffy, the head of Area 25b janitorial staff. All previous security measures have been doubled, with an extra 4 Nuclear devices provided to the base arsenal just in case.

Description: SCP-500, formerly known as [DATA EXPUNGED], is a malevolent harpy hell bent on destroying anything in its path female human possessing a wide range of abilities. Those described to base staff are:

  • Reducing any adult male to tears.
  • Creating an urge to kill oneself one of these days I swear
  • Causing addiction to a wide array of alcoholic beverages I just can't face that bitch sober
  • A death glare at any passing female I happen to glance at but it doesn't mean anything for god's sake which has been assured to the research team to result in the death of said female.
  • The ability to track no matter where I am the location.
  • The ability to attempt communication at the worst possible time I mean, c'mon it's not that kind of massage parlor I swear
  • An intuitive ability to tell when someone is lying and deconstruct the entire lie resulting in sleeping on the damn couch while the fucking dog gets my spot in bed.
  • Causing a massive mental breakdown of any male that not even drugs can help, oh yeah I've tried. You're better off with a gun in my opinion
  • Arguing for up to several hours by which time I just say whatever will let me get back to the damn game before it's over.
  • She was able to pull one hell of a [DATA EXPUNGED] position just like [DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED][DATA EXPUNGED], but fuck that.

By order of O5-8, SCP-500 is to simply be contained with no testing.

It should be noted that all required SCP documentation and revised security plans were provided by O5-8 who assured the on-site command staff that the entire O5 council approved the new procedures. O5-8 also mentioned that the current communication blackout will be lifted as soon as possible.

Side note: SCP-076-2 awoke in his temporary containment to find a portable DVD player playing Deadliest Warrior non-stop. This placated SCP-076-2 long enough to allow security to restrain him. For his efforts in containing SCP-076-2, Scruffy as been promoted to head of Area 25b security.

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