[SCP-4970 is used, instantly connects to SCP-4970-A. Dr. Collins selects English and connection with a representative (hereafter referred to as SCP-4970-2) is established.]
SCP-4970-2: Thank you for calling Universal Information Technology, my name is [UNINTELLIGIBLE], how can I be of service?
Dr. Collins: Erm… Hi. I'm Dr. Collins, I'm calling because I have a few questions about this telephone.
SCP-4970-2: Are you asking about the device you're calling on or telephones in general?
Dr. Collins: This one. How is it that it can connect with you?
SCP-4970-2: I'd have to put you through to Communication Electronics for that. So from what I see here this isn't your first time calling, correct?
Dr. Collins: No, I mean this is the first time I'm calling, but this phone has been used before.
SCP-4970-2: Sorry for prying sir, but that sounds a bit… Can I talk to the original owner? I'll have to verify if they consent to your usage of their account.
Dr. Collins: I'm afraid that he is unavailable.
SCP-4970-2: Ah, yes I see. [pause] It says here that he is no longer aware of us. You're part of a different organisation, correct?
Dr. Collins: How did you know that?
SCP-4970-2: It's what the case file says. Do you have something to write with?
Dr. Collins: I erm… I do, yes.
SCP-4970-2: Okay, your case code is: A324-E3212-564I-4242. Now sir, hold onto that because any future call will be asking for that, ok?
Dr. Collins: I understand.
SCP-4970-2: So how can I help you?
Dr. Collins: Well, this is going to sound strange, but I'm not entirely sure who you are and what you work for.
SCP-4970-2: Can you be more specific? You're calling Universal Technical Support, and I'm a representative. Like a support line?
Dr. Collins: How is this telephone able to connect to you?
SCP-4970-2: I'd guess by phone-line. Do you… is there any reason it would not be?
Dr. Collins: No, I'm just asking because this number doesn't work if I use any other device.
SCP-4970-2: Oh. Well, I can find that out for you, but I'd have to message the product specialist first and get back to you.
Dr. Collins: That's fine, I'll get back on that later. Can you tell me what the previous owner of this phone asked about in previous conversations?
SCP-4970-2: Sorry sir, I can't tell you that. Company policy, I can't disclose that information due to privacy concerns.
Dr. Collins: Oh, that's unfortunate. Okay, so what do you uh… what is your area of expertise?
SCP-4970-2: Bit of everything, not specialised. Laws of Physics, you know, basic stuff.
Dr. Collins: Quantum Mechanics?
SCP-4970-2: Yeah, stuff like that.
Dr. Collins: Do you mind holding on for a bit? I want to confer with a colleague.
SCP-4970-2: [Laughs] Hey, that's my line!
Dr. Collins: Hah. Anyway-
SCP-4970-2: Yeah go ahead, I'm not going anywhere.
[Silence for 2 minutes]
Dr. Collins: I'm back, hi.
SCP-4970-2: Welcome back. What did you want to know?
Dr. Collins: When and how did the universe start?
SCP-4970-2: Well sir, that depends on your definition of universe and start. What level of theory is your civilization currently operating?
Dr. Collins: What level?
SCP-4970-2: Surely you've written that down somewhere, sir.
Dr. Collins: I… don't know if I have.
SCP-4970-2: The original owner must have? That's not practical, on account of them being unavailable. I'll put you through to universal registry, one moment please.
Dr. Collins: Uh, sure. Thank you.
[Half a second of poorly recorded music plays before another instance picks up. Interviewer notes a monotone, disinterested tone.]
SCP-4970-3: Universal registry, how can I help?
Dr. Collins: Hi, erm, I'm Dr. Collins, and your colleague said you could help me with-
SCP-4970-3: Yeah okay, do you have a case number please?
Dr. Collins: Right, sorry. It's A324-E3212-564I-4242.
SCP-4970-3: On the name 'Collins'.
Dr. Collins: That's right.
SCP-4970-3: So it's going to be hard to figure out your universal code if you don't have anything to give me the right place to look.
Dr. Collins: Sorry but, how am I supposed to know how you categorise our universe?
SCP-4970-3: Well surely you had some form of documentation when you first got it? We have a lot of them, infinite even. We'd be doing this for seven [UNINTELLIGIBLE].
Dr. Collins: Documentation from whom?
SCP-4970-3: Well, wherever you first got it! How long have you had the Universe?
Dr. Collins: 13.7 billion years?
SCP-4970-3: [Sighs] And you lost it already? You know that voids your warranty, right?
Dr. Collins: Warranty for what?
SCP-4970-3: Technical errors, obviously. You know, fabrication mishaps. Unless you damaged the Universe yourself, that's user damage.
Dr. Collins: What about damage outside of my control?
SCP-4970-3: You call your universal insurance.
Dr. Collins: Do you have that number?
SCP-4970-3: Well, where did you sign up? What company?
Dr. Collins: I don't know.
SCP-4970-3: [Sigh] Sir, I don't know that either. Have you written that down at least?
Dr. Collins: I'd… have to check. Sorry, this is all very new to me.
SCP-4970-3: It's okay sir. Do you maybe have someone around that has more experience with this? Then you can just hand them the phone and we'll figure this out for you.
Dr. Collins: I don't think anyone here knows more than I do.
SCP-4970-3: Very well sir. Do you want me to wait or will you call back when you find the information we need?
Dr. Collins: I'll call you back, sorry for wasting your time.
SCP-4970-3: That's alright. We'll hear from you!
Dr. Collins: Goodbye.
