SCP-4955

Item #: SCP-4955 Null

Item Class: Safe Mendax Decommissioned

Item Type: Epistemic Antimeme Null

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4955 is to be kept in a standard safe object container in Site 19. Null

Description: SCP-4955 KNIFE is a knife of unknown make and model.

Log 1 - 2055/01/2

I'm one sentence in and I don't know what the hell to do with this knife.

I've run the usual tests. Materials aren't anomalous, it's just a wood handle and a stainless steel blade. Sharpness isn't anomalous. No thermodynamic anomaly, absolutely nothing. I even used the Hume-Dawkins-Scranton gauge; nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The only anomalous bit I can even think of is that I've been told jack shit about this and nobody remembers anything being in P-0055. Hell, I don't think I've met anyone who knows about this thing. So maybe its effect is being just… really, really forgettable, huh?

Anyway. I guess I'm gonna go report my findings now. What a waste of time.

Log 2 - 2055/01/2

So. I went to my supervisor. I confirmed with her that, yes, I've been assigned to 4955, and yes, 4955 is in P-0055. I told her it was just a normal knife with no anomalous properties, and she just…

Stared at me. For a while. I asked her if she was alright, and she said she was waiting for me to give the report on it.

The report I had just given.

This went on two more times before I excused myself, saying I needed to revise it because I'd realized something new. She waved me off, asked me to shut the door behind me.

Log 3 - 2055/01/3

No D-Classes is a pain, but I managed to convince Researcher Smalls to step in for five bucks. We stepped in, I picked up the knife, raised my hand, and asked point blank if he could see it.

"See what?"

I stepped closer, and Smalls put on a small smirk. I raised the knife in my hand again, this time asking if he could see that my hand was raised.

"Are you paying me five dollars to waste my time?"

Another step closer. I wound back and slapped him as hard as I could with the broadside. He staggered for a sec before standing straight up and looking at me just the same as he did before.

I asked if he felt that.

"Harry, all I feel is bored."

I paused for a moment, thinking a bit, and raised it to his cheek, slowly drawing it back to give a shallow cut, and put the knife into my pocket.

This managed to get a wince out of him, but even then, with blood leaking down to his jaw, he just looked at me with a hesitant smirk.

I let him go after making plans to get dinner later. If there's still blood at the end of the day, I'll know for sure just how far it goes. For now, however, I'm going to check that my hunch is correct.

SCP-4955 KNIFE's anomalous properties manifest by rendering all subjects other than Junior Researcher Harris unable to verbally (and, often, entirely) acknowledge the existence of SCP-4955 KNIFE. Edit 2055/1/7: This effect does not apply to any object designated SCP-4955, as the slot has been replaced by another object. Following this, all instances of SCP-4955 in this document have been replaced with "KNIFE".

Log 4 - 2055/01/3

When I met Smalls for dinner, he still had a thoroughly bloody cheek, even if it was dry. Folks kept asking about it and Smalls kept saying it was nothing, and everyone seemed to buy it. But… only after looking at me. So they seem to know things I do with the knife, at least.

I'm probably going to hell for this, but while Smalls wasn't looking I slipped a Class-W mnestic into his drink to check if that had any effect. Ten minutes after he'd finished it I presented the knife and the same basic questions, and he was still clueless as ever.

On Class-W mnestics.

I'm not going to pursue this further, if only for the fact that I can't ask if we've got stronger antimemes, but I'm going to run it through the antimeme machine just to double check.

Log 5 - 2055/01/3

I'm at the end of my damn rope here.

I decided to give my own cheek a cut to see how folks reacted to it. On the way back, a few people asked, and every time I said I cut my cheek with 4955, and every time they walked away without another word. A few of them covered their mouth with their hands as they walked away for reasons I can't quite place.

If that wasn't enough, I ran it through the antimeme machine and it gave nothing.

Zilch.

It's not an antimeme that mnestics can touch or that the QNTM machines can detect.

But… Why?

There's no chance that everyone can see it, right? There's no way this isn't an antimeme. Smalls wouldn't take the shit I pulled without decking me, and there's no reason for him to not wash off.

So what the fuck?

The mechanics of this antimeme are currently unknown; mnestic treatment does not prove effective at counteracting the effects, nor do QNTM analyzers show any antimemetic properties.

This antimemetic effect perpetuates to actions and results thereof by SCP-4955 KNIFE upon any subject other than Junior Researcher Harris learning of SCP-4955 KNIFE's relation to the actions or results thereof.

Log 6 - 2055/01/7

My supervisor has continuously pressed me for the documentation of 4955.

I asked her, "What 4955?" and she really didn't like that. She didn't like that one bit. She said to stop fucking around and do my job.

So, I took the paper she gave me the job on, I took the knife, and I cut it to ribbons in front of her.

I asked again.

She stared at me for a moment.

She brought her hand up to her mouth.

And

she started laughing.

"What 4955 indeed? We don't have a 4955. Say, you aren't working on anything, are you? I could use someone on 3309."

I sliced into my finger and flicked the blood right at her face and she didn't even blink. She just left it there, still giggling. She wasn't even looking at me.

We don't have a 4955. We don't fucking have a 4955, sure, alright. Whatever.

Fuck this job.

Log 7 - 2055/01/10

The joke should've been finished already but it isn't. The joke isn't fucking over.

Smalls still has blood on his face. My supervisor still has blood on hers.

I walked into the middle of the cafeteria with a rat today.

I slit its throat and let it fall to the floor.

People snickered.

Log 8 - 2055/01/15

The rat is still there.

There's a pool of blood and shit and gore in the middle of the cafeteria. People ended up stepping on it since it's happened, and it's rotting in plain view of everyone, and it fucking reeks.

And it's still there.

Log 9 - 2055/01/16

I cleaned up the rat today because I couldn't stand it anymore, and the entire time I was doing it I could hear people behind me laughing, laughing really, really hard.

I ran the tests again on the knife and it's still showing up nothing.

I can't fucking stand it. Every time I'm turned around people are giggling and playing dumb when I press them on it.

Log 10 - 2055/01/18

When I was working today, I felt someone's hand in my pocket. I turned to look at them, and all I saw was their open hand and the knife clattering onto the floor. I kicked them in the shins and they ran off.

I don't think they understand the rules, here.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4955 is to be kept in a standard safe object container in Site 19. Keep it on you where people can't steal it.

Log 11 - 2055/02/21

Somebody apparently cut all of the plants that Smalls was growing in his room. He made a big scene about it in the rec room until I told him I did it with my knife, and he sat down real quick. I didn't actually do it, but this confirms my suspicion that the simple thought of the knife being involved invokes the effect.

He has made no mention of the rats I have left him.

Description Addendum: The antimemetic effect perpetuates to perceived actions and results thereof by SCP-4955 KNIFE upon any subject other than Junior Researcher Harris learning of SCP-4955 KNIFE's relation to the actions or results thereof.

Log 12 - 2055/02/28

I don't care.

Log 13 - 2055/03/4

I don't care. I'm fucking done with this thing.

Log 14 - 2055/03/15

I know I said I didn't care but I do. I do care.

They want a joke?

Fine

Log 15 - 2055/04/3

I'm so tired.

I don't know if they're laughing anymore or if they care.

Log 16 - 2055/04/24

It's almost showtime.

Time to give the people what they want.

Log 17 - 2055/05/5

It is over.

I have killed Smalls.

I tapped him on the shoulder in the cafeteria and he turned around and I stabbed him.

I stood there as he lurched towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders before falling down on his side in a fetal position.

I kicked it in further.

I don't care if the son of a bitch wasn't the one who came up with this joke but it'll give me some closure.

I'm leaving the KNIFE with him.

I'm done.

I'm going the fuck to sleep.

‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"SCP-4955" by DolphinSlugchugger, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/scp-4955. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

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