Side View of SCP-4926 prior to disassembly
Item #: SCP-4926
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4926 is to be housed at the SCP Foundation Warehouse 3-B. Anomalous columns have ceased, recommend unit remain disassembled. All instances of SCP-4926-1 are to be kept at the Library of Anomalous Events in storage drawer 3677A.
Description: SCP-4926 refers to a Mitsubishi Offset Printing Press Model DAIYA 5F. The press measures .91 meters wide and 2.1 meters tall. SCP-4926-1 refers to 417 separate issues of the Omaha World Herald containing the appearance of anomalous news columns. The columns are written by an unknown author and describe a living person's death. The deaths described in SCP-4926-1 vary in both location and cause, but in every instance the subject has been later found alive. Initially thought to be a clerical error by the publication, numerous retractions and corrections were printed following confirmation that the person was still alive. Interviews with the subjects of each article revealed that the described events bear a direct correlation to an event in their recent experience.
The first instance of SCP-4926-1 appeared in the Omaha World Herald on July 20th, 1997. A man by the name of Harold Archibald brought the instance of SCP-4926-1 to the publication, demanding to know if the column was an error or crass attempt at humor. The column was brought to his attention by numerous family members and colleagues who all reached out to inquire about his well being shortly after publication.
Excerpt from the Omaha World Herald dated 7/20/1997
CYCLING ENTHUSIAST STRUCK BY TRAIN
Bellevue, NE
A native of Bellevue, NE. has died at the University of Nebraska Medical Center after sustaining major injuries in an apparent train accident. Harold Archibald, 22, was hit by an oncoming train at approximately 6:30 pm this Tuesday. Archibald was found by a passing motorist at the intersection of Fort Crook Rd. and Chandler. Police suspect that Archibald, while riding his bicycle, had crossed the barriers in an attempt to beat the oncoming train and had slipped onto the tracks. The medical student suffered life-threatening injuries and was airlifted to UNMC where he later succumbed to his wounds. He is survived by his mother and sister. Memorial services will be held Saturday at the Platte Community Church.
Date: 7/22/1997
Interviewer: Sergeant Samell Arness
Interviewee: Harold Archibald
<Begin Log/>
Mr. Archibald: Am I being detained? What is this? Someone makes up a fake article about me dying and I’m the one that gets questioned. Does that make any sense to you?
Sergeant Arness: It’s just standard procedure. We’re interviewing all parties involved in this incident. We take this sort of thing very seriously.
Mr. Archibald: I’ve got a paper due tomorrow and I’m running behind. I don’t even know what I could possibly tell you.
Sergeant Arness: For starters, could you tell me where you were around the time of the alleged accident?
Mr. Archibald: I was coming home from the gym. I always ride my bike for cardio.
Sergeant Arness: And you crossed the railroad tracks at Fort Crook and Chandler?
Mr. Archibald: I always do, but I’ve never been hit by a train there.
Sergeant Arness: And is it common for you to cross in front of an oncoming train?
Mr. Archibald: Not normally, but I don’t know, I just did it on a whim. Just a bit of a thrill I guess. But I didn’t get hit or anything. It was far enough away that I wasn’t in any real danger. Those things take so fucking long sometimes, I just didn’t feel like waiting. It’s not something I’d done before. Shit, am I going to get in some sort of trouble for admitting that?
Sergeant Arness: No, Mr. Archibald, though I’d say you got lucky this time. Did you tell anyone about this? You have any friends that work for the paper or anything like that? Anyone who might be trying to play a prank on you?
Mr. Archibald: My uneventful ride home isn’t exactly interesting conversation, I didn’t mention it to anyone. Unless someone witnessed it, no one could have known.
<End Log>
Subsequent interviews with writers and editors revealed no known connections with Harold Archibald. No employees reported witnessing a cyclist crossing railroad tracks on that, or any other occasion.
Excerpt from the Omaha World Herald dated 10/12/1998
Woman Found Stabbed to Death in Dundee
Omaha, NE
A Dundee resident was found stabbed to death in her home early Wednesday morning. Donna Redley, 37, was found unresponsive by her housekeeper at her residence on 75th and Dodge St. after an apparent break in. Investigators suspect that the assailant entered through the front door while she was home alone. The police do not have a suspect and the assailant is currently still at large. Police Chief Aaron Ricks issued a public statement Thursday night, asking the public to come forward with any leads. Ricks also implored people in the Dundee area to lock their doors and be on the lookout for any suspicious activity. If you have any information related to this case, please call Crime Stoppers at ███-███-████.
Date: 10/13/1998
Interviewer: Officer Shannon Massey
Interviewee: Donna Redley
<Begin Log/>
Ms. Redley: What’s going on? Is this about Pete? Is he out?
Officer Massey: I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know who Pete is. Can you tell me about where you were Tuesday night?
Ms. Redley: I can’t believe this is happening. I thought he had another year until his parole hearing and now he’s found another way to make me miserable.
Officer Massey: Ms. Redley, we’re trying to get to the bottom of this, but we need your help. Try to focus, answer the questions as best you can. We have coffee, water, would you like anything?
Ms. Redley: Do you have any chamomile tea?
Officer Massey: No, ma’am, I’m sorry.
Ms. Redley: Oh, OK. I guess water would be nice.
Officer Massey: So about Tuesday night, try to remember what you were doing.
Ms. Redley: I mean, nothing exciting. I got home around 6pm and watched some TV, took a shower, went to bed. It was a pretty slow evening.
Officer Massey: So you didn’t leave the house at all after you returned home?
Ms. Redley: You know, I did go up the street to grab a burger. I remember bringing it home to eat while bingeing Friends. But I was gone, maybe 10 minutes? They’re never busy on weeknights.
Officer Massey: Did you see anyone? Anyone suspicious?
Ms. Redley: No, nobody! A couple people I’ve seen before, just in passing, going in and out of the laundromat, the regular cashier at the counter. I really don’t know what the point of this is! Shouldn’t you be looking for Pete?
Officer Massey: I know this is confusing, and probably terrifying, but please try your best to remember.
Ms. Redley: No, no, and no. I didn’t see anyone. I got some food, no one was outside when I got back. Not even the neighbors. Where are you even going with this? What is even the point…
*Sound of a door opening*
Unidentified Female Voice: Officer Massey, we’ve got a guy out here in a panic claiming to be our witness’ family member, should I let him in?
*sound of a scuffle*
Unidentified Male Voice: Oh my god, you’re safe! Thank god! My baby girl. Are you OK?
Officer Massey: Sir. This is official police business, I’m going to have to ask you to wait outsi—.
Unidentified Male Voice: Oh my god. D, what happened? I told you to stop leaving your keys in the door! That’s how he got in didn’t he?! Did he hurt you? Did they find him? Let me look at you, oh my god, I love you so much. *sobbing*
Ms. Redley: Ah! No, I wasn’t stabbed, Dad! You’re smothering me, ease up!
<End Log>
Party known as "Pete" (later determined to be a volatile ex-lover on early release from prison) was interviewed, but no known connection to the newspaper was found. His room in the REDACTED Halfway House was searched, a diary was found with obsessive, violent passages detailing his plans to ensure he and Ms. Redley could be together in death.
Excerpt from the Omaha World Herald dated 2/01/2001
Missing Boy Found in local Construction Site
Norfolk, NE
A missing boy from Norfolk, NE was found deceased in a construction site Friday afternoon. Andrew Brown, age 7, succumbed to hypothermia at the Pine Ridge housing development. Authorities were dispatched Wednesday evening after the boy’s mother reported him missing. Cynthia Brown, 29, claimed that the child had been outside playing and she began searching for him when he didn’t return. Douglas County police believe the boy was playing in the basement foundation of a home under construction when he got trapped. Medical examiners concluded the boy had been exposed to the elements for 17 hours before ultimately freezing to death in the subzero temperatures. Brown is survived by his mother, father, and two sisters.
This article differed from the previous two as active reporting was being conducted on the case as this instance of SCP-4926-1 was generated. Brown, like the previous subjects, survived the incident, but both iterations of the story were circulated at once, leading to confusion and outrage directed towards the newspaper. Details in this instance of SCP-4926-1 held pertinent information about the subject's location, leading to his eventual rescue. The circumstances regarding the incident prompted embedded Foundation Field Agents to take notice. Investigation was subsequently taken over from local authorities.
Date: 2/3/2001
Interviewer: Field Agent D’Angelo Markley
Interviewee: Andrew Brown, accompanied by mother, Cynthia Brown
<Begin Log/>
Agent Markley: Hi there, Andrew, I’m Officer Markley. My friends call me D, though. Would you like to call me D?
Andy: D. OK. You can call me Andy, nobody calls me Andrew ‘cept my mom when she’s mad.
Agent Markley: Alright, Andy. Can you tell me about where you were playing the other day?
Andy: I know I’m not supposed to play there. But I like to pretend I’m a builder like daddy! So I take my ball out to there sometimes.
Agent Markley: Do you know how you got into the basement?
Andy: My ball rolled away into the brick place ‘cause it was windy. I hung with my arms and dropped down. That really hurt my ankle but I didn’t cry. Then I couldn’t get back out. It was cold. Then I cried a little.
Agent Markley: Yes, it was very cold that day. Your mommy and daddy were very worried about you.
Andy: I thought I could get out. All basements have a way out. My basement has stairs!
Agent Markley: That’s true, but the builders have to build them first. Did you see anyone while you were down there? Any other kids, any builders?
Andy: No, I didn't see nobody. I was crying for a long time and yelling for mommy but I didn’t hear nobody neither.
<End Log>
Analysis of the printer, paper, printer roll, and ink was conducted; one notable anomaly was found. Ink was an atypical chemical composition, containing calcium carbonates, salt, and potassium in large quantities. This led to inquiries being made of the World Herald Maintenance Staff and later, the Editorial Department. An admission from the Editorial Manager is detailed below.
Interviewer: James Randall
Interview: Elias Liebgalt
Elias Liebgalt: This is about all the weird columns right? About the living people being reported as dead? I promise you, I’m not the one writing them and I’ve been trying to find out who has for years. It’s sick, man. I thought we were being hacked, or maybe someone playing a joke.
Agent Randall: Have there been any other strange occurrences since the articles began? Someone acting suspicious, strange phone calls or letters. Even the smallest details can help.
Elias: Yeah, there’s something going on with the ink.
Agent Randall: The ink? What do you mean?
Elias: The viscosity on the ink has been weird since the first incident happened.
Agent Randall: Weird how?
Elias: When we’re printing newspapers, we have to use an exact viscosity of ink, because it’s pretty expensive. Too little and you can’t read the letters, too much and it runs or soaks through the paper. But every once and a while, the viscosity will shoot up for no reason. It always seems to happen when we have one of those weird columns print. The one with the kid was especially bad. The viscosity was so high we lost whole bundles of papers, hundreds we couldn’t sell. We’ve had techs look at it 3 or 4 times, but no one can tell me why it’s all wonky. And we called in the manufacturers’ special technicians even though we aren’t under warranty anymore! It was expensive I tell ya.
Agent Randall: You think that might have something to do with the presence of human remains in the ink?
Elias: Excuse me, what?
Agent Randall: We found traces of human ash and minute bone fragments in the printing press. You want to tell me how they got there?
Elias: Oh, that! Yeah, OK. I know it’s odd, but it was nothing nefarious. About 3 years back, one of our columnists passed away. When he was cremated, we had his ashes mixed with the ink per his request. This paper was his whole life, you know? We didn't dump the whole urn in there. Just a handful in one of the bottles of K-1. We all loved him, it was a way of feeling like he was still writing with us. We didn’t murder anyone, if that’s what you mean.
Agent Randall: What can you tell me about this guy?
Elias: Simon. Well he was a bit odd, paranoid, and had a weird sense of humor. Kind of guy that liked to say, “I told you so.” But he was reliable and had a big heart. Always seemed to have bad luck, though.
Agent Randall: How so?
Elias: Lung Cancer. His wife left him, she said he shoulda just married the paper, since he spent all his time here. And his daughter died a few years back in an accident. Can you even imagine? Parents should never outlive their kids.
<End Log>
The following paragraph appeared in the Sunday Edition of the Omaha World Herald shortly after the recovery of Andrew Brown. An embedded SCP agent in charge of monitoring the press was able to intercept before prints could be parceled for distribution. SCP-4926 was later confiscated and the Omaha World Herald was issued a replacement printing unit of the newest model number.
Nothing reminds people how much they care about you quite like seeing your name come up in the obituaries. Your lives, and the lives of your loved ones, are so precious. Stop making stupid, absent minded decisions and putting yourselves in harm's way. People do it every day. With every cigarette, with every stoplight run, every baby left in a hot car. I had to do something about that boy. I couldn’t just watch it happen. For a while, I was so worried he might not get rescued, that I’d have to watch him cry himself into a cold sleep. Felt good to actually make a difference. Too bad I burned what I had left making it happen. No juice left. It’s a lot easier going backwards than forwards.
P.S. Elias, start compressing the dummies in the columns. You’re wasting space.
-Simon
