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Excerpt from '11 Ways to Spruce Up that Marriage'
"… now, of course, you're gonna want to make sure you don't have any children, unless the child is your problem. In that case, it'll clean it right up in no time."
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Item #: SCP-4747
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawler ƟU-4747 is to locate and remove instances of SCP-4747. Persons responsible for its spread are to be treated with Class B amnestics. Couples that have successfully performed SCP-4747 are to be treated with Class A amnestics.
Mobile Task Force Theta-6 ("Witch Hunters") is to capture and incinerate instances of SCP-4747-1. A single instance is kept for long-term study in Site 56, and is to be contained in a Type-B reinforced containment chamber.
Description: SCP-4747 is a document detailing a ritual intended to resolve relationship conflicts. Copies of SCP-4747 are shared primarily through sites such as Facebook and Reddit. SCP-4747 can be performed on a budget of under 100 USD.
SCP-4747 takes a single day to perform, and requires the following:
- At least two participants, all of which must be in a romantic relationship with one another, who have not performed SCP-4747 previously.
- 1 meter3 of wood.
- 100 grams of grape jelly.
- 6 candles per participant.
- 1 kilogram of human hair.
- A hole, at least █.█ meters deep and █.█ meters wide.
- [REDACTED]
On a successful performance of SCP-4747, an instance of SCP-4747-1 will emerge from the hole used in the ritual. SCP-4747-1 is an animate mass of human limbs and hair, approximately 1.5 meters in diameter. All instances of SCP-4747-1 are hostile towards humans, with the exception of individuals who have performed SCP-4747. Examination of SCP-4747-1 indicates that instances are genetically identical to the executor of Step 7.
Couples that perform SCP-4747 report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Long-term observation suggests lower levels of separation and future conflicts in such couples.
