SCP-001



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First and Foremost

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NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION DEPARTMENT OF MISCOMMUNICATIONS

The following file contains a vital infohazard. Every numeral information is believed to be untrue, and proper documentation in order to bypass SCP-001's anomalous effect is under review. SCP-001 is the first priority of every Miscommunication Department member.

— Eli Forkley, Director, DoMC

1/001 LEVEL 1/001
CLASSIFIED
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Item #: SCP-001
Semel

Special Containment Procedures: To this end, SCP-001 is kept at Site-01 in Humanoid Containment Chamber #A001 and is not permitted to interact with personnel unless they are directly involved in its research and containment.

SCP-001's documented file will not be uploaded into the SCP-001 slot, due to obvious reasons.

Description: SCP-001 is a 1-year-old human with memetic, infohazardous, bureaucratohazardous and semiohazardous anomalous properties. SCP-001 affects any qualifier given to itself, so that it becomes the first of said qualification, if applicable.

SCP-001's effect seems to expand over time, affecting various qualifications of itself, physical concepts, and abstract concepts surrounding it.

SCP-001's effects are as follows, each tier describes an expansion of SCP-001's effect by time.

Tier Effect Example
Tier I Actual name or designation of SCP-001 cannot be properly done, due to these designations not being "first" of its descriptive qualification. Previous SCP number given to SCP-001 has been lost and replaced by the number 001, as it is the first of the numeral system. Previous name of SCP-001 has been lost, and can only be referred to as "Primus the first".
Tier I Anything posted online by SCP-001 will always result in a new record being achieved by it. After posting a picture of itself eating Burger King's new "Double Bacon Whopper" on Instagram, it became the first post to obtain one trillion likes on any social media app, despite Instagram not having more than 1 billion created accounts. The post was removed and SCP-001 was contained at Site-01.
Tier I Every contest or game SCP-001 participates in will always result in SCP-001 winning. After playing several games with professional chess players while in containment, SCP-001 was undefeated. SCP-001 claims to have never learned how to play chess and that it just moved pieces around at random during the games.
Tier I Any kind of job SCP-001 is affiliated with will forcefully put it in the higher title level. During containment, despite only working as a janitor, an email on SCP-001's personal inbox has been received announcing that SCP-001 is the new owner of the multinational chain fast-food restaurant Burger King.
Tier I Documented ranking will result in SCP-001 at the top, even if said ranking shouldn't apply to SCP-001. Annual ranking by various reports resulted in SCP-001 being the most influential people in the world, the most wanted fugitive, the richest, the best sports player in every category, the most used toothpaste, the most popular museum, the most peaceful country in the world, etc.
Tier I Expansion of the two previous tiers. Due to the current elections of this year, SCP-001 is the Prime Minister of Canada, the President of India and the mayor of various locations throughout the world.
Tier I By Foundation records, SCP-001 is the human to survive the most stabbings, gunshots, asphyxiation, lethal injection doses, and many more. Decommission protocol failed. Further attempts pending.
Tier I SCP-001 has developed a retroactive antimemetic effect, which erases previous memories of a living being if said subject has met, read, or heard documentation concerning SCP-001 for more than a first time. This is not the first time you've read this file.
Tier I History seems to bend so that it becomes the first finding and being of most historical past. Despite being 1 year old, SCP-001 is the first human being ever born, the first anomaly ever found by the SCP Foundation, the creator of electricity, literature, and the wheel.
Tier I N/A At the time of writing, SCP-001's anomalous effect is believed to cause an FK-Class ("End of Meaning") Scenario in less than one week due to its anomalous effect slowly removing at least one Cuil1 per day on all baseline reality.

Overseer Council Resolution 001.1:

PROPOSAL: "Stop all further documentation and attempts at decommissioning on SCP-001"
—(O5-1)

FOR AGAINST ABSTAIN
O5-1
O5-2
O5-3
O5-4
O5-5
O5-6
O5-7
O5-8
O5-9
O5-10
O5-11
O5-12
O5-13
Verdict
APPROVED

Due to O5-1 being the first Foundation member with an actual choice, the motion passes.


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