The glass rod extends from the front of SCP-3977, and protrudes into SCP-3977-A's eye socket.
2748 words - 15 mins
| Item #: SCP-3977 | Level 5/3977 |
| Object Class/Anomaly Type: Thaumiel/Paranormal | Top-Secret |
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3977 is kept in a chamber in the deepest sublevel of Site-01.
SCP-3977 will be activated once every day, which will be overseen personally by O5-2. Before each activation, a proposal will be made for which materials should be placed into SCP-3977, which will be voted on by the rest of the council.
Sketch of SCP-3977’s layout.
Description: SCP-3977 refers to an anomalous machine created by the O5 Council for the creation of a highly potent amnestic liquid, designated SCP-3977-1.
Externally, SCP-3977 takes the form of a large, metallic cylinder, approx. 2 metres tall. Internally, SCP-3977 is separated into three separate compartments, stacked vertically on top of each other.
- The top compartment is the largest and takes up the majority of SCP-3977’s interior dimensions. It houses SCP-3977-A and is entirely filled with a pitch-black liquid. Analysis of the liquid shows it to be a mixture of vodka, a liquid form of testosterone, and amniotic fluid. The top compartment is accessible via the removable top of SCP-3977.
- The middle compartment is very narrow, and contains SCP-3977-B. The top and middle compartments are separated by a grille floor, which means the middle compartment is also filled with the aforementioned black fluid.
- The bottom compartment is the smallest, and is entirely separated from the other two. It is accessible through a small hatch in the front of SCP-3977, large enough to fit an adult arm. The bottom compartment continuously contains one, empty martini glass.
SCP-3977-A refers to the corpse of the former O5-1, Erin Siegel, in the late stages of decomposition.
SCP-3977-A is seated within the top compartment on a metal chair. A long, thick metal rod protruding from the back wall of SCP-3977 is attached to the back of SCP-3977-A's head, holding it in place. An additional, much thinner, glass rod protrudes from the front wall of SCP-3977 and extends forward to intersect SCP-3977-A's eye socket during SCP-3977 activation periods.
SCP-3977-B refers to a human fetus after 7 months of pregnancy sealed within the middle compartment. SCP-3977-B normally sits at the bottom of the compartment, but during SCP-3977 activation periods, it will suddenly gain buoyancy and rise to meet the grille ceiling of its compartment. The middle compartment will be filled with SCP-3977-1, which originates from an unknown location, and will dissolve again once the activation ends.
During SCP-3977 activation periods, an amount of physical material must be thrown into the top compartment. The material will be destroyed, and in return an amount of SCP-3977-1, proportional to the amount of material placed into SCP-3977, will be dispensed into the martini glass within the bottom compartment. Upon removal, the martini glass will be replaced with a new one via anomalous means.
This process allows for the sustainable obtainment of SCP-3977-1 by the O5 Council.
After an activation has concluded, SCP-3977 will also emit waste materials through a loudspeaker fixed to the front of the device.
Addendum 3977.1 The following is a log of the typical SCP-3977 activation.
[BEGIN LOG]
00:01 | The lid to the top of SCP-3977 is lifted. Plumes of bubbles rise from the liquid in regular intervals.
00:05 | Materials are thrown into the liquid, sinking out of sight.
00:15 | SCP-3977-A begins thrashing aggressively against its constraints1.
00:18 | The metal rod attached to SCP-3977-A's head moves downwards, forcing its head to tilt up.
00:20 | The glass rod extends from the front of SCP-3977, and protrudes into SCP-3977-A's eye socket.2.
00:20
00:22 | SCP-3977-B floats to the top of its compartment and begins pressing against the grille ceiling of its compartment.3
00:30 | The black liquid in SCP-3977-B's compartment is displaced by SCP-3977-1, which begins manifesting.
00:40 | SCP-3977-1 is dispensed into a martini glass which manifests in the bottom compartment of SCP-3977.
00:42 | SCP-3977-B goes limp, and sinks to the bottom of its compartment.
00:45 | The glass rod is removed from SCP-3977-A's eye, and SCP-3977-A returns to its standard position.
00:50 | SCP-3977 dispenses waste material through the loudspeaker.
[END LOG]
Addendum 3977-2: Log of SCP-3977 activations.
ACTIVATION LOG #02
Proposed materials: Miscellaneous papers from the desk of SCP-3977-A.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 7 | 4 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
I'D ALWAYS FELT THAT THEY'D HATED MY GUTS, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. WHEN I'D DECIDED TO START THIS WHOLE THING WITH TWO, AND WE ASSEMBLED THE REST OF THE COUNCIL FROM FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES. MOSTLY TWO'S. I DIDN'T HAVE MANY ACQUAINTANCES TO SPEAK OF. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THEM, BUT THEY SHARED OUR INTERESTS AND THEY SEEMED LIKE NICE ENOUGH PEOPLE.
WE FOUNDED THE FOUNDATION, OR, WELL, WHAT THE FOUNDATION WOULD EVENTUALLY BECOME, IN THE SUMMER OF 1968. WE SPENT TWO MONTHS HACKING IT OUT UNTIL WE HAD A RUDIMENTARY FRAMEWORK, A HANDFUL OF VOLUNTEER EMPLOYEES, AND A HANDFUL OF CASH FROM SOME DONORS. THINGS WERE LOOKING UP.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #09
Proposed materials: All personal possessions of SCP-3977-A, retrieved from its office.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 8 | 3 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
THAT’S WHEN I MET CLEV. SHORT FOR CLEVIN OR SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT. HE WAS ONE OF THE DONORS, BUT HE WASN’T RICH OR ANYTHING. HE JUST SAW OUR CAUSE AND WANTED TO HELP OUT. HE WAS A PRETTY GUY, AND WE FELL IN LOVE. THAT FIRST MEETING, WHEN I SAW HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME, I GOT SO NERVOUS I COULDN’T TELL MY LEFT FROM MY RIGHT, AND I SOMEHOW ENDED UP POURING MY VODKA INTO A MARTINI GLASS. I TRIED TO PLAY IT COOL, AND I TOLD HIM THAT THAT’S JUST HOW I LIKED IT.
IT BECAME A TRADITION. AS THE FOUNDATION GREW INTO SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER THAN WE’D EVER THINK, DURING EVERY MEETING, I’D POUR MYSELF SOME VODKA INTO A MARTINI GLASS. IT MADE HIM GIGGLE, WHICH MADE ME BLUSH, WHICH MADE HIM BLUSH, WHICH MADE ME GIGGLE. PROFESSIONALISM BE DAMNED, WE WERE LOVEBIRDS. WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #17
Proposed materials: All extant photographs and recordings of SCP-3977-A.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 8 | 3 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
THAT’S WHEN I STARTED GETTING DIRTY LOOKS FROM MY OTHER OVERSEERS. THEY OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T APPROVE, BUT I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT, SO I LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. ME AND CLEV WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. THEY WOULD DROP SUBTLE HINTS, QUIET SUGGESTIONS. INDIRECT, SIDEWAYS MENTIONS OF HOW I WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. I SAW THROUGH IT, AND IT ANNOYED THE HELL OUT OF ME. CLEV SAW IT TOO, AND HE BECAME MORE PROTECTIVE. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM THAN THE COUNCIL.
ONE EVENING, AFTER I’D APPARENTLY MISSED ONE TOO MANY MEETINGS TO BE WITH CLEV, THEY SAT ME DOWN AND DROPPED THE BOMBSHELL.
THEY TOLD ME THAT IF I DIDN’T BREAK UP WITH CLEV, THEY WOULD FORCE ME TO RESIGN FROM MY POSITION. I WAS BAFFLED. I YELLED AT THEM, I BROKE A MARTINI GLASS, AND I STORMED OUT OF THERE. THE NEXT MEETING, THEY GAVE ME THE SAME DILEMMA. THEY WEREN’T MESSING AROUND. I SAW THE THREAT, AND SO I PROMISED THEM, AS MUCH AS IT HURT ME, THAT I WOULD TRY AND SPEND LESS TIME WITH CLEV. THAT I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO BALANCE IT.
I’LL NEVER FORGET WHAT SIX TOLD ME AT THE END OF THAT MEETING.
“YOU’RE ON THIN ICE.”
THAT SACK OF SHIT.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #35
Proposed materials: All SCP Foundation documents and reports authored by SCP-3977-A.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 10 | 1 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
THAT’S WHEN I DECIDED TO TRANSITION.
IT WAS A SCANDAL. A TRANSGENDER OVERSEER? THEY ALL HATED ME. I KNEW THEY DISLIKED ME ALREADY, BECAUSE OF ME AND CLEV, BUT THIS WAS THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN. ERIN BECAME AARON, AND I WAS A GUY. DIDN’T MATTER TO THEM. THEY STILL CALLED ME ERIN, TREATED ME LIKE A GIRL. THE ONLY PERSON WHO STAYED WITH ME THROUGH THIS WAS CLEV. HE KEPT SUPPORTING AND LOVING ME. GOD, HE WAS PERFECT.
AND YOU KNOW WHO HATED ME THE MOST? TWO.
ONE LATE NIGHT, PROBABLY ELEVEN PM, WERE WERE LATE IN THE MEETING ROOM, PROPOSING NEW PERSONNEL POLICIES. WE WERE ALL TIRED AND FRUSTRATED, ME DOUBLE PLUS SO. TWO PUSHED FORWARD A PROPOSAL THAT ALL FOUNDATION PERSONNEL’S IDS SHOULD REFLECT THEIR GENDER ASSIGNED AT BIRTH.
IT WAS SUCH AN UNNECESSARY, INCONSEQUENTIAL POLICY TO INTRODUCE. IT DIDN’T FIX ANYTHING, IT DIDN’T MAKE THE FOUNDATION A BETTER PLACE FOR ANYBODY. IT WAS AIMED AT ME. ALL THEIR HATE FOR ME, ALL THEIR DISTAIN, FOCUSED INTO A LASER BEAM PRINTED ON A PIECE OF PAPER IN FRONT OF ME.
I VOTED NAY. ALL THE OTHER OVERSEERS WERE SILENT, AND THEY LOOKED BETWEEN ME AND TWO. TWO HAD THEM ALL IN HIS POCKET, I KNEW THAT ALREADY. AS THE PAPER WAS PASSED AROUND THE TABLE, THEY ALL CAST THEIR VOTES. I DIDN’T HAVE TO LOOK TO KNOW WHAT THEY CHOSE. I JUST STARED AT TWO, INTO HIS DEEP, BLUE EYES. THE NEXT WEEK, MY ID HAD MY OLD NAME.
THAT WAS PROBABLY THE WORST TIME TO GET PREGNANT.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #59
Proposed materials: All personal possessions of SCP-3977-A, recovered from its home.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 10 | 1 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
ME AND CLEV GOT TOO RAMBUNCTIOUS. IN OUR LOVEMAKING, HE SEEMED TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT I’D BEEN A WOMAN ONCE. I LOVED HIM FOR IT, THAT HE COULD FORGET, THAT IN HIS EYES I’D ALWAYS BEEN HIS BOYFRIEND. BUT THEN I GOT PREGNANT.
THE COUNCIL DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO HIDE THEIR DISGUST. WHAT HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN SAID BEHIND MY BACK WAS BOISTEROUSLY DECLARED IN THE FORM OF SNIDE COMMENTS WHENEVER I SPOKE UP DURING A MEETING. I DIDN’T HAVE A VOICE ANYMORE. I WOULD CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT, CLEV EMBRACING ME.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #67
Proposed materials: The remainder of all personal possessions of SCP-3977-A, recovered from its home.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 12 | 0 | 1 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
IN THE WINTER OF 1980, WE CONTAINED DEATH. TWO PROPOSED THAT WE ALL RENDER OURSELVES IMMORTAL, AS TO CONTINUE OUR WORK INDEFINITELY. WE WERE ALL IN AGREEMENT, AND SO TWO MADE THE ARRANGEMENTS TO RID US OF OUR MORTALITY. BUT I HAD ONE CONDITION.
I TOLD TWO THAT I WANTED CLEV TO UNDERGO THE PROCEDURE AS WELL. I DIDN’T WANT TO IMAGINE A WORLD WITHOUT HIM AT MY SIDE. TWO LAUGHED ABOUT IT, TOLD THE REST OF THE COUNCIL. THEY ALL LAUGHED ABOUT IT TOO. OBVIOUSLY, THEY SAID NO.
IT WAS THE DAY THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO IT. I SHOWED UP, BUT TWO BLOCKED ME ENTRY. HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE
“I WOULD HATE FOR YOU TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT CLEV, ERIN.”
IN THAT MOCK-IRONIC TONE OF HIS THAT HE LOVED SO MUCH, DEADNAMING ME ONCE AGAIN. THEY DIDN’T LET ME IN. THEY LEFT ME BEHIND ON THEIR ASCENSION.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
ACTIVATION LOG #100
Proposed materials: All personal possessions of SCP-3977-A, recovered from its home.
| Yea | Nay | Abstain |
|---|---|---|
| O5-2 | ||
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-9 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 | ||
| O5-12 | ||
| O5-13 | ||
| 13 | 0 | 0 |
PROPOSAL HAS PASSED
Ejected Waste Materials:
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
ONE MORNING IN MARCH 1981, I WALKED INTO THE SITE-01 BUILDING, HAND ON MY STOMACH. I WAS SEVEN MONTHS IN, AND THE MOOD SWINGS WERE GETTING BAD. I WALKED INTO THE COMMUNAL ROOM, AND I KNEW IMMEDIATELY THAT SOMETHING WAS OFF.
WE COMMENCED OUR DAILY BRIEFINGS, PROJECT PROPOSALS, CORRESPONDENCES, THE WORKS. BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. EVERYONE WAS SILENT, AND THEY WERE ALL JUST STARING AT ME. I WAS USED TO THE STARING. I WASN’T USED TO THE SILENCE.
EVENTUALLY, AFTER A FEW HOURS OF THE STANDARD DAILY ROUTINE, SOME QUIET SIGNAL PASSED THROUGH THE ENTIRE ROOM. TWO STOOD UP, AND TOOK ME ASIDE. HE LED ME TO ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SITE, AND OFFERED ME A SEAT. I DIDN’T TAKE IT. HE TALKED TO ME ABOUT THE STRAINS IN THE COUNCIL, THE TENSION, ALL THAT SHIT. HE WAS ODDLY RESPECTFUL. HE EVEN CALLED ME BY MY REAL NAME, AARON, WHICH TOOK ME ABACK.
THAT’S WHEN OH FIVE DASH FUCKING TWO PULLED OUT A KNIFE AND SHANKED ME. IT WAS TERRIFYINGLY FAST. IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE I WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR, BLEEDING OUT, THE PUDDLE OF BLOOD TOUCHING TWO’S PERFECT SHOES.
AS THE WORLD WENT DARK, ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS MY DAUGHTER.
[END TRANSCRIPT]
Addendum 3977-3: O5-2 meeting with Clevins Braum.
[BEGIN LOG]
(O5-2 is seated within the conference room. Two martini glasses are on the table, as well as a bottle of vodka. Clevins enters the room, and stands in the doorway.)
Clevins: Right here?
O5-2: Yep, right here. Take a seat.
(Clevins approaches the table cautiously and sits.)
Clevins: What’s this about? Is this about Aaron? Is he alright?
O5-2: Don’t worry, sh-… should be fine, he should, yes.
Clevins: Uh, okay.
(O5-2 pushes a martini glass towards Clevins.)
O5-2: Tell me about Aaron.
(Clevins takes a sip of the vodka.)
Clevins: Mmf. Is this… vodka?
O5-2: Just how Aaron likes it.
Clevins: I wouldn’t know anything about that. I guess your lifelong partner can still surprise you.
O5-2: Well? What can you tell me about him?
Clevins: Just generally? Uh, he’s pretty emotional, I guess. You can see how devoted he is to Foundation. But he also cares about me. He can balance it. That’s nice.
O5-2: Very nice. Are there any fun memories you share with him?
(O5-2 takes a sip of his vodka, which appears to compel Clevins to do the same.)
Clevins: The UN summit was a fun one. (Clevins smiles at the memory.) As his role as One, he was representing the Foundation. We drank so much wine.
(Clevins laughs.)
Clevins: In the middle of meetings, he would pass me notes about how much he wanted to kill everyone in that room. That was good. Even through the nerves, it was a fun time.
O5-2: That must’ve been nice. How would you describe him, again?
Clevins: He’s complex, you could say. Knows what to say. Keeps calm.
(O5-2 motions towards the bottle of vodka. Clevins nods in affirmation and O5-2 fills his glass. Clevins takes another sip.)
O5-2: Anything more specific?
(Clevins nods slowly.)
Clevins: Uh, fun?
O5-2: Alright. Are there any other memories you’d like to share?
Clevins: Right before bed, we talk. That’s nice.
O5-2: About what?
Clevins: Stuff.
O5-2: Okay.
(Clevins finishes his glass of vodka. O5-2 immediately fills it up again.)
O5-2: How would you describe him?
Clevins: What’s this about? Is he all right?
O5-2: He’s completely fine. Don’t worry. Just describe him.
Clevins: She’s nice. Pretty.
O5-2: She?
(Clevins looks at O5-2.)
Clevins: She’s my girlfriend. What?
O5-2: Nothing. Can’t get any more specific with the descriptors?
Clevins: Drawing a bit of a blank here, sorry.
O5-2: That’s alright. How about any memories you two share?
(Clevins shrugs.)
Clevins: We hang out. It all blurs together if I’m being honest.
(Clevins and O5-2 continue drinking the vodka. O5-2 closes his eyes and breathes out. He looks up at Clevins.)
O5-2: Does the name ‘Siegel’ say anything to you?
(Clevins looks thoughtful.)
Clevins: No. Should it?
O5-2: That’s good enough for me.
(O5-2 gets up, and pours the rest of his vodka into Clevins’ glass.)
O5-2: Thanks for meeting with me, Mr. Braum.
Clevins: Anytime.
[END LOG]
CRITTERS:
My memory is really bad so if I missed anyone feel free to tear out my guts.
IMAGE ATTRIBUTION
skechnew.png was created by yours truly
skull.png is a heavily edited version of https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8f/Medical_X-Ray_imaging_BHG02_nevit.jpg/640px-Medical_X-Ray_imaging_BHG02_nevit.jpg
UPDATE: i changed the date yoohoo. now it's
1908 - 1968
1920 - 1980
1921 - 1981
hope that helps things a lil bit
- #10
While I prefer the original ending, this is a really great remix of classic SCP lore and an excellent anomaly. It's very unique and the way you describe the system is succinct. Thanks for letting me take a look.
dead antlers
ofc
definitely churned my guts a bit from even when i first read it and i love what you’ve done with the ending, as i said before. very grateful that you let me take a look at this!
Felt shit reading it, good pacing, and horrors of 0-5 was spot on.
I didn't particularly enjoy this one. Despite my issues with the series, ADMONITION's technical writing, especially when describing complex machines, is never unclear as to their mechanical details. The combination of the sketch and the truncated description here makes it difficult to get a clear image of what the machine does and how it operates. Multiple times through the reading, I went back to the description to clarify and remind myself. Because of this, I don't think I was ever particularly hooked.
On a more personal note, for someone who was an adult in 1908, their speaking style is a bit too contemporary for my taste, and I also don't enjoy the use of Blanche Monnier's image here.
-1
Echoing this, the modern language really threw me off and made this feel off. I also think that the timeline just doesn’t make sense? The UN wasn’t around at the time this was set, so the mention of it really took me out of the story.
I have updated the sketch to be more clear as well as fixing the dates as mentioned above.
As for the dialogue, yeah, I think I’ll just own up to that. That’s how I write dialogue, that’s what feels good and natural to me. Thanks for the read!
This was neat, I liked what's at play here. That said I do have to mirror Plague about the technical writing, it's a slog to get through and it paints a really fuzzy picture as to appearance and purpose. I have a hard time understand the functionality on both a diegetic and literary scale. Why they can supposedly use this to extract amnestics from an O5 and her baby is beyond me and I especially don't understand what it's trying to mean or imply. Now I do think everything after the conprocs/description is fantastic. The description of 3977's activation was horrific, definitely gave me chills, and everything that followed after was pretty neat. The use of the O5 motions was really neat and strangely enough characterized 06 and 13 a lot for me. Overall I have to say this was fun and creepy and upvote it on that merit but there were definitely some issues with the technical writing.
this was good, just a nasty little thing that made me loathe a fictional man and feel sad about another
i will however echo plauge's bit about language, the modern slang feels sort of like a speedbump, but finding queer writing for that time is pretty hard
I feel like this could be set roughly 60 years more recent and the article would be the same, just with less anachronistic dialogue. I feel like the description is fairly easy to grasp. —I don’t really see the connection between Aaron and amnestics,— but maybe I’m missing something. Also Clevend is a ridiculously bad name. —Also also, this article is kind of reminiscent of a detail in Control (2019).—
Edit: the reason amnestics are produced probably has to do with the fact the the rest of the council only throws things of some personal value to Aaron into the contraption.
Happy to have done crit on this however my original point in our discussion regarding O5-13 abstaining remains.
Their abstaining should either mean something or not be mentioned at all. Abstaining is so different voting yes or no as it essentially means “I refuse to even take part in this decision”. To me it feels like a missed opportunity to have some kind of connection between O5-1 and 13 and having the others drive a wedge between them.
If it’s not gonna mean anything it should simply be changed to be voting either yes or no each time.
Regardless thought my +1 remains as I think it was a good read. Always happy to do crit for you chocco.
Personally, I like the lack of elaboration on that. It feels like there is something there to speculate about, but it isn't story critical information.
The votes slowly shifting to a unanimous vote was kinda supposed to show Two winning the council over and manipulating them against One. I probably should have elaborated on Thirteen at least a little bit, but I could explain it retroactively as showing that Two can eventually win anyone over at the end of the day, no matter how steel-minded they are.
Both of you, I appreciate the read!
The article definetly has its issues, the language can be jarring, typos can be found here and there and also the whole UN misdating. These are problems for sure but I wouldn't hold to too high a standard a new author who's still trying to find their footing.
Overall, I liked this piece, giving time to deconstruct the systemic cruelty feels like a genuine breath of fresh air. Maybe the rationale behind the amnestic machine should have been explained for the purpose of the story. But on the other hand, for the purpose of the themes and metaphore, it works as an incipit to what is to come just fine. Also the last log, felt like the perfect capping off. I realized what was going only when it was too late.
I see potential, hoping for more in the future.