SCP-3837


rating: +71+x
Item#: 3837
Level2
Containment Class:
euclid
Secondary Class:
none
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
notice

corn_man.png

SCP-3837.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3837 is to be kept in a standard humanoid containment chamber at Site-322. No food containing corn is to be brought within SCP-3837's view. All inquiries from SCP-3837 regarding whether one has consumed corn are to be either denied or ignored.

SCP-3837's file is currently under the jurisdiction of Site-322's Integration Program. See addenda for details.

Description: SCP-3837 is an ear of corn (Zea mays) partially covered with husk. It has thin makeshift arms and legs composed of 0.6 mm thick stalks, and it stands 0.2 m tall. Its arms terminate in four digits, one of which is an opposable thumb. It has a tuft of corn silk (Stigma maydis) coming from its top and covering the top left section of its front.

SCP-3837 is sapient, sentient, and capable of sensory perception and vocalizations despite lacking the necessary organs to do so. SCP-3837 self-identifies as "Cornelius the Great, Slayer of Goats;" along with this, SCP-3837 incorporates a medieval and Shakespearian speaking pattern into its diction. Whether this is a conscious choice is unknown.

SCP-3837 is incredibly hostile towards goats (Capra aegagrus hircus) and will become irate at any and all mentions of the animal. This attitude will deteriorate when SCP-3837 is presented with any materials depicting or resembling goats. When this occurs, SCP-3837 will instead display symptoms similar to those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, including panic attacks, anxiety, and emotional stress.

SCP-3837 was discovered on May 12, 2020, at a farm in Danville, Kentucky lurking around the perimeter of a fence wielding a spoon. The owner of the property contacted authorities and MTF Iota-10 ("Damn Feds") was able to apprehend SCP-3837 with no incident. Standard Veil retention protocol was performed following the recovery.

Addendum 3837.1: Intake Interview Log

Date of Interview: 5/13/20
Interviewed: SCP-3837
Interviewer: Dr. Pattinson


<Begin Log>


Dr. Pattinson: Good evening, my name is Dr. Pattinson. You're currently in a secure facility for your safe—

SCP-3837: Have you consumed my brethren?

Dr. Pattinson: What, like other ears of corn? Do you mean others like you or just corn in general?

SCP-3837: That was not a no!

[SCP-3837 proceeds to hop off its chair and run to Dr. Pattinson’s leg. SCP-3837 then begins to pound Dr. Pattinson’s foot. Dr. Pattinson was unharmed.]

Dr. Pattinson: Alright, alright, calm down. I don't eat corn.

SCP-3837: You're a man of honor and reverence. [SCP-3837 kneels, then stands and returns to its seat.] You may call me Cornelius, how may I serve you?

Dr. Pattinson: Well then Cornelius, during a search of the farm we found you at, we found several scrolls detailing attack plans on a group known as "Those that don't deserve name." Is this another cornfield on a different farm, or something else?

SCP-3837: Goats… My mortal enemies. What loathsome creatures they are. Such demons; they impart on your land, pillaging and destroying as they see fit. I hate them.

Dr. Pattinson: Hate is a strong word. I've tried getting it out of my vocabulary.

SCP-3837: I do hate them! My community… my family was ravaged by them. From kernel to ear, we were utterly devastated. It was a sneak attack. Father Elliot was dealing with those brutes for years, at that point. They would come into his land with their many teeth and devour the grass and my ancestors.

[SCP-3837 pauses.]

SCP-3837: There were too many of them that night. Father couldn't scare them off and even I — The Great Cornelius! —was no use. It was an ambush. There were thousands of them, chomping and chewing with their cold yellow eyes. In the end, I was the only survivor.

Dr. Pattinson: Ah, now that makes sense. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

SCP-3837: I do not need your pity, the only creatures I will be sorry for, are the beasts that face my wrath. I took a pledge to destroy every goat I come in contact with from that day forward. My wrath will be unchallenged — my power, more powerful than any power ever seen before!

[SCP-3837 starts to scream as the kernels on its top start to pop and replenish almost instantaneously causing popcorn to fly from SCP-3837 covering the interrogation room.]

Dr. Pattinson: I think that’s a good place to stop for today.

<End Log>


Following the interview, an investigation of the area near the farm SCP-3837 was recovered from led to the identification of PoI-7383 (Elliot Pines) who was then brought in for questioning1.

Addendum 3837.2: Test Log
The following was conducted to observe SCP-3837’s reaction to a goat. While there was worry among site staff that SCP-3837 would harm the goat, Dr. Pattinson's experience with SCP-3837 determined that it was virtually harmless.

Date of Experiment: 12/10/20


<Begin Log>


Prebriefing

Dr. Pattinson: We're going to give you access to a goat. It will be controlled in case anything goes wrong. Does that sound alright?

SCP-3837: Your worry should not be with me, but with the beast you allow me to unleash my vengeance upon. It will be slaughtered like my family was slaughtered. It will be butchered like my family was butchered. It will be flayed—

Dr. Pattinson: Okay, there are a few hundred other synonyms, I get the point.

SCP-3837: Your honor and reverence is unmatched. No other man has allowed me this opportunity. I do this in your name, Son of Pattin.


Testing

SCP-3837: Where are you hiding? Come out here and face the wrath of I, the great Conelius!

[A goat fitted with a muzzle is released into SCP-3837’s chamber.]

SCP-3837: Oh, great lord.

[SCP-3837 begins slowly backing away from the goat. The goat sniffs the concrete floor.]

Goat: Maaah.

SCP-3837: It's calling for its brethren! Save me! I've been clearly outmatched.

[SCP-3837 backs itself into a corner and attempts to climb up the testing chamber walls.]

Goat: Baaaa.

SCP-3837: Get out of my head!

[Dr. Pattinson retrieves the goat. Test terminated.]


Debriefing

Dr. Pattinson: What happened out there?

SCP-3837: I will consider that battle a draw, for this time and this time only. I did not expect the creature to use its magic to invoke fright in me. It shan't happen again.

<End Log>

Following the experiment, SCP-3837 was seen sulking in its chamber. This behavior continued for approximately seven days.

Addendum 3837-3: Integration Program Directive

CASE FILE: SCP-3837

Under the directive of the Integration Program, work with SCP-3837 will be pursued in an attempt to remedy its PTSD2 from it and its species' experience with livestock, specifically goats. Since SCP-3837 has already been exposed to a goat, there may be complications. That being said, Site staff are hopeful that this will achieve its goal.

The time table will be as follows:

Exposure Item Date
Photograph of a Goat 20/10/20
Goat Fur 20/11/20
Goat Animatronic 20/12/20
Live Goat 20/01/21

TEST: Photograph of a Goat

On the first day of exposure, SCP-3837 immediately recoiled from the photograph and refused to look at it. SCP-3837 claimed it had shut its eyes, despite lacking the features. Over the course of the next month, SCP-3837 was able to look at the photograph for extended periods of time, describe it, and eventually allowed it to remain in its containment chamber.

Excerpt(s)

SCP-3837: I shall keep this at my side, as a reminder of the beasts I will destroy.

TEST: Goat Fur

Researchers noted an immediate change in behavior from the last test. As mentioned, SCP-3837 refused to look at the picture. In this case, it was curious about the item and only showed mild discomfort when handling it. At the end of the tests, SCP-3837 commented on the fur's texture, finding it comfortable.

Excerpt(s)

SCP-3837: It seems that the creatures' malice does not seep into its fur. A pure diversion!

TEST: Goat Animatronic

A mild change in behavior occurred on the first day of testing. SCP-3837 was initially frightened by the animatronic, a miniature robot replica of an adult goat. It immediately upon sight of the robot, ran to the corner of its chamber. It remained there for the entirety of the first day, resulting in no substantial advancement.

At the end of the testing cycle, SCP-3837 became somewhat accustomed to the animatronic's presence, attempting to pet the robot multiple times per day and sleeping with the animatronic in its chamber.

Excerpt(s)

SCP-3837: Proper training for my second battle! I am thankful for this oppurtinity.

While the excerpts displayed here do not show the improvement described, it is known that SCP-3837's warrior facade is artificial. These tests show a remarkable change in behavior. The final test will take place on the allotted date.

Addendum 3837.4 PoI-7383: Interview Log
When nearing the end of the goat animatronic testing period, PoI-7383 was brought in and questioned in order to learn how best to go about live goat exposure testing.

Date of Interview: 18/01/21
Interviewed: PoI-7383
Interviewer: Dr. Pattinson


<Begin Log>


Dr. Pattinson: Hi, Mr. Pines, my name is Dr. Pattinson. Thanks for joining us.

PoI-7383: It’s not like I had a choice in the matter, heh. You can call me Elliot by the way.

Dr. Pattinson: Well then, Elliot, I have a few questions surrounding the corn grown on your farm.

PoI-7383: You're gonna ask why they were alive and roaming — been there and done that, my friend. Used to get hundreds of questions about it. Never got tired of answering it, though.

[PoI-7383 chuckles]

PoI-7383: I miss 'em a bit. It was good to have someone to talk to when you're out pulling weeds or shucking corn. My wife was never into the whole farm life thing — stuck to teaching.

Dr. Pattinson: Are all the ears gone — the living ones, that is?

PoI-7383: Yeah, three or four of my goats got loose and managed to eat the bunch. It was a real fox-in-a-hen-house deal. They meant no harm, but I do feel bad about it. Weighs heavy on my conscience.

Dr. Pattinson: How did they animate? Did you have a hand in that?

PoI-7383: Nope. Couldn't really help you there, I'm afraid. I liked to tell people I wished upon a star like the Pinocchio movie. It was really that I just woke up one day, saw 'em — it scared the absolute soul out of me — and eventually, they grew on me.

Dr. Pattinson: I actually might have some good news. We're in possession of one of your ears. Does 'The Great Cornelius' ring any bells?

PoI-7383 Wait really! That’s so good to hear! But I didn't have any cobs by that name.

[PoI-7383 pauses]

PoI-7383: You know, that must be Little Tom, he always quite exaggerative. I'm sure with a whole new group to impress he told a few tall tales to ya!

Dr. Pattinson: That definitely sounds like our SCP-3837! It's recently sworn total vengeance on all goats over the incident.

PoI-7383: It's all my fault. I really, really should have kept a better eye on those goats. My lord, he's better than that. I made him this way. He's no killer… that's not who he is in his heart.

Dr. Pattinson: To be fair, he definitely isn't a killer. We've shown him a goat and he was terrified. That being said, he's shown great development in our program.

PoI-7383: That's even worse… he's always loved animals. The cows especially, something about their size in comparison really wowed him. He used to ride them around sometimes.

Dr. Pattinson: Like I said, we're working on helping him, and he's doing really well — right now we're trying out this robot our Cybernetics Department developed. [Pause] Now that I mention it, you still have those goats, right?

PoI-7383: Yep! One of 'em, Baaaathany, gave birth two days ago.

Dr. Pattinson: Even better.

<End Log>

Addendum 3837.5: Final Exposure Test
PoI-7383 was brought into SCP-3837’s chamber along with the aforementioned baby goat.

Date of Experiment: 13/11/20


<Begin Log>


Dr. Pattinson: Good evening, *Tom.*

SCP-3837: Hark! You dare call me by that name. If you were not a man of great wisdom and pride I'd cut you in twain. Only one man knows me by that name, my father.

Dr. Pattinson: Funny you should mention, because…

[PoI-7383 then enters the room]

PoI-7383: Hi, Tom.

SCP-3837: Father! I thought I'd never see you again!

PoI-7383: What was with that accent earlier? What are you, Shakespeare?

SCP-3837: It's for a bit of flair, you know.

PoI-7383: No… no, I don't know. I've heard of your "quest" and your hatred of goats. Did I ever teach violence?

SCP-3837: …No. This was an extenuating circumstance

PoI-7383: Well, I also heard you're working through it. You know that hate is a strong word, right?

SCP-3837: Yes… he's told me enough times.

Dr. Pattinson: It was once — also you said you respected me.

SCP-3837: I do, you're just a bit pushy is all.

PoI-7383: Can I say how proud I am of your progress. Mr. Pattinson—

[Dr. Pattinson pulls PoI-7383 aside to the other side of the containment chamber.]

Dr. Pattinson: It's not a big deal but I've actually got a doctorate.

PoI-7383: Ok?

Dr. Pattinson: Just earlier you said Mr. Pattinson, but I've got a doctorate in agriculture so it's doctor, not mister.

PoI-7383: Well… ok, sorry.

[Dr. Pattinson and PoI-7383 return to SCP-3837.]

PoI-7383: Doctor Pattinson showed me the reports here, and it's amazing how fast you're improving.

SCP-3837: My so-called "hatred" has turned into only a minor disliking of goats.

PoI-7383: Well, I guess that's an improvement. I hope my friend could be of help too. I'm going to step out and we'll send her in.

SCP-3837: Alright. I hope I can see you again.

PoI-7383: I hope so too.


[The kid is released into the testing chamber. SCP-3837 does not move.]

SCP-3837: H— hello, creature.

[The goat bites at the peeling paint of the containment chamber's wall.]

SCP-3837: Oooooh there's teeth — the robot didn't have teeth.

[The goat makes its way over to SCP-3837's bed. It lies down and shuts its eyes.]

SCP-3837: What? Is this a trap?

Dr. Pattinson: (Over the intercom) I believe it's sleeping, Tom.

SCP-3837: It doesn't want to eat me?

Dr. Pattinson: Nope, I think it trusts you. It fell asleep right next to you.

[SCP-3837 approaches the sleeping kid. It hovers its "hand" above it.]

SCP-3837: Hm. Warm.

[SCP-3837 begins to slowly and shakily pet the baby goat.]

SCP-3837: Ah, that's not so bad.

[The goat snorts. SCP-3837 continued to caress and inspect the sleeping animal for approximately seven minutes.]

SCP-3837: Maybe you're not all bad.

<End Log>

Following the test, weekly visits between SCP-3837, PoI-73833 and the goat, now designated GoI-38374 have been scheduled. As part of this procedure, GoI-3837 is to be kept well fed and supervised during all interactions with SCP-3837.



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