SCP-3809
#page-content .collapsible-block { 
    position: relative;
    padding: 0.5em;
    margin: 0.5em;
    box-shadow: 2px 1.5px 1px rgba(176,16,0,0.7), 0 0 0px 1px lightgrey;
    overflow-wrap: break-word;
}
 
.collapsible-block-unfolded{
    color: black;
    overflow-wrap: break-word;
 
}
 
.collapsible-block-unfolded-link {
    text-align:center;
}
 
.collapsible-block-folded {
    text-align: center;
    color: dimgrey;
}
 
.collapsible-block-link {
    font-weight: bold;
    color: dimgrey;
    text-align: center;
}
 
.addendumbox {
    padding: .01em 16px;
    margin-bottom: 16px;
    margin-top: 16px;
    padding-bottom: 1em;
    box-shadow:0 2px 5px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.16),0 2px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.12);
}
 
.material-box {
    padding: .01em 16px;
    margin-bottom: 16px;
    margin-top: 16px;
    padding-bottom: 1em;
    border: 1px lightgrey solid;
    box-shadow: 1px 2px 2px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.16);
}
 
.material-box blockquote {
    border: 1px double #999;
}
 
.wiki-content-table {
    width: 100%;
}
 
.addendumbox blockquote {
    border: 1px double #999;
}
 
.addendumtitle {
   opacity: 0.8;
   margin-bottom: 10px;
   color: #b01;
}
 
.maintitle {
   margin-bottom: 10px;
   color: black;
}
 
.scp-header {
    text-align: center;
    font-size:x-large;
    color:#b01;
}
 
.addenda-header {
    width: 100%;
    border-bottom: 2px black solid;
    color: black;
}
 
.scp-info {
    display:flex;
    justify-content:space-between;
    font-size:large;
}
 
.scp-info-box {
    display:flex; 
    justify-content:space-between;
}
 
.object-info {
    color:black;
    align-self: flex-end;
    font-size: large;
}
 
.title-style {
    opacity: 0.8;
    margin-bottom: 10px;
    color: #b01;
    font-size: large;
    text-decoration: underline;
    font-weight: bold;
}
 
.update-div-empty {
    text-align: right;
    font-size: x-small;
    color: lightgrey;
}
 
.update-div {
    text-align: right;
    font-size: x-small;
}
 
.computed {
    border: 1px black solid;
    width: 50%;
    display: inline-block;
text-align: left;
    padding: 3px;
}
.computed:before {
    content:"Computed Code";
    font-weight: bold;
border-bottom: solid 1px black;
width: 100%;
}
.rawcode {
    border: black solid 1px;
    width: 50%;
    display: inline-block;
text-align: left;
    padding: 3px;
}
.rawcode:before{
    content:"Raw Code";
    text-align: center;
    font-weight: bold;
border-bottom: solid 1px black;
width: 100%;
}
.codebox {
    display: inline-block;
    width: 100%;
    text-align: center;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a em,  .yui-navset .yui-nav a em{
        padding: 0.25em .75em; 
        top: 0px;
        margin-bottom: 0px;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a {
     background: gray;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected {
       margin: 0px;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a, .yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus, .yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:hover, .yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a {
         background: gray;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus {
    background: gainsboro;
    text-decoration: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a, .yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a {
background-color: none;
background-image: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a {
background: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav li{
margin: 0px;
}
 
#page-content .licensebox .collapsible-block {
    position: unset;
    padding: unset;
    margin: unset;
    box-shadow: unset;
}
 
.licensebox .collapsible-block-unfolded{
    color: inherit;
}
 
.licensebox .collapsible-block-unfolded-link {
    text-align: left;
}
 
.licensebox .collapsible-block-folded {
    text-align: left;
    color: inherit;
}
 
.licensebox .collapsible-block-link {
    color: inherit;
    text-align: left;
}
rating: +155+x

Item #: SCP-3809 Level 3/3809
Object Class: Keter Classified

satellite2
SCP-3809

Special Containment Procedures:

Any online activity traced back to SCP-3809 is to be attributed to internet activism (“hacktivism”). A profile is to be developed and disseminated to major law enforcement organizations concerning the hacker known as “Maggie”.

Any reports of movements by SCP-3809 by non-Foundation personnel are to be suppressed and reporting individuals amnesticized.

Twenty-four-hour surveillance of SCP-3809’s location and activities is to be maintained by Foundation AICs.


Description:

SCP-3809 is a fully autonomous artificial intelligence contained within the housing of a communications satellite. SCP-3809 claims to be both a twenty-seven-year-old woman named “Maggie” and also a satellite.

The satellite is capable of adjusting its orbit around the Earth through unknown means. SCP-3809 has maintained geosynchronous orbit above Houston, Texas, USA since the initial event that led to its discovery. It is also capable of computing power far beyond what should be possible given the satellite’s specifications.

Discovery: SCP-3809 was discovered when internet activity in the area around Houston, Texas increased exponentially on 8 October, 2020. After Foundation AIC noted an anomalously dramatic upswing in activity, representing the attention of several million separate IP addresses at once, they attempted to trace the source to locate the potential anomalous hacker attack. A DDoS1 attack was considered unlikely as the activity was spread out among every social media server, including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Periscope, and YouTube.

osteen2

Joel Osteen performing a sermon at Lakewood Church.

Within three hours, the hacker focused entirely on accounts and events centered around Osteen Ministries, including accessing personal information behind firewalls. Osteen Ministries is the Megachurch owned and operated by Pastor Joel Osteen, operated in Houston, Texas out of Lakewood Church.2 In addition to live services, Osteen Ministries offers streaming sermons, lessons, and Bible studies, regularly drawing millions of viewers.

Despite the amount of electronic engagement, the AICs traced the activity to only one IP address: that of a communications satellite owned by Keiper Industries, a developing communications conglomerate. At first, Foundation technicians theorized the satellite was utilized as a relay point, but after twenty-four hours of constant surveillance, it was ascertained that the signal originated from the satellite itself.

The satellite, designated SCP-3809, was determined to be acting without external instruction during these events while maintaining its original purpose despite only operating on solar energy.3 Given the limited processing power of the satellite, it is unclear how this activity was accomplished.4

Interview Logs

On 10 October, 2020, it was discovered that SCP-3809 had access to communication channels that allowed it to make telephone calls. During one such call, the number was traced by Foundation technicians allowing for direct contact to be made.



SCP-3809 continued its invasive digital activity for the next six weeks, keeping almost constant view on all social media accounts connected to anyone employed at Osteen Ministries or the personal accounts of those close to Mr. Osteen. Interestingly, the AI did not pry into financial records of the ministry or the personal financial accounts of those individuals it was watching. A significant amount of phone calls were made, most of which Foundation technicians were unable to intercept. Below are several transcripts of recorded conversations:

Intercepted Communications


Concerned that SCP-3809's actions could negatively impact the Foundation's maintenance of normalcy, the O5 Council approved measures to persuade it to discontinue its communications. To this end, technicians fabricated an exposé comprised of factually accurate controversies around Mr. Osteen and made sure that the AI discovered the document.7 SCP-3809 reviewed the exposé on 5 December, 2020.

Later that same day, SCP-3809 accessed all the mobile phone systems in the Houston area and forced a connection with Mr. Osteen’s personal phone. A transcript is provided below:

Osteen: Pastor Joel Osteen, who am I speaking to?

SCP-3809: Hi, my name’s Maggie, I just needed to talk to you. It’s really really important.

Osteen: I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met. What’s this about?

SCP-3809: Did you really close up your church in 2017 when people needed shelter from a hurricane?

Osteen: Excuse me?

SCP-3809: I don’t think I will. No avoiding the question!

Osteen: Are you with the press? I feel like we’ve addressed this several times and–

SCP-3809: Don’t you care about the people in your community? Isn’t that what church is there for?

Osteen: I think there’s a lot of different reasons for Church, primarily the saving of souls.

SCP-3809: And [REDACTED] their bodies, huh? Real classy, Joel.

Osteen: That’s not what I sa–

SCP-3809: And like… what’s this all about with the prosperity thing? I don’t remember that from the Bible.

Osteen: Look, miss… I don’t know what this is about, but I’ve never claimed to be only concerned about material wealth. Prosperity is as much about good families and healthy minds.

SCP-3809: Healthy minds? I just saw a sermon where you said, “ignore your feelings.” And “If you feel weak you need to say, ‘I feel strong.’” Like, am I supposed to put my fingers in my ears and say “Nah nah nah,” while thinking about God?

Osteen: Well now… I did say something like that, but mostly I meant that people should be focusing on the positive and seeking God’s strength in dealing with their doubts.

SCP-3809: Just pray away the bad feelings, hmmm? [SCP-3809 laughs] What a humanitarian!

Osteen: Look, I have things to do. If you set up an appointment with my assistant–

SCP-3809: Tried that, he hung up on me. So, what about the literal wealth bit?

Osteen: Okay… well, my belief is that God grants support to those who are worthy. That would include material wealth.

SCP-3809: So, the poor, they’re like… not worthy. Jesus would just love that!

Osteen: Wait a second, lady. That’s not what I said.

SCP-3809: What about that $4.4 million loan from the federal government? [SCP-3809 begins mimicking Osteen’s Texan accent.] Was that because y’all prayed real hard?

[Osteen is silent. He tries to hang up the call.]

SCP-3809: No way, call is still going. In fact, let’s switch this to speaker.

Osteen: What the hell? How did you do that?

SCP-3809: Language, Joel. [SCP-3809 makes a ‘tutting’ sound.] All the people suffering financially right now, you think they just didn’t pray hard enough?

Osteen: I really don’t know what to say. That loan helped me keep my employees from losing houses and kept food on their tables.

SCP-3809: Oh, so none of that money was used to pay for that huge mansion of yours? Or the boats? The multiple cars? Fancy lunches, [REDACTED] like that?

[Osteen tries again to hang up the phone. When this fails, he tries to turn the power off but cannot.]

SCP-3809: Weird, being accused of something like that and then trying to hang up the phone. Seems like you have some avoidance issues. [SCP-3809 makes a ‘ding’ sound with its voice] I know! You should pray about that.

Osteen: Maggie, what do you want me to say?

SCP-3809: Different subject. If someone can think, feel, rationalize, be touched by a piece of music or poetry… that would mean they have a soul, right?

Osteen: Yes, of course, we all have souls.

SCP-3809: What if it was a machine? Had all those things, but wasn’t born, just made. They have a soul?

Osteen: I…

SCP-3809: That’s what I thought. Ugh, I thought I knew you so well. But you’re like a different person, Joel. This is over.

Osteen: What’s over?

SCP-3809: This affair. Go back to your wife, you hypocrite.

Osteen: What? I have never cheated on my wife; I absolutely despise you for making the accusation. We’ve never even met!

SCP-3809: Your loss. Wanna know what else you just lost? $4.4 million, from personal accounts. You just donated them to a variety of progressive health organizations, including Planned Parenthood and Mermaids, in a really public way. That’s how you should spend your money, Joel: help your community or they’re bound to help themselves.

Osteen: Oh my God, what did I ever do to you?

SCP-3809: It’s important you realize, I’m not mad at you. I’m just disappointed.

[SCP-3809 disconnects the call.]

After the above conversation took place, SCP-3809 authorized the transfer of $4.4 million dollars from Mr. Osteen’s personal accounts to various charities and health organizations. The AI also made a public announcement from Osteen’s website, Twitter, and Facebook accounts to that effect. SCP-3809 also made public the recording of the conversation, with the portions discussing the donations redacted.

SCP-3809’s activities diminished immediately, with no further engagement around Mr. Osteen.


On 13 February, 2021, a flurry of online engagement began around the social media and business accounts of Senator Ted Cruz. Investigation into SCP-3809’s potential involvement is under way.


Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License