rating: +141+x

Both sides of SCP-3634, displaying the "IN VINO VERITAS" text.

Item #: SCP-3634

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3634 is to remain in a standard containment locker in Site-23's low-priority anomalies wing. The locker is to be locked with a code decided upon by Site Director Lawrence.

SCP-3634-A instances are considered a Level-2 Biohazard, and are stored as such. The creation of new SCP-3634-A instances is only to be carried out by approval from Director Lawrence and two other members of senior staff at Site-23.

Testing of SCP-3634-A as an aid for interrogation has been suspended, due to the impracticality of implementation.

Description: SCP-3634 is a corkscrew and its case. The case and head of SCP-3634 are composed of iron and resembles a skeleton key, with the key's "shaft" bearing representations of grapes and grapevines. The head of SCP-3634 bears the words "IN VINO" on one side, and "VERITAS" on the other. SCP-3634's screw is made out of stainless steel. All parts of SCP-3634 have been described as having a perpetually dusty texture, and handling the case has been known to cause staining of the skin.

When SCP-3634 is used to open a container of alcohol, the liquid within becomes an instance of SCP-3634-A. SCP-3634-A is chemically indistinguishable from a non-anomalous liquid of the same type, but individual instances have been noted to taste sweeter.

Individuals who drink SCP-3634-A become compelled to speak truthfully in all circumstances for as long as SCP-3634-A remains in their system. Unlike other 'truth serums', such as SCP-████, SCP-3634-A does not allow for omission of details, or simply the ability to not answer. Rather, individuals who drink SCP-3634-A are compelled to divulge random, compromising details about their lives, from internal observations to offensive statements against those around them to actions they would normally not confess. Particularly susceptible individuals will carry out behaviors considered taboo; this may be due, in part, to the alcoholic nature of SCP-3634-A.

Even individuals who test in the upper two percentile on the Cognitive Resistance Value index are susceptible to SCP-3634-A; however, this may be due to the natural CRV-lowering effects of alcohol.

SCP-3634 was recovered following a Christmas celebration at the residence of one Richard G█████ in England in 2018, where it was given as part of a white elephant gift exchange. SCP-3634 was used to uncork several bottles of champagne over the course of the night, which subsequently transformed the liquid into SCP-3634-A. Emergency services were called following the ignition of a fire in the kitchen; upon arrival, it was found that all guests in attendance had gotten into a brawl which resulted in fifty-six injuries and three deaths.

Following the arrest of all attendees, agents from Mobile Task Force Tau-8 ("A Hundred Drunk White Toddlers") were dispatched to conduct interviews and locate the source of the anomaly.

Interview #: 001
Subject: Gerald A██████ (henceforth G.A.), Age 48, brother-in-law of host.

Agent Prince: Now, let's start from the beginning. Why did you throw a television at your father-in-law?

G.A.: Because he admitted he was shagging my mum! In front of my son! He's only three, he still shits his trousers!

Prince: Does that really deserve a flat-screen television thrown in the direction of a seventy-nine-year-old man?

G.A.: Well, then he started talking about how he was shagging my mum! I did not need to know that a man that old could contort into those positions!

Prince: Moving on—

G.A.: I mean, imagine how hard a sixty-nine is to do when your hips are both— [indistinguishable]

Prince: Sir, please, that is irrelevant. What we're here to discuss is the circumstances that led to you all being arrested. Now, where did this start?

Interview #: 008
Subject: Richter C████ (henceforth R.C..), Age 18, eldest son of C.C. (see Interview #4)

Agent Trevor: I can understand that holidays are a stressful time, but does that necessitate setting fire to the punch bowl?

R.C.: Mate, I invited my girlfriend to the party to meet my family. And then after three drinks, she starts banging on about what we've done!

Trevor: Such as?

R.C.: Y'know, bedroom stuff. I mean, everyone's fantasized about shagging their sister, right?

Trevor: All of your siblings are male.

R.C.: Don't mean I can't fantasize about it. She starts talking to my mum about how I get off on it.

Trevor: Any idea why she would do that?

R.C.: And it's not like mum wasn't sharing! She talked about how she did… things to my dad. Stalked him throughout secondary to try to get his attention, and eventually resorted to scaring off all of his other girlfriends, and—

Trevor: (Transcribing) Anomaly makes subjects overly talkative…

Interview: 013
Subject: Ellen D█████ (Henceforth E.D.), Age 25, sister of M.D. (See Interview 015)

Agent Carter: I must say, I'm… almost impressed.

E.D.: What do you mean?

Carter: I've seen a lot of siblings beat each other up. But you jumped out a window and ran down a hill to escape your sister?

E.D.: She was going on and on about how she wanted to be me, how I was always more successful, always prettier, always had the best lot in life. I figured it was the booze, but then…

(E.D. shakes her head.)

E.D. Then she starts chasing me through the house with a carving knife!

Carter: So, you have no idea how the fire in the kitchen started?

E.D: I honestly thought it was because of the punch bowl. Honestly, I was too worried about what Ken1 and his girlfriend were doing.

Carter: Which was?

E.D.: Singing Spice Girls.

Carter: How is that concerning?

E.D.: It's how they were singing it.

Interview: 015
Subject: Melissa D█████ (Henceforth M.D.), Age 23, sister of E.D. (See Interview 013)

M.D.: Yeah, all right, I chased my sister around with a kitchen knife, but who doesn't do that every once in a while?

Agent Carter: Uh. Most people?

M.D.: Well who hasn't at least thought about it?

Carter: Most people don't actively try to kill their siblings. You're facing attempted murder charges, at best. Did something compel you to do it?

M.D.: I guess it might have been the booze? The champagne they served there was awful, way too sweet. Nobody should make champagne sweet, it distracts from the fizz. I don't know what I'm talking about, I just like to sound smart because I hate my sister. So, so fucking much.

Carter: We already talked to her. Do you know anything about the fire in the—

M.D.: YOU DID WHAT?! How dare you talk to her before me?! I'm twenty times the woman she is! She thinks just because she has implants and went to college she's so much better than everyone, she is, but I won't let her keep that! I—

(At this point, M.D. lunged for Agent Carter and was subdued with a stun gun.)

Agent Prince: Could have used a bit more tact there, Carter.

Carter: Quiet from the peanut gallery.

Interview: 021
Subject: Edward E██████, (Henceforth E.E.) Age 14, youngest son of Quentin L█████ (see Interview 061)

E.E.: Fancy a snog?

Agent Prince: Excuse me?

E.E.: C'mon, I can tell you're into me.

Prince: You're fourteen.

E.E.: And?

Prince: I'm thirty-two.

E.E.: I've fucked older.

Prince: He's not affected. Get him out of here.

Interview #: 042
Subject: Peter F████████ (Henceforth P.F.), Age 21, older brother of D.F. (not interviewed, in hospital)

Agent Trevor: Your little brother's got a broken arm. What compelled you to do that?

P.F.: He wouldn't stop doing that stupid fucking dance!

Trevor: What dance?

P.F.: The one from that fucking game! People kept on telling me to be nice to him because it keeps him out of trouble, but it's so annoying! I yelled at him to stop, and when he didn't and kept spouting things from that stupid game—

Trevor: Carter, how many more of these do we have to do?

Agent Carter: Seventy-six.

Trevor: Start another kettle.

Interview #: 044
Subject: Richard G█████ (Henceforth R.G.), age 52, host of the party.

R.G.: I actually fucking hate this holiday. I can't stand any of my family. They're all ungrateful psychopaths— look at what happened between Melly and Ellen! And I can't remember any of their names anyway, I–

Agent Prince: Sir, I need to ask you some questions.

R.G.: –hate having such a huge family, it's annoying when you can't remember any of their name–

Agent Prince: Sir, please, it's important that I be able to question you. We need to ascertain why this happened.

R.G.: I have four fucking brothers and sisters-in-law. You think I know all of their names? Fuck no!

Agent Prince: I'll come back later, once it's out of your system.

Interview #: 059
Subject: Malcolm L█████ (Henceforth M.L.), Age 84, Father of Quentin L█████ (see Interview 061)

(Agent Prince enters the interview room)

M.L.: Took you long enough! It's been hours. I've had to masturbate to pass the time!

(Agent Prince leaves the interview room. She excused herself from interviews for the next two hours, citing frustration.)

Interview #: 061
Subject: Quentin L█████, (Henceforth Q.L.), Age 41, Son of Malcolm L█████ (see Interview 059)

Agent Trevor: I understand you were in the kitchen when the fire started?

Q.L.: I didn't see who started it. But I wanted to jump in.

Trevor: Why?

Q.L.: My wife and I admitted to everyone that we're in a swingers thing— she has four different partners, I have three. People were avoiding us for the rest of the night. I don't know why we admitted it, but we did, and now her mum won't talk to her, her dad disowned her, my brother is avoiding me, my son can't look at me, my dad says he's writing me out of the will—

Trevor: Did you drink the champagne?

Q.L.: Drank it? Mate, I poured the first glass. I opened the bottle with that stupid corkscrew I got.

Trevor: Corkscrew?

Q.L.: I don't know who gave it to me. Some kind of weird novelty thing, looks like a key, but the head comes out and reveals the screw within. Had some Latin on the head.

Trevor: Was this used to open all the bottles?

Q.L.: Yeah. We couldn't find any in the house, it was so crowded. And I saw what happened to it.

Trevor: What happened?

Q.L.: After the fight started, I saw it stuck in someone's balls.

Trevor: What. Who— who stabbed them?!

Q.L.: Dunno. Look, can I see my wife? She's the only one who will tolerate me at this point, and I've always wanted to have sex in a prison cell.

Trevor: Just for that, we're facilitating your divorce.

Interview #: 068
Subject: Kenneth O██████ (Henceforth K.O.) Age 29, Husband of I.O. (See Interview 067)

Trevor: In front of the entire family? Really?

K.O.: She said she had wanted to do it for a long while! And it'd been ages since we've done it!

Trevor: Unbelievable. If this is some kind of hazing thing, I'm going to stick Marmite in their boots.

K.O.: It's perfectly natural behavior.

Trevor: You do realize you're a sex offender, now.

K.O.: For singing Spice Girls?

Trevor: For doing it while having sex in public!

Interview #: 073
Subject: Olivia P█████ (Henceforth O.P.), Age 25, girlfriend of L.J. (See Interview 056)

Agent Prince: You're the oldest person we've talked to who's not been affected.

O.P.: Do you think it's genetic? I'm not part of the family.

Prince: No, it has nothing to do with blood relations. We believe the alcohol was spiked.

O.P.: Well, I don't drink— can't, I'm on medications that mess with my liver. And Maisie's2 pregnant, so she can't drink either. And we're both fine.

Prince: Did you know that they banned alcohol in America at one point? Even put it into the constitution.

O.P.: Yeah, we learned about that in A-Level. Why?

Prince: It's a damn shame we didn't do the same.

Interview #: 079
Subject: Margaret Q██████ (Henceforth M.Q.), 33, Housekeeper for Richard G█████

M.Q.: There's something about him I always admired. I saw him around the house every day, and I always wanted to get closer to him, but I don't really ever have the courage to do it. He's so…. distant, so stoic.

Agent Carter: The trouble is, we can't find anyone in the household with the name… hold on.

(Agent Carter checks his notes.)

Carter: We can't find anyone in the house with the name 'Gonzales'.

M.Q.: He's the family's shepherd.

(Carter peruses his notes.)

Carter: They don't have sheep— wait, as in German Shepherd? As in their dog?!

(Carter abruptly terminates the interview as M.Q. gives a response in the affirmative. Due to the extreme circumstances, Agent Carter was not disciplined for this incident.)

Interview #: 083
Subject: Isaac R████ (Henceforth I.R.) Age 61, Father of Jacob R████ (See Interview 084)

Agent Prince: Do you know why you're here?

I.R.: All I did was steal some hors d'oeuvres and a bunch of the jewelry.

Prince: That's exactly why. What did you do with it all?

I.R.: I hid it.

Prince: Where?

I.R.: In my stomach. Is it safe to eat gold?

Prince: …it is, but I'm pretty sure that the quartz you swallowed isn't. Let's get you to the hospital.

I.R.: I've always wanted to see what they taste like, is all. They always looked so tasty.

Prince: You're sixty-one.

I.R.: Any man can crave candy, dammit!

Interview #: 100
Subject: William T██ (Henceforth W.T.), Age 37, Father of Bella T██ (not interviewed, in hospital)

Agent Trevor: Sorry, the recording device wasn't on. Could you… please repeat that?

W.T.: I threw my daughter in the window.

Trevor: Why?!

W.T.: She was complaining that she didn't get a good Christmas present like her brother! She got a jumper, and her brother wouldn't let her play with his stupid Transformer!

Trevor: Did you give her anything to drink?

W.T.: Just a sip of champagne. She started acting unbearable, and I got so mad that I just… opened the window and…

Trevor: Well, the good news is, you're not going to jail for murder. Attempted murder, yes. Though honestly, part of me doesn't blame you.

Interview #: 118
Subject: Llwellyn W█████ (Henceforth L.W.), age 40, Husband of Alison W█████ (see interview 116)

Trevor: So, you claim to have started the fire in the kitchen?

L.W.: Yeah. I threw a whole bunch of olive oil on a baking tray and threw it in the oven alongside some cherry bombs the kids had.

Trevor: Why?

L.W.: Have you met my family?

Trevor: Unfortunately, yes.

L.W: I've wanted to kill them since I married into it!

Trevor: As far as I'm concerned, you'd be doing the world a favor.

L.W.: They're all mad, and tonight proved that!

Trevor: As much as I'd love to let you have at them, it's 6:00 in the evening on Christmas, we've had to interview over 100 people, I've seen three different sets of balls and half a set of tits, and if I could, I'd make everyone who drank that stupid wine D-Class. But instead I'm supposed to give you a couple of pills that will make you forget everything.

L.W.: Who the hell are you?

Trevor: Someone who really sympathizes with your plight. Here's some advice, if you remember anything: Get. A. Divorce!

All members of Tau-8 which conducted the interviews were disciplined for their unprofessional behavior. In addition, Agent Trevor has been given additional psychological counseling.

The screw component of SCP-3634 was recovered from the groin of Alexander W██████, one of Mr. G█████'s cousins. The exact circumstances of how SCP-3634 came to be located there are unknown.

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