Item #: SCP-3532
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor popular social media platforms for activity from SCP-3532. Any activity is to be recorded, scanned for cognitohazards, and archived. Foundation personnel are forbidden interaction with social media accounts associated with SCP-3532 unless given explicit orders otherwise. In accordance with Procedure 24-Lehonot, information damaging to the public image of SCP-3532 is to be produced wherever and whenever applicable. In the event that Procedure 24-Lehonot were to be rendered ineffective, all platforms hosting active SCP-3532 accounts are to be taken offline or otherwise rendered inaccessible until containment can be reestablished.
Description: SCP-3532 is believed to be an entity previously worshipped as a deity at an indeterminate point in the past. Recovered documentation suggests SCP-3532 currently resides in an extra-spatial plane and can interact with standard reality through forms of long distance communication. Currently, SCP-3532 is known to the public as ███████ █████████, a popular social media advertiser and influencer. SCP-3532 currently prioritizes the growth of its cult-like following, known as "The Miraculous Church Gang", using its social media presence to do so. SCP-3532 has displayed a basic understanding of the creation of cognitohazardous imagery, and will often include cognitohazardous elements in its posts online. Testing has shown that the cognitohazards employed by SCP-3532 do not force the observer to perform an action, but instead act as a strong suggestion to do so. Further testing indicates that a negative perception of SCP-3532 can counteract the cognitohazardous effects.
SCP-3532 was discovered on 1/19/18, when several video files containing level 2 cognitohazardous patterns were detected by Foundation webcrawlers. The files were uploaded to the Instagram and Twitter social platforms by accounts belonging to SCP-3532, and featured the entity advertising products from [REDACTED], as well as GoI-3532-1 branded merchandise. The cognitohazards found in the files would compel viewers to both purchase the featured products and follow the several social media accounts of SCP-3532. At the time of discovery, there were no other viewable posts on either accounts.
Investigations into SCP-3532 owned accounts revealed a number of deleted posts made prior to 1/19/18, with the earliest being dated 11/28/17. Said posts differ from the more recent posts and indicate a lack of understanding on how social media operates. In these posts SCP-3532 appears to beg for followers on its accounts and ponders why other users have more followers on their accounts.
Examples of SCP-3532 Posts Pre 1/19/18
my username
@██████████
my old follwers died get me new ones Twetty
3:56 AM - 28 November 2017
0 Retweets 0 Likes
my username
@██████████
tWetty can yoou help me with instragram also what is retweet
5:01 PM - 28 November 2017
1 Retweet 0 Likes
my username
@██████████
how Twitty why the gods katyperry and potus contain more follow please respond to me twetty
8:09 AM - 29 November 2017
0 Retweets 0 Likes
The sudden shift in post coherency coincides with SCP-3532 acquiring representation from social media managing company ████ Marketing on 1/3/18. It is assumed SCP-3532 utilized cognitohazards similar to those found in its posts to acquire representation. Upon receiving representation, most of the posts uploaded to SCP-3532 accounts were made by GoI-3532-2 employee Mark Gouse.
Examples of SCP-3532 Posts Post 1/19/18
TRUE Miracle God ✓
@██████████
WHAT'S HYPE, GANG!? CHECK OUT THE SICK NEW [REDACTED] SMART PHONE!!! LET'S GET HANDS ON!!!
8:09 AM - 20 March 2018
12,346 Retweets 78,399 Likes
TRUE Miracle God ✓
@██████████
IT IS PICTURE DAY, MY DUDES!! GRAB SOME CRISP PNG IMAGES (LIKE THE ONE BELOW AH HAHA!!!) WITH THE NEW [REDACTED] CAMERA FROM [REDACTED] !!!! SNAP YOURSELF WEARING THE NEW MIRACLE SHIRT, STORE LINK DOWN BELOW!!!!!!
4:19 PM - 18 April 2018
15,893 Retweets 99,321 Likes
As of 4/5/18, SCP-3532 has secured advertising deals with ██ major brands. It does not appear that SCP-3532 used its cognitohazardous effects to secure these deals, rather it seems that these companies reached out to SCP-3532 on their own accord due to the entity's popularity.
On 5/13/18, a detachment of MTF Phi-1 ("Hostile Takeover") infiltrated the main offices of GoI-3532-2 in order to acquire documentation concerning SCP-3532. A notable document acquired in the raid was a pdf file of GoI-3532-2's contract with SCP-3532. Cross referencing Recovered Document 3532 24a with other recovered contracts shows a number of deviations, such as the term "client" being replaced with "Miraculous Being" and "manager" with "Miraculous High Priest". Other notable aspects include a clause stating the contract can only be altered by SCP-3532 and no other persons, as well as a separate clause stating GoI-3532-2 reserves the right to retract representation for clients deemed unprofitable or harmful to the image of the company. Due to the concern that SCP-3532 could easily influence other companies in a similar manner, Procedure 24-Lehonot was drafted in order to suppress the entity's influence. Procedure approved on 5/20/18.
On 5/21/18, Procedure 24-Lehonot was enacted. A detachment of MTF Phi-1 was tasked with replacing key members of GoI-3532-2 upper management with Foundation agents in order to gain control of the company. Once the company was successfully under Foundation influence, PoI-3532-1 was replaced by Agent Jeffery Burr. Agent Burr then attempted to alter the social media persona of SCP-3532 to one that would be seen as undesirable.
Log Burr 3532 01
Staying "Hip"
to: miracleismeok@█████████
from: jburr@████marketing.███
Hello Lord ███████,
I've noticed as of late that your posts aren't getting as much attention as they were before. I'm afraid that your current posts are not being perceived as "cool" or "hip". If these patterns continue, your numbers will fall, just like they have been for the past month. With your permission, of course, I'd like to make a few changes to your image that will ensure that you remain "groovy!" as your age demographic would say. You can read them in the enclosed file below.
RE: Staying "Hip"
to: jburr@████marketing.███
from: miracleismeok@█████████
hello new priest.
in my contract it says that i make the final calls on whether or not my posts change, and i want to give your wanted changes a biggest no from me.
mark goose (the old better you) knew much more and wasnt bad like you and i am alloweed to tell you that because its in my contract.
anyway no you are to contu=inue posting as how mark did because he wasnt bad
thanks for the email
All further attempts to persuade SCP-3532 into altering its persona failed. It was determined that SCP-3532 could only be influenced by someone it perceived as having a better understanding of social media. In order to successfully alter the online persona of SCP-3532, Site-72 authorized the use of social media accounts belonging to SCP-3331-Alpha to contact SCP-3532. Agent Burr was instructed to contact SCP-3532 posing as SCP-3331-Alpha and alter the entity's perceptions of current social trends.
-
Log Burr 3532 02
@JohnCena: Hey, is this ███████ █████████?
@██████████: No, this is his manager. But I can forward a message to ███████ if you'd like?
@JohnCena: I was hoping to speak to the big man himself…
@██████████: Well, Mr. Cena, I think you can be trusted! I'll put ███████ on.
@██████████: Is the stinker lying to me or are you john cena
@JohnCena: Hey, big guy!
@JohnCena: Yup, it's me! John Cena!
@██████████: prove
[Agent Burr sends a picture of SCP-3331-Alpha holding a sheet of paper reading "Is this proof enough ███████?]
@██████████: oh wow wow hi there sir haaha and what can i do for you ?
@JohnCena: Well, thats kind of why I contacted you…
@JohnCena: I've been a long time fan of your stuff, and the thing is.. Well…
@██████████: what
@JohnCena: Well, you just aren't as cool as you used to be.
@JohnCena: But I can help you. I know some secrets.
@██████████: please lord cena tall me
@██████████: ill do anyhting jus please i must be cool
@JohnCena: Haha! Don't worry! I'll even tell you for free!…
Extraneous dialogue removed. Agent Burr proceeds to list SCP-3532 a collection of strategies designed to ruin the entity's public image.
Following the dialogue, SCP-3532 instructed Agent Burr to follow the advice from the SCP-3331-Alpha account regarding the social media accounts, to which Agent Burr complied. Within two months, the number of visitors to SCP-3532 run accounts had dropped by 95%. At this point, GoI-3532-2 retracted its representation of SCP-3532 in accordance with the company's contract. SCP-3532 attempted to contact other social media managing companies seeking representation but to no avail. On 7/18/18, SCP-3532 made one final post to all of its accounts, reading "i just wanted followers againn" before deleting the accounts shortly after. No new accounts or posts or have been observed since.
