rating: +32+x


This file contains psychologically hazardous materials.

Access to information related to SCP-3499 may only be granted to individuals with a Cognitive Resistance Value (CRV) of at least 1.8. As certain information regarding SCP-3499 is considered to be more sensitive to its effects, periodic checkpoints requiring increasing CRV values have been uploaded to this file.

Individuals improperly exposed to SCP-3499 are to be considered L.O.S.T.

    • _

    Item#: 3499
    Containment Class:
    Secondary Class:
    Disruption Class:
    Risk Class:


    Model Office Seeker, by James Albert Wales. The cartoon depicts Guiteau with a sign which reads, "An office or your life!".

    Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-3499 has been identified by the United States government, the wider historical community, and the general public, articles which possess instances of it are to be altered to remove confidential information, rather than suppressed.

    Project WATTSON is currently being constructed within an abandoned mineshaft in the Sonoran Desert. The groundwork for this project is to be funded personally by O5-11, pending approval from the O5 Council for additional manpower and funds. It is expected to be completed on ██/██/2022, once Operation Mauser becomes self-sufficient.

    Operation Mauser, as proposed by O5-11 and approved by the O5 Council and the Ethics Commitee, is to be carried out by members of Mobile Task Force Gamma-5 ("Red Herrings"). Select Gamma-5 units are to be assigned to two subdivisions (Task Force γ-88 and γ-89) which are to focus on nationwide case studies and individual case studies, respectively.

    Task Force γ-88 is primarily based in the United States, with surrounding units stationed in Canada, Mexico, and the Caribbean. Operation Mauser has also been cleared for use in countries with a firearm-related death rate of 6.10 and higher1. Every ten weeks, a collection period is to begin in countries with a suitable number of personnel to carry it out. Once the maximum threshold of 1,300 individuals has been reached or after the collection period expires, control of collected individuals is to be transferred to Task Force γ-89.


    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 2.5

    Description: SCP-3499 are references to the assassination of United States President James A. Garfield by Charles Guiteau on July 2, 1881.

    Exposure to SCP-3499 universally results in the piece of media developing new information which concerns a largely unknown group of interest known as "The Stalwarts" (GoI-8218). According to exposed media, GoI-8218 is an anarcho-occultist organization with ties to the U.S. government.

    The stated goals of GoI-8218 include:

    • The establishment of an overarching world order with which to dictate global affairs.
    • The abolishment of legal consequences for violent crimes (homicide, kidnapping, etc.).
    • The abolishment of organizations which fail to support the first two goals.

    While most instances of SCP-3499 depict the assassination directly, this quality is not required; mentions of Garfield, Guiteau, or other instances have been known to trigger SCP-3499.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 3.9

    Addendum 3499/1: Notable Examples


    MILWAUKEE, Wis., Oct. 14th — Over 12,000 souls gathered inside of a small auditorium to hear Colonel Roosevelt speak. The crowd quickly grew too large for the hall, and many were forced to cheer from the sidewalks. When Colonel Roosevelt finally arrived, a flurry of excitement erupted from the crowd as supporters spilled into the streets to get a glimpse of his car.

    Colonel Roosevelt held an aura of ease and humility about him. Earlier that day, rumors had circulated among the city that he had injured himself and could not appear. This did little to harm the Colonel's confidence. His ginger walk to the podium sparked further hysteria within the crowd. They roared on for thirty more minutes before Colonel Roosevelt waved his hand, asking for silence.

    With all of the vigor of ten men, Colonel Roosevelt said:

    "My supporters, those whom I consider to be close friends, I appreciate you spending your time with me on this fine day. I would ask you to be quiet—"

    At that moment, a man pushed himself to the front of the crowd and fired upon Colonel Roosevelt. The former President collapsed onto the stage. The man, a socialist who says that his name is John Schrank, was disarmed and seized by the crowd. There were calls for him to be lynched in the street. Colonel Roosevelt soon rose, however, and ordered the man to be placed under arrest. The crowd parted at his word and allowed the police through.

    Turning back to the podium, Colonel Roosevelt addressed the crowd:

    "My friends! I asked you before to remain quiet, but now I ask you to shout

    so loud the paperboys across the street will hear. I may have been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose!"

    This attack is the the latest example of a troubling developing in the American political institution: rule by revolver. Most assassins are young, insane immigrants from Europe. Charles Julius Guiteau, murderer of the 20th President James Garfield, is an ideal example.

    On the morning of July 2nd, 1881, Guiteau traveled to a railway station and intended to wait there until evening. This is a common practice of the fringe political group known as "The Stalwarts" which Guiteau founded. He would wait for five more hours underneath the summer sun.

    Guiteau's madness was palpable to onlookers. Citizens had reported him to a policeman whom patrolled the area many times before. Despite this, nothing was done about Guiteau's presence at the station. He was seen proselytizing to passerby about a supposed divine commission which impelled him to kill Garfield.

    One woman was subjected to Guiteau's ramblings for almost twenty minutes. She distinctly remembers the assassin having a fit in the middle of one of his endorsement speeches. He began to repeat a single, nonsensical phrase until Garfield arrived at the railway.

    When Garfield stepped on the railway platform, he conversed with Guiteau for a short while. There were no witnesses of this conversation that could accurately describe the topics that were discussed. Guiteau then loudly uttered an obscenity at the President before retrieving a pistol from his coat pocket and shooting Garfield twice in the chest. The crowd that had gathered

    (Continued on Fourth Page)

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 4.4

    The Truth, and the Removal by Charles Guiteau

    My stay at the university was short, and what little time I spent there was inside of the campus library. I am still not sure what that cause for my repulsion to the classroom was. I've pondered over the question for many days, watching the sun leap into dawn before slowly waning back down into night. The night that I write this, one that I will spend in jail for a crime that I did not commit, I had gone from fully believing that I had found the answer, to realizing that I was miles from a conclusion, to fully believing in another answer within minutes of each other. I am not bothered much by this. In fact, I am happy for it; my years of study into theology has shown me that this behavior is common in great men.

    A few hours before I found the time to write this, it was midnight. I laid with no desire for sleep as my thoughts dismantled my new, carefully laid explanation. Even now, I am unable to subdue my mania. The warden came by my cell for my nightly treatment. He injected a milky-white liquid into my forearm which dulled my senses and told me he'd stand by to make sure that it was working. I found myself dwelling on that phrase, "stand by", long after he had left. Those words held an unruly power over me, like they should have meant something. But as the medication wore off and the fits of painful laughter that lasted for minutes on end returned, I stopped worrying. It was during one of these fits that a day I seldom remembered came to the forefront of my half-conscious mind.

    When I was a young man at the university, I still held some belief in the teachings of those preachers whom I now feel disgusted for having known. The professor on the day was a very short and fat man with a few gray hairs in his hair. I listened to him speak for almost an hour before a sickly feeling began to rise in my stomach. I tried to recite the words of Saint Paul the Apostle, one of my personal mentors, to quell the feeling. It did little to alleviate my discomfort. I excused myself to the bathroom, and vomited into one of the toilets. The convulsions of my stomach left my throat hoarse and my mouth bloodied.

    As I turned to leave, an Angel bearing the face of St. Paul himself appeared before me.

    In that moment, as I clung to the sides of the toilet seat to avoid fainting completely, I decided to rededicate my life to the Savior and to let His commandments dictate my life. I felt as if I had grown up ten years in a matter of ten seconds. My hair became gray and grew so long that the ends touched the floor, my bones became as brittle as a corpse, my skin became wrinkled. The Angel spoke and, while I am unable to transcribe with full respect His words, I believe it to be an even greater slight to not record what He had said to me that day.

    "One that bears the name 'Guiteau'," He said, "I have watched over you since the night of your birth. I have personally witnessed your struggles, your hardships, your triumphs. The friends that knew you and the friends that prayed they never had. Each minute of each hour of each day that goes by in your mind."

    As He spoke, I could feel the weakness and pain leave my body. The chains that others had used to shackle me down were unlocked. I was a freed man, and a feeling came over me that I had seldom felt in my youth: happiness. The Angel smiled.

    "You have made more sacrifices than most could endure in your short life. This is why I have descended from the Heavens to you now. To warn you. You have been going against the will of the divine since you began your stay here. This 'group' which you now lead has committed countless atrocities upon this earth and under my watchful eye. If I were to appear before any other man, I would have struck them down in an instant."

    I wanted to speak. Believe me when I say that I wanted to defend my colleagues, some of whom I consider to be my friends…

    A solemn moment of realization has come upon me as I write these words. Those "friends" as I called them were the first ones that mentioned that I may have an illness of the mind. When I came begging for shelter after my father left me with no money, they were the ones that I felt hatred towards. My vision was too distracted at that time to notice: the conversations, the meetings, the experiments. They were all lies. Sick, perverted lies that were made to throw mud in His eyes and taint my soul.

    If they had truly wished for my well-being, then why are none of them here? Why am I being tried for a crime that any man would have done given the circumstances? We do not punish the soldiers who slaughter hundreds of our enemies, but yet when I am given a direct command to kill one bastard, I am sentenced to death. They have been led astray. They, as I did then, need a Savior. So I am forever thankful that He chose to save me.

    The Angel spoke more words to me, but I am not in the right state of mind to transcribe them. I want to sleep. This shall be the end of my will and testament. Let them hang me in the streets tomorrow. I do not care anymore.

    I am an agent of God.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 4.8

    David Allen Frederickson
    "Charles Guiteau"
    Songs of the West
    Folkways Records FH 5259


    Come all you Christian shepherds
    and those of mighty fear,
    For the righteous has caught me
    and made me disappear.
    Spare just a moment or two,
    To let me state my crimes,
    As in a few more moments,
    My body will ragtime.


    My name is Charles Guiteau,
    The crime which I deny,
    Will leave my aging parents,
    Soon saying their goodbyes.
    Though I still will not believe,
    The world which I am living,
    Is guarded by those corrupt souls,
    Who said that I was sinning.


    Those men called me insane,
    And they said onto me,
    "If you want your soul returned,
    it is your friend who must bleed."
    But those wicked men did lie,
    So when my story was told,
    The crowd below showed nothing more
    Than their faces of cold.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 6.0


    My name is Charles Guiteau,
    The crime which I deny,
    Will leave my aged parents,
    Soon saying their goodbyes.
    Though I still will not believe,
    The world which I am living,
    Is guarded by those corrupt soul,
    Who said that I was sinning.


    As I look out to my fans and friends,
    I see they want the same.
    "I don't want to listen to a criminal,
    I just want somebody to hang."
    But I will not fade away,
    To a grim history,
    No, I know that I’m innocent,
    So ‘till I’m dead I’ll plead,


    My name is Charles Guiteau,
    The crime which I deny,
    Will leave my aged parents,
    Soon saying their goodbyes.
    Though I still will not believe,
    The world which I am living,
    Is guarded by those corrupt souls,
    Who said that I was sinning.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 6.7

    Internal Security Department | Incident / Arrest Report

    Incident ID: O5-000013DW-2020 Date: 01/03/2020 Time: 20:39
    Offense: TBD Suspect: Unknown Victim: The Administrator

    At 20:03, MTF Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand") receives a distress signal from the Administrator's residence at Site-01. The message was sent by Site-01's general administrative .aic unit STORM in response to a rapid deterioration in the Administrator's health. Alpha-1's estimated time of arrival is eight minutes. During this time, STORM initiates a Class-3 lockdown of Site-01: all unoccupied sectors are sealed off and reality stabilizers are deployed within the Site and the surrounding area.

    Alpha-1 arrives at Site-01 to discover the Administrator slumped against a terminal in their office. They are unresponsive to the unit, and remain so as α-1 "Captain" administers a cognitive thought analysis. Command issues a temporarily cessation of radio transmissions in the area to ensure that communication between members of Alpha-1 was not lost.

    α-1 "Captain" determines that the Administrator is alive, but is incapable of retaining sustainable thought (L.O.S.T.). They send a request to declare the Administrator mentally unfit for recovery. Command issues a denial, and orders α-1 "Captain" to attempt a mental recovery. α-1 "Captain" expresses reluctance at this, reasoning that the Administrator has likely been in this state for more than eleven minutes, making them unrecoverable. Command again orders α-1 "Captain" to attempt a mental recovery. α-1 "Captain" complies and falls into a deep trance next to the Administrator.

    The rest of the unit explores the office. α-2 "Cowboy" covers the Administrator's terminal screen and asks α-3 "Taurus" for a remote screen analyzer to determine if the Administrator had been infected with a memetic hazard from their terminal. STORM accesses Site-01's internal intercom system, broadcasting via a robotic voice to Alpha-1. STORM informs them that the Administrator had been suffering from numerous health issues — most notably paranoia, melancholia, and occasional mania — for months prior to their current situation.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 7.1

    α-1 "Captain" suddenly jerks awake from their trance. They appear to be in a great deal of distress, and declare the Administrator to be unrecoverable. When questioned by Command, they deny that they are feeling distressed. They ask STORM where Site-01's medical sector is located. STORM provides its location, which is two floors below Alpha-1's current position, and a route to the location through a nearby stairwell.

    Alpha-1 descends the first floor and enters the security sector. The unit observes a brightly-lit hallway which leads past two containment chambers, both of which are sealed shut. α-2 "Cowboy" mentions that the floor appears to be entirely devoid of employees. A giant mechanical device lays partially disassembled on the floor. The machine consists of a primary tank which contains a volatile blue liquid, tubes which connect the tank to a power supply, which then connects to a small capsule near the top. The words "PRIMARY THOUGHT DISSEMINATOR" are painted on the side of the capsule. α-3 "Taurus" requests that an investigation of this device be made a secondary objective. This request is swiftly denied by α-1 "Captain". No further requests are made.

    Alpha-1 reaches the second floor and accesses the medical sector. The floor houses thousands of operating theaters with glass walls, each being surrounded by interlocking pathways made of concrete. α-2 "Cowboy" comments that there seems to be too few occupants of Site-01 for the amount of materials present. They receive no response. α-1 "Captain" leads the team through the floor, occasionally stopping to receive directions from STORM.

    After approximately thirty minutes, Alpha-1 discover a large steel cube. STORM informs the unit that they have reached the center of the medical sector. A vault door with a metal plaque bearing the words "CASE STUDY #001" acts as the entrance. STORM unlocks the door, revealing a sparse living area: a mattress with blankets, a desk, and a computer terminal are the only pieces of furniture present. The terminal has the words "PLEASE STAND BY…" flashing on its screen in large, red text.

    Alpha-1 inspects the desk and discovers a set of documents within one of the drawers. The contents of these documents have been described below:

    • Medical records for an unnamed female in their mid-40s. The results of a recent medical examination revealed that they had been suffering from phantom pain in two spots in their torso. A blood test showed that they did not possess any memetically or antimemetically charged particles in their circulatory system.
    • A family pedigree dating back to the late 1600s. A male family member from the seventh previous generation is crossed out.
    • A copy of The Truth, and the Removal by Charles Guiteau.
    • A 184-page journal which details hundreds of connections between the creation of GoI-8218 ("The Stalwarts") and the actions of hundreds of influential world leaders from 1900 through to the present.
    • An unredacted copy of the Operation Mauser procedures. [DATA EXPUNGED]

    Alpha-1 determines that there is no other evidence present and leaves the cube. The unit exits the second floor, and eventually Site-01, over the course of an hour. Later debriefings led to the leading theory that the Administrator died via unresolved stress, which slowly damaged their heart. An O5 meeting to vote on whether to change the official cause of death to myocardial infarction is scheduled for 13/03/2020.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 7.7


    "ASSASSINS" (1990)


    ACT I

    SCENE 11

    (Baltimore and Potomac Railroad Station, Washington D.C. July 2, 1881. JAMES GARFIELD and a small group of men enter, talking amongst each other. A now disheveled CHARLES GUITEAU rises from the railway bench and approaches.)


    Sir! Please, wait! Mister Garfield, I have something important I want to ask you.

    (Garfield and his party stop. Guiteau crosses to emphasize his point.)


    Mister Garfield, I want to be… the ambassador to France!

    (GUITEAU falls to his knees from exhaustion and anxiousness. GARFIELD laughs.)


    I'm sorry, who are you? I must know a little about the man I'm going to make my ambassador.

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 8.2


    Oh! How do you not know my name, Mister Garfield? Perhaps word doesn't reach you as quickly as it does the common man. Regardless! My name is Charles Guiteau, first of my name, college-educated theologist, author, scientist, lawyer, orator, and soon-to-be politician. I have appeared in the papers numerous times; I am of great respect to the people.


    Hmm? Now, Mister Get-out, I must say that I have not heard of you at all. And I assure you that nobody standing at this station has heard of you either. What have you published that earned you the automatic respect of men of faith? How about men of science?



    Many things, sir! Let's see… I have defended multiple men from the wrath of angry prosecutors. One of my clients was even a Frenchman, so you know how much France love me. I've written extensively about the teaching of Saint Paul, Saint Augustine, John Calvin—

    (The men surrounding GARFIELD attempt to disperse the growing crowd onto the train.)


    Now, let me stop you there. Name me one published work of yours that I personally know of. If you can do that, then I might believe your outrageous claims might be true.


    The Truth! It's meant to be read alongside the Bible.


    Never heard of it.


    "Reasons To Vote for Garfield Against the Dastardly Hancock!"




    Um… "The Effects of Traumatic Experiences on the Minds of Those Capable of Reshape—"


    Err. Wrong answer.

    (Guiteau drops to his knees.)


    Please Mister Garfield! I'm begging you. I have spent my entire life dreaming of this moment, you can't just…

    (A train arrives at the station. The crowd begins to slowly board. A TRAIN CONDUCTOR enters.)


    All aboard! The 9:30 train to Greenville Station, New Jersey will be departing shortly. Please stand by!

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 9.1



    You can't… You…

    (GUITEAU collapses from his knees to the floor. GARFIELD turns to leave.)


    I hate you, James.


    Excuse me?

    (GUITEAU cries, crumbling even further.)


    I… fucking hate you. So much.


    Oh sir, you're sounding hysterical now.


    Call me my name, James. You know who I am. Do you know what I did for you? Is this how you repay people that helped you become who you are now? You sick bastard. How many people have you done this to, huh? Hundreds? Thousands?

    (POLICE beginning appearing amongst the passengers, making their way to GUITEAU.)


    Sir, please stand—


    No! Shut your damn mouth, James. Do you not even care to listen to me? Oh, you…

    (GUITEAU rises like a dead man from the grave.)

    NOTICE: Further access to this file requires a CRV value of at least 15.5


    I don't care if they hate me. I know who I am and I know who you are. And that's all I need in this life. I don't care. You and I will both burn in Hell, someday.

    (GUITEAU retrieves a pistol from his coat pocket and shoots GARFIELD, killing him.)

    Addendum 3499/2: Operation Mauser Overview




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