rating: +104+x


The following document is considered a QUÄLGEIST-Class non-anomalous cognitohazard.

Proceed at your own risk


A research crew working on SCP-3034-J. All identifying features have been redacted by personnel request.

Item #: SCP-3034-J

Object Class: Whatever keeps it as far away from people as possible Thaumiel1

Special Containment Procedures: The area containing SCP-3034-J, currently a region of the Indian Ocean roughly 300km in diameter, is to be routinely patrolled by unmanned Foundation naval vessels. Under no circumstances are civilians allowed to attempt deep sea exploration or diving efforts in the quarantined area. Civilians attempting to enter the quarantined area are to be immediately deterred by a squadron of MTF Epsilon-13 ("Infernal Shocktroopers") armed with spray bottles.

Individuals associated with the "vore"2 community are not to be assigned to SCP-3034-J under any circumstances. Individuals affected by the anomalous properties of SCP-3034-J are to seriously rethink their life choices and get professional help.3 In the event that individuals fail to reconsider the consequences of their actions under the influence of SCP-3034-J, Class-E amnestics are to be administered immediately.4 D-Class personnel utilized for Protocol-612 "Deific Eulogy" are to NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, HAVE ACCESS TO ANY COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE.

Description: SCP-3034-J is a large aquatic serpent. The full length of SCP-3034-J is unknown, but is unfortunately large enough to swallow an indefinite number of humans. Similarly, the size of SCP-3034-J's mouth is unfortunately four meters from bottom to top, more than sufficient to consume humans.

SCP-3034-J demonstrates by far the most disturbing memetic effect the Foundation has had the displeasure of coming into contact with. Individuals who come within approximately 300 meters of SCP-3034-J will begin to vocalize a strong desire to be consumed by SCP-3034-J, and will take any available course of action to be consumed. This is considered to be a method by which SCP-3034-J catches prey and serves as an abomination before the eyes of God.5 Additionally, vocalizations by individuals under the influence of SCP-3034-J are to be considered a Class-ψ cognitohazard, and result in a φK-Class Loss-Of-Faith-In-Humanity scenario within 84.77% of exposed individuals who are not amnesticized within three days.

While normally a creature as atrocious as SCP-3034-J would warrant the "accidental" leaking of both the containment area and guard schedule to the Global Occult Coalition, SCP-3034-J has unfortunately proven itself invaluable to the Foundation through its spontaneous excretion of large masses of crystalline-form carbon and a proven catholicon for degenerative and abnormal cell growth (designated SCP-3034-J-1).6 As such, suspension of Protocol-612 "Deific Eulogy" would leave the Foundation vulnerable to XK-Class "I guess you like cancer" accusations.

The unfortunate fact that SCP-3034-J is invaluable to the Foundation has forced us to develop Protocol-612 "Deific Eulogy" after a majority vote by the Ethics Committee.7

Protocol-612 "Deific Eulogy":

Addendum 3034-J-A:

Addendum 3034-J-B

The following document requires a Level 5/3034-J security clearance. Failure to successfully click the red words input these highly complex credentials will result in immediate termination.

Addendum 3034-C:
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