Agent Rhonda Melckers sighed heavily as she plodded through the smoldering ruins of the world she once knew. Her breath fogged the plexiglass of her form-fitting hazmat suit.
Smoke and fire permeated the horizon. Several miles behind her, she could hear the monstrous howl of the now-uncontained SCP-[Note to editing: See provided shortlist of search-engine-optimized murder monsters, please pick one by Thursday.] as it swiped its appendages across the ruined skyline of her city.
She had nothing left — except her duty to the hashtag #SCPFoundation. Whatever misery lay before her when she was done, she had to find out what caused the world around her to collapse in the name of Security, Containment, and Protection.
She. Needed. Answers.
And in the stripped-bare ruins of an Foundation warehouse she found all the answers she needed. Perhaps too many…
But before we get too deep into the USSR's most fiery double agent, hidden in plain sight - are you feeling all right?
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And now, back to SCP-3010-J.
SCP-3010-J is, allegedly, a toothbrush. It was created in a top-secret project from the notorious Soviet Union. Why anyone would create something so monstrous is beyond all understanding. Alas, all records of the SCP-3010-J project's creation were destroyed when the Berlin Wall fell.
And while top Foundation scientists have done everything in their power to understand its destructive potential, SCP-3010-J still has yet to be fully understood.
What we do know, however, is that in 1980, SCP-3010-J used its pyrokinetic powers to cause a top-secret government bathroom in Novgorod to bust into flames! When the smoke cleared, there were no survivors - only a barren and ashen landscape, radiation-soaked rubble, and 4.55 trillion rubles in property damage.
Some even say that SCP-3010-J was forged out of the crystal skeleton of SCP-30100-J, the Unholy Lunaphage Dragon - but that has yet to be fully explored. And if SCP-3010-J knows something about its connection with the legendary moon-eater, it's not telling.
And why not? Can the Russian nuclear toothbrush even talk in the first place? Or is it hiding something even more sinister underneath its heaving breasts?
Thank you for watching this video! And before we sign off, here's a huge shout-out to those of you who clicked on this video because you saw "Russian" and "nuclear" in the same sentence and thought this was a news video that had something to do with current events and, vicariously, whether or not you get to live another five fucking minutes. If it weren't for world-weary mental states like yours, my bath-salts-of-the-month club membership would still be the lofty boyhood dream it once was when I was huffing keyboard cleaning spray in fourth grade!
And remember - through us, and us alone, dost thou receive information about the spooky essypee monster bois. You wouldn't pay the cow for its milk, wouldja? Huh? The farmer's the one who needs the money, bucko! Ha ha ha! Cows don't have wallets! That's what their skin is for!
Be sure to like and subscribe. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get SCP-8005 here ready for his big YouTube debut!
