SCP-2845-J, currently contained on my lawn, attempting to cause an SK-Class1 Scenario. Must be relocated to any fricking elsewhere.
Item #: SCP-2845-J
Object Class: Ket-off my lawn
Strawberry Consumption Procedures: The residence of Dr. Sage Evergreen, hereby designated Site-100-J, is to be quarantined from all SCP-2845-J instances. Use of anomalous resources is authorized to maintain said quarantine.
Current measures utilize:
- Procedure 173: Several copies of SCP-173 placed around Site-100-J without any supervision, nor scheduled cleanup, as the entity is a good source of fertilizer.2
- Procedure 682: SCP-682 has been allowed to freely roam Dr. Evergreen's neighborhood. No concealment is deemed necessary given Site-100-J is located in Florida.
- Procedure 504: Multiple SCP-504 instances may be planted on the outer rim of Site-100-J. D-Class are to be stationed within hearing distance of these instances and provided with deer-related puns. The reaction of SCP-504 to said puns has been shown to decrease SCP-2845-J's morale.
Description: SCP-2845-J is the designation for several punk-ass, thieving White-tailed deer (Odocoileus virginianus) hell-bent on destroying all Dr. Evergreen knows and loves3. Though several non-anomalous measures have been used to ward off SCP-2845-J4, none have proven permanently successful, hence current Strawberry Consumption Procedures. Removal of all SCP-2845-J from Site-100-J has been deemed a top priority by the Strawberry Protection Coalition.5
Addendum-2845-J-001:
Foreward: Interview between Wysteria Polinski, containment specialist, and Dr. Evergreen.
Polinski: Don't you think this is just a little much, Evergreen?
Evergreen: I seem to recall you saying something about not cutting corners in our work?
Several gunshots and screams can be heard from outside Site-100-J.
D-2857: (in background) What did the wife say to her deer husband when he came home drunk?
Multiple SCP-2845-J instances flee Site-100-J's front yard before the punchline can be recited.
D-2857: (shouting after instances) I can't bucking believe you!
A crash is heard as an SCP-504-instance strikes D-2857's face. On-site medic Fawna Leola attends to his wounds.
Leola: I don't know if the Foundation has the doe to keep treating all these injuries. WAIT NO-
Another SCP-504 instance strikes Leola.
Polinski: I'm all for superfluous use of funding, but even this is too far.
Evergreen: Are you saying my strawberries aren't important?
Polinski: Frankly, your strawberries suck.
Evergreen: What.
Polinski: And I hated that homemade strawberry cheesecake you made for that potluck.
Evergreen: YOU F—
A loud rumbling is heard from nearby. Evergreen looks outside to see SCP-682 standing in her garden, eating strawberries alongside an SCP-2845-J instance.
Evergreen: NO! MY STRAWBERRIES!6
Afterword: SK-Class "End-of-Strawberries" scenario declared.
