BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL
THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT IS LEVEL 5 CLASSIFIED
UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS IS PUNISHABLE BY TERMINATION
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Opening File…
Left: Stone mass covering surface contact point "Cork". (Site-21 is located within the rock structure.) Right: Incomplete map of SCP-2800-J according to gravitational and seismic measurements.
SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES
The Foundation CORKSCREW Satellite Array has been established in geosynchronous orbit to continuously monitor SCP-2800-J. Contact with the CORKSCREW Array is to be maintained from Site-21, and any major gravitational or seismic changes detected by the Array are to be reported to Site Command immediately. Upon suspicion of a possible Melchizedek Event, Sabre-Team is to be contacted directly for execution of Protocol 5-28-Sabrage.
Sabre-Team is to consist of three Overseer Personnel,1 in four rotating shifts lasting no more than six months. With Shift 1 consisting of O5-2, -3, and -4, and rotating up to Shift 4, consisting of O5-11, -12, and -13. Upon conclusion of a shift, all Sabre-Team members are to reset and generate new passwords and keyphrases. These passwords are to then be printed out and delivered to the next Sabre Shift, who are to memorize and burn them. Upon conclusion of this process, the former team is to undergo Class-C amnestization.
Upon activation of Protocol 5-28-Sabrage, the designated Sabre-Overseers are to immediately report to Site-21 and unlock Chamber Alpha. Chamber Alpha can only be unlocked via password during a confirmed Melchizedek Event. As further precaution, each Sabre-Team member is to memorize only one-third of this password. Once unlocked, Sabre-Team is to utilize device Pantabeta and 2800-J-Delta in conjunction to execute the next stage of Protocol 5-28-Sabrage.
Upon confirmation that tectonic events have ceased worldwide, the Pantabeta and 2800-J-Delta devices are to be disassembled and re-sealed inside Chamber Alpha. SCP-2800-J will sleep for an average of 7-10 years before another Melchizedek Event.
Protocol 5-28-Sabrage is currently the only attainable way to prevent a full Melchizedek Event. Any failure in the execution of this procedure is certain to cause an XK-Class "End of the World" scenario.
DESCRIPTION
ADDENDUM ONE
Recorded Melchizedek Event Log 1-23
Chamber Alpha Recorded Log
(Site Director Kind, Commander Miles, O5-5, O5-6, and O5-7 arrive at the towering steel door in front of Chamber Alpha. The dark room is lit up by several sets of red emergency lights.)
O5-7: Commander Miles, have your men outside. Nobody save us enters or leaves this room.
Commander Miles: (Saluting.) Yes, ma'am!
(Commander Miles leaves. O5-5 boots up the access computer.)
Director Kind: I never really thought I'd see the day…
O5-6: Spare us your personal comments, Director. They are irrelevant.
Director Kind: Yes sir. My apologies.
O5-5: We have prepared almost a decade for this day. There will be no distractions.
Director Kind: Understood, sir.
Access Computer: Authorized Access detected. Welcome Sabre-Shift Two.
O5-5: Activate 5-28-Sabrage access.
Access Computer: Card Read confirmed. Retinal Scan confirmed. Please enter verbal password codes 7, 6, 5.
O5-7: Tree-Ait-Foxtrot.
Access Computer: Code 7 Confirmed…
O5-6: Juliet-Whisky-Niner.
(O5-5 frowns and glances at him.)
Access Computer: Incorrect Match.
(Silence.)
O5-6: Juliet-Whisky-Niner?
O5-5: Hold on…
Access Computer: Incorrect Match.
(Silence.)
O5-7: Six?
O5-5: That is my set.
O5-6: Excuse me?
O5-5: My part of the passcode? Juliet-Whisky-Niner?
Access Computer: Code 5 Confirmed…
O5-5: See? That one was mine. What's your part?
O5-6: That was it. I memorized 'Juliet-Whisky-Niner'.
Access Computer: Incorrect password.
(Silence.)
O5-7: This is not the time for a joke-
O5-6: (Interrupting.) That is the code I received. That is what I memorized.
(Silence.)
O5-7: Six. Tell me you did not memorize the incorrect part of the password.
O5-6: That's the section I read and memorized and burned. 'Juliet-Whisky-Niner'.
Access Computer: Incorrect password
Director Kind: Um, do you want me to-
O5-7: (To Kind.) Be quiet.
(Director Kind reluctantly steps over to the computer, cancelling the password input.)
O5-5: We all received our parts of the code at the beginning of our shift.
O5-6: Yes, I received and memorized part of the code.
O5-7: You did? Because that door is not open!
O5-5: Okay, let us-
O5-6: (Interrupting.) I received and memorized a code-
O5-7: The wrong code!
O5-6: Are you accusing me!?
O5-5: Let's calm down! Let's calm down before we let our emotions get the better of us.
O5-7: Right… of course.
O5-5: We can figure this out.
O5-6: Right, yes.
O5-5: Six, you're absolutely sure the part of the code you received was identical to mine?
O5-6: Yes.
O5-5: You didn't memorize any other code?
O5-6: Yes.
O5-5: Yes you did? Or did-
O5-6: Only one I got! Only one! 'Juliet-Whisky-Fuckin-Niner'.
O5-7: Alright, calm down.
Director Kind: If you need help, I can call-
O5-6: Shut up!
O5-7: Quiet, Zulu!
O5-6: What kind of Overseer calls for help?
O5-7: What kind of Overseer can't memorize three digits!?
O5-6: So now you're insulting me?
O5-7: I'm not insulting you-
O5-6: Yes you are-
O5-7: I'm-
(O5-5 puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles loudly.)
O5-7: Ah!
O5-6: What!?
(Silence.)
O5-5: Let's see if we can reset the password.
O5-6: What do you mean? Like a facebook account?
O5-7: Excuse me?
O5-6: Right, you're a million years old, slipped my mind-
(The ground suddenly shakes as a 3.2 magnitude earthquake hits the region, then stops.)
(Silence.)
O5-5: Let's get on it, shall we?
O5-7: Yes.
(O5-5 goes to the computer.)
O5-5: Computer. Reset password.
Access Computer: Confirm Password Reset?
O5-5: Yes.
Access Computer: Warning. Unscheduled Password Reset outside of Shift Change. Unauthorized use of this feature may…
(O5-5 taps the enter key and space bar several times.)
Access Computer: …result in disciplinary action up to and including termination. Password reset can only be done once per shift, and cannot be done again until the end of the following shift. Current user bears all responsibility for violation of protocol during these events, including any property damage, personnel casualties, civilian casualties…
(Director Kind leans against the wall, drumming his fingers. O5-7 sighs.)
Access Computer: …subject casualties, and usage of Foundation resources in cleanup operations and escaped anomalous subjects. Do you agree to these terms?
O5-5: Yes.
Access Computer: Verbal agreement of all Sabre-Team members required.
O5-5: Yes!
O5-7: Yes.
O5-6: Yes.
Access Computer: Confirmed… Password Reset engaged…
(O5-5 sighs in relief.)
Access Computer: Please enter your current password to begin.
O5-5: (Groans.)
O5-6: Come on!
Director Kind: Are there any procedures for a situation like this?
O5-6: (Sighs.) No, Kind. Believe it or not, one of us fucking up is a little unprecedented.
(O5-7 crosses her arms.)
O5-7: Maybe for you.
O5-6: You're blaming me?
(O5-7 squints and shrugs.)
O5-6: I memorized exactly what Three handed to me right before he shot a memory bullet into-
Director Kind: That's a good idea!
(The Overseers look at him. Silence.)
Director Kind: We… call Three?
(Silence.)
Director Kind: See if he remembers anything?
O5-7: Excuse me, who is in charge here?
Director Kind: Um… you?… Ma'am.
O5-7: Yes. There is a reason we are in the position we're in. Because we're trusted to make the big decisions and make them right.
(O5-5 nods, looking to Director Kind, then back to her. He leans close to her ear.)
O5-5: (Whispering.) I think we should call Three.
(Her eyes drift to O5-6. He stands awkwardly, giving a slight nod. She sighs.)
O5-7: I suppose that's a vote.
(She takes out her Mobile Overseer Communications Device. Tapping on the screen.)
(Silence.)
O5-7: How do I connect to the network here?
O5-5: (Sighs.)
O5-6: Let me have a look.
O5-7: Just tell me how.
O5-6: We don't have time for this.
O5-7: Alright, fine. You're the genius here, after all.
(She smiles and gives an aggressive nod as she hands him her device.)
O5-6: (Gritting his teeth.) Thank you.
(O5-6 looks through her device, going to the 'networks' section of its settings.)
O5-6: Kind.
Director Kind: (Moving off the wall.) Yes, sir?
O5-6: Internet password?
O5-7: Don't you mix up this one, now.
(O5-6 glares at her.)
Director Kind: It's, um…
(O5-6 stares at him.)
Director Kind: (Sighs.) 'Sussus-amongus-hashtag-420'. Uppercase "S", all one word… it was the uh… the tech guy's idea.
(O5-6, puts the password in. O5-5 looks at Director Kind, slowly shaking his head.)
O5-7: 'Sussus Amongus'? What does that mean?
O5-5: I'm not having that conversation again. The space station incident was enough of a nightmare.
(O5-6 nods at him in agreement. He continues looking through the device for O5-3's contact.)
(Silence. Director Kind stands near with his hands in his pockets, bumping his back against the wall.)
Director Kind: So… guess you guys have a lot of contact-
O5-7: Director, under no circumstances attempt small talk with us again.
Director Kind: (Mouthing.) Okay then…
(O5-6 finds O5-3's contact on the device and calls him.)
O5-5: Put him on speaker.
O5-6: Like I need you to tell me that.
O5-5: I'm just contributing to our job.
O5-6: Yeah? Well I'm just-
(O5-3 answers the call.)
Phone (O5-3): "Does the Black Mo-"
O5-7: "Only at twilight."
Phone (O5-3): You're supposed to wait for-
O5-6: We don't have time, Three! It's us!
Phone (O5-3): Sabre?
O5-5: Yes, Three.
Phone (O5-3): You're supposed to be… have you opened Alpha?
(Silence.)
O5-7: We've run into a hurdle.
Phone (O5-3): A hurdle? I'm in a bunker right now! Half of Moscow just got pulverized-
O5-6: We don't need the details.
Phone (O5-3): Well what are you doing!?
O5-6: So, we mixed up-
O5-7: You mixed up.
O5-6: Fine, I did. Three, do you remember the part of the password you handed to me?
(Silence.)
Phone (O5-3): Is that a serious question?
(Silence.)
Phone (O5-3): I took a Class-C after my shift. You know that!
Phone (Faint Voice): Who's there?
Phone (O5-3): Sabre-Team.
Phone (Faint Voice): Why are they calling?
O5-7: Three, who's in there with you?
Phone (O5-3): Four, Eight, Ten, and Eleven. This was the closest shelter when the Melchizedek started.
(O5-5 groans. O5-7 wipes her face.)
Phone (O5-8): You got your password wrong?
O5-6: (Sighs.) Three handed me a paper, I memorized it and burned it. Same stupid thing we do every shift change! Looks like I got the wrong one, whoopsie-me! Can everyone shut up about it!?
Phone (O5-8): Six, you need to calm down. Your conduct is growing unprofessional-
O5-6: What I need is to get this goddamn door open!
O5-7: Six!
(Commander Miles opens the door to the room, peering inside.)
Commander Miles: What's happening in here?
Phone (O5-3): Who is that? Is that Daniel?
Commander Miles: Three?
O5-6: Okay! Everybody shut up!
(Silence.)
O5-6: Three, you have an emergency mnestic on you, right?
Phone (O5-3): Yes I do… wait, that's a violation of protocol-
Phone (O5-10): An 8.6 just hit the Mid-Atlantic! The east coast is on Tsunami watch!
O5-7: We need you to remember what happened, Three!
Phone (O5-4): We should call One.
O5-6: Do not call One!
Phone (O5-3): I'm taking the mnestic! But I want on record that I was opposed to this.
(Shuffling sounds over the phone as O5-3 retrieves his mnestic.)
Commander Miles: You can't just bust it open?
(Everyone in the room turns to look at him. Silence.)
O5-7: And how, precisely, do you expect to do that?
Commander Miles: (Shrugs.) I could make a hole in it and go from there.
Phone (O5-8): What is he talking about?
Commander Miles: Shouldn't be too hard to do.
(Commander Miles lifts up his assault rifle.)
O5-5: Wait, what?
Director Kind: Jesus!
O5-7: Miles! Stop!
(Commander Miles fires several rounds at the door. The three Overseers and Director Kind duck as the bullets bounce off the door and ricochet around the room.)
Phone (O5-4): Sabre! What's happening!
(The ricochets stop. One bullet hits Director Kind in the thigh, he stumbles to the ground.)
Director Kind: Fuck!
Phone (O5-4): I'm calling One.
O5-6: None of you call One!
(O5-7 gets up and paces towards Commander Miles.)
O5-7: All of you, be quiet! And don't move! Miles, give me that!
(She grabs the rifle from Commander Miles.)
O5-7: (Nodding to Director Kind.) Go get him a medkit.
Commander Miles: Yes- yes ma'am.
(Commander Miles leaves. Director Kind has taken off his jacket, and grunts as he wraps it around his injured leg.)
O5-7: Alright then. I suppose we put this to a vote. Do we call One and ask him for help?
COUNCIL VOTE SUMMARY:
Call O5-1 for Help
| YEA | NAY | ABSTAIN |
|---|---|---|
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 |
| STATUS |
|---|
| DENIED |
Phone (O5-4): This is absurd.
(A 5.2 magnitude earthquake strikes the location. The ground shakes violently as the sounds of stressed metal echo from below. The Overseers stay on the ground until the shaking stops.)
(Silence.)
O5-7: Well we have to do something!
Phone (O5-10): You think!? A twenty-meter wave just hit the coast of Portugal!
O5-5: Three, has your mnestic kicked in yet?
(Silence.)
Phone (O5-3): Yes… oh.
O5-7: Three?
(Silence.)
Phone (O5-3): I remember now.
O5-6: Remember what?
Phone (O5-3): The end of my shift. I erased the old code, generated the new one, and then…
O5-7: Three!
Phone (O5-3): The printer printed out most of the second code before it jammed.
O5-5: That must have been mine. I remember it was a little scuffed at the end.
Phone (O5-3): Yeah. It stopped when it was almost out then it said it was out of ink.
O5-6: That HP piece of shit! I hate that thing!
O5-7: Six!
Phone (O5-3): It was late and the others had left. I had to turn half the facility upside down to find a cyan cartridge-
O5-7: Why did you need cyan ink? It was only printing black.
Phone (O5-3): Because it wouldn't print without cyan! When I finally got it to start again it printed out another paper. I put the three papers with the codes into the envelopes and sent them to you.
O5-7: But then how did that mix us up?
Director Kind: (Propping himself up on the wall.) You don't get it?
O5-7: Pardon?
Director Kind: The printing process was interrupted, so when it was restarted it printed the second slip again. Three had two pages of the same code and didn't check it before sending them to you.
(Silence.)
Phone (O5-3): Yes… yes. That's the nail on the head.
(Multiple groans are heard in the room and over the phone.)
O5-6: Well then, Three. Seeing as you got us into this mess, how do you suppose we get out?
Phone (O5-3): Let me consult the others.
O5-6: By all fuckin' means!
(Sounds of muttering and chatting on the phone.)
Phone (O5-3): Call tech support.
(Silence.)
O5-6: What?
Phone (O5-8): There's no recovering the lost part of the password. You'll have to reset it through tech support.
O5-7: (Sighs.) All in favor?
COUNCIL VOTE SUMMARY:
Call Tech Support
| YEA | NAY | ABSTAIN |
|---|---|---|
| O5-3 | ||
| O5-4 | ||
| O5-5 | ||
| O5-6 | ||
| O5-7 | ||
| O5-8 | ||
| O5-10 | ||
| O5-11 |
| STATUS |
|---|
| APPROVED |
O5-6: I want to punch all of you. Bye.
Phone (O5-3): Wait. I want you to know, I apologize for my mistake, and I wish you the best of-
O5-6: Bye!
(O5-6 disconnects.)
O5-6: Kind, give me your phone.
(Director Kind is turning pale, slumping against the wall. Blood is leaking through the wrapping around his leg.)
Director Kind: What?
O5-6: Do you think we're going to use an Overseer Communications Device to call Tech Support?
O5-7: That's correct, too many security risks.
(Director Kind struggles to remove his phone from his pocket. He hands it to O5-6.)
Director Kind: Level Four Support is in the contacts.
(O5-6 finds the contact and calls it.)
Phone: Thank you for calling Foundation Level Four Tech Support. Your call is very important to us. Listen carefully as our menu options have changed…
O5-6: What? I need to talk to someone!
Director Kind: You have to let it loop through.
Phone: For issues with connectivity press ONE. To get information on your system press TWO…
O5-5: (Sighs.)
Phone: To resolve security problems press THREE. To hear these options again press-
(O5-6 repeatedly taps '3'.)
Phone: Please wait while we get you in touch with a Foundation Representative… You are number SIX in line…
O5-6: (Groans.)
Phone: (Plays hold music.)
Director Kind: You guys don't get priority access?
O5-6: No, Kind, normally our assistants are supposed to do the shit work. But we couldn't bring them here!
(He glares at O5-5.)
O5-5: I proposed that act for good reason! We can't just let them in on everything! These are jobs for only us!
O5-7: Gentlemen!
Phone: You are number FIVE in line…
(A 6.1 magnitude earthquake hits the location. O5-7 is knocked off her feet while O5-5 and O5-6 stumble and struggle to keep balance. The sound of groaning metal is louder. Hold music continues to play over the phone.)
O5-7: Ow! Sweet lord!
O5-6: How long is this going to take!?
(Director Kind is weakly attempting to wrap more of his clothing around his wounded leg.)
Director Kind: Can anyone, um… check on Commander Miles-
Phone: Thank you for waiting. Your call is very important to us. You are number THREE in line…
O5-6: (Groans.)
O5-5: How much longer do we have before the Beast wakes up?
O5-7: I'm not sure. We were supposed to be in that room ten minutes ago.
O5-6: Thank you. Very helpful.
O5-7: Yes, helpful! The opposite of what you are.
O5-6: Go to hell, Seven!
O5-7: The way this is going? I think we'll be there soon!
(O5-5 puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles again.)
O5-6: Damn it, Five! Stop that!
Phone: You are number TWO in line…
O5-5: Someone has to keep order here! Since it seems you two can't-
Phone: Connecting…
O5-6: Finally!
(A static shuffling sound is heard over the phone.)
Phone (Shakti): Hello, my name is Shakti from Foundation Tech Support, to whom am I speaking?
(The Overseers look up at each other and make several gestures at each other.)
O5-6: That's not important.
Phone (Shakti): Unfortunately, sir, we do require proof of employment and rank for security purposes. May I get your name please?
O5-6: Um… Site Director Zulu Kind is in the room with us.
Phone (Shakti): Can you put him on the phone please?
(O5-6 sighs and hands the phone to Director Kind, who is sitting against the wall. He grabs the phone with a trembling hand.)
Director Kind: Hel- hello?
Phone (Shakti): Yes, Site Director Kind, can you give me your Foundation ID number please?
Director Kind: Uh… yeah… hang- hang on.
(Director Kind grabs his Foundation badge and lifts it up with his shaking hand. He spends the next minute slowly reading out his ID number.)
Phone (Shakti): ID is verified, thank you sir.
Director Kind: I'll hand the uh… phone back to the- the others. They're um… trusted employees.
Phone (Shakti): Alright, sir. Have a good day.
(Director Kind lifts up the phone. O5-6 snatches it.)
Phone (Shakti): Now before we begin you must know this call may be recorded for training purposes.
(O5-6 looks to O5-7, she shakes her head.)
O5-6: Let's forgo that.
Phone (Shakti): Eh, I'm sorry sir, but it is Foundation policy that each call be recorded and cataloged-
O5-6: (Interrupting.) Well I'm telling you to make an exception-
O5-5: For god's sake! Yes! We're fine with it!
(O5-6 looks at him with disdain.)
Phone (Shakti): Eh, yes, okay. How may I help you then?
O5-6: We need to reset a password within Site-21.
Phone (Shakti): Site-21, yes… (Keyboard tapping.) Let's see… Which PC?
O5-6: Chamber Alpha Access Computer.
Phone (Shakti): Chamber Alpha… (Keyboard tapping.) That PC appears to be Level 5 security clearance, Overseer Access only.
(O5-6 rubs his face. O5-5 looks to O5-7.)
O5-5: (Whispering.) We have to tell him.
O5-7: (Whispering.) You tell him, then.
Phone (Shakti): Are you still there, sir?
(O5-5 sighs and grumbles something inaudible. He grabs the phone from O5-6.)
O5-5: This is O5-5, current Sabre-Team member. I am ordering you to reset this password.
Phone (Shakti): Oh, oh yes, um… (Keyboard tapping.) I believe I need to verify your ID as well.
O5-5: (Sighs.) Unfortunately, our ID's are not included in the system. Security thing, you know?
Phone (Shakti): Unfortunately, sir, it would be an unacceptable risk to the organization to allow you to-
(O5-6 snatches the phone from O5-5.)
O5-6: Listen to me! Those earthquakes and tsunamis happening all over the world? That's because of us! We can't stop it because we can't get into Chamber Alpha! We can't get into Chamber Alpha because we don't have the password! Now do your fucking job and help us reset it!
Phone (Shakti): Sir, I am going to have to ask you to please calm down! We have never had an Overseer call Foundation Support, so we do not currently have any procedures in place. I will have to transfer you to my supervisor.
O5-6: Wait-
Phone: (Hold music.)
O5-6: Damn it!
O5-5: So this is how the world ends?
O5-7: I am not going to die while waiting on tech support!
Director Kind: I would also… hate that… do any of you have an asprin?
O5-5: No. Where is Miles!?
Phone: Connecting…
O5-6: Which pajeet are we getting now?
O5-5: What the hell is wrong with you?
Phone (Supervisor): Pardon me?
O5-5: Hello?
Phone (Supervisor): What did you call me?
O5-6: Nothing.
Phone (Supervisor): Sir, I'll have you know my name is Amjad and the environment we cultivate is one of respect! I'll have to ask you to-
O5-6: I'll have you know I'm O5-fuckin'-Six and I don't-
O5-5: Shut up!
(O5-5 yanks the phone from O5-6's hand.)
O5-5: I'm sorry, Mr. Amjad, for my associate's unacceptable behavior. But we are in a rush, and would appreciate your assistance.
Phone (Amjad): Yes, I will be happy to provide. But first I demand an apology for your friend's insult!
(O5-5 and O5-7 look to O5-6.)
O5-6: What!? The fate of the world is at stake!
O5-5: Yes! So are you going to do it?
O5-7: (Sighs.) Just do it, Six.
(O5-6 balls his fists and grits his teeth.)
O5-6: I apologize, Amjad, for the earlier comment. It was wrong and uncalled for.
Phone (Amjad): Thank you.
O5-6: (Whispering.) Now I want the world to end…
O5-5: So! Back to business.
Phone (Amjad): Yes, yes. You called about resetting a password, correct?
O5-5: Chamber Alpha access, Site-21.
O5-7: And please hurry! It will be the end of the world if we can't get access.
Phone (Amjad): Of course, of course.
Phone (Amjad): (Muttering in Hindi.) You're only the fifth person to tell me that today…
Phone (Amjad): (Keyboard tapping.) Ah, here we go… do-do-do… Level 5 security clearance. Hm, that will make things difficult.
O5-5: Can you do it?
Phone (Amjad): Yes, I believe so. Though you must follow my instructions carefully. First, I will need an email address.
O5-5: Alright, but you'll need a pen for this, and listen very close. It's One-G-
Phone (Amjad): Hold on! Hold on, sir, I am still looking for a pen…
(Silence. O5-6 shakes his head.)
Phone (Amjad): Okay, ready. Go ahead, sir.
O5-5: (Sighs.) It's One-G-W-Q-V-Three-E-Q-P-X-Zero-you'll want to put a cross through the zero-D-V-Two-Y at scp-dot-net.
Phone (Amjad): Yes, okay. I have ten.pcs|y2vd0zpqe3vqwg1#ten.pcs|y2vd0zpqe3vqwg1.
O5-5: That's right, the numbers should add up to five.
Phone (Amjad): Okay… (Keyboard tapping.) I am sending an encoded password reset function to your email. You must open it on the computer that you wish to reset.
O5-6: We can't get into that goddam computer! That's why we're here!
Phone (Amjad): I believe there is a way, let's see… do-do-do… Ah, your system uses Windows 10, yes. You simply need to switch to administrator mode and make a new windows profile with your Microsoft account.
O5-7: I'll be doing that.
O5-6: Excuse me? Why!?
O5-7: Because Five won't get anywhere typing with a phone in one hand. And frankly I don't trust you to not make a mess.
O5-6: You are, by far, the worst person for-
(A 6.7 magnitude earthquake hits the location. Groaning metal is heard below.)
O5-5: Just get on it!
(O5-7 stumbles to the computer.)
O5-7: Computer. Activate… what was it?
O5-5: Administrator mode!
O5-7: Activate Administrator mode.
Access Computer: Director Identification Required. Submit Retinal Scan.
O5-7: Overseer override.
Access Computer: Unknown Command. Please consult your Level 3 handbook for a list of Command Phrases.
O5-7: Oh dear lord! Kind! Get up!
Director Kind: (Groaning.) Can't…
(O5-6 strides to Director Kind and grabs him by the chest. He lifts him up to the computer and pushes his head up to the scanner.)
Director Kind: Ah! Stop it!
Access Computer: Retinal Scan accepted. Welcome, Director Kind. Activating Administrator mode.
(O5-6 drops Director Kind against the wall. Further groans of pain are heard.)
Phone (Amjad): Sir? Is everything okay?
O5-5: Yes. We have it in Administrator Mode, what now?
Phone (Amjad): You must make a new windows profile with your Microsoft account.
O5-5: Do either of you have a Microsoft account?
(O5-6 and O5-7 exchange looks.)
O5-6: Overseers aren't supposed to use non-Foundation devices! You know as well as I do that none of us have touched a civilian operating system in years!
O5-5: Well someone has to…
(O5-5 looks down to Director Kind, slumping against the wall. O5-6 and O5-7 follow his gaze and come to the same conclusion.)
O5-6: Kind, you're Level 4 and under forty. What's your login?
Director Kind: (Weakly.) I… can't…
O5-7: Let me help you.
(O5-7 reaches into a small pack on her belt. She pulls out a syringe, and jabs it into Director Kind's chest. His eyes fly open as he goes into a coughing fit.)
O5-7: That better?
Director Kind: (Coughing.) What… the fuck!
O5-7: Get up. Now. Before the adrenaline wears off and Six has to drag you back up.
(Director Kind struggles to get up and limp to the computer. He begins making a new profile.)
O5-6: (Tapping his wrist.) Tik-tok, comon!
Director Kind: (Muttering.) Asshole.
O5-6: That's where I'm going to stick that needle if you don't hurry up!
(Director Kind finishes inputting the information. He clicks 'Create Profile' just before slumping back down to his knees and crawling to the wall.)
O5-7: (Stepping back to the keyboard.) Thank you, Kind.
Director Kind: (Groans.)
O5-6: What now?
O5-7: There's a bunch of dots moving in a circle. (She clicks the mouse.) I can't do anything.
O5-5: Don't do anything. Let it load a minute.
O5-7: Minutes are diamonds slipping through our fingers here!
O5-5: Just let it load a minute!
(The computer finishes setting up the profile. Another screen appears.)
O5-7: Here we are… (She leans in and squints.) "Do you want to upgrade to Windows 11 for free?"
O5-6: Tell it no.
O5-7: I don't see an option for no.
O5-6: What?
O5-7: There's only "Upgrade Now" or "Schedule Upgrade".
O5-6: We're not upgrading anything!
O5-7: How do I skip this!
O5-5: Look in the bottom corner!
O5-7: What do you… Oh. "Decline Upgrade" Yes.
O5-6: How were we supposed to notice that button? It basically blends into the-
O5-7: "You're missing out. Windows 11 is fast, free-"
O5-6: Oh my god.
O5-7: "No thanks. I'll stick with Windows 10." Yes.
O5-6: Stupid.
(O5-7 declines the upgrade a second time. The computer loads up a fresh desktop.)
O5-7: Okay, what do I do now?
O5-5: It's-
O5-7: Wait. Something's coming up…
O5-6: Seriously?
O5-7: "Activate Microsoft 365 Subscription-"
O5-6: Decline. Decline. Decline!
O5-7: Will you quit napping at me! How do I close this? It's the 'X' in the corner, right?
O5-5: Yes, that closes it.
O5-7: Got it. Now I can- No, some blue box just came up… "We've got an update for you. Restart now or click OK to wait for your scheduled update at-"
(O5-6 grabs the mouse and clicks 'OK'.)
O5-7: Hey! That looked important!
O5-6: 'Diamonds slipping through our fingers!'
O5-7: Fine. Now there's something else about an "HP warranty-"
O5-6: No! No! Keep clicking no! Whatever it is, whatever pops up! Click no!
O5-5: You need to get on the internet, Seven.
O5-7: Which one is the internet?
O5-5: Open internet explorer.
(Silence.)
O5-5: The globe with the yellow stripe.
O5-7: I don't see that on here.
Director Kind: (Groaning.) Edge… Microsoft Edge…
O5-7: Here it is.
O5-6: (To Five.) When was the last time you used an actual desktop?
O5-5: Not long ago… 1998 maybe?
O5-7: It's open. It's on something called 'msn.com'.
O5-5: Go in the search bar. The white box in the middle.
O5-7: Yeah I see it, it's- Something just covered it up. "What are you interested in? Pick 1 topic to advance."
O5-6: I'm interested in grabbing a sledgehammer.
O5-7: Kind! Tell me how to use this! This… Microsoft Edge.
Director Kind: I don't know-(coughs) I just use it to… download Chrome…
O5-7: Download chrome? The color?
O5-5: It's not a color and it's not relevant. What are you on?
O5-7: It's just showing me news stories about the earthquakes. And other things…
O5-6: Jesus Christ.
O5-7: "10 Movies from the 60s You Need to Watch Now!" Hmm…
O5-5: Seven!
O5-7: Just tell me what to do!
O5-5: Amjad? Are you still there?
Phone: (Muffled voices are heard speaking Hindi, followed by faint chuckles.)
O5-5: Amjad!
Phone (Amjad): (Bumps and shuffling.) Yes! Yes sir! I am here.
O5-5: How do we access the Foundation network?
Phone (Amjad): You do not know? (Muffled laugher in the background.)
O5-5: No, Overseers are given our own setups that are preprogrammed and connected to every- Is somebody there with you?
Phone (Amjad): No no. Only me. Now you must access a Foundation front website to enter the network.
O5-7: (Muttering.) First time in my fifty-two years on the council that I've felt like a dunce.
Phone (Amjad): Let me have a look… do-do-do… ah, look up 'Spare Capital Pennies News' and go on their website.
O5-7: Right, I'll use Google, I've heard of that.
(O5-7 clicks the top bar and types "Google".)
O5-5: You don't have to-
(Bing's search results come up. She clicks 'Google' and is taken to Google.)
O5-5: (Sighs.) Okay…
(O5-7 proceeds to type "Google search for 'Spare Capital Pennies News' website." into the search bar and clicks the 'search' button.)
O5-6: Even I know I'm watching a caveman-
(A 7.4 magnitude earthquake hits the region. The Three Overseers grab what they can in an effort to keep steady. Director Kind falls over on the floor, groaning in pain. Sounds of structural stress echo through the halls.)
O5-6: God dammit! We get it!
O5-5: This is taking too long, Seven!
O5-7: I'm working as quick as I can! I'm on another page now. There's a list of things, the first is 'Capital Pens', then 'NBC News and updates'.
O5-6: 'Sponsored Content'? Like, an advertisement?
O5-5: Click whichever one says 'Spare Capital Pennies News'.
O5-7: I found it. (She clicks the link.) I'm on the website now.
O5-5: We're on the website, Amjad.
O5-7: 'Accept Cookies'? How does a computer make me cookies?
Phone (Amjad): Okay, log into the website with your Foundation credentials. It will then redirect you into the Foundation network.
O5-7: Where's the- woah, woah, everything just got darker and it's not letting me click anything on the website. A white box just appeared.
O5-6: Is a Lazarus Procedure off the table yet?
O5-5: We're not resorting to 2000… yet.
O5-7: 'Enter your email to receive the latest updates-" I don't want to- how do I make this go away?
O5-5: There's an 'X' in the corner.
(O5-7 tries to click the 'X' button, though its small size makes it difficult. She finally closes it.)
O5-5: Now click the 'login' button at the top.
O5-7: I see it.
(O5-7 goes to click the login button, but instead clicks a banner advertisement just as it appears.)
O5-7: Woah! What happened? What's it doing now?
Computer: Congratulations! You are our 1,000,000th visitor! Click now to claim your cash prize!
O5-7: What is this? How do I go back!?
Phone: (More muffled laughter can be heard.)
O5-6: This is the internet!? How do people use this fucking thing every day-
(An 8.1 magnitude earthquake hits the region. Loud crashing noises are heard outside as the Overseers stumble about. A deep and booming voice can be heard chanting far below.)
Voice: (Speaking in a form of Proto-Daevite.) Cycle… [positive/yes]… again…
Computer: Time is running out! Enter your credit card number to redeem your cash prize!
O5-5: Go back!
O5-7: How!?
O5-5: Oh my god! Get out of the fucking way!
(O5-5 stumbles forward and pushes O5-7 away from the keyboard. He shoves his phone into O5-6's hand and grabs hold of the computer as the shaking slows and stope.)
O5-5: I don't want to hear another word out of either of you! Not you! Not you! Not…
(He looks down to Director Kind. Who is lying on the ground, unresponsive.)
O5-5: (Taking a deep breath.) Login. Open the email. And click the link. A simple three-step process. Watch and learn.
(O5-5 presses the 'back' button, taking him back to the news site. He attempts to click the login button but is stopped when the email signup box appears. He closes it, and goes to the login button again, on the way closing another side popup asking for donations. He moves the mouse over the login button. A banner advertisement for an AI Girlfriend appears. He waits through a five-second timer, then closes it, making sure to carefully hit the center of the 'X' button. Successfully clicking the login button, he is prompted to enter his credentials. He enters his Foundation credentials and presses the 'enter' key. After another minute of clicking images with motorcycles and solving small puzzles he is let into his Foundation email.)
O5-6: 'A simple three-step process.'
O5-5: (Sighs.) Cheers, internet, may I never have to use you again.
O5-7: Cheers to that.
(O5-5 opens his email page. He scrolls through several alarmed messages from other O5 members dated to the last half hour.)
O5-6: Where is it?
O5-7: It should be from tech support, right?
O5-5: Amjad?
(Sounds of muttering and shuffling are heard over the phone.)
Phone (Amjad): Yes sir, I am here.
O5-5: Now that you and your friends have had your laugh at us, do me the pleasure of taking us off speaker and tell me where my password reset email is.
Phone (Amjad): (Chuckling.) Have you checked your junk folder?
(O5-5 grabs the phone.)
O5-5: Quit fucking with me! You've had your fun, listening to us flop around like imbeciles while millions around the world pay with their lives! The funny time is over, and when we get this thing contained the first thing I'm going to do is send Alpha-1 to rip you from your little cubicles and force Class-C's down your throat until every second of today's events is thoroughly expunged from living memory! But that's only if you give me my email in the next sixty seconds! Otherwise you'll be looking at all that and an orange jumpsuit right before I feed you and your family to our eternal lizard as a treat! Where. Is. My. Email!?
Phone (Amjad): Can you check your junk folder please, sir?
(Silence.)
(O5-5 clicks on his email's junk folder. He scrolls over a long list of unopened Ethics Committee messages and reaches the end. The most recent message is from Tech Support.)
(Silence. O5-5 lets out a long sigh.)
Phone (Amjad): Have I answered your questions in a timely and satisfactory manner?
(O5-5 looks to O5-6, then to O5-7.)
O5-5: Yes, Amjad. You have.
Phone (Amjad): I am very glad to hear that. Thank you, O5-5, for calling Foundation Tech Support and if you are ever in need of assistance in preventing another apocalypse in the future please do not be afraid to call us again. Right everybody?
Phone: (Sounds of laughter and affirmation erupt from a multitude of different voices in the background.)
(O5-5 disconnects the call, tossing the phone over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath. The ground begins to shake again.)
O5-5: Drinks on me tonight.
O5-6: Stir some Class-A into mine.
(O5-5 opens the email, and clicks the download button. A window appears prompting him to run the password reset program. He enters his Overseer identification information and runs the program. The ground shakes more violently.)
O5-5: What should our new password be?
O5-7: A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I
O5-5: Sure, why not.
(O5-5 enters the new password into the box. Cracks appear in the ceiling as small pieces of concrete fall to the floor. The Site comes under immense structural stress. A SCP-2800-J hatching event is imminent.)
O5-7: Is everything ready?
O5-5: Yes. Let's reset this password and save the world.
(O5-5 moves his mouse over the 'Reset Password' button. The screen suddenly changes, casting a bright blue light into the crumbling room.)
O5-6: Oh fuck me.
(Recording ends as the facility's power system goes offline. Complete structural failure occurs minutes later.)
The following image was recovered by Project Lazarus personnel in the ruins of Site-21's data center while investigating the cause of the recent XK-Class Event. It is believed to be a routine screenshot of Chamber Alpha's Access Computer seconds before the awakening of SCP-2800-J and subsequent XK-Class End-of-the-World Scenario.
