Interview 2772-J-01
Honest Salesman: Dr. Gleason
Stingy Bastard: Agent Caesar Spago
Foreword: Agent Spago has just arrived at Site-56 after the conclusion of an unrelated interview.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Gleason: Hey, Caesar, you're back!
Agent Spago: Hi, Gary. It took me seven hours to walk all the way back here from Brighton High, all because Donahue didn't have the sense to pick me up afterwards.
Dr. Gleason: Man, it looks like you needed some reliable transportation! Wait till you see this!
Agent Spago: That's nice, but I just want a coffee and some vacation pay right n-
Dr. Gleason drags Agent Spago to the Site-56 parking lot without Agent Spago's consent, and stops in front of SCP-2772-J.
Dr. Gleason: Look at this bad boy! It's got air conditioning, and exclusive trim-
Agent Spago: Gary, I don't want to buy your SUV. I already have a car.
Dr. Gleason: But with this, you could've driven back instead of walking!
Agent Spago: <very very angry> Well, it's too late now!
Agent Spago starts to walk away.
Dr. Gleason: Caesar, wait! I still haven't told you about the seat warmers!
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Following Agent Spago's refusal to purchase SCP-2772-J, Dr. Gleason was recorded making a sales pitch to Researcher Murrieta, who also refused.
Interview 2772-J-02
Opportunity Provider: Dr. Gleason
Annoying Cheapskate: Dr. Victoria Vomac
Foreword: Dr. Vomac is currently in the market for a new vehicle.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Gleason: <meekly> Vicky, could I speak with you for a second?
Dr. Vomac: Yeah, sure, what do ya need?
Dr. Gleason: I heard you're looking for a car to buy, so I thought that-
Dr. Vomac: Oh 343, not this again.
Dr. Gleason: Yes, this again! My SUV is perfect for your family, and it holds more cargo than that minivan you're wanting to buy.
Dr. Vomac: Gleason, we've already been over this. I'm not buying your car.
Dr. Gleason: So what?! You're just gonna sink 30 grand in a mommy-mobile, when you can get my Eddie Bauer for a tenth of that?
Dr. Vomac: Get out of my office.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Dr. Vomac's refusal to get a great deal must be the result of some sort of infohazard. I will have to look into this. -Dr. Gleason
Interview 2772-J-03
Deal-Making Doctor: Dr. Gleason
Greedy Miser: Researcher Taylor Tassajara
Foreword: Researcher Tassajara is the only one at Site-56 that Dr. Gleason has not asked at this point.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Gleason: Excuse me? Are you Tassajara?
Researcher Tassajara: Oh, yes. You must be Gleason. Nice to meet you.
Dr. Gleason: Look, I… I have something I've never told anyone before.
Researcher Tassajara: Is this about the Ford you're trying to sell?
Dr. Gleason: No, it's- actually, yeah, it's about that. How did you know?
Researcher Tassajara: Everyone warned me about this. And just to get this out of the way, I'm not buying SCP-2772-J.
Dr. Gleason: Ah, you've seen my database entry. So will you buy it?
Researcher Tassajara: <in an annoyed tone> I just said no! Get away from me!!
Researcher Tassajara runs down the hall, away from Dr. Gleason.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Shoot. Looks like the infohazard spread to her, too. -Dr. Gleason