SCP-2772-J

SCP-2772-J on full display. You won't find a better deal anywhere else!

Item #: SCP-2772-J

Object Class: For Sale

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2772-J is currently in the possession of Dr. Gary Gleason, and is to be sold to a prospective buyer as soon as possible.

Description: SCP-2772-J is a lightly used 2006 Ford Expedition with an Eddie Bauer trim package. It has been owned and operated by Dr. Gleason for about 8 years. It is of immeasurable importance to sell SCP-2772-J to another person in a short amount of time. Notable details of SCP-2772-J include:

• 7 cushy seats
• A combined MPG rating of 17
• A great sound system
• Up-to-date registration and insurance
• Only 97,223 miles!!!

SCP-2772-J is available to purchase for $2500 $2000 $1900 US dollars. Call Dr. Gleason at (███)-867-5309 for more details.

Interviews: The following is an incomplete log of people who refused the chance to buy SCP-2772-J from Dr. Gleason at a reasonable price.

+ SCP-2772-J sales pitches

Interview 2772-J-01

Honest Salesman: Dr. Gleason

Stingy Bastard: Agent Caesar Spago

Foreword: Agent Spago has just arrived at Site-56 after the conclusion of an unrelated interview.

---

<Begin Log>

Dr. Gleason: Hey, Caesar, you're back!

Agent Spago: Hi, Gary. It took me seven hours to walk all the way back here from Brighton High, all because Donahue didn't have the sense to pick me up afterwards.

Dr. Gleason: Man, it looks like you needed some reliable transportation! Wait till you see this!

Agent Spago: That's nice, but I just want a coffee and some vacation pay right n-

Dr. Gleason drags Agent Spago to the Site-56 parking lot without Agent Spago's consent, and stops in front of SCP-2772-J.

Dr. Gleason: Look at this bad boy! It's got air conditioning, and exclusive trim-

Agent Spago: Gary, I don't want to buy your SUV. I already have a car.

Dr. Gleason: But with this, you could've driven back instead of walking!

Agent Spago: <very very angry> Well, it's too late now!

Agent Spago starts to walk away.

Dr. Gleason: Caesar, wait! I still haven't told you about the seat warmers!

<End Log>

---

Closing Statement: Following Agent Spago's refusal to purchase SCP-2772-J, Dr. Gleason was recorded making a sales pitch to Researcher Murrieta, who also refused.

Interview 2772-J-02

Opportunity Provider: Dr. Gleason

Annoying Cheapskate: Dr. Victoria Vomac

Foreword: Dr. Vomac is currently in the market for a new vehicle.

---

<Begin Log>

Dr. Gleason: <meekly> Vicky, could I speak with you for a second?

Dr. Vomac: Yeah, sure, what do ya need?

Dr. Gleason: I heard you're looking for a car to buy, so I thought that-

Dr. Vomac: Oh 343, not this again.

Dr. Gleason: Yes, this again! My SUV is perfect for your family, and it holds more cargo than that minivan you're wanting to buy.

Dr. Vomac: Gleason, we've already been over this. I'm not buying your car.

Dr. Gleason: So what?! You're just gonna sink 30 grand in a mommy-mobile, when you can get my Eddie Bauer for a tenth of that?

Dr. Vomac: Get out of my office.

<End Log>

---

Closing Statement: Dr. Vomac's refusal to get a great deal must be the result of some sort of infohazard. I will have to look into this. -Dr. Gleason

Interview 2772-J-03

Deal-Making Doctor: Dr. Gleason

Greedy Miser: Researcher Taylor Tassajara

Foreword: Researcher Tassajara is the only one at Site-56 that Dr. Gleason has not asked at this point.

---

<Begin Log>

Dr. Gleason: Excuse me? Are you Tassajara?

Researcher Tassajara: Oh, yes. You must be Gleason. Nice to meet you.

Dr. Gleason: Look, I… I have something I've never told anyone before.

Researcher Tassajara: Is this about the Ford you're trying to sell?

Dr. Gleason: No, it's- actually, yeah, it's about that. How did you know?

Researcher Tassajara: Everyone warned me about this. And just to get this out of the way, I'm not buying SCP-2772-J.

Dr. Gleason: Ah, you've seen my database entry. So will you buy it?

Researcher Tassajara: <in an annoyed tone> I just said no! Get away from me!!

Researcher Tassajara runs down the hall, away from Dr. Gleason.

<End Log>

---

Closing Statement: Shoot. Looks like the infohazard spread to her, too. -Dr. Gleason

Director's Note: Dr. Gleason, the creation of an SCP entry just to sell your SUV is unacceptable. See me in my office.

+ Director's Meeting Transcript Regarding SCP-2772-J

Interview 2772-J-04

Innocent Entrepreneur: Dr. Gleason

Pretentious Penny-Pincher: Director Peter Palermo

Foreword: This is a scheduled meeting regarding SCP-2772-J.

---

<Begin Log>

Director Palermo: Gary Gleason, sit down.

Dr. Gleason: Hello, Mr. Palermo. I'll take cash or credit for my SUV. I have the papers ready.

Director Palermo: <confused> Wha… what? No, we need to talk about "2772-J". And it's Director Palermo to you.

Dr. Gleason: Oh yes, my SUV. If you want, I'm willing to cut a hundred dollars off the price.

Director Palermo: This is ridiculous! You cannot write an SCP entry just to advertise your damn car! You need to delete it, or I'm gonna get you terminated.

Dr. Gleason: Oh, I see. You're affected by the infohazard, too.

Director Palermo: <confused out of his mind> Wha… what??

Dr. Gleason: There's a infohazard going around causing people to react with hostility towards SCP-2772-J. Don't worry, I'm trying to find a cure.

Director Palermo: No, no! This isn't a infohazard, it's just that no one wants your car!!

Dr. Gleason: It's okay, Director Palermo. Your viewpoint isn't natural, you're just a victim of a infoha-

Director Palermo: <really upset> GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!!

<End Log>

---

Closing Statement: The Director does not seem to be immune to the infohazard. I should investigate whether it affects civilians. -Dr. Gleason

Director's Note: It seems that the only way to get rid of Dr. Gleason's pleas is to just buy "SCP-2772-J" from him. So, who's gonna take one for the team? It's only 1900 bucks now.