rating: +92+x

Item #: SCP-164-J

Spell Class: Arcane/Rite

Associated Schools: Domination, Transfiguration, Swagger-casting (summoning subtype), Dark Physiognomy (presumed)    

Special Containment Procedures: All tomes, grimoires, scrolls and magiblogs containing information related to SCP-164-J are to be obfuscated via Expungomancy until deletion or destruction are possible. Practitioners caught using or studying SCP-164-J are to be sent to the Site-665 (The Unholy Pits of Shadowpain) for disciplinary action. Since as of this moment no universally effective containment measures for in-progress SCP-164-J rites exist, each case must be individually treated at the discretion of the supervising Mobile Thaumaturgy Force commander.      

Description: SCP-164-J, colloquially known as "Aurismancy", is a third-hierarchy sub-school of the Physiognomical Art. SCP-164-J has been deemed anomalous by the Society of Casters and Practitioners due to its apparent lack of reliance on any sort of magical circle, vellum dance, blood sacrifice or troll poking. This, due to its position in the third hierarchy, means SCP-164-J disregards the Fourth, Twelfth, and One Hundred and Twenty-fourth Rules of High Magicks, as well as Lemook's Third Principle of Wizodynamics.

Use of SCP-164-J allows a practitioner unrestricted physical and mental access to any individual's ear canal. Used primarily for espionage and data-mining purposes, SCP-164-J rites usually involve the invading practitioner taking temporary residence in the victim's ear and using familiars (typically wax elementals or drumbats) to ransack the victim's inner-ear library. Due to the ineffectiveness of mundane wards in repelling SCP-164-J rites, as well as the sensitive information which is often contained in inner-ear libraries, use of SCP-164-J has become increasingly popular among various underworld denizens, most notably warlocks, ur-summoners and teasipper demons.              

Addendum 164-A: Notable incidents of SCP-164-J use:

Practitioner Victim Effect Current Status Notes
Zeodor the Foul ███ the ██████    Sensitive information stolen, deleted from library. Lasting memory damage as result of spellbattle between invading practitioner and MTF personnel, in addition to damage resulting from riots.   Contained Practitioner was using propaganda to incite a tribal war among indigenous tympanic membrane imps. Healers judge damage to equilibrium permanent.
Samesh the Zoologger Danerius the Magnificent (notable M-blogger and Cawcker) Unknown (presumed pornographic in nature)   Contained When detained by MTF personnel practitioner claimed to be searching for "the elusive emperor canal lion". Practitioner was reminded by MTF personnel that no such creature existed and was taken into custody.
Unknown (possibly related to Are We Chronomages Yet?) Timekeeper Aurulis General disarray in victim's ear canal. Loss of 1,356 days due to botched chronojump on the practitioner's side. Temporary hearing impediment resulting from practitioner's exploding inside the victim's ear.    Contained Splatter found by MTF personnel spelled "Rock 'n' roll and pseudo-temporal timeshifts will never die!"
Steve Unknown   Practitioner summoned a Gladius-Class attack submarine inside unknown victim's ear. Uncontained MTF personnel failed to detain Steve due to his sneakiness. This is quickly becoming a problem.

Addendum 164-B: The following is the protocol of the Overlord Council meeting concerning SCP-164-J:

Subject: Recent increase in cases of ear invasion.

Attending: Grand Magus Megalocnus; Zynnestra, Sorceress of High Marp; Scae'nTeron of the Elves; Inquisitor Lamentable Zeal

<Begin Log>  

Megalocnus: Gentlemen, lady, we are here to discuss the dangerous forbidden art of Aurismancy. What say you?

Scae'nTeron: Can we hurry this shit up? I got stuff to do.

Megalocnus: And what…"stuff" is more important than an official Council meeting?

Scae'nTeron: Man, it's elf shit, you wouldn't understand. You're too mainstream.

Megalocnus: Scae'nTeron, I have been informed that your mother is in fact the one who is too mainstream.

Lamentable Zeal: Er, burn?

Megalocnus: Burn indeed. Now, what are we going to do about this mess? We have aurisomancers running around everyone's ears, sniffing in our libraries, mucking about. This cannot be allowed to continue.

Zynnestra: How about a scrying network? We can set it up to monito-

Megalocnus: There will be no scrying! Some of these libraries contain… sensitive information. Information some might not want others to become privy to.

Scae'nTeron: He's talking about his centaur porn.

Megalocnus: They are beautiful creatures, dammit! Those bushy tails, that flowing mane, those… luxurious thighs… ahm. So yes, none of that.

Lamentable Zeal: A Holy Writ, maybe?

Scae'nTeron: No, it wouldn't well interact with the ear-space continuum flow. Cause clogging, wormholes, all sorts of nastiness. Besides, Holy Writs give me the heaves.

Zynnestra: How about Marp?

Megalocnus: Why does it always got to be Marp with you?

Zynnestra: Name one time Marp didn't work.

Lamentable Zeal: Well, there was the Great Marp Collapse of 84, the Marpian Unification Wars, The Marpquake, World War Marp, World War Marp II-

Zynnestra: Okay, so maybe there were a few times-

Lamentable Zeal: -The Marp League fiasco, The Marp Peace Resolution, Marp: the Musical, Marp on Ic-

Zynnestra: Fine, we get it! How about sentry gnolls?

Megalocnus: Hmm. Yes, that might work.

Scae'nTeron: Sounds good to me. Everyone knows gnolls are reliable.

Lamentable Zeal: Indeed. Problem solved then. So, lunch?

Zynnestra: Lunch.

Scae'nTeron: Lunch.

Megalocnus: Lunch. I know this great Thai place.

<End Log>

Closing statement: Contrary to the Council's beliefs, it turned out gnolls were not, in fact, reliable. Current death toll estimate is in the thousands.

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