WARNING: Reading this article is kinda gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
SCP-024-J
Item #: SCP-024-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-024-J is currently uncontained (see below).
Description: SCP-024-J is an 40cm x 40cm x 40cm cubic sculpture set on top of a 1.3m long pedestal. Observers will experience intense discomfort in its presence and be disinclined to approach it.
Addendum: Expedition Log 024-J-2
Following SCP-024's discovery, a detachment from MTF Chi-27 "Push The Cube Into My Chest"1 consisting of Chi-27-Alpha, Beta, and Gamma was deployed to its location. The operation was ultimately unsuccessful.
<Begin Log>
Beta: Alright team, let's roll out.
MTF Chi-27 approaches SCP-024-J, guns at the ready. At a distance of twelve meters, Chi-27-Beta signals for the team to stop. They do so.
Command: Chi-27-Beta, what's your reason for pausing?
Beta: I'm not gay.
Command: What?
Gamma: From where I'm standing, command, approaching that cube would be kind of gay.
Alpha: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Gamma: Right, yeah. But we're not gay, so.
Command: So what?
Beta: I just wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.
Command: What the fuck are any of you talking about?
Gamma: Like, going up to that cube, guns drawn and ready to shoot… that's kinda sus, right?
Beta: Yeah, absolutely. The gun might as well be a dick.
Alpha: That's pretty gay.
Command: I'll admit, that's — wait, no. Just secure the cube and get out.
Gamma: Three dudes working together to get a cube…
Alpha: Look, I'm not homophobic, okay?
Command: No-one said you were, Alpha.
Alpha: But I'm still not gonna do gay stuff.
Beta: Imagine being the cube. That'd be the gayest thing ever.
Command: [sighs] Will you at least get a material sample?
Gamma: Absolutely not. That's beyond gay.
Alpha: It's probably made of cum.
Beta: I'm straight, okay? I'm not gonna touch the cube.
Command: It is not gay to touch a cube.
Beta: It's pretty sus.
Command: At a bare minimum, you need to inspect it. It's your goddamn job.
Alpha: I dunno, dude.
Gamma: Now that I think about it, containing stuff is pretty gay.
Alpha: Yeah, even being this close to it is kind of gay if you ask me.
Beta: Which is fine, but like…
Command: We get it, you're straight.
Alpha: Look, dude, if you're so hellbent on bringing this cube in, come get it yourself.
Command: Hell no, that would be fucking gay.
Brief silence.
Command: Okay, okay, abort the mission and regroup at the base. We'll think of something else.
Gamma: Thank God.
MTF Chi-27 retreats.
<End log>
