| Site-333 — Interdepartmental Communications Log: 21/12/2023 — 12:20 |
|---|
|
|
Larry Cumbleton: Hey guys, the holidays are coming. Vincent Bohart: Uh huh. Leonora Morales: Uh huh. Tony Catalano: Uh huh. Larry Cumbleton: What kind of attitude is this, where are y’all’s holiday spirits? Or don’t you guys throw parties at this Site? Vincent Bohart: We do. Leonora Morales: We do. Tony Catalano: We do. Larry Cumbleton: Hey, stop repeating yourselves like bots. What’s happening? Director? Vincent Bohart: The Foundation gave us homework this year. Larry Cumbleton: And I thought you guys should be happy about this? Like, if things were going as usual, we would be completely abandoned, right? Tony Catalano: If we put it that way, then why would the Foundation give us an urgent mission this year, you dickhead? We’re probably fucking doomed. Leonora Morales: Oh come on Tony, he’s new, don’t be so heavy on him. But yeah, what’s up with you, really? Larry Cumbleton: As far as I remember, all the people at my internship said that holiday missions are a piece of cake, like secret gift exchange or Site-wide decorating for fun and stuff. Vincent Bohart: Cheese in the trap. Leonora Morales: Cheese in the trap. Tony Catalano: Cheese in the trap. Larry Cumbleton: Just out with it, then? Vincent Bohart: This year, we’re honored to try catching up with an anomaly. Larry Cumbleton: And that anomaly is? Vincent Bohart: Santa fucking Claus. |
Special Containment Procedures: At present, there are no effective “hard” containment measures that can be applied to SCP-005-VN. “Soft” containment measures include reporting the appearance of SCP-005-VN and distributing false information of aircraft testing near the reported area.
A snapshot of SCP-005-VN "zooming".
Description: SCP-005-VN designates an entity appearing annually on December 25th under the names “Santa Claus”, “Père Noël”, “Father Christmas”, and others, as the symbol and personification of Christmas. SCP-005-VN has the appearance of an overweight white male, wearing a red suit with white fur trim. SCP-005-VN often rides SCP-005-VN-1, a sleigh pulled by 9 instances of Rangifer tarandus (Reindeers), which are hypothesized to be the source for the entity’s anomalous capability to travel in the air.
Addendum 005-VN.01: History
SCP-005-VN was observed multiple times and recognized as a cultural element by the public throughout history. About ten years ago, SCP-005-VN’s appearance changed to its current form; however, most of its anomalous properties remained the same. The Foundation has officially begun to contain this anomaly after these changes, with almost every attempt ending in vain. An overview of all interactions are summarized below:
| Year | Notable Events | Reactive Measures |
|---|---|---|
| 1500 | Initial discovery. | The anomaly was designated Person of Interest Level Alpha |
| 1621 | Signs of SCP-005-VN’s anomalous properties were confirmed during its flight. | Documentations of SCP-005-VN were issued and added to the Foundation’s database. |
| 1770 | SCP-005-VN was discovered by multiple civilians on Norwegian skies at 00:05, 24/12/1770, during a celebration. | The Foundation has issued a cover story of a comet flying by. |
| 1773-1990 | The Foundation has carried out multiple projects to contain SCP-005-VN. However, all attempts failed due to technical difficulties, lack of equipment or lack of resources. | Notes: We couldn’t catch an old man due to not having enough money. Really? ~Dr. ███ |
| 1991 | Due to various difficulties in containment, the O5 Council has decided that each year, one Site will be assigned this containment mission at SCP-005-VN’s time of appearance. | N/A |
| Site-333 — Interdepartmental Communications Log: 23/12/2023 — 11:03 |
|---|
|
|
Larry Cumbleton: Erm, okay, but why do the O5s assign this for individual Sites? We can try using all our forces to finish it all at once, right? Vincent Bohart: It’s the holidays, dude, everyone has their share. Leonora Morales: Not me, goddamn it, I don’t like working overtime on holidays at all. And without pay too, that’s the cherry on top. |
Addendum 005-VN.02:
Further Research on SCP-005-VN
Amusement park, Atlantic City.
——
Three personnel of Site-333, including Tony Catalano, Leonora Morales and Noah Patel were standing outside of the park entrance. Two other personnel, Vincent Bohart and Larry Cumbleton, were inside, sitting on a long bench, eating cotton candy and chatting to each other. Larry Cumbleton saw the people outside and stood up, waving his hands.
Larry Cumbleton: Here we are, fellas.
The triplets recognized Larry Cumbleton and walked towards him.
Tony Catalano: Mornin’, but why are we stomping outside like this?
Vincent Bohart: Rookie’s idea, doing something different instead of just sticking our butts in office chairs.
Larry gave each person a cotton candy. The party sat down to discuss its mission.
Vincent Bohart: Can we begin now? It’s showtime for Site-333, so today I want everyone to meet up to talk about SCP-005-VN first. You all know what this entity is, right?
Larry Cumbleton: Well, I thought the Foundation left that gramp outside just for fun.
Tony Catalano: Yeah, it was pretty fun before, free gifts for the kids. But isn’t it the time for him to stop now?
Vincent Bohart: Yeah, considering all the recent controversial licensing stuff, too.
Larry Cumbleton: Damn it.
Vincent Bohart: Ahem, enough. What do we know about Santa Claus for now? Mr. Stark, you first.
Tony Catalano: Big guy, wearing red, sneaking into people's houses at midnight to bring their kids gifts? Is this guy a commie or what? A bit creepy in my opinion, though.
Larry Cumbleton: Leonora, how about you?
Leonora Morales: No comments, all I know is just as much as you do. Except the thing that his reindeer gang looks fucking cool. If we could catch just one of them, it’s still enough for that place to become a tourist attraction. But, oh poor poor Rudolph.
Vincent Bohart: What’s wrong with him?
Leonora Morales: I swear in the name of myself and the job I’m working on that this poor animal is suffering from a rare disease of the reindeer species. But that codger still forces it to take the head of the line? And you guys enjoy seeing its big, red, rounded nose swells like an apple? Goddamn, are there any reindeers out there that look like him?
Vincent Bohart: Alright. Noah, how about you? Why were you so silent?
Noah Patel: What can I say now? He isn’t even in my field.
Larry Cumbleton: Oh really now?
Noah Patel: I. STUDY. CRYPTIDS. But Santa is just some dude, right? How are those related?
Leonora Morales: I thought you were researching Krampus? Why did you overlook its sworn enemy?
Noah Patel: I don’t have as much free time as you all thought. Been busy as a bee on The Jersey Devil but still haven’t finished it, how do you expect me to work on other projects?
Tony Catalano: Just tell us what you know.
Noah Patel: Alright alright. First, Santa Claus hasn’t been specified as a cryptid despite these centuries-old legends. If I could, I would classify him in the same category as witches and some Turkish dudes selling ice cream.
Leonora Morales: For real?
Noah Patel: Here you go. My pal got a chance to interview Krampus when he had to appear in court in 2006 in Italy on charges of violence against minors. Image here.
Vincent Bohart: Damn. Jersey has seen this and judged.
Noah Patel: Second thing, this man’s driving skill is fucking incredible. If it is true to the lore, he’d done his global-wide deliveries across the freezing night with just pyjamas, and no more protective stuff?
Larry Cumbleton: Sometimes he even brought some elves to suffer the night with him. Oh man.
Noah Patel: Let me ask you this, why were you so dedicated to this mission? So far, all they did was look down on us.
Vincent Bohart: I made a bet with some guys from the other Sites that we could definitely win this last weekend. So…
The other personnel all stood up from the bench and walked away, leaving Vincent sitting behind.
Below are a few Foundation attempts to contain the entity:
- Attempt 1 - Christmas 2003
On the night of 24/12/2003, the Foundation set up inside a civilian’s home as an attempt to contain the anomaly. The setup includes: A net made from reinforced metal alloy at the bottom of the chimney, as well as another similar net that would automatically be placed on top of the chimney when the anomaly was inside; a number of armed agents and a civilian female child as the bait. Below is the transcript of the event, which was recorded in the living room of the house:
«BEGIN TRANSCRIPT»
SCP-005-VN and a Formula 1 vehicle were moving out of the chimney by transforming themselves into a liquid-like state in the same manner of a cartoon character moving out of small spaces.
SCP-005-VN: [loud voice, not in a screaming way] HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!
Bait: Santa, is that you?
SCP-005-VN: Ho ho? My my, what do we have here? Have you been a good girl the whole year?
Bait: Ah, it is Santa Claus! I have been so good for the whole year!
SCP-005-VN: [took a candy cane out of the pocket] And the good ones shall be rewarded.
Bait: Ah, [used both hands to grab the candy and ate it] Thank you, mister.
SCP-005-VN: Now then [turned to the hallway leading to the bedrooms], do the others want my present also?
The group of agents moved out of the hallway one by one, carefully making a formation surrounding SCP-005-VN and covering the bait.
SCP-005-VN: Ho? What is this? I like the enthusiasm, but shouldn’t you be lining up? I have a present for all of you, you know.
Alpha: Guys.
The squad took out their electric-infused baton from their pocket, and changed into a defensive stance.
SCP-005-VN: Ho ho. At Christmas, the nice ones shall be rewarded. [took a candy cane from its pocket] And the naughty ones [gripped its hand tight, then proceeded to use the other hand and swiped from the hand holding the candy cane out, transforming it into a crowbar resembling a candy cane] will be punished.
Alpha: Charge!
The whole team marched forward, with the intention of hitting on unguarded positions on SCP-005-VN’s body, locking and paralyzing the anomaly. Instantly, SCP-005-VN used the crowbar and hit three out of four members on the head, with the remaining agent able to tase it on its thigh. SCP-005-VN seemed to be immune to this attack and began to turn its upper body around. The entity hit the crowbar on the last agent, but it was blocked by one of the team members.
SCP-005-VN: Ho ho, very unanimous, I would say. Such virtues that are commendable for those were deemed naughty.
An agent standing behind SCP-005-VN intended to jump and made a headlock move. SCP-005-VN spinned and use the curved side of the crowbar to grab them on the neck, using it as a human whip and hit those nearby before throwing it into another agent, making them both unable to fight.
Alpha: Spread out. Move back to formation, then we will get him.
SCP-005-VN: [looked at the clock] Maybe there is not that much time left for me.
When the team tried to launch themselves to SCP-005-VN again, the entity used an abnormal speed to grab and throw each member away using its crowbar, knocking them out for the next 30 seconds.
SCP-005-VN: Nightie night naughties. Better luck next year. [turns to the bait and takes out a present] And this is yours. Be a good girl next year, would ya?
«END TRANSCRIPT»
Image of a turret scouting for SCP-005-VN in one of the missions.
Note: The bait’s memory was erased and she was brought back to her family. Her gift was taken by the Foundation for research and was contained in a locker, although the present was deemed non-anomalous. The item inside the gift was a handmade stuffed reindeer.
- Attempt 2 - Christmas 2009
On 24/12/2009, the Foundation was able to track the movement of SCP-005-VN through an intel from Iqaluit, Nunavut, Canada that an unknown jet was flying above the city at approximately 10 PM. The Foundation has sent a Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor fighter jet to this area to try to keep the anomaly under surveillance. Below is the transcript of the conversation between the pilot and the command center:
«BEGIN TRANSCRIPT»
<10:55 (GMT-5)>
Ironbird: Ironbird to Command. I have arrived at the designated point. Over.
Command: Copy that. Try to scout the area, if you are lucky, he might still be there. Over.
Ironbird: Roger that. Over.
<11:05 (GMT-5)>
Ironbird: Ironbird to Command. You sure this guy is still around here? Over.
Command: Command here. Keep scouting for the next ten minutes, then fall back. Over.
Ironbird: Roger that. Over.
<11:08 (GMT-5)>
Ironbird: Ironbird to Command. Found the guy. So what do we do now? Over.
Command: Can you state the current situation? Over.
Ironbird: Roger. He’s flying kinda low, about 5-10 meters above the ground and between houses. He’s moving quite fast, at a rate of a F1 car, but slow enough to move straight into the chimneys. I will lower my altitude. Over.
Commandr: Alright, we will need you to-
Ironbird: Shit. He spotted me. I repeat. The target has spotted me. I will begin chasing him. Over.
Command: Copy. Try to remain in contact. Over.
<11:15 (GMT-5)>
Ironbird: Ironbird to Command. I have chased him for several hundred meters now. The target is capable of maintaining distance at max speed for an adequate amount of time. Requesting counter maneuvers. Over.
Command: Copy that. We have requested backup, SCP-005-VN might win on speed, but his maximum traveling distance can be lower than us. Keep following him to test this theory. Over.
Ironbird: Roger that. Over.
<11:20 (GMT-5)>
Command: Command to Ironbird. What’s the situation? Over.
Ironbird: Flying toward a windy area, I think I’m somewhere near Northeast of Russia? No sign of the anomal- oh hang on. The target is speeding up and turning. I repeat, the target is speeding up and turning. He’s heading to a windless area. I don’t think I could follow up with that. Over.
Command: Affirmative. [long sigh] You can retreat now. You have done your best. Over.
«END TRANSCRIPT»
Note: The hypothetical speed when SCP-005-VN was speeding up to get rid of Ironbird was believed to have reached Mach 2.5. This helped SCP-005-VN to be able to move out of the Foundation’s reach. Counter measures were being researched, while better types of fighter jets were on their way to being developed.
- Attempt 3 - Christmas 2010
On 24/12/2010, the Foundation has deployed over 1000 helicopters worldwide to survey and follow SCP-005-VN after the entity begun to distribute gifts. At about 00:30 on 25/12/2010, SCP-005-VN was sighted at a rural area of northern Finland. Based on previous experiences, Foundation forces only followed the entity from a distance, as well as using a shooting device to attach a tracking signal on the entity’s vehicle instead of actively chasing it.
About two hours after the tracking device was set up, the anomaly flew to the north of Europe and lost connection for thirty minutes before circled back into the city of Yakutsk, Sakha, Russia, and spent the next two hours traveling around all over Asia before heading back to the North Pole and disappearing for a moment. During Christmas night, SCP-005-VN traveled through each continent for two hours, then returned to the North Pole and vanished for half an hour before returning and repeating the whole process.
The Foundation finally lost sight of SCP-005-VN at a location between Norway and Greenland at around 6:00 (GMT 0). However, when closely examining the location where SCP-005-VN was last observed, the Foundation was unable to identify any notable features. Theoretically, SCP-005-VN has either teleported to another dimension or has simply destroyed the tracking device during the flight. Nevertheless, no proof has been found to back up a specific side of the above argument.
Addendum 005-VN.03:
SCP-005-VN Containment Strategy Overview
The meeting room of Site-333. (picture shown for illustration purpose only)
Vincent Bohart: So, this is why today, on the 22nd, we need to have a discussion on how to catch SCP-005-VN.
Noah Patel: Goddammit. Why can’t we just take a day of, you know, fuck it and move on with our lives like normal people?
Tony Catalano: Of course I want to do that. But the higher ups have sent us the budget for this. Too late to say no now.
Leonora Morales: With the extra addition that our lovely boss decided to put the whole site budget to a bet.
Vincent Bohart: The ratio is 1:100. If we win, we win big.
Leonora Morales: Or we’ll be living next to a dumpster fire.
Vincent Bohart: Can you just stop making fun of me and think of something better?
Tony Catalano: Just look at all the efforts to contain this thing that got written down into those documents. The others have done it at least ten times more professionally than us. You think this damn place is able to do that also? Bullshit.
Noah Patel: Such a smooth brain you have, Vincent. Some have like several hundreds of people, and they are still unable to make a dent. Just compare that to us, even if we count the greenie beanie Larry here, it’s just five people.
Leonora Morales: Whatever, let's stop the trash talking part for a second here. We do need a plan. So Vincent, how do you want to make it work?
Tony Catalano: Clearly we don’t have enough money to go to the Arctic, so I suggest we better catch him somewhere near us. A hundred percent he will have to move through here, just need a perfect timing, that’s all.
Noah Patel: But where can we find more people? There is not that much time left, you know.
Vincent Bohart: If we compare ourselves to them, ain’t other sites just have too many people so they all got noticed right away, right? Maybe the smaller the better in this case.
Noah Patel: That doesn’t help much at all. You want the five of us chasing ducks or something? Even the fastest fighter jet can’t catch up with the guy. Do you need me to borrow the sled from the nearby warehouse store to fasten the process of losing?
Vincent Bohart: Noah, you fucking genius. If we can’t chase him, then make something to chase him better. Reindeer, sled, extra glue and magic. How hard could that be?
Noah Patel: Bro are you fucking serious right now?
Vincent Bohart: Never better, Tony. Better check the budget to see how much they had sent us.
Tony Catalano: Fucking hell.
Noah Patel: What?
Tony Catalano: 1000 bucks.
Vincent Bohart: Fucking hell.
PROJECT EARLY UNBOXING
The beachfront store where the shopping for Site-333 was carried out – Atlantic City.
The project was launched on 23/12/2023 as a countermeasure against SCP-005-VN, which, according to some Site-333 staff members, was a “half-assed, total rush” attempt. In contrast, Dir. Bohart still continued to state with confidence that the method, “although being simple, will exceed all expectations”. Supported gadgets for the project are listed below:
| OVERVIEW OF FINANCIAL PLAN ON 23/12/2023: |
|---|
| Purchased Items | Price |
|---|---|
| Insulated clothes, designed with the color blue, made to order from a store near the Site. | 450$. |
| An anti-impact helmet to be used during the anomaly’s capture. | 150$. |
| A sleigh with enough space for an adult. | 20$, purchased at a civilian's garage sale in the city. |
| Goggles to keep eyesight clear during the chase. | Free infrared goggles taken from the Site’s equipment. |
| Four compressed nitrogen cylinders for racing car. | Purchased from a “trustworthy” source for 175$ each cylinder. |
| The magazine SUPER RACER: WINTER SWIMSUIT LIMITED EDITION. | Free. Taken from Temporary Junior Researcher Larry Cumbleton’s house. |
| Cookie, milk and some other foodstuff served for the mission. | 300$, delivery charge not inclusive. |
| TOTAL COST: 1620$ | RESULT: BUDGET EXCEEDED. EXCESS COSTS ARE OFFSET THROUGH DIRECTOR BOHART’S SALARY |
|---|
| Site-333 — Interdepartmental Communications Log: 23/12/2023 – 15:16 |
|---|
|
|
Vincent Bohart: We’ve exceeded our budget, and we haven’t even prepared any “equipment” to race against him. What do we do now? Leonora Morales: I have an idea. Vincent Bohart: Please. Leonora Morales: If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. Vincent Bohart: Where does that quote come from? Leonora Morales: Sun Tzu, an exceptional Ancient Chinese general of the VI-V centuries BC. Leonora Morales: If that old man has nine magical critters for himself, or more scientifically speaking, nine anomalous animals at his disposal – why can’t we find one for ourselves too? Vincent Bohart: That goose can’t do shit. Leonora Morales: I know another one, one of its distant relatives, but much more amicable. Vincent Bohart: Which one is that? Leonora Morales: Let me hit my colleagues at Site-198 up. |
| 23/12/2023 – 15:23 |
|
|
Vincent Bohart: What did they say? Leonora Morales: They said yes, immediately. They even tipped us $500 as support. |
Addendum 005-VN.03:
Early in the morning of 24/12/2023, SCP-7601 was delivered to Site-333 after Leonora Morales finished her discussion with Site-198. The delivery vehicle arrived at Site-333 at 7:54, with Vincent Bohart and Leonora Morales presenting in front of the Site to receive the anomaly.
Approach Briefing — 24/12/2023
The vehicle delivering SCP-7601.
The vehicle was driven into view and stopped in front of the Site. Dir. Vincent Bohart recognized the vehicle and sprinted towards it.
Vincent Bohart: Our package has arrived, let’s check it out.
Leonora Morales: Wait for me.
Both personnel approached the driverless vehicle. After the vehicle sighted the two personnel, it stopped and broadcasted an audio notification.
Voice: Attention, the delivery process is finished. Please receive your package at the back of the vehicle.
Vincent Bohart: But wait, are you sure it’s just a duck? I’m still traumatized for what happened last time.
Leonora Morales: I am.
Vincent Bohart: Ladies first, anyways.
Leonora Morales’ facial expression darkened. She exhaled and moved to the back of the vehicle to open its trunk. Vincent Bohart sheepishly walked behind.
Leonora Morales: Lend me a hand, please.
Vincent Bohart: Alright— alright.
Leonora Morales: One, two, three…
Both personnel lifted up the trunk’s door. The anomaly was kept inside a secured avian cage. SCP-7601 seemed to be in an “inactive” or “sleeping” state.
Vincent Bohart: Oh my god it’s a real living duck. But is it safe?
Leonora Morales: Chill, it’s friendly.
Leonora Morales lifted the cage out of the vehicle and released SCP-7601. After being released, the anomaly reentered its “active” state.
Leonora Morales: Hello, SCP-7601.
SCP-7601 did not respond, but turned to her.
Vincent Bohart: Hey, hey, it’s looking at us. What do we do now? I don’t want one of those to mess with me again.
Vincent Bohart jolted back instinctively.
Leonora Morales: Calm down, let me recall the activation phrase that they told me first.
Leonora Morales: Hello SCP-7601. I want to sign up for your services.
SCP-7601 elongated its neck to Leonora Morales’ height. Then, it responded.
SCP-7601: Thank you, Ms. Leonora Morales, for using our service. Please let me know which service you want to request.
Leonora Morales: Hey Vincent, what can we ask it for now?
Vincent Bohart: As I’ve read, this duck acts similar to a staff of an anomalous insurance company. So uhm… SCP-7601, I want to search for Santa Claus’ insurance history.
Leonora Morales: For real?
Vincent Bohart: Everyone with a vehicle needs it, only uneducated folks don’t.
SCP-7601: Searching… Please wait… One result was found… Santa Claus… Insurance expired… Has not paid his insurance for 300 years…
Vincent Bohart: Okay, now everyone knows he’s uneducated.
Vincent Bohart: SCP-7601, do you know his addresses?
SCP-7601: Searching… Please wait… Results were found… Results encrypted due to customer policy… Unable to be disclosed…
Vincent Bohart: What can we do now? You’re the one who proposed this duck. Deal with it.
Vincent Bohart waved for Leonora Morales to move backwards. Both whispered to each other for a moment before returning to SCP-7601.
Leonora Morales: SCP-7601, do you want to collect Santa Claus’ insurance renewal fee?
SCP-7601: Calculating… Yes…
Vincent Bohart: We want to help you. You will be released today in order to collect the fee, as long as we can go with you. How does that sound? We will help you.
SCP-7601 went into its inactive state for a moment, before it answered.
SCP-7601: Agree… On the condition of all traveling costs covered…
Leonora Morales: Will you cover these costs instead, if we sign up for your insurance?
SCP-7601: Of course…
Vincent Bohart: Nice.
After finishing the discussion with SCP-7601, Site-333 has held an internal meeting. The meeting was recorded below:
| Site-333 — Interdepartmental Communications Log: 24/12/2023 — 09:45 |
||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
||||||||||||
|
Vincent Bohart: Done with the pet part. Larry Cumbleton: How can one be enough to operate the sledge… Vincent Bohart: Relax, my little Mister Money, if you please? Tony Catalano: The sledge? Just sold that bunch of wood on Amazon, and got about 230. Noah Patel: In that case, how can we race with him now? Vincent Bohart: I think, erm… just jump on the duck’s neck. Like a horse race. Leonora Morales: But how do we hang on to it? Vincent Bohart: Already have a master solution for it. Vincent Bohart: Simply grip its antlers. Noah Patel: Damn, when did you do that? Vincent Bohart: Stylish, isn't it? Larry Cumbleton: Even so, everyone, the main question for now is, who is going to do the race… Vincent Bohart: Oh yeah, to be fair, let’s open a vote, shall we?
Tony Catalano: Fuck you Vincent, you even voted for yourself? Leonora Morales: In closing, it will be Vincent. Noah Patel: You guys should prepare ahead of time. Actually, I need to check out The Jersey Devil tonight to see if there’s any unusual activity. Larry Cumbleton: That's a pity. Tony Catalano: Don’t worry Noah, just focus on your task. The three of us can handle it. |
||||||||||||
The log below records the capture mission of SCP-005-VN, carried out by Site Director Vincent Bohart. Instead of the mission being recorded by a device attached to Dir. Vincent’s body, all personnel of Site-333 agreed to film the chase in the communication room of the Site with the reason of “fostering a ‘huddle and cuddle’ atmosphere”, along with “no one wants to go out in the cold”. Below is a complete video of the containment mission:
Leonora Morales: Okay, hello, hello? Mic check, one two three four, four three two one, hello?
Tony Catalano: I think everything’s up and running, better start calling him.
Leonora Morales: Right, Vincent, you there? Can you hear me?
Vincent Bohart: Loud and clear. By the way, has this seat belt been tightened yet? I mean, would I fall half way through?
Leonora Morales: Guess so. Hop on, we just got a hang on his position.
Vincent Bohart: Alrighty then. Hold up, what do you mean by “guess so”?
Tony Catalano: Hang on tight.
Vincent Bohart: YO WAIT A-
Vincent screamed in his walkie-talkie, causing a shrieking noise in the speaker, which got cut off for a few seconds right after.
Tony Catalano: Hey Vincent, ya still alive there bud?
Vincent Bohart: BRRRRRRRRR [noises of the wind hitting into the microphone and the flapping sound of the inner cheek can be heard]
Leonora Morales: Hello. Vincent?
Vincent Bohart: Sh-St-Still breathing, trying to get a good grip of the d-duck as tight as possible here. F-Fuckin hell, why do duck feather has to be this slippery? Brrr.
Tony Catalano: Think you can make it all the way through? Meh, like there is another choice here. Better hold on tight then.
Vincent Bohart: It-it’s so fucking hard to breathe up her-
Leonora Morales: You are very close to that old freak! Contact in Three! Two! One!
Engine noises getting louder on Vincent’s side.
Vincent Bohart: ABUSOREEEFAAAACOSI-
Engine sound suddenly getting louder and louder on the other side.
Leonora Morales: The son of a bitch just sped up! Better not lose this, buddy.
Tony Catalano: C’mon man, for the fame, the glory.
Engine noises keep getting louder and louder on the other end.
Leonora Morales: Yo, he’s caught up to him. Show him a good race.
Vincent’s voices got abrupted by the sound of the wind.
Vincent Bohart: [scream into the microphone] He took the deal!
Tony Catalano: Fuck yeah. Now, ladies and gentlemens, welcome to the race of the century, featuring our lovely Manager, annnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd Santa Motherfucking Claus!!!!!!!!!
Tony slams his hand onto a button, which activates a live stream that feeds from Vincent’s body camera. Right after that, a series of notification sounds can be heard.
Leonora Morales: Let’s goooo. This is money, baby, money.
Vincent Bohart: What the- did you guys make another bet without telling me???
Leonora Morales: Well yeah, we also made a bet with personnel from the other Sites.
Vincent Bohart: Do I get my share for this though?
Tony Catalano: Your share comes from the Directors. If you win, of course.
Vincent’s voices once again got abrupted by the sound of the wind.
Tony Catalano: My guess is that he just swore a bunch, still, my man better be fucking happy with the cut, he’s the one that made the first one without us.
Leonora Morales: Better get back to the game then [excited] SCP-005-VN and SCP-7601 is still neck to neck. No one is backing down here. In this situation, SCP-005-VN might have the upper hand as this one drives in this kind of stormy weather before. But. No. Need. To. Worries. Everybody knows SCP-7601 is a duck of all trades. All you have to do is say “Santa, the debt evastor”.
Vincent Bohart: [screamed] Santa, the debt evastor.
Tony Catalano: [screamed] Santa, the debt evastor.
Leonora Morales: [screamed] Santa, the debt evastor.
Leonora Morales: There we go, the duck has sped up and bypassed Santa. Better hurry and place your bets.
The banking notification sound continues ringing in the background.
Tony Catalano: [screamed] Danger incoming. There’s a cliff right ahead! Make a turn fast!
SCP-7601 turns Vincent and its head before turn its neck back to continue the route.
Leonora Morales: Wait hold up. Where’s Santa?
Tony Catalano: Ded Moroz might just be Dead Moroz folk! And-
The camera turned upward to SCP-005-VN, now moving upside down with its vehicle. He looked at Vincent and winked, then sped up afterwards.
Leonora Morales: This is so close to finishing my friend. Both have reached speeds close to Mach 3. They will soon hit the finish line.
Tony Catalano: People, can you give me a “Santa, the debt evastor” please? One. Two. Three. Santa, the debt evastor! Come on guys. Santa, the debt evastor! Santa, the debt evastor! Santa, the debt evastor!
SCP-7601 stretched it neck out little by little, slowly catching up with Santa.
Leonora Morales: Better start counting down then. THREE! TWO! ONE!
Vincent suddenly reach his body out to the front.
Leonora Morales: [scream] AND THE WINNER ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS VINCENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Tony Catalano: My god, this is un-fuckin-believeable. Vincent was literally one head above him, like literally.
Leonora Morales: That was fantastic. Don’t get too salty for those that lose the bet, our Vincent is just built differently, that’s all.
Both SCP-005-VN and SCP-7601 started lowering their speed until both of them hit the ground. At this moment, SCP-7601 stretched its neck toward SCP-005-VN to talk about its insurance.
.
.
.
Tony Catalano and Leonora Morales counted the money together and announced the betting ratio to gamblers for a few minutes, before disconnecting the live stream and signaling to Vincent Bohart to begin the interview. Both personnel assisted Dir. Bohart remotely.
Vincent Bohart approached SCP-005-VN, who was embarrassingly turning away due to SCP-7601’s questions. He tapped on the anomaly’s shoulder.
Vincent Bohart: And you are?
SCP-005-VN: [turned around] Ronnie Peterson.
Vincent Bohart: Hell, who’s that?
Leonora Morales: Ronnie Peterson, Swedish racer, two times runner-up of the Formula One World Drivers' Championship, two times winner of Swedish Formula Three, participated in various other tournaments. Died in 1978 due to kidney failure.
Tony Catalano: How do you know that so well?
Leonora Morales: Huge fan.
Tony Catalano: What, really? I have never seen you interested in these things before.
Leonora Morales: Schkiddin, I just looked it up on Wikipedia.
Vincent Bohart: Wait, I thought you were Santa Claus? How did you become a Christmas racer like this?
SCP-005-VN: Santa’s on a hiatus, I’m replacing him.
Leonora Morales: You don’t even look like the pictures. How do I say this-
Tony Catalano: Be careful with what you’re saying.
SCP-005-VN: Fatter? Yeah, to fulfill the role, erm, I had to gain weight a little. Even if I didn’t want to, this diet full of gingerbread would still sooner or later turn me into this.
Vincent Bohart: But you’re also dead, right? In 1978 due to kidney failure?
SCP-005-VN: Spot on. It’s not a fake death or whatever.
Vincent Bohart: How the hell could you get back to Earth again?
SCP-005-VN: Well, when the light from the other side was waving at me, a hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into a room, beside a bonfire, in the middle of a snowstorm.
Leonora Morales: Let me guess.
Leonora & Tony & Vincent: Santa!
Leonora Morales: Woah, congratulations Vincent. You’re finally able to catch up with the gang.
Vincent Bohart: Stop with your sarcasm. [turning to SCP-005-VN] Anyways, I still need you to make it clear why he chose you as the driver. Shouldn’t faith or a love for children be more important qualities for Santa? How could he choose a dead racer like you?
SCP-005-VN: Well… He said he needed a true racing fellow to guarantee that all Christmas gifts will be given on time, and basically all candidates before me missed their appointments.
Leonora Morales: Woah. So he values KPI over customer experience?
SCP-005-VN: Yeah, guess what, Santa has deadlines too. One day, when I was sunbathing on there, he just tapped my shoulder and said “Hey, young man. You drive real smooth over there. I need you to do me a favor!” And then he told his elves to put the clothes on me, threw both his sledge and his responsibilities to me and vanished.
Tony Catalano: In another way, the old lad was lazy as fuck, so he pushed his responsibilities to others.
SCP-005-VN: It’s been ten years. Anyways, I’m fine with it. Spoilers, there’s no Formula 1 racing track in heaven, so the longer I re-live, the better it feels.
Vincent Bohart: Also, with all those prizes in your cupboard, how did you still lose to a duck rider like me?
SCP-005-VN: It’s your gift, merry Christmas!
SCP-005-VN and Vincent hugged each other, both being emotional. SCP-7601 was still ranting in the background about SCP-005-VN’s insurance fee.
Tony Catalano: Hey Leonora.
Leonora Morales: What?
Tony Catalano: Our pathetic Site Director has just been given a win by an old man.
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the entity still being outside of Foundation control, the current containment procedures only revolve around tracking the entity’s path annually on 24-25/12. Each year, the SCP Foundation will assign a Site in its database with the mission of forming a strategy to counter SCP-005-VN.
A picture of SCP-005-VN in August 1978.
Site-333 is obliged to this mission in case of future assignments.
Description: SCP-005-VN is Ronnie Peterson, a famous Swedish racer also formerly known as “SuperSwede”. SCP-005-VN is a Resurrection Entity1 Level III, possessing minor anomalous properties such as indestructible physique, heat resistance and resistance to certain common diseases.
Besides, SCP-005-VN also possesses SCP-005-VN-1 as a transportation vehicle.
| Site-333 — Interdepartmental Text-Based Communications Log: 25/12/2023 — 09:14 |
|---|
|
|
Tony Catalano: After all, you still let SCP-005-VN escape. Come on, it’s time to pack your bags. Vincent Bohart: Why though? Tony Catalano: You fucking lost the bet, dude. |
.jpg){kind=link}
