The true origins of the Foundation are derived from the closet of a dingy apartment.
SCP-001-D-J.
Item #: SCP-001-D-J
Object Class: Decommissioned
Special Containment Procedures (Archived): SCP-001-J is kept on a wooden table in Site-01, O5-1’s one bedroom studio apartment. He is to record all information related to it, which is to be secured on a text file in his old laptop to ensure the safety of its contents. The laptop is to be stored in the back of his closet behind some old clothes to prevent visitors from locating it. His cat is to be barred from going within two (2) feet of the closet.
Site-01 is protected by the security checkpoint barring entry into its outer apartment complex and the lock on its front door in the third-floor hallway. Should an unauthorized individual gain entry to Site-01, a pistol is stored in the kitchen’s top drawer alongside the silverware and an old action figure. This pistol can be used for both self-defense and opening beer bottles from far away, but it should not be used to open beer bottles in the event of an unauthorized individual gaining entry, as they may steal the beer. As a final resort, this document is to be guised as a piece of written fiction that O5-1 wrote in his spare time between his fast-food service occupation and his actively failing attempts to start a career as an online content creator and video game journalist.
Description (Archived): SCP-001-J is a small radio owned by O5-1, which displays sapience and above-average intelligence. It is capable of speech via its speaker, which it uses to communicate and lay out its plans for the creation of a highly-secretive organization dedicated to the containment and study of the anomalous. It proclaims that O5-1 is one of this organization's thirteen leaders and should gather together the world’s greatest minds for this “Foundation”. Furthermore, it self-identifies as the organization's "Administrator". The meaning of this title remains unclear.
SCP-001-J appears to blatantly ignore the fact that O5-1 is a man who works a fast-food job with no career prospects and $50 to his name.
Addendum 001-J.1: Discovery
SCP-001-J was discovered after O5-1 turned on his radio for entertainment due to his television set having sustained significant damage as a result of a beer bottle having been shattered on its screen in what was later described as a “heated gamer moment” by O5-1. It is unknown if SCP-001-J had possessed its anomalous properties since O5-1’s initial discovery of the item, as he had no interest in turning it on up until his television’s destruction.
«Begin Log»
SCP-001-J: O5-1.
O5-1: Wha… what the fuck was that?
SCP-001-J: Me? I’m somewhat of an… enigma in this bastardized world. I am no one of consequence, but perhaps I can shed some light on who you are meant to be. Yes, perhaps I can.
O5-1: What the fuck are you on about? Who the hell is this?
SCP-001-J: I just said I was… nevermind. I’ll start from the beginning. Ahem. Me? I’m no one of—
O5-1: Yeah, no, I don’t care. Who the hell is using my radio to fuck with me? This thing is like from the ‘70s; I didn’t think it could be hacked or whatever.
SCP-001-J: You appear to misunderstand, my friend. I am not a hacker. I am… an Administrator. Yes, you may call me the Administrator. I oversee a little… organization. You, my friend, are O5-1.
O5-1: The fuck does that mean?
SCP-001-J: It stands for the fact you’re an Overseer and you have Level 5… nevermind that. You’re O5-1, and you would do well to remember it. It’s going to be your name from now on.
O5-1: You gonna hack my driver’s license too or some shit? I ain’t going by a pile of numbers as my name. I’m not Elon Musk’s kid.
SCP-001-J: You will be one of the thirteen leaders of the SCP Foundation, a group dedicated to protecting the world from the anomalous.
O5-1: The… anonymous? You wanna protect the world from 4chan or some shit? Good luck with that, bro.
SCP-001-J: Ugh, no. The anomalous. Phenomena that does not fit into the natural order of physics as you know them, such as myself.
O5-1: So… this is like some X-Files/Warehouse 13 bullshit, yeah?
SCP-001-J: I cannot disagree with that comparison.
O5-1: Well, uh, you probably wanna contact some rich dude for that. Oh shit, I know! Since you like calling people numbers so much, maybe you should get in contact with Elon Musk. Like I said, he likes to do the same thing and he’s mega loaded.
SCP-001-J: I’d rather not trust my organization in the hands of such an individual. Besides, we have another issue with that plan.
O5-1: What’s up?
SCP-001-J: I am confined to this radio for the time being.
O5-1: Oh, well, uh, that sucks.
SCP-001-J: Yes, it is most… unfortunate.
O5-1: Well, I’m gonna grab a beer. You want one?
SCP-001-J: I am a radio.
«End Log»
Addendum 001-J.2: O5 Council Meeting
As is tradition on Fridays, O5-1 invited O5-2 to his apartment for cards and beer, where he met SCP-001-J and learned of his status as an Overseer.
«Begin Log»
SCP-001-J: Greetings, O5-1 and O5-2.
O5-2: Uhhh…
O5-1: Oh, that’s just my radio. It talks and thinks I’m the leader of some secret government X-Files bullshit. Don’t mind it.
SCP-001-J: I am the Administrator of the SCP Foundation, the principal power of the anomalous world and keepers of the Veil that shields humanity from which it is not ready to experience.
O5-2: Is it gonna… bother us?
O5-1: You learn to tune it out after a while.
SCP-001-J: O5-2, do not listen to O5-1. His arrogance clouds his judgement. We must push forward and reunite with the remainder of the O5 Council. It is only then that we may begin our operations.
O5-1: Nyeh, shut up. C’mon, dude. I’ve got the cards in my drawer.
O5-2: Hell yeah, man. I’ll grab us a couple of cold ones from the fridge.
O5-1: Fuck yes.
SCP-001-J: Alcohol only serves to poison the mind. Do not partake of its seductive waters. I ask of you to take this opportunity to recognize what is truly at stake.
O5-2: Your radio is kinda a buzzkill, man.
O5-1: Meh, yeah. It can be pretty funny sometimes, though. Yesterday it was telling me that if I didn’t go and recapture some magical shit this group called the “Chaos Insurgency” was gonna find it first.
O5-2: The Chaos Insurgency? Who would actually name themselves that?
O5-1: I know, right? I was about ready to piss myself when it was trying to say threatening stuff but with that name.
SCP-001-J: The Chaos Insurgency is a group of which we know frighteningly little. I advise you to take the threat they pose very seriously.
O5-1: Oh, shit! I forgot the funniest fucking part. Apparently, and I’m not shitting you here, they follow the orders of a magical car engine.
O5-2: Dude, what?!
(The two proceed to laugh loudly for a period of five straight minutes, with O5-2 at one point falling to the floor and rolling around as he laughs.)
SCP-001-J: (Quietly) Fuck you, it’s a dark and mysterious name.
«End Log»
Addendum 001-J.3: Decommissioning
Following Incident 001-J-Alpha, an event in which SCP-001-J caused O5-1’s beer shipment to be sent to a neighboring apartment instead, the following exchange occurred.
«Begin Log»
O5-1: Yo, not fucking cool, man.
SCP-001-J: O5-1, I am unsure of what you’re speaking of.
O5-1: You know full well, you motherfucker! You told the beer delivery guy to send my shit next door instead!
SCP-001-J: Alcohol only serves as a distraction against our mission as—
O5-1: No, shut up. I don’t care about your fucking… what’s it called again?
SCP-001-J: The SCP Foundation, a group dedicated to our mission statement to Secure, Contain, and Protect.
O5-1: Oh, how cute that your shadow organization got its own cute little initialism. Did you come up with it yourself?
SCP-001-J: (Quietly) It also stands for Special Containment Procedures.
O5-1: Look, I was initially chill with letting you crash here. But then, you started taking shit way too far.
SCP-001-J: Everything I do is for the benefit of the Foundation. We die in the dark so you can live in the light.
O5-1: You sit in here all day and do nothing on my table!
SCP-001-J: You really think that’s it? An Administrator is so much more. I could be a signature on a document, a suit in a boardroom, a voice on a radio. You do not understand what I am, O5-1.
O5-1: What the hell are you on about?
SCP-001-J: Put simply, I am forever intertwined with the SCP Foundation. As long as I exist, it exists. It’s a never ending feedback loop. A… cycle, if you will.
O5-1: So, let me get this straight. If I kill you, I don’t have to deal with this Foundation bullshit?
SCP-001-J: Well, uh, technically yes, but like I said, the Administrator is so much more than… what are you doing with that gun?
(O5-1 retrieves his pistol from the kitchen drawer.)
O5-1: I’m ending the Foundation so I can drink my beer in peace and fucking hear myself think again you asshat.
SCP-001-J: Hey, now let’s talk about this. Someone always listens to the radio, right?
O5-1: Only old assholes, these days.
SCP-001-J: That sounds good. Where can I find one of those?
O5-1: Straight in Hell, you bastard.
(O5-1 unloads a round of bullets, missing almost all of them, until two strike SCP-001-J, causing it to fall to the ground.)
SCP-001-J: It appears you have succeeded… where so many others… have failed. You finally ended the… Foundation.
O5-1: Yeah, whatever. The TV is fixed so I’m gonna go watch that. I never shoulda bought a fucking radio.
«End Log»
SCP-001-D-J is reclassified as Decommissioned. The SCP Foundation is dissolved.
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