The best jokes always float to the top.
by Doctor Cimmerian
SCP-0002-J when not in use.
Item #: SCP-0002-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0002-J is to be located on floor 36 of Site-88 in the high value containment division's communal restroom. SCP-0002-J use is to be logged on a clipboard which is to be hung on the outside of the stall in which SCP-0002-J is located. At least one use of SCP-0002-J must be completed daily.
Description: SCP-0002-J is a sapient flush toilet located in the high value containment division of Site-88. SCP-0002-J is capable of textual communication through any wirelessly capable device brought into its stall. The device utilized in this manner has a marked effect on the speed at which these communications are accomplished, with laptops allowing the highest volume of communication.
SCP-0002-J's continued sapience appears to be connected with regular use for its original purpose. When left unused for longer than a day, SCP-0002-J loses all anomalous properties until such a time as it is used again. SCP-0002-J, however, retains knowledge of events that occur in its immediate vicinity during such periods.
SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties were first discovered in March of 2016 by site director Dr. Phillip Foster whilst in use. At the time it was believed that SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties only manifested in the presence of cellular phones, but further testing indicated otherwise. Initial testing revealed the remainder of the object's anomalous properties.
The following is a complete log of Dr. Foster's first recorded conversation with SCP-0002-J.
Toilet Humor