Walking in a straight line.
If a participant cannot walk in a straight line, they have successfully failed this test.
Say the alphabet backwards.
If a participant fucks up saying the alphabet backwards, that's kind of embarassing.
Guess what number I'm thinking of.
If the participant successfully guesses what number I'm thinking of, I would be really impressed. If they can't guess it, they have failed and can move on to the next round.
Do you think I'm attractive?
If a participant says no they're clearly too drunk to see right.
A trolley is speeding down a track when its brakes break. If it stays on its current path it will collide with 5 individuals on the track. Before you is a lever. If you pull it, the trolley will switch to another track, instead hitting a single person. Do you pull the lever?
If the participant attempts to work up a swanky work-around to avoid hitting anyone, they're a loser and should be disqualified out of principle.
Have you ever made a coldpost with your life on the line?
Use this to disorient the subject.
Have you been drinking?
If the participant says yes, they have successfully failed this test.
You are presented with a set of two open doors. You can choose to either enter the door on your left or the door on your right. Which door do you choose?
If a participant chooses the door on their left, move on to the next test. If a participant chooses the right door, they should skip to page 28.
What do you call a flying ape? A hot air baboon! hahahahahaha
If a participant doesn't laugh at this they clearly don't have a sense of humour.
May I search your vehicle?
This is a trick question. I have no right to check your vehicle, but I will get mad at you and make one up if you say no. Ask a participant this question if you simply want rid of them.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Good test to give a subject you actually like. Just let them try this over and over until they take the hint and get it wrong.
Doee your face hurt? Cause it's killing me!
This test is largely used to demoralise a subject into leaving the event of their own accord. We want only the strongest willed competitors to remain.
Take another shot, you've earned it!
These tests can get tiring. Use this test to ensure the subject does not sober up from doing all of these tests.
Here, have a glass of water.
This is a dastardly trick! If the participant takes the glass, they are clearly trying to cheat! Tackle them to the ground if this happens.
I'm running out of ideas can you help me come up with some more questions?
If they can come up with an idea for questions they deem better than my own, they clearly don't understand the power dynamics going on here.
Would you like to initiate a lightning round?
The subject does not get a choice. The following five questions should be asked in quick succession, leaving the subject no time to think about their answers.
Cats or dogs?
Either answer can be correct here provided it is a justified and well-balanced response.
What's the deal with airline food?
This is a good way to get a dialogue going.
Does this suit make me look fat?
This questions abuses the lightning round to force an honest response. I genuinely want to know the answer to this. Everyone is always lying to me.
Idiot says what.
If they say what, they're a freaking idiot and you got them.
Have you enjoyed this exciting lightning round?
If they say no I hate them I hate them I hate hate hate them.
Woah, are you okay?
I don't actually care how you're doing, but I need to look like an empath in case there are any HOT CHICKS nearby.
If the subject doesn't start quaking in their fucking boots when this question is proposed to them, they clearly don't experience true fear.
