Researcher Mathias's Colleague Protocol

OUT OF UNIVERSE

Hi. If you found this, keep it a secret, okay? I just use this so I can keep track of ratings on all of my pages. I don't want to disrupt the in-universe stuff going on.

SCP-3757	+135	13	01 Jun 2018 01:07
SCP-3782	+62	15	19 Aug 2018 22:14
SCP-3754	+96	19	16 Sep 2018 06:42
SCP-3732	+165	10	10 Oct 2018 03:01
Researcher Mathias's Colleague Protocol	+76	17	10 Oct 2018 22:38
SCP-4837	+102	33	18 Oct 2018 02:06
Carroll #055: The Workshop	+96	6	06 Nov 2018 01:16
SCP-3709	+126	12	26 Nov 2018 18:35
SCP-4739	+162	25	19 Jan 2019 06:31
Goliath, Circa 1505	+85	6	06 Mar 2019 06:36
Mobile Toddler Force	+82	8	10 Mar 2019 05:03
SCP-4868	+62	8	13 Mar 2019 02:35
'Dream Daycare' (D2924/6RE33/945AM)	+66	5	15 Mar 2019 04:20
SCP-4889	+74	11	27 Mar 2019 02:11
SCP-4843	+105	11	13 Apr 2019 05:36
A Dime A Dozen: An Essay On Critiquing Ideas, Community, and Making The Most Out Of Nothing	+50	6	18 Apr 2019 11:24
Art is Boring, but Profitable	+28	2	04 May 2019 12:47
SCP-4826	+295	32	10 May 2019 01:26
SCP-4859	+71	8	05 Sep 2019 01:13
SCP-4814	+152	21	19 Oct 2019 06:42

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UraniumEmpire made a really helpful module for underrated things.

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While I'm here, let me make something clear:

IN THE EVENT that I am inactive from this site for five (5) years or I have died, I ask that the following stipulations be enacted:

• The slot for SCP-3732 is to be given to Agent MacLeod.
• All of my independent works are to be given to Rounderhouse
• Collaborative works are to be attributed to the respective co-authors.

ADDITIONALLY, IN THE EVENT of an EMERGENCY, Uncle Nicolini has my phone number. Should there be a legitimate, worrying concern about my whereabouts or health, contact him.

THAT IS ALL.
~RTME

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Last thing, I swear. I want to tell you all how thankful I am for this community. Everyone has been so kind and patient with me and this place has affected my life in a positive way. I've been able to improve my ideas and find my creative voice through this medium, and I thank you all for the opportunity.

You better keep this a secret, friend.

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Name: Researcher Mathias

Security Clearance: None

Current Site Location: Site-319

Specific Colleague Protocol: When interacting with Researcher Stuart Mathias, it is important to maintain the façade that he has any ranking within The Foundation. To aid this maintenance, the following terms are to be kept in mind:

IF HE SAYS…	HE IS REFERRING TO…
Office	His cell
Computer	The floor
Documents	The writing on the floor
Apartment	The far right corner with the lamp
Wristwatch	The tracking bracelet on his left arm

Meals are to be brought to his cell at 09:00 and 16:00. Balanced meals are preferred, but a Philadelphia Cheesecake Bar and small monetary donations may be provided upon a new addition to the floor.

Watch where you step.

Profile: Researcher Mathias is gifted with a unique form of clairvoyance that has proven to be beneficial to Site-319. This, however, seems to have greatly skewed his awareness. No one knows how he appeared in Containment Cell-0700, nor why he insists that it is his office/apartment.

Researcher Mathias has been known to use the provided crayons to write on the floor of his cell. Whenever he points his right index finger to anything written on the floor, he will recite something pertaining to the subject from memory. There are no variations in recitations.

ARCHIVED DOCUMENTS — 2018
SCP is lightning bugs1
SCP is Roosevelt's glasses2
SCP is phone app3
SCP is forgotten4
Author is me5
SCP is duck6
Chicago Spirit is Wonderous7
SCP is stapler8
MC&D is hungry9

ARCHIVED DOCUMENTS — 2019
SCP is milk10
Medici is statue11
Tale is toddlers12
SCP is juicy13
MC&D is childcare14
SCP is rabbit15
SCP is family16
Essay is ideas17
Tale is heist18
SCP is suicidal19
SCP is ghost20
SCP is women21
SCP is photogenic22

ARCHIVED DOCUMENTS — 2020
SCP is anyone23
Tale is explosion24
SCP is peanut butter25
SCP is brains26
SCP is secret27
SCP is dead raccoon28
La Rue is brain stew29
Tale is twice departed30
SCP is silence31
SCP is wax cylinder32

ARCHIVED DOCUMENTS — 2021
SCP is flowers33
SCP is spiders34

[COLLAPSED AUTHOR COMMENTARY]

Footnotes

1. "This is by far my best work. I'm very proud of it. I remember being unreasonably anxious when I posted it and immensely satisfied when it was so well received.

The goal was to make something that was keter, but non-violent (an atypical keter, I guess). I didn't intend for it to read as scary when I first wrote it, but it seems to have added to the skip.

Written and posted while on vacation in Boise, Idaho."

2. "I intended for this to be my 4k entry, but I got cold feet after I saw the other entries. Admittedly, this didn't have much of a punch compared to some of the others. This was also alluded to in a tale I made for the GoI "AN-SO", but we aren't talking about AN-SO right now.

If I had to pick an article of mine I didn't like as much as the others, this is it. Maybe I'll go back and do more with it someday.

Posted at home from my computer."

3. "This was my contribution to Dog Teeth's GoI "Accelerate The Future". I was inspired by OthellotheCat's body pillow skip. I think it might also be the quickest one that I wrote. Also, Uncle Nicolini gave me some cool visual CSS for the reviews.

The intention with this was to make the creepiness from how people reacted to the anomaly. It's also a bit of a nod towards whales.

Posted at work."

4. "I sat on this one for too long. I got a few crits, did some revisions after, and then let it sit in my sandbox. I guess I got self-conscious about my initial concept and didn't want to show other people. I'm glad I posted it, though. It seems I got the reaction I wanted.

Posted from home from my computer."

5. "I don't remember having these hands. I know they look like they should be my hands, but I just woke up one day and they felt wrong. I think someone stole my hands and gave me these hands. I wish they would give me back my hands.

Please give me back my hands.

Posted at a hospital in ████ ████████, Iowa."

6. "This is my first collaborative work, and I have mixed feelings about it. The idea came after I had taken this picture of a mallard while on vacation. I posted it to SCPD and people commented that it looked like it had a quest about it, so I tried to execute it similarly.

This went through many iterations. It started out as a duck that traded mundane things for weapons (fetchquest duck) and finally became a dragon transformed into a duck that wanted to make its hoard more functional. Ultimately, it has seen mixed reviews. I don't know whether I like this work or like that I did it.

Written in two different time zones with plaguebearer does not match any existing user name

7. "This was a big step out of impartial tone for me. Before this, I had written three unsuccessful tales that I had self-deleted, so I was a bit averse to writing outside of SCP formats.

Thankfully, Uncle Nicolini invited me to do some work on this. I think we hit the right themes for this work. It's a very unique mix of criminal manipulation and Wonder™. I am very happy with how it turned out and Nico was an excellent collaborator. 10/10, would partner up again!

Posted after a coin flip."

8. "This skip was created as a tribute to Avelar Professional Products Incorporated, a GoI created by Uncle Nicolini as an expression of scorn for white-collar business. My take on this is (as people have pointed out) very similar to SCP-4988. I wanted to express my time doing customer service work, and this was the best way for me to do it.

As one person mentioned, there is a small inconsistency in the second customer care log. I've pondered on whether I should revisit that and expand on it or correct it. I may never touch it and leave it as is.

Posted just before lunch."

9. "This initially started as a collab with SecretCrow, but they kind of disappeared on me. I let it stew in my sandbox before I vented my frustration to Nico, who graciously agreed to help me make it a full article. I am so heckin' pleased with how it turned out. This is probably the most off-the-rails I've gotten with an article and it was a pleasure to write.

The "customer is king" motto was something I lifted from Yakuza 0. I, uh, have been playing that quite a bit lately and the reference felt warranted.

Posted while I was sleeping."

10. "The image is a half-gallon of milk that I found in the fridge at my workplace. It had all this sticky juice stuff on the handle and, naturally, I had to take a picture. I originally posted it in a discord, allowing someone else to use it.

And then I got frustrated and decided to use it for myself because I needed to write something. I guess I didn't need to write something, but I felt like I did. So I did. And now this is here.

If qntm wants the slot, they are free to PM me about it.

Posted past its due date, moved out of annoyance."

11. "This is one of the keystones set for my team "Tasteless Art Thieves" for the Int-GoI contest. I thought it would be fun to do something kind of bonkers. I appreciate a good rivalry, so it only made sense to have pre-modern art fight pre-modern art.

Posted late at night at work for International Group of Interest Contest 2019."

12. "This was a dumb idea I had very early in my career on the site. I don't know exactly what spawned it, but I'm glad that I finally put it out, and for a contest, too!

I had trouble thinking of what I wanted these children to do. Thankfully, since the prompt was "Shaggy Dog", that meant I could cop out an ending. I think this is the best possible route.

Posted right on time for round 1 of Jam-Con 2019."

13. "Yeah, this one isn't my finest work. It's a bunch of random things put together. Document infection, advertisements, octopi, none of it makes sense. I feel like it sets itself up to be a commercial pretty well, though. May revise it someday, probably won't.

Posted a few hours before the deadline for round 2 of Jam-Con 2019."

14. "I don't know why I make so many things about children, but I hope it doesn't become a staple of my work.

I'm really pleased with this one for how rushed I was to get it out. I think this is my finest example of distinct voices in a work. Each person involved has their own way of typing.

Posted thirty minutes before the the closing of round 3 of Jam-Con 2019."

15. "I advertise this as "a man eats a live rabbit", and it really is more than that. I initially had this planned out to be a man that could only eat this rabbit in exchange of living forever and superhuman traits, but I think the undertones of neglect and abuse add that uncomfortable feeling.

This one was a big breakaway from what I'd been writing up to this point. I'd like to continue writing stuff that gets under people's skin and wiggles around in it.

Posted from home on a Tuesday, exhausted. Featured on Week 13 of the SCP Cafe Podcast."

16. "I said in my author post that this is inspired by my Grandpa Pat. And it kind of is. He really did love racecars (probably his most distinct hobby). But some of the other stuff is made up, mostly the bit about the cabin and family. It's hard to pin down the kind of person he was.

I remember seeing my grandma's face back in elementary school and how she said she slipped on a large nut in the driveway (which there was always a lot of), but looking back on it and hearing what some people said, I don't know if that's really true. All I know is that, after she passed away in 2014, I didn't see him that much and every now and then he'd call to ask about setting up his internet, something I never did for him.

That all being said, this is more based on a Tom Waits song than my grandfather. The lyrics hit me around the time he passed, and I put them together.

Posted at the ill-advised time of 1:00 AM. Featured on Week 16 of the SCP Cafe Podcast."

17. "Coming Soon

Posted first thing in the morning."

18. "I'm actually rather happy with this tale. It was my first foray into writing action and it was super fun to plan out all the tense bits. I don't pride myself on dialogue much, but being able to freely describe the scene was great.

When I wrote this, I had been rewatching some Metal Gear Solid cutscenes. I think they gave me the will I needed to finish this out. That tense feeling of almost being found, and then actually being found and the events after that is something I drew from playing the games.

Posted in the morning, honestly took too long to write. Made for International Group of Interest Contest 2019."

19. "I never expected this to be as highly rated as it was going to be. It came completely out of nowhere and I'm confused and amazed at the response. I'm truly thankful.

Like 4843, this was inspired by a song, but it's by Sycamore Smith. A few of those lines really shocked and stuck with me and I wanted to replicate that impact. I figured the best way was to take away a life that couldn't be taken by their own hand. It's probably my favorite piece to date, due to it's delivery on dark comedy.

It's also a big red flag for the Ethics Committee. If I considered them in my headcanon.

Posted around 8:30 PM CST, I think."

20. "Coming Soon.

Posted around 8 PM after four months of nothing."

21. "Coming Soon.

Posted at 2 AM during the spooky month of October."

22. "Coming Soon.

Posted at 1 AM for Bright's 24-Hour SCP Challenge; written in the edit box and posted with no eyes but my own."

23. "Coming Soon.

Posted first day of the SCP-5000 Contest, in collaboration with TheMightyMcB. Finished in 12th place."

24. "You don't want to know how this was inspired.

Posted for the first theme of the second 144-hour Jam Contest."

25. "Coming Soon.

Posted on a Sunday morning."

26. "Coming Soon.

Posted on a Monday morning, no sleep required."

27. "Coming Soon.

Posted on a Monday evening, but not on the same day as that last one."

28. "Coming Soon.

Posted late on a Fourth of July night."

29. "Coming Soon.

Posted Friday, July 26th, I think."

30. "Coming Soon.

Posted 4 days since the last after too much time sitting around."

31. "Coming Soon.

Posted 9 years later."

32. "Coming Soon.

Posted for the Canon Renaissance Contest."

33. "Coming Soon.

Posted after a long time away."

34. "Coming Soon.

Posted just after the last."

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Translations: Despite the lack of material that would necessitate a proper document, the below listed anomalies have been given a designation or title, as well as translation into foreign languages. Investigation into this anomaly is currently underway.

DOCUMENT	LANGUAGE
SCP-3757	Japanese Translation by Tsukiyomizuku
SCP-3732	Chinese Translation by W Asriel Russian Translation by CTapbIu_XyJIuraH Spanish Translation by Riyer A does not match any existing user name Japanese Translation by walksoldi
SCP-4837	Chinese Translation by Eurya Russian Translation by CTapbIu_XyJIuraH Spanish Translation by Showie does not match any existing user name
Carroll #055: The Workshop	Chinese Translation by feitag Spanish Translation by Dc_Yerko Japanese Translation by C-Dives
'Phoenix à La Mode' (KEN46/FRI98/PNX72)	Chinese Translation by Foxhyf Spanish Translation by Dc_Yerko French Translation by Dr Lake
Goliath, Circa 1505	Chinese Translation by Sraosha Japanese Translation by C-Dives
Mobile Toddler Force	Chinese Translation by W Asriel Japanese Translation by Monidrake
SCP-4889	Spanish Translation by morhadow
SCP-4843	Japanese Translation by C-Dives Chinese Translation by ashausesall
A Dime A Dozen: An Essay On Critiquing Ideas	Chinese Translation by RogerXiao
SCP-4826	Chinese Translation by ashausesall Korean Translation by Aiken Drum Japanese Translation by C-Dives Spanish Translation by Uncle Nicolini Russian Translation by barfrirabarsvir Portugese Translation by cachorrosuperquente does not match any existing user name Ukrainian Translation by DrKhmelnytsky
SCP-4814	Chinese Translation by Enflowerz

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Assigned Personnel: Several members of Foundation staff have been given clearance to actively communicate with Researcher Mathias, as they have earned his trust and established some mutual respect. They have been given pseudonyms and are to be contacted in the event that Stuart Mathias displays that they are aware of their true surroundings.

"Rounderhouse": Why I Stopped Writing For The Wiki (+78) — 09 Apr 2025 01:37

"Uncle Nicolini": Manhattan Crisis: New York Minute Hub (+23) — 23 May 2025 15:06

"Darkstuff": Escapism VI (+12) — 30 Jan 2025 03:30

"Weryllium": SCP-7559 (+191) — 17 Oct 2022 23:17

"TheMightyMcB": SPC-720 (+19) — 01 May 2024 17:29

"Ayers": SCP-4430 (+206) — 08 Dec 2019 22:48

"UraniumEmpire": ParkDev (+107) — 24 Feb 2024 16:06

"OthelloTheCat": Behind the Scenes of "Reeling in the Crocosquid" (+13) — 19 Jun 2023 04:40

"Captain Kirby": The Nuclear Option (+572) — 03 Jan 2023 16:26

"Dysexlion": SCP-5573 (+49) — 20 May 2020 01:22

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‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"Researcher Mathias's Colleague Protocol" by RockTeethMothEyes, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/rtme-author. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

For information on how to use this component, see the License Box component. To read about licensing policy, see the Licensing Guide.