WE HAVE A WINNER
At +48 at the time of writing,
Rounderhouse wins with Agent Calendar's Undervegas Hub! Congratulations to everyone who participated, and I will be handing out awards soon.
DANGEROUS COGNITOHAZARDS LOVE IS IN THE AIR…
What a wonderful thing, romance! At least as old as the pendulum, romance as a genre (not to be confused with the Romantics, or Romance Languages!) remains a staple of literature to this day. Why, could you imagine walking into a (corporate) bookstore and not being able to find a romance? With the SCP Wiki's post-2009 genre-busting track record, we must have a ton of…
… ah. Okay. Looks like we don't.
… but what if we did?
Your (in)eligible suitors, brought to you by CuBard
ROUND 3 CONTESTANTS
The Crocosquid/
stormbreath was paired with:
Queen Mab
Project Proposal 2018-112: "Any Time, Any Place, You And Me"
Deconstruction Of A God
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned
With a trembling hand, Mab reached for her chest, and felt the silent scent of death, ever so slowly behind her. She could not allow this.
Character 1
Dr. Karen T. Elstrom/
HarryBlank was paired with:
The Crocosquid
Reeling in the Crocosquid
CROCOSQUID VS KONG
'The Crocosquid' (OCN39/87YUI/O9NH6)
How will we raise up hell like we used to, Nessilatha? How will we shake the heavens now?
Character A
Agent Calendar/
Rounderhouse was paired with:
Dr. Karen T. Elstrom
Character α
Queen Mab/
Ralliston was paired with:
Agent Calendar
Agent Calendar's Hot Date: Divine Intervention
Agent Calendar's Hot Date 2: Boogie Nights
Agent Calendar's Undervegas Hub
R. HOUSE: The fuck do you mean we 'don't have a hub'? What the hell is a 'hub'?
Character ꙮ
Queen Mab
Project Proposal 2018-112: "Any Time, Any Place, You And Me"
Deconstruction Of A God
I'm definitely inviting you for a second date.
Character 1
Agent Calendar
Agent Calendar's Hot Date: Divine Intervention
Agent Calendar's Hot Date 2: Boogie Nights
"Can I go now? I'd really like to take care of the blue twink and go home."
Character 1
Jacob R. Dylan
Burn, Baby, Burn
Hyperfine
People shoot at me a lot. It might be my fault, though. I've been doing a lot of reflection lately. It might be my personality.
Character A
Dr. Karen T. Elstrom
Character 1
Quinn Law
Spellbound and Hellbound
UIU File: 2024-092 (The SAINT SEBASTIAN SLASHER)
A ship adrift. A crew slaughtered. A monster on the loose. A stalker on the hunt.
Character A
Leslie
Moving On
Behind the Scenes of "Reeling in the Crocosquid"
She couldn't wait to let someone else have that chance to love.
Character 1
The Crocosquid
Reeling in the Crocosquid
CROCOSQUID VS KONG
Saving the world can be difficult when you have to work in the public domain.
Character A
Dr. Justine Everwood
Aces Deuces
Being Dzhey Evervud
"A woman like you? I prefer to take you to the heart of the cultists' territory so we may fight our way out of there."
Character A
Ira Watts
Losers in Every Dimension
How To Walk On Air And Poetry
Eyes closed. Keep breathing. Don’t try to count, the numbers won’t go in order. There’s no “up” either.
Character 1
The Deer
Cesnavicius & The Deep Dark Forest
I Am Ira Watts & You Are The Forest
"Do you think you're gonna want to eat this?"
I'm vegetarian.
"Oh. Yeah. That would make sense."
Character A
Stephane the Apostle
Character 1
SCP-7513
Plus One
After Action Report: Incident 6118-7513-19-20230214
I just thought… since I've hurt so many people before… I would finally save someone for a change.
Character 1
SCP-6118
Hominophobia
Alienness Notwithstanding
Maybe helping someone would be good for me, and it would also show the Foundation that I didn't only meet aliens whenever I went outside.
Character A
Head of Security
Raccoon Dog Hunt
Like Cats and Dogs (and Spiders)
Your name is HEAD OF SECURITY, and you are not having a good day.
Character A
Katie Theta
Capitalism, a love story
You'll love our employees as much as our Greazeburgers™
Character 1
Sofia Haugen
Tampa Days, Miami Nights
So I popped open another button of my classic vintage Tommy Bahama, got way up in her personal space, and put the moves on.
Character A
Agent Calendar
Agent Calendar's Hot Date: Divine Intervention
DeadliftDemon: We should meet up for drinks and also to discuss combat strategies
Character 1
Dr. Karen T. Elstrom
The Ship of Screams
"If you don't stop talking right now, I will render you unconscious with my taser as though you'd gotten handsy with me on the seawall. I have made myself clear."
Character 1
Vampire Boat
Interview With a Vampire Boat
“As cold as your heart is, seeing your face does provide my torturous existence a modicum of comfort. Like a divorced salaryman meeting with his crack dealer every week. Ask away!”
Character A
Cassidy
Anomalous Anonymous: All Abnormalities Allowed
Glar-bek looked sheepishly at Skeletron, who placed a bony arm from his headless body on her ethereal shoulder.
Character 1
Ethel S. Kursh
Better Than Drinking Alone
“All I've heard about 37 is HR and the, uh, microwave crisis. What the hell is a microwave crisis anyway?”
Character 1
Dr. Justine Everwood
Aces Deuces
"I'm fine. Fucking Wondertainment fucking hot chocolate fucking mug."
Character A
Quinn Law
Spellbound and Hellbound
A demon on the loose, a necromancer in Arkansas, and a story waiting to be born. Love is in the air, tinged with the scent of brimstone.
Character 1
Ira Watts
Losers in Every Dimension
"Then bottoms up. I'm not doing twelve hours of this sober."
Character 1
Terry Harper
Dinners and Death
"Scott Stei-?" Was all Terry could get out before being punched through their apartment wall and into their bedroom.
Character 1
The Crocosquid
Reeling in the Crocosquid
Fleeing the Foundation isn't easy, especially not when you've got a brain ghost in one ear and a mad scientist in the other.
Character 1
August Jorel
Siren
I want to have a voice. I want to be able to speak in voice chats. I want to have this part of my identity back.
Character A
Epon Scarlett
Capture Hi(s Heart)m
Being the catch that you are, you decide that the best way to capture him would be to seduce him, of course.
Character A
The Deer
Cesnavicius & The Deep Dark Forest
So they do, marching back to the Site with some haste away from the swirling black they don't see under the lake.
Character A
Queen Mab
Project Proposal 2018-112: "Any Time, Any Place, You And Me"
Within the realm of historical debate, there is no room for precisely one discussion — whether or not Queen Mab was a monster.
Character 1
Felicity Baudin
Rita Learns About The Birds And The Bees In The Worst Way
Tanksy rubbed his thin, patchy mustache. “So, this lady… she’s like a big figure in fae communism?”
Character A
Stephane the Apostle
Five-Finger Discount
Pfft..science. That’s your reality. Come..let me show you mine.
Character A
Anya Molokyna
The Peculiar Prisoner
It started with a simple rescue mission. Moloknya did not expect to find a curious time-displaced scientist from the future.
Character A
Samara Maclear
Samara: Be the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
There is a sense of peering into a world unto its own. That world, that passion, it can be shared innumerable times with so many different humans. And each time, it can never take away from its source; but it adds to the web of passion.
Character 1
Gregory Jermaine Chudley
Love in the Time of Chugwater
How exactly do I explain you to my parents?
Character A
SCP-6118
Hominophobia
They're like zombies, all of them. The researcher can't stand to look at their faces for a second longer. Even if he's out of Site-31, the memories remain; but so does the need for connection. He might just be able to get that need met without any humans involved.
Character 1
Jacob R. Dylan
Burn, Baby, Burn
You're more than what you're able to do… you're your personality, your strengths. Your past doesn't need to be your future. I know you, Jacob. You can be more than who you are now.
Character A
THE BASICS
You are going to submit a character you created, to be romanced by another author's character, from which point it gets a bit more complicated.
**Name:** [the name(s) of your character]
**Location:** [links to articles where your character appears. these can be a single page, a tag, a series, or multiple articles. please don't include cameos; we want articles where your character is somewhat important to the plot, or at least the main focus of a major scene]
**About me:** [brief description of the character; it can be in-universe from their perspective or out]
**Looking for:** [what you want to see in the story, or what your character looks for in love. this will be taken into account during match-ups, during which you will be matched with whoever the contest runner finds the funniest or most engaging]
**Limits:** [What you don't want to see in a story with your character, whether that be a specific romance trope, NSFW content, incompatible orientation, or something else. The contest runners will ensure these limits are 100% respected.]
Pay special attention to the "Limits" section, not only of your own post, but of your eventual assignee. It is against the rules to willingly violate someone's Limits.
Some examples:1
Name: Judas al-Zaman, The Postmaster
Location: A Cloud Over Lichtenberg, I want that twink Obliterated
About me: 🇵🇰🇩🇪🏳️🌈 Hi, I'm Judas, I run mail for Outer Lichtenberg. It's cool, you should visit some time. Also I recently got caught in a street war where I accidentally killed someone, and I'm still working through some trauma, so please be patient with me.
Looking for: Men who can keep up with me; someone to go to a punk show with; parkour teacher? 🥺Limits: No women, Judas is gay.
Name: Theresa Arianna Petrucci, Acolyte Dunst Amherst
Location: How To Clean A Polyester Dress, INTERMISSION: Like a Fly, I want that twink Obliterated
About me: Tall, blonde, and whip-smart. 32-year-old tradfem looking for her Prince Charming, specifically one willing to establish an Integralist empire with the help of Neo-Daevite patsies and brutal chemical warfare.
Looking for: Men who aren't afraid to be strong; someone who'll help me reach new heights; a nice Christian man looking to settle down into the terrorism trade.Limits: In all seriousness, I'd prefer she not get into a coercive relationship with, like, a Jew or trans person. I'd also prefer the story not be NSFW.
Name: "SCP-5952", "the Warbalang"
Location: SCP-5952
About me: Ancient clay humanoid. Good with kids. Likes nature walks. Hates the Scarlet Church.
Looking for: Someone good with kids; good at not getting lost; willing to look past my appearance.Limits: 5952 shouldn't abuse the children it saves. It's also part of a species that reproduces asexually through fission, so keep that in mind.
Name: Ydax the Pallid, Agent Lancelot, Anthony Lindell, "SCP-4886"
Location: SCP-4886 (Reimagining of Jack of Clubs byAdminBright)
About me: Do you like hunting? Do you like flatworms? Do you like ancient spymasters? Have you ever wanted to be skinned and replaced, your position used as pretext to commit a string of horrifying murders? Check me out… if you can find me ;)
Looking for: Things with pretty skin; true believers in the Daevite Autocracy; someone to bring home to my dad.Limits: Go nuts :)
- Round 1: Entrants will be given time to write a "romance" featuring both characters. What this means is up to the authors; however, both characters must be prominently involved in the story.
- Round 2: The winners of Round 1 will be randomly assigned one of the winning stories of Round 1. From there, they will be given time to write a tale that includes their own character in the romance. This can mean anything from breaking the characters up, having them team up to destroy your character, or even incorporating your character into their romance.
- Round 3: The top four of Round 2 will, once more, be assigned a random winning story, which they now must "complete" in time. I don't give a shit how you do that, as long as you respect the authors' limits.
THE RULES:
- Characters must be capable of giving informed consent. As such, they must satisfy the following requirements:
- Your character cannot be a juvenile.
- Your character must be sapient.
- Your character must be able to communicate in some form or fashion.
- You must write a romance that involves both characters. What that means is intentionally broad, but at least one character must conduct themselves in a non-platonic manner.
- Characters must be original characters with at least one significant appearance on the wiki. This can be from an SCP, a tale, a GoI Format, an art piece, a particularly creative essay, whatever! So long as you can point to a wiki piece, you're good.
- Reimaginings are allowed, so long as they're far-enough removed from the original to be clearly distinguishable. Please note them on the "Location" section as "(Reimagining of [piece/character] by [author])"
- The contest runners maintain the right to ban certain characters for any reason whatsoever. You will be informed of such as quickly as possible, and are allowed to choose another character.
- No SCP entries in the contest proper. SCPs will not be counted, except as qualifications for the above rule.
- Yes, this means every other kind of page is valid. If you want to draw a comic, write a spicy site dossier, or even get creative with an essay, go right ahead.
- Respect the limits of the authors. If the character's author is uncomfortable with something, do not include it in your story. Deliberate violation of this rule will result in disqualification.
- Link to the other author's work at the end of yours. Once your author posts their page, this is mandatory.
- No shenanigans.
- "Shenanigans" may include, but are not limited to:
- Sending excess PMs/DMs to promote your work, to the point of spam.
- Downvoting your competitors works all at once, or within minutes of each's posting.
- Malicious voting patterns (including malicious upvoting/novoting).
- This includes downvoting something because you believe it doesn't "deserve" to win the event, irrespective of quality.
- Encouraging any kind of voting brigade.
- Plugging your work is absolutely allowed, as long as it doesn't reach the point of outright spam.
- Shenanigans rules that pertain to voting also apply to non-entrants; your votes will not be counted should you be found engaging in such behaviors.
- "Shenanigans" may include, but are not limited to:
- Should an entrant drop out of the contest without informing the contest runners, they will be barred from entering the runners' next contest. Please inform the contest runners if you need to drop out.
UraniumEmpire strongly recommends the runner of the next OCT bar ghosting entrants.
Timeline
- Submitting your character: May 8th-May 15th, 12AM CDT
- Pairing characters up: May 15th-May 16th, 12 AM CDT
- Writing/posting period 1: May 16th-May 30th, 1 PM CDT2
- Voting period 1: May 30th-June 4th, 12 AM CDT
- Writing/posting period 2: June 5th-June 19th, 2023, 12 AM CDT
- Voting period 2: idk man
- Writing/posting period 3: idk man
- Voting period 3: idk man
In all seriousness: due to extensions, a lot of plans have been thrown into the air. I will be updating as things go.
THE PRIZE
UraniumEmpire will pay up to $200 for art3 of the winner's OC (and/or others, potentially), which will be displayed on this page. That necessarily means the art will be SFW.
Bonus Prizes
Pancreatic Failure
Write the sweetest tale of the contest.
Slow Dancing In An Acid Vat
Write the bitterest/most heartbreaking tale of the contest.
Okay, Freak
Write the spiciest tale of the contest.
Ned Loves My Hair
Make at least one reader cry.
You Will Be Assimilated
End your story with a polycule.
The Scorcho
Have your character break into the other's room to read their diary.
Portrait of a [REDACTED] on Fire
Receive art of your pairing, or draw an art page of any pairing you didn't receive; this can be awarded even if you didn't enter the contest.
Ruiz Duchamp Memorial Contest Team Memorial Contest Team Memorial Award
You know what to do.
Event is run by UraniumEmpire