Retrieval log db/4503-b
rating: +150+x

The Playa Club building, location of SCP-4503

The following is an audio log recorded during the execution of Operation "Al Dente".

Location is the Playa Club, an apartment building located in [DATA EXPUNGED], where SCP-4503 was located before being retrieved by SCP personnel.

Abbreviations are the following:

LC: Lambda Control Center
 L1: Agent ████████, Tactical Relay
 L2: Dr. ███████, Intellectual support
M55: Mobile Task-Force Theta-Five "Spoiled Brats"
MD: [DATA EXPUNGED] Mobile operative in charge of SCP retrieval
ME: [DATA EXPUNGED] Mobile operative in charge of SCP retrieval
MF: [DATA EXPUNGED] Mobile operative in charge of SCP retrieval
MG: [DATA EXPUNGED] Mobile operative in charge of SCP retrieval

MD: This is MD. [static]ached Point Zero-One.

L1: Repeat, MD.

MD: We have reached Point Zero-One.

L1: Copy that, MD. Any threats on sight?

MD: Negative, L1. Area is clear. Besides the bystanders looking at four fully-armoured guys with Assault Rifles.

L2: Okay guys, listen up. We're dealing with what seems to be an infinite-replicator here. It makes pasta in the big blue building you're probably now looking at, so much fucking pasta that not even Clef's mind can imagine it. We believe it has something to do with the pot on the roof, so that's your target.

ME: Why didn't the chopper send us to the roof and secure it?

L2: See, there's a 15 meter dead zone where all electronic devices go haywire and make the pasta production speed up. We can't really afford that, knowing the SCP can make so much goddamn pasta.

MF: Oh boy.

L2: Anyways, MF has the box. Once you get to the roof, you're going to secure the pot and once you do that, notify us with the green flares. We'll activate the radio signal that will send the box 30 meters away with the attached thrusters. If something happens to MF or the box gets decommissioned, we're using MG's box, understood?

MF: And "something happening to MF" means…

L1: Means you getting overwhelmed with pasta, you wanker. Now keep your head up and look out for pasta.

L2: Okay guys, at around 15 meters away from the building you'll hit a dead zone where no radio communication will be allowed, for fear of pasta. From there, you'll be swimming in pasta. Good luck.

MD: Roger that, Lambda Control, heading in to checkpoint Zero-Two.

L1: Received, MD. Operation Al Dente is now in effect. Good luck.

[No recorded chatter for 31 seconds]

L1: M55, confirm arrival at dead zone.


L1: M55, confirm arrival at dead zone.


L1: M55, if you're listening, confirm arrival at dead zone.


L2: They're there, geez.

L1: I know, just wanted to do a—

MD: LAMBDA CONTROL, TH[static] MD, WE'RE[static]

L1: Repeat, MD, we can't hear shit!

MD: This is MD, we're on floor seventeen, ME is down!

L1: Down? Why?

MF: Some farfalle cut him to death, fuck if I know!

L2: Everybody, let's calm the fuck down. Your objective REMAINS. Go up and secure the SCP.

MD: Roger that, we're… Oh GOD.

L1: MD, what the fuck?


L1: What pasta, MD?

MG: It's--It's, Oh, Jesus fuck I can't remembe--FETTUCCINE! IT'S FETTUCCINE!

L1: Fettuccine?

L2: What the actual fuck?

L1: Run! Go up, you MUST get to the item!

MF: There's TOO MUCH PASTA, you wanker!

L1: MD, tell me the status of the fettuccine.

MD: It's not moving, but it's everywhere!

L2: Hold on, I'm contacting [DATA EXPUNGED] to check this shit.

MF: Oh God what the FUCK is that?


L1: Calm down, it's just pasta!

[No recorded chatter for 8 seconds]

MF: Okay… The pasta's stopped flowing. Everything's a bit calmer now, except for that fucking fettuccine in the middle, horizontal linguine and a door in the— Aww shit what now?!

L1: MF, calm the fuck down and tell me what's happening.



MD: Whoa.

MF: What the shit?

L1: Theta-five, what's your status?

MD: We're… Alive. And on the 20th floor.

L2: I just called my nonna, fettuccine is mostly harmless. What the fuck was that all about?

MD: No idea.

L1: Okay, gentlemen, remember this is being recorded and we have to stick to the formalities as much as we can. You have one floor and then the roof. Advance.

L2: At least they made it through the pasta.

[No recorded chatter for 23 seconds]

MD: Oh, Jesus fuck, not again!

L2: MD, acknowledge situation.

MF: We're hovering mid-pasta and the entire floor is fucking covered in spaghetti, acknowledged?

L2: …Acknowledged, god dammit. Just try to fucking move through the pasta!

MF: Fuck! Lambda, we're now in one of the apartments, but everything seems fucked up here.

L2: That must be more of the SCP's pasta. Try to get out.

MD: Yeah, besides the fact that the door is blocked by the goddamn tortellini.

L1: Squad, open the fucking door already.

MD: Okay, geez. God, this is so fucked up…

L2: MD, what do you see?

MD: The furniture is like covered in sauce… and everything has been pushed out of place. The floor is like a gigantic plate of pasta and there's fusilli halfway up the walls… Okay, MG found a way to the door.

L2: I don't like where this is going…

MG: Okay, I'm opening the door and OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHI- [Sound distorted, akin to muffling with lasagna]

MD: Shit shit shit! [Heavy gunfire]

L1: Squad, report, what the fuck is going on in there?!

MD: More fucking pasta came out of the door, god-fucking-dammiiiiiiit! [heavy gunfire, followed by explosion]


L1: Fucking… Squad, report in.

MF: The pasta is… gone. Fucker splattered all over the place when I activated my 'nade launcher.

L1: Is the door open?

MD: Affirmative, I'm going to— My GOD.

L2: What?

MF: Behind the door there's… a pasta… vortex… of some sort. And… shit, I can see MG's helmet floating in the vortex. Wait, it's his goddamn he- [Cracking noise]

MD: Oh, shit!

L1: What's going on?

MD: The roof is cracking under all that pasta! FU- [Screaming followed by static]

L2: SHIT! Squad, report!


L2: God dammit, not now, Squad, report immediately.


L1: [Sigh] Operation failed, squad terminated by effect of pa-

MD: We're alive, you clot.

L2: Thank goodness. Where are you?

MD: The roof fell in, and we managed to claw our way to the top. I just don't fucking get this pasta any more.

L1: What do you see?

MF: Shit looks like rotini… It's definitely the roof because I can see the sky, but it looks like we're on top of a hill of pasta…

L2: I got confirmation of you on the roof.

L1: Do you see the SCP?

MD: Affirmative, it's on the only bit the roof still intact, apparently fallen off a stone pillar. It's a metal pot, pasta's flooding out. We're approaching it.

L1: Careful, guys.

MF: Lambda, we reached the SCP. Item is about 40 centimeters in diameter. Looks like it's made of iron. Proceeding to contain in the lockbox…

L2: I just hope the thing works.

MD: Lambda, SCP secured inside the lockbox, activating thrust— What the FUCK NOW?!

L1: What is it?!

L2: I'm receiving seismic data from the building. This one's for real.


At this point transmission is terminated. The thrusters of the lockbox were activated on time before the Playa Club apartment building collapsed, apparently from structural failure due to massive amounts of pasta. Item contained by personnel. The bodies of MD and MF were found with severe trauma caused by the collapse. The body of ME was also found, although with slash trauma not consistent with a collapsed building. MG was not found, current status unknown, presumed KBP.

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