RealSurrealSir's Author page

Me and my totally real lady-friend, tending our magical mushroom garden with our beloved pet, Manwhoiswearingahat.

Hello! I'm RealSurrealSir. Welcome to my author page(let)! Go ahead and check out all several of my articles:

MAINLIST SCP'S

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SCP-6094 - How to Spell Lorem Ipsum

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Style: Dark Humor

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"Yep! Honestly it's been a fun couple weeks for the most part. You haven't lived until you watch a possum piss on a businessman's laptop in Starbucks while a raccoon pulls out the guy's wallet as he's too angrily distracted to notice."

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■ Commentary ■

My first article, not anything especially high-brow or overly conceptual. I wasn't trying to avoid an ambitious first SCP necessarily, it's just that the ambitious idea I've been working on for months was not remotely ready and I kind of wrote this one mostly while taking a break from it to focus on something more darkly whimsical, but just kinda got in the zone for this one and finished a draft with much less difficulty than what I had been working on.

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SCP-5496 - Site-43 Suggestion Box

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Style: Dark Humor/absurdism

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"All site employees are to read this file in full at least once, and to be proactively apprised of any significant updates as necessary. Additionally, monthly weekly reminders are to be given to all Site-43 staff that any complaints, issues, or suggestions relating to perceived issues with some aspect of their workplace environment are to be directed through the appropriate channels via Hiring and Regulation; and that there is not now, nor has there ever been, any sort of officially sanctioned Site-43 “Suggestion Box.”"

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■ Commentary ■

My second article; simple concept, but really fun to write. At irst worried it might be a bit too silly to lend itself to a classic SCP article, but then almost immediately after that remembered that one of my favorite canons, On Guard-43 Canon Hub, exists and might actually be the PERFECT setting to incorporate something like a malevolent suggestion box. Helped that some of the existing characters (i.e. Dir. McInnis, DHarold Blank, and ole Willie Wettle SCP-7000-1) ended up fitting right in.

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SCP-6566 - Build-a-Boar Workshop

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Style: Banal Horror/horror comedy.

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"SCP-6566-2: So first off, did you guys happen to bring your own ritual daggers?

Stacy: …I’m sorry, wh—

SCP-6566-1: That’s Ok, we should have a couple that the kiddos can borrow. (shouting) HEY KING? CAN YOU GRAB A COUPLE DAGGERS?

A door in the back opens, and SCP-6566-3 walks out holding an ornately crafted dagger in each hand. Agonized screaming can be clearly heard from behind the door, though no one present remarks or noticeably reacts to this."

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■ Commentary ■

Entry in DepartmentCon 2022, as part of the Demonics Division team.¹ It's a bit longer and more traditionally disturbing than my first two, but the subject matter kind of necessitates that. Since rewritten by myself to be more complete, more concise, a bit more joke-heavy, and also to just have a leas sudden/anti-climactic ending; so check it out *again* if you haven't read it since DeptCon!

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SCP-4728 - God of THIS sea, at least…

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Style: Humor, character piece

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Henson: What, did you think that thing might actually be a god? It’s just a big salamander. Salamanders don’t even live in the ocean…

SCP-4728-1: Oh I’m sorry, are your own gods native to your own environs? Did you share a midwife with your deity perhaps, growing up so close to them?

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■ Commentary ■

Shortest piece, kind a patchworked around a simple, silly central idea (self-proclaimed 'God of the sea' is just talking critter with a pond) and some funny quotes I'd imagined over a few months and saved until I had enough to stitch together into some sort of actual basic story.

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SCP-6850 - Feisty Fireball

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Style: Humor, character piece

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"H.R. Weigl: No SCP-6850, I haven’t seen the show “Avatar: Last of Airbenders, people who totally had coming,” and so I can’t tell you why “Everyone so mean to Fire Nation” as I believe you so elegantly put it.

SCP-6850: Just is baffling to me.

H.R. Weigl: What I CAN tell you is that you won’t get to find out either if you don’t focus, because I gave you your TV privileges but can just as easily take them away.

…

SCP-6850: Is just… Why don’t other element peoples just accept their superiors as rightful leaders and be happy for opportunity?"

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■ Commentary ■

My first attempt at a real character piece. I Noticed there's a lot of SCP files focused on anomalous or anomalous-affected children, but not much on child-like anomalies. Why should sapient non-human objects and entities almost always be mentally/emotionally comparable to adults?

Note: Check out tale about SCP-6850 and SCP-5595 as described below!

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Tales and GoI Formats

TALE: Must one gumball machine put out every fire?

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“ME EXCUSE, IS THIS HOW ALWAYS TREAT IMPORTANT SCIENCERS MID-RESEARCH-DOINGS?,” an angry SCP-6850 began shouting at the attendant agents, as they worked to move the unruly orb into a full heat-resistant mobile containment unit.

“Oh no. Darn. There must be some mistake. What is happening. Wait here, little buddy, I'll go get help.” SCP-5595 deadpanned as it turned and began rolling away back to the Accounting Department main office…

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■ Commentary ■

Only current tale I have, and its about the aforementioned SCP-6850 and good ole' Geoffrey the site directing gumball machine (SCP-5955 by PlaguePJP); basically, a cross-over tale about the latter fooling the former's escape plans. I tried to make it funny, brief, and ultimately written so that you don't have to already be overly familiar with either!

PARAWATCH TALE: Street Light Interference
Recently Rewritten!

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Style: conspiracy, paranormal mystery

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It's still nsane to me to imagine my cantankerous yet cartoonishly dull asshole of a father (Rest in Peace Dad, love you) dropping us off at school after torturing us with Christan Rock on the radio or rants about the "God-hatin' Commies" only to then going to work and adminster everything from experimental drugs to fucking esoteric metaphysical procedures taken straighy from random ancient Eastern philosophical and/or holy texts to people, just to see of they can sense the grapes in the other room or make the lights flash on and off in Morse code with their mind…

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■ Commentary ■

Coldpostcon entry, very last minute idea about making a conspiracy story out of a mundane paranormal phenomenon I actually used to think I was affected by as a teen. I cranked out in about 3 hours, but I have bigger plans to revamp and expand it, so consider it "In-Rewrite".

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GOI FORMAT (Black Queen): Grabnoks, the destroyers

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Pretty well-traveled at this point, with lots of phobias and some hardcore PTSD from a few really unpleasant trips.
Like what?
Oh you know, escapades like the planet of Megaspiders, the voidlands of bellowing discord, that Tartarean prison colony in J-616, and so on.
Sage also tried to use his as a ritual sacrifice once.
I didn't know who he was!

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■ Commentary ■

First GoI Format and first annual Art Exchange gift! My giftee Cubard mentioned SCP-507 (involuntary dimension hopper) as a favorite, and he's also a fave of mine. Thought about it some and realized there wasn't much I could find involving the B.Q.s, another character(s) with multiple versions across timelines so decided to write about 507 from their perspectives.

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F.A.Q.

Why the theme, are you super into cogwork orthodoxy or something?
Not really; I like it as much as the next luddite cult, don't get me wrong, but I mainly just really like this theme.

Did you mean to adjust the main title but leave the secondary the same?
No, I tried to change both but only one took. (Currently seeking more knowledgeable person to tell me how to fix it…)

Do you write elsewhere?
Great question, hypothetical fellow human! Yes(-ish) I also write short horror stories on reddit, mainly /nosleep, and I also have a grand total of one (1) story over at the Wanderers Library Same Username; haven't put out anything there in a minute, but plan to return soon to some extent.

Do you have a real name?
Yep! Next question.

How did you get into the SCP Universe?
Accidentally, as with most good things in this world. I was watching a Youtube video on some thought experiment,² and the guy explained the concept of an infohazard. I thought that was really neat, so I of course went and read the Wikipedia page on "infohazard,"³ which mentioned its use in this thing called the SCP Foundation universe. Guess where I went next?

What's your top 5 SCPs?
I'll do you one two better, and list my favorite from each series because why not! Ok, so:

S1: SCP-970
S2: SCP-1312
S3: SCP-2602, which used to be a library
S4: SCP-3456
S5: SCP-4903
S6: SCP-5000
S7: SCP-6688
S8: SCP-7160

NOTE: It was recently pointed out to me that linking fave articles in author page might result in confusion or lack of clarity to any casual viewers of backlinks. I'm removing links as a result, but still highly encourage any visitors here to check out those awesome SCPs (literally just replace the SCP-xxxx to the last part of any other SCPs URL, if interested).

Has anyone actually asked any of these yet?
Not a one! next question.

Wait, so why are you doing it like this then?

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And that's all the time we have for now, folks! Stay tuned for more.

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Footnotes

1. AKA Faustian Jargon; kinda put further development on back shelf for now, but plan to return and add to eventually.

2. I thiiink it was Roko's Basilisk?

3. As one does.

‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"RealSurrealSir's Author page" by RealSurrealSir, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/realsurreality. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

For information on how to use this component, see the License Box component. To read about licensing policy, see the Licensing Guide.

Filename: Self-Portrait
Author: RealSurrealSir
License: Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike 3.0 via CC BY-SA 3.0 (I hereby grant it for general use here and elsewhere)
Source Link: N/A (My hard drive); hereby release image under CC BY 3.0 and such as well