RealSurrealSir's Author page

rating: +21+x

Me and my totally real lady-friend, tending our magical mushroom garden with our beloved pet, Manwhoiswearingahat.

Hello! I'm RealSurrealSir. Welcome to my author page(let)!

For those eithet interested or uninterested-but-should-be,-take-my-word-for-it (as estimated by an anonymized, survey of all RealSurrealSirs presently existing as me personally), check out all several of my articles:

SCP-6094 - How to Spell Lorem Ipsum

Style: Dark Humor, with Horror elements.

"Yep! Honestly it's been a fun couple weeks for the most part. You haven't lived until you watch a possum piss on a businessman's laptop in Starbucks while a raccoon pulls out the guy's wallet as he's too angrily distracted to notice."

SCP-5496 - Site-43 Suggestion Box

Style: Dark Humor/absurdism

"While this file has been given a default clearance level of three for all other sites and posts, all Site-43 employees have been given special provisional level 1/5496 clearance to view the bulk of this file. All employees are to read this file at least once, and to be proactively apprised of any significant updates as necessary. Additionally, monthly weekly reminders are to be given to all Site-43 staff that any complaints, issues, or suggestions relating to perceived issues with some aspect of their workplace environment are to be directed through the appropriate channels via Hiring and Regulation; and that there is not now, nor has there ever been, any sort of officially sanctioned Site-43 “Suggestion Box.”"

SCP-6566 - Build-a-Boar Workshop (recently rewritten!)

Style: Banal Horror/horror comedy.

"SCP-6566-2: So first off, did you guys happen to bring your own ritual daggers?

Stacy: …I’m sorry, wh—

SCP-6566-1: That’s Ok, we should have a couple that the kiddos can borrow. (shouting) HEY KING? CAN YOU GRAB A COUPLE DAGGERS?

A door in the back opens, and SCP-6566-3 walks out holding an ornately crafted dagger in each hand. Agonized screaming can be clearly heard from behind the door, though no one present remarks or noticeably reacts to this."

Note: Also, this was recently rewritten by myself to be more complete, more concise, a bit more joke-heavy, and also to just have a leas sudden/anti-climactic ending; so check it out *again* if you haven't read it since DeptCon!

SCP-6850 - Fireball/Flame Orb

Style: Humor, character piece

"H.R. Weigl: No SCP-6850, I haven’t seen the show “Avatar: Last of Airbenders, people who totally had coming,” and so I can’t tell you why “Everyone so mean to Fire Nation” as I believe you so elegantly put it.

SCP-6850: Just is baffling to me.

H.R. Weigl: What I CAN tell you is that you won’t get to find out either if you don’t focus, because I gave you your TV privileges but can just as easily take them away.

SCP-6850: Is just… Why don’t other element peoples just accept their superiors as rightful leaders and be happy for opportunity?"

Style: humor, or new weird I guess?

T + 00:59 - SCP-6957 reaches out and then makes a vague arm motion around the balloon to no noticeable effect, before donning a look of apparent confusion. However, shortly thereafter, the camera’s field of view into the front of the alley where SCP-6957 and the child are then located is slightly obstructed by a passerby, shielding SCP-6957 from its line of sight for approximately 0.6 seconds. As the pedestrian continues on, the footage then shows what had previously been a balloon had now been replaced with a metal helium gas tank, still attached to the same string.

T + 01:05 - The helium tank is seen falling onto the head of the child’s doll, causing part of its head to cave in and its left arm to come off…

NOTE: Don't love this one, and have put up for rewrite (request already received from another author and granted!

//Only current one is SCP-6850 and SCP-5595 cross-over tale about the latter fooling the former's escape plans. Id fun short comedic tale though, written so that you don't have to already be overly familiar with either! check it out


Why the theme, are you super into cogwork orthodoxy or something?
Not really; I like it as much as the next luddite cult, don't get me wrong, but I mainly just really like this theme.

Did you mean to adjust the main title but leave the secondary the same?
No, I tried to change both but only one took. (Currently seeking more knowledgeable person to tell me how to fix it…)

Do you write elsewhere?
Great question, hypothetical fellow human! Yes(-ish), I also write short horror stories on reddit, mainly /nosleep. Same Username.

Do you have a real name?
Yep! Next question.

How did you get into the SCP Universe?
Accidentally, as with most good things in this world. I was watching a Youtube video on some thought experiment,3 and the guy explained the concept of an infohazard. I thought that was really neat, so I of course went and read the Wikipedia page on "infohazard,"4 which mentioned its use in this thing called the SCP Foundation universe. Guess where I went next?

What's your top 5 SCPs?
I'll do you one two better, and list my favorite from each series because why not! Ok, so:

S1: SCP-970
S2: SCP-1312
S3: SCP-2602, which used to be a library
S4: SCP-3456
S5: SCP-4903
S6: SCP-5595
S7: SCP-6688

NOTE: It was recently pointed out to me that linking fave articles in author page might result in confusion or lack of clarity to any casual viewers of backlinks. I'm removing links as a result, but still highly encourage any visitors here to check out those awesome SCPs (literally just replace the SCP-xxxx to the last part of any other SCPs URL, if interested).

Has anyone actually asked any of these yet?
Not a one! next question.

Wait, so why are you doing it like this then?

And that's all the time we have for now, folks! Stay tuned for more (Whenever I end up feeling like it).

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