Project Proposal: 2024-001
rating: +19+x


Everyone's a critic has been indefinitely suspended, and its creator's soul has been diced, sautéed, and fed to the hounds. More importantly, no one that mattered died in the raging inferno, and all surviving witnesses not worth their salt have been Vaporized.

If you're reading this, please handle critique better.

~ C. Bold, Director of Exhibition Security, 2024

Project Proposal 2024-001

Title: Everyone's a Critic by Markus Masako

Material Requirements:

  • The art kit of Paul Ancrum (Already in my possession)
  • One Vaporized human soul, minced (Already in my possession)
  • One serving platter
  • Two dozen boxes of saltine crackers
  • Two cans of Cheez Whiz
  • Bug repellant (Available upon request)

Abstract: Everyone's a critic is an interactive piece meant to be experienced by the entire gallery.

The soul of the Vaporized individual will be served as a topping for cheese and crackers for any and all to enjoy.

Consumers will find that people are much more interested in their opinion than they normal, or will be less interested in what they have to say in the case of already influential figures. The consumer will naturally be able to speak louder and clearer the more people have corralled around them, and their opinion will be regarded with the utmost respect. Rather inexplicably, a flock of moths will surround certain consumers, granting them an amplified version of the effect. This can be neutralized by using the allotted bug spray.

Affected artists will then fly into a frenzy, attempting to persuade the consumers to examine their exhibits through any means available to them. This includes ambush, kidnapping, incessant pleading, and bargaining. (Note for Security: These tend to get disastrous after a while, so be on the lookout for the extremists.)

Exhibits are evaluated by the consumer and, depending on how well it was received, may garner more or less attention at the gallery than other exhibits.

Intent: Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?

I see this all too often; An artist, writer, or a creative in any other field, feels that they're too inexperienced to give critique on someone else's work. They fail to understand the value of their opinion simply because they aren't famous or talented. It's a pity, really.

The soul has been Vaporized, which is meant to represent the Everyman. This could be anyone, well, could have been anyone. It isn't important. Through its consumption, you become the Everyman. What you were before this doesn't matter. The playing field will be leveled.

The Everyman is just as relevant as the Important People. Why should their opinions matter any less? I've been attending the galleries for some time now, and just recently decided to make a contribution which I will be eternally grateful if you accept. Not only will you have allowed me to make your gallery better, but it will be the most meaningful gesture in my entire creative career.

Everyone deserves to have their voices heard, after all.

From: The Critic
To: Markus Masako
Date: 09/05/23

I mean, I totally get what you're saying, but not everyone is gonna shit out the golden egg on their first try. This is just a glorified sob story.

We aren't kids trying to win our parent's approval. We're dedicated fucking artists. Come back when you have something better.

From: Markus Masako
To: The Critic
Date: 09/05/23

Just let me into the gallery, Critic. I'm so passionate about this idea man, you have no idea how hard I've worked on it.

Don't be a dick, man.

From: The Critic
To: Markus Masako
Date: 09/05/23

Look man, I get how much effort you've put into this. Hell, we've all slaved away on pieces before, you aren't special.

Either make this better or scrap this shit. I'm not signing off on garbage just because you want it to work.

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