Jack "Poor Yoric" Dawkins's Personnel Page

Name: Jack "Poor Yoric" Dawkins

Security Clearance: Level 1

Duties: Anomalous object acquisition, counter-espionage, getting slapped in the face by beautiful women

Location: Currently stationed at Site 23, pending execution and discharge

History: The early history of Jack Dawkins is murky and clouded. He was reportedly born in ████, in ██████, Alabama. However, all birth records for the county were lost after Hurricane ███████ swept through the area. His records in school show an average student, with few disciplinary actions. However, none of his teachers or classmates remember him clearly. His only surviving family (maternal uncle, James "Dim Jimmy" Montague), would say little when contacted by the Foundation, except to say, "That fucker? Is he dead? I ain't paying for no casket." The rumors that he is the grandson of Dr. Bright have been denied by all involved parties.

After graduating high school, he found his way into organized crime, where his natural anonymity served him well. He avoided both fame and infamy, preferring to stay under the radar, until the day his erstwhile employer, Joseph "Screwtape" Scalzi discovered Dawkins in bed with Scalzi's mistress. He hurriedly relocated to South America, where he spent several months involved in an exotic-bird smuggling ring. However, he was again forced to relocate after Maria Ferraz, one of the birds in question, made a deal with the Polícia Federal. He narrowly avoided time in a Brazilian prison, and made his way to Europe, clinging to the side of an oil tanker. He survived on a diet of barnacles and rainwater.

In Europe, he used his natural wiles to bilk paparazzi with pictures of fake celebrities, selling the photos and then moving on before his ruse could be discovered. It was during this time that he made the acquaintance of ███████ █████████, which is why he is not allowed on field missions in Switzerland.

By the time he was twenty-three, he had amassed a small fortune. However, it was taken from him by a consortium of unscrupulous card sharks, who intended to use his money to win an international Rummy tournament. He foiled their schemes with the help of Professor Stephen Hawking, but was unable to get his money back.

In a desperate bid to raise his fortunes once again, he took on a job from the Swedish mafia to steal a set of rare jewels. However, while he was in the process of acquiring them from the store where they were being kept, he was interrupted by an unrelated Foundation raid. In the confusion, the crate containing the jewels (and Mr. Dawkins) was loaded up for transportation back to Site ██. There, he was discovered desperately trying to escape through an air vent, cursing the architect who had designed them to narrow sharply after two feet. After being interviewed, he was held for several weeks before being offered employment with the Foundation.

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