Poky And Pal Arm Themselves
rating: +47+x

Only in the Foundation will you ever see an eldritch cactus, a man with his arms encased in polymer gel, and like four guards sitting in the back of the same van. But that's where Armando ended up. Of course it took less than a week after he arrived at Site-64 for the place to fall apart. It's like he's some sort of bad luck charm. And this time it wasn't even his fault!

"Oi, mis amigos. Do you have any water? Haven't had a drop since we left the site," Armando said.

One of the guards looked over. "Sorry man, there's only one bottle left, and the cactus has dibs."

"The cactus?"

"Hey, I'm as thirsty as you. But procedures are procedures, and not following them tends to get you killed."

"Private! Stop talking to the skip!"

"Sorry." The guard looked at the ground. Armando sighed.

"Fucking cactus man."



im thirsty

They will water us soon.

Carnegias had been trying to form his next plan of attack. They were on the move, which is good. Harder to do proper containment in transit. The key was figuring how they were going to move next.

but im thirsty now

I know. This vessel does not lend itself to dehydration.

If they tried to jump into one of the guards' heads then the other three would probably shoot the cactus and the vessel immediately. If they just killed all the guards, well then they'd be dead. Maybe poky could take over the driver? Nah, Carnegias barely trusts poky with eldritch powers beyond human comprehension. He can't expect poky to figure out driving.

water is near

Yes, the water bottle is for us.

no the other water with the jello hands

Carnegias finally registered the Hispanic man sitting across from him. His arms were incased in gel, and his legs were chained to the wall. All of the checkboxes for a fellow accomplice.

Oh right!

i can drink?

No no no! Just umm… do what I say. It's nothing complicated.

Armando really wished he had earplugs. The driver had turned on the radio, and now the entire vehicle rung with country music. Not like the good country too, but the pop-country music that's all got the same tune and the same lyrics about "beers with the boys".

He looked for anything to distract him. The guards weren't allowed to talk to him. The cactus was… a cactus. He looked at himself. Nope nothing here except… words in the polymer gel. They were etched into the gel restraining the arm facing away from the guards.

You, mortal, have been chosen to aid in the release of Carnegias The Spiked Void from this infernal cell. Do you accept your calling? Blink once for yes, twice for no.

The hell was this? Armando has seen a lot weirder things in his time in containment, but this hit that sweet spot between unexpected timing and location to truly throw him for a loop. Armando blinked three times. A new message appeared.

Are you of sound mind my minion?

Armando blinked three times again.

i think hes confused

Either that or the man can't count.

everyone is afraid of you

Exactly! Well… most of the time. Unless he doesn't— Ah. I understand the problem here.

Do you doubt my physical form? A cactus may be meek, but it has thorns like you would never believe.

Armando stifled a laugh. The cactus? This is what the cactus does? It thinks its a god of some sort? Wow, they really keep quite the characters locked up here.

How dare you look down upon me! I will give you one last opportunity. Will you aid me?

Armando paused, looked over at the guards, and then blinked twice.

No? NO? Why? Why no? He obviously wants out! Like, look at him!

he has jello arms

Exactly! Buddy, I hate to make you do this, and I know you've only done it once before with the kangaroo, but could you look into his third eye?

i will try


Armando watched the messages fade out of the gel. He did want out, he really did, but like… what was a cactus going to do? And if they fucked this up those guards would almost certainly plug his body full of some combination of tranqs, tasers, and possibly lead. Better to wait for the next main breach. He's gotten lucky with those recently.

Oh, so you're scared? Afraid of getting a little hurt?

The voice echoed around Armando's head. It was deep and smooth.

Wait, who the fuck are—

Who I am is of no consequence. Just an associate of the Pointed One.

Armando looked around the room. No one was speaking. It was definitely in his head.

I don't answer to a fucking cactus. Besides, if I had access to my arms right now I'd already be out of here.

You said that you don't want to leave, but now you are saying you would if you could. Which one is it?

I'll leave on my own. And I don't need your disembodied ass talking down to me.

You sound like you are in denial. You like it here.

I've made mincemeat out of these guards before. I want out and I'll take it on my terms.

You said you needed your arms. What if I… resolved that for you?

Well, I'd make new ones to get something to bust out of here. Don't worry, I'd get one made out of whatever I need to give you some love too.

Make arms you say?

Armando suddenly felt something cold wash over him. He could feel prickles on his arms as if they had fallen asleep. They felt a little numb.

I'll be a generous host, and offer you one last chance. You help us, or we do it ourselves.

I'm calling your bluff. You'd be nothing but dead weight.

The prickles became sharp pains. A shadowy hallucination appeared in front of Armando, with claws dug into each of his arms. It pulled. Armandos arms were ripped from their sockets, along with the neoprene gel.

Armando screamed.

What— that shouldn't feel like that.

Maybe not when you do it. Oh, by the way, I'll need more arms than this. I hope you don't mind.

Buddy, what's going on what's he doing?

hes helping!

But he's screaming.

that is what helping sounds like

That's what your owners sounded like!


The arms just kept coming and coming and they just wouldn't stop. The guards started shooting but three different metal arms levitated in front of the tranquilizers and a dirt arm intercepted the tasers. Now the arms were all over the floor, writhing in Armando's pain. Now more. A helium arm, a wire arm, an arm made out of lightbulbs. And each one bled.

The shadow ripped arm after arm out of the man. He went faster and faster. The reproduction sped up. Now the arms were at waist height. The guards had been incapacitated by an assault of appendages thrown their way. A few were forced together to create a cage around the cactus. Shoulder height now. The driver should've pulled off the highway but he was restrained by arms. More and more faster and faster. The sound of flesh ripping. Higher and higher they go. Arms up to the mouths. Armed to the teeth. The shadow laughed. Armando screamed.

Incident Report 64-E

During the transport of anomalies from Site-64 to suitable containment locations, a containment breach occurred in caravan 4-B. The vehicle containing SCP-3589 and SCP-3388 exploded due to pressure built up by an immense number of appendages that had manifested within the vehicle.

Nearby transports halted and attempted to recontain the anomalies. The majority of the effort was focused on SCP-3589, who was initially seen screaming and clutching its shoulders following the explosion. However, before it could be successfully sedated, the anomaly regained its bearings, produced what is believed to be arms made of magnesium oxide and an unknown substance. The collision of these two limbs approximated a flashbang grenade. SCP-3589 was not seen after officers regained their vision.

The few reports of SCP-3388 indicated that it was carried away on a series of rolling arms that acted together like a mobile platform, however this has not been corroborated.

The recontainment of SCP-3388 and SCP-3589 is now a Level 7 priority. A reclamation squad is to be deployed at once.

This tale is part of the OCT Tournament. You should also check out the companion tale for this round written by WerylliumWeryllium to see more poky and Armando in Poky ChArms!

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