Not a contest entry, but a crackfic about gods anyways
rating: +161+x

The gods gathered at the Great Abyss like flies attracted to rotten meat, hunting each other down and licking the wounds of the universe. They were also throwing a party.

"I just don't get it!" exclaimed the DEER, "What's with that Daleport place? How is that any better than here?"

"Well," answered Pangloss, "Things are pretty hyped there. I had to get some locals out, if anything."

"Half of the gods here left!" DEER grunted, turning to the bartender, "Somebody turn the Pattern Screamers down please?"

As the screams died out, MEKHANE and Yaldabaoth could be heard arguing in the background. As the huge pile of clockwork emitted a series of ticking noises, the flesh god roared mindlessly in response.

"Not again," DEER facehooved, "Will they just get a room."

"Why would you say that?" asked Pangloss, "They've been at each others throats for ages."

"Oh, you have no idea Pangie." DEER emitted a short laugh, "I'm betting you, they will mate before tearing each other apart."

"No way."

"If that actually happens, you're going to write me one of your dumb poems." DEER laughed.

"They're not dumb!" Pangloss protested, "They're expressions of my deeper feelings!"

"Okay then," shrugged DEER, "If I win, you're gonna write me one of your brilliant poems."

MEKHANE had now begun to make sharp grinding sounds and Yaldabaoth called up his six Archons to the fight.

"Why can't we just get those two out!" Scarlet King began pounding the counter, "This is disgusting!"

"Oh shut up Red!" DEER turned to him annoyingly, "You can't even get laid!"

"What, nonsense!" Scarlet King roared, "There is no way the great Scarlet King can't accomplish such insignificant task! You'll regret this when you witness my beautiful bride—"

"Excuse me," he was interrupted by Ptah, who just poked his head in, "Has anyone seen my wife?"

"You asked the same question just a thousand years ago!" DEER shouted, "Give it a break!"

"But she's going to to destroy the world again," Ptah whined.

"Look in Daleport, maybe?" Pangloss suggested.

The god nodded before rushing out of the Great Abyss. The Scarlet King proceed to protest that he did not get the respect he deserved, crushing the counter with his fists. The Hanged King murmured something, but literally nobody paid him any attention. While the flesh and metal war intensified, He-Who-Made-Light was yelling at this brother to get back to his room.

"This is getting more absurd by each second. I mean, where is that planet sized sundae I ordered a hundred years ago?" DEER started yelling at a waitress, "Get my dessert please? With satellites on top?"

Hearing him, the waitress turned around, and handed him a slice of toast.

"Uh-oh." Pangloss gasped.

"Oh not this shit again." DEER rolled his eyes and got up.

Pangloss looked around to find several of the staff had been putting slices of bread into their mouths. DEER turned to the exit but huge colorless green tentacles are slipping in, unnoticed by a majority of the gods. They were too occupied with myself to focus on the intense chanting of "fifth" in the background.

"Oh of course," DEER frowned, "Bad things just have to come all at once."

"Now you'd wish you have gone to Daleport instead." Pangloss took a deep breath, "He-Who-Walks-Beneath-Dreams told me he was having a great time there."

"Worst party ever!" DEER yelled before making his way past the giant starfish god.

"So," DEER said, "The party is crashed."

"Yeah." Pangloss replied, looking at the five giant tentacle-hands protruding from the Abyss.

"And I didn't even get my sundae." DEER grunted, "You know what I'm gonna go down there and demand blood of the innocent."

"Wait what."

"I'll have the Foundation play music for me." DEER announced, "At least they would have decent taste, if anything, better than screamers."

"This is dumb." Pangloss eyed him.

"It is but I don't even care anymore." DEER eyed back, "And you're going to write that poem for me."

So with the giant starfish approaching closer, DEER willingly went into containment; the Scarlet King got his seven brides (before being bound within THE PEARL OF THE FATHER OF OYSTERS); MEKHANE and Yaldabaoth mated before tearing each other apart; and I am still a toaster.

Once in the Great Abyss there was a place of joy, where gods gathered and— No, you know what DEER, this is just stupid, I don't even care if those two actually got a room. I'm outta here.

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