Oswald the Lucky Rabbit in the Cross-Country Quest

Oswald the Lucky Rabbit in

Wild, Wild West
by
The Author

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality and is searching for a rabbit hole to Cartoonland.

MUSIC:

Actor in black body suit playing a musical instrument.

CLUB GOERS:

Club patrons in a line outside the establishment. They are dressed in early 2020's West Coast club fashion.

CLUB GOER:

Club patron in a line outside the establishment. They flirt with Oswald, and aren't aware that he is a toon.

BOUNCER:

Just tryin' to do his job. He bounces.

Scene: Alleyway in Los Angeles

Time: Late Night

I-1-1

ACT I

Scene 1

SETTING:

OSWALD SEARCHES for a rabbit hole back to Cartoonland. He is currently ASLEEP.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD AWAKES in a Los Angeles alleyway. LOUD club music ECHOES down a few blocks.

FADE IN:

EXT. ALLEYWAY - LATE NIGHT

OSWALD

(OSWALD TOSSES and TURNS in his cardboard box. He COVERS his ears and ROLLS in bed.)

MUSIC

(MUSIC THUMPS and BUMPS, this SHAKES, and RATTLES, the ground.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD PULLS a comedically large pocket watch from behind his back. An eye JUTS out from his head.)

MUSIC

(MUSIC THUMPS and BUMPS, this SHAKES, and RATTLES, the ground.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SITS up and CRAWLS out from his box.)

CUT TO:

EXT. CLUB IN LA - LATE NIGHT

(MUSIC is LOUD. There is a line of CLUB GOERS wrapping around the block. OSWALD peeks his head around the corner. He RUBS his chin, SNAPS his fingers, and SPINS around quickly. When he STOPS spinning, he wears a hoodie and a mask. OSWALD, with intent to SABOTAGE the MUSIC, SETS OUT toward the source.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD QUEUES in line. PEEKS his head out and he SEES a BOUNCER at the start of the line.)

CLUB GOERS

(CLUB GOERS chatter in front of OSWALD. One CLUB GOER OPENS a small, cylindrical container and candy from it. The CLUB GOER PLACES it in their mouth. Same CLUB GOER NOTICES OSWALD behind them.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD REACHES the BOUNCER. OSWALD WAVES his hand and SAUNTERS.)

I-1-2

BOUNCER

(BOUNCER SURPRISED.)

And where do ya think ya goin'?

(BOUNCER PULLS OSWALD by his collar.)

What's ya name?

CLUB GOER

(POKES head from front doors.)

Oh, he's uh, he's with me.

BOUNCER

Sure, whatever.

OSWALD

(OSWALD WAVES again and WALTZES inside.)

CUT TO:

INT. CLUB IN LA - LATE NIGHT

CLUB GOER

Hey! You can hang with us until your friends get here.

OSWALD

(OSWALD SCANS the club. Realizing it'll take some SLEUTHING to SABOTAGE the MUSIC— he JOINS the CLUB GOER.)

FADE OUT:

INT. CLUB IN LA - LATE NIGHT

I-1-3

FADE IN:

INT. CLUB IN LA - ONE HOUR LATER

OSWALD

(OSWALD DANCES with the CLUB GOER)

CLUB GOER

(SIGHS)

I'm exhausted! You have some stamina.

(CON'T)

Hey, would you like to do something fun?

OSWALD

(OSWALD not wanting to be OUTED trying to SABOTAGE, NODS his head.)

CLUB GOER

Follow me.

(CLUB GOER LEADS OSWALD toward the back of the club to a secluded booth.)

(Shot follows OSWALD and the CLUB GOER as they head to the back of the club.)

CLUB GOER

(CLUB GOER SITS in the booth.)

When did you move here?

I-1-4

OSWALD

(OSWALD SITS, LOOKS at CLUB GOER and SHRUGS)

CLUB GOER

You're from here?

OSWALD

(OSWALD TENTATIVELY NODS his head)

CLUB GOER

So… would you like to try something fun?

OSWALD

(OSWALD CAUTIOUSLY NODS his head.)

MUSIC

(MUSIC THUMPS and BUMPS, this SHAKES, and RATTLES, the ground.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD GLANCES near the MUSIC source.)

CLUB GOER

(CLUB GOER REMOVES the cylinder seen prior and POURS sugar candy on the table)

You're welcome to try one.

OSWALD

(OSWALD GLANCES near the MUSIC again, and then TAKES a piece.)

(OSWALD EATS the candy and SHIVERS.)

CLUB GOER

(LAUGHS)

You're not supposed to chew it!

(MUSIC GETS louder, CLUB GOER LEANS toward OSWALD)

It'll take about five minutes! Then we'll dance again!

OSWALD

(OSWALD confusedly LOOKS at the sugar candy, then back at CLUB GOER)

Five minutes until what?

(FIVE MINUTES later, OSWALD starts to YAWN, CLUB GOER continues YAPPING.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD YAWNS and NODS in and out of SLEEP.)

CLUB GOER

(CLUB GOER's SPEECH is GARBLED.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SEES DOUBLE as spirals appear above his head.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

The Navy Nixie:

The ZEITGEIST of the JOY Disney animations et other media, have given to generations.

THE LURKING FEAR:

The ZEITGEIST of the TERROR Disney animations et other media, have given to generations.

STORE ATTENDANT:

Usually bored.

TOURIST 1 & 2:

TOURIST 1 and 2 are going on a cross-country trip.

Scene: N/A

Time: N/A

I-2-1

ACT I

Scene 2

SETTING:

OSWALD is in an unknown rabbit hole.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD falls into a void.

(OSWALD HEARS a voice in the far distance in the dark.)

The Sapphire Sprite

Dreams from you I do beseech,
Knowledge that lies beyond my reach—

(The VOICE MANIFESTS before OSWALD and RADIATES blue)

The Azul Angel

Troubled thoughts beyond my heart,
Reveal now those thoughts in part.

FADE IN:

INT. DREAMLANDS - N/A

(SMOG billows and is illuminated by The Azure Aziza's light. The SMOG shifts into an image of a skeleton crowned in horns riding a skeletal horse.)

The Teal Tien

The Lurking Fear…

THE LURKING FEAR:

(THE LURKING FEAR SHIFTS to an eerily familiar MOUSE silhouette. THE LURKING FEAR looks through a magnifying glass.)

The Baltic Bluecap

…He's searching…

(The vision shifts into a silhouette of a BEAR chasing a silhouette of a RABBIT. Images morph together into a rabbit hole, then a towering city skyline flanked by a large statue of a lady. A flash and then a BEAR CATCHING the RABBIT and IMPRISONING it. THE LURKING FEAR's gloved hands STRANGLE the world.)

The Lapis Lazavik

Another rabbit hole will appear in Old New Amsterdam, when The Lurking Fear emerges in less than a year.

OSWALD

(OSWALD PANICS.)

The Peri Peri

Hero with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks!

(CON'T)

The Lurking Fear wants to absorb this reality. Hurry, dear Oswald, to the East! For the Herald of Fear, even now, nips at your heels.

(The vision shifts and UP OSWALD FALLS. He WAKES in the alleyway, in his box.)

(BLACKOUT)

I-2-2

FADE IN:

EXT. LOVE'S GAS STATION - LATE MORNING

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT STEPS foot on the asphalt and LOOKS at his surroundings.)

TOURIST 1 & 2

(CHATTERING with EACH OTHER as they enter the STORE.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SIGHS. STEAMBOAT PULLS out a comedically oversized magnifying glass. STEAMBOAT INSPECTS the ground.)

CUT TO:

INT. GREYHOUND BUS - LATE MORNING

OSWALD

(LEANS BACK in bus chair WHISTLING to himself.)

CUT TO:

EXT. LOVE'S GAS STATION - LATE MORNING

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT INSPECTS the buses and FINDS candy covered rabbit tracks in the dirt. STEAMBOAT FOLLOWS the rabbit tracks into LOVE'S. The tracks LEAD to an aisle of candy.)

STORE ATTENDANT

(STORE ATTENDANT CLEANS melted chocolate and candy wrappers. Empty candy boxes LITTER the aisle.)

STEAMBOAT

(FLAILS trying to get the STORE ATTENDANT's ATTENTION.)

CUT TO:

INT. GREYHOUND BUS - LATE MORNING

OSWALD

(OSWALD EATS truffles out of a paper-bag.)

CUT TO:

INT. LOVE'S GAS STATION - LATE MORNING

STORE ATTENDANT

(STORE ATTENDANT NOTICES the SHORT, MASKED FIGURE FLAILING.)

(FRUSTRATED)

Sorry, I'll be right with ya'— some asshole came in here and wrecked the candy aisle.

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT GESTURES 'look' and POINTS at the mess. STEAMBOAT POINTS OUTSIDE, and SIGNS 'where'.)

TOURIST 1 & 2

(TRIES to WALK down candy aisle. PAUSES and BACKS AWAY.)

STORE ATTENDANT

(STORE ATTENDANT STOPS cleaning.)

I know that an Albuquerque bus recently left. I don't really care where he came from or went, so please, let me finish cleaning. I'll help you in a moment.

CUT TO:

EXT. BUS - NOON

(OSWALD'S BUS PASSES by a sign that reads 'Welcome to Albuquerque'.)

CUT TO:

EXT. LOVE'S GAS STATION - NOON

(STEAMBOAT EAVESDROPS on a few TRUCKERS, and FINDS a TRUCKER heading toward Albuquerque.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
(END OF ACT I)

Oswald the Lucky Rabbit

Next-stop New Mexico
by
The Author

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

TRUCKER:

Wants to keep driving; he is impatient.

TOURIST:

Very lost.

VENDING MACHINE:

Vending machine.

Scene: Outside Alvarado Transportation Center, Albuquerque, New Mexico

Time: Mid-Afternoon

II-1-1

ACT II

Scene 1

SETTING:

STEAMBOAT is IN the bed of a truck. OSWALD EXITS his bus. TOURIST CHECKS bus schedules. TRUCKER needs to REFUEL.

AT PRESENT:

STEAMBOAT CLIMBS from the truck bed. OSWALD LOITERS around the stop. TRUCKER GETS out of truck. TOURIST INPECTS the bus schedules.

FADE IN:

EXT. ALVARADO TRANSPORTATION CENTER, MID-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD LOITERS near the entrance.)

TOURIST

(TOURIST INSPECTS bus schedule.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD APPROACHES the TOURIST, and POINTS at the schedule)

TOURIST

Oh? What's that? Where are you heading?

OSWALD

(OSWALD GESTURES an arch and then MIMES riding a horse)

TOURIST

I think that's number 791 at Bay 3 at 6pm? I'd ask one of the station workers.

OSWALD

(OSWALD SALUTES the TOURIST and HEADS inside)

TRUCKER

(TRUCKER LEAVES his truck to refuel it)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT CLAMBERS out of the bed of the truck.)

(He STRETCHES and PULLS his magnifying glass from out of his pocket.)

TOURIST

(TOURIST HAS phone, and SCROLLS through it.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT NOTICES rabbit prints HEADING toward the bus schedules.)

TOURIST

(TOURIST still HAS phone, and SCROLLING through it.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT TRIES to get the TOURIST's attention.)

II-1-2

TOURIST

(TOURIST IGNORES STEAMBOAT.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SIGHS and HEADS into the Transit Center.)

FADE OUT:

(BLACK)

FADE IN:

EXT. ALVARADO TRANSPORTATION CENTER, ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO- MID-AFTERNOON

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT LOOKS around the lobby. The rabbit prints STOP. The constant traffic has SWEPT them.)

CUT TO:

(OSWALD trying to get a soda out of the VENDING MACHINE.)

VENDING MACHINE

(VENDING MACHINE REFUSES to accept the dollar bill.)

CUT TO:

(STEAMBOAT WANDERS around the front walkway. He SCANS the area.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SEES a station worker, FLAGS them down and APPROACHES.)

STATION WORKER

Can I help you?

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT NODS and PULLS a crumbled piece of paper from his pocket. He UNFOLDS IT revealing a drawing of a cartoon rabbit.)

(STEAMBOAT POINTS at the image.)

STATION WORKER

Um. Yea, I… I haven't seen a cartoon rabbit.

II-1-3

CUT TO:

(OSWALD SLAPS the side of the VENDING MACHINE.)

VENDING MACHINE

(VENDING MACHINE RUMBLES.)

(OSWALD KICKS VENDING MACHINE.)

(VENDING MACHINE RUMBLES. A soda launches out of VENDING MACHINE and HITS OSWALD on the head. OSWALD is KNOCKED onto the floor.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD GRABS the soda, MAKES a rude GESTURE, and LEAVES.)

CUT TO:

(STEAMBOAT STOPS random people SHOWS them the picture.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SIGHS and SLOUCHES.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD WALKS into the center of the station. He SPOTS a STATION WORKER.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SEES a short, suspiciously RABBIT-like patron walking up to the STATION WORKER.)

(STEAMBOAT WEAVES in and out of the crowd. EAVESDROPPING on FIGURE and STATION WORKER.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD GESTURES an arch and then MIMES riding a horse.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SEES the pantomiming.)

STATION WORKER

Oh, uh… that's number 791 at Bay 3. It leaves at 6pm.

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT CATCHES OSWALD's ATTENTION.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD's ATTENTION is drawn to STEAMBOAT.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT POINTS at OSWALD.)

(Exclamation points appear above STEAMBOAT's head. This is ignored by the crowd.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD JUMPS and RUNS out of the station.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SPRINTS after OSWALD.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

WORKERS:

Miserable wage slaves. God, we need better labor laws.

WORKER:

Manager whose partner just had a baby. Tired of this shit.

COP:

Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig. Pig.

Scene: Albuquerque, New Mexico

Time: Mid-Afternoon

II-2-1

ACT II

Scene 2

SETTING:

OSWALD RUNS from STEAMBOAT. STEAMBOAT PURSUES OSWALD.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD RUNS inside a Carl's Jr. STEAMBOAT FOLLOWS OSWALD.

FADE IN:

INT. Carl's Jr. - MID-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD SNEAKS into the back of Carl's Jr.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT ENTERS through the front door.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD ENTERS the supply closet and GRABS a uniform.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT QUEUES in line.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD FOLLOWS behind a worker and STANDS at a register.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT REACHES OSWALD, and REMOVES the image from his pocket.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SHRUGS and POINTS at the menu.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT LOOKS at the menu and RUBS his chin.)

WORKER

Hey! You don't work here!

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SCOWLS at OSWALD.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD JUMPS and RACES to the back of the restaurant.)

II-2-2

(OSWALD KNOCKS over cups and lids and PLOWS into one of the WORKERS. STEAMBOAT CLIMBS over the counter. WORKERS SHOUT and try CATCHING OSWALD. OSWALD STOPS momentarily and STUFFS burgers and fries into the uniform. STEAMBOAT is BLOCKED by WORKERS. OSWALD FINISHES STEALING burgers and HOPS out the back. STEAMBOAT FOLLOWS and is CAUGHT by the WORKERS.)

WORKER

(WORKER DRAGS STEAMBOAT to the supply closet.)

Got you! Someone call the police!

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT STRUGGLES while being locked in the supply closet.)

CUT TO:

EXT. Downtown Albuquerque - MID-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD RACES into a clothing store. He emerges thirty second later wearing the same hoodie and hat.)

(OSWALD WHISTLES and STROLLS down the street.)

CUT TO:

INT. Supply Closet - MID-AFTERNOON

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT JOSTLES the door handle.)

(STEAMBOAT HEARS loud talking. He LOOKS around the closet for something to unlock the door. A moment later a light bulb appears above STEAMBOAT's head. He SNAPS his fingers and REMOVES a key from behind his back. UNLOCKING the door, STEAMBOAT RUNS out through the back.)

WORKER

There he is!

COP

Stop!

(COP FOLLOWS after STEAMBOAT.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

COP:

Oink oink oink!

PEDESTRIANS:

People milling around Downtown Albuquerque and the transit center.

Scene: Albuquerque, New Mexico

Time: Late-Afternoon

II-3-1

ACT II

Scene 3

SETTING:

OSWALD HIDES from STEAMBOAT. STEAMBOAT PURSUES OSWALD. COP PURSUES STEAMBOAT.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD SAUNTERS around downtown.

FADE IN:

EXT. DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE - LATE-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD WHISTLES to himself and WAVES as he passes the PEDESTRIANS.)

PEDESTRIANS

(PEDESTRIANS PASS the RABBIT with LOOKS of confusion.)

CUT TO:

EXT. DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE - LATE-AFTERNOON

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT RUSHES into an alleyway.)

COP

(COP FOLLOWS STEAMBOAT into the alley.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT DUCKS behind a dumpster.)

COP

(COP PAUSES when he gets closer and doesn't SEE STEAMBOAT.)

CUT TO:

EXT. DOWNTOWN ALBUQUERQUE - LATE-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD TURNS down an alley, still WHISTLING.)

COP

(COP SCANS the alley, and OPENS the dumpster.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SEES the COP.)

(OSWALD BACKS away slowly and TRIPS over a brick.)

II-3-2

COP

(COP HEARS OSWALD FALL.)

You're under arres-

OSWALD

(OSWALD quickly HOPS out of the alleyway.)

COP

(COP PURSUES OSWALD.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT PEEKS his head from behind the dumpster.)

(STEAMBOAT WIPES sweat from his brow and FOLLOWS the COP.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD WEAVES in and out of the PEDESTRIANS.)

COP

(COP PUSHES through PEDESTRIANS.)

Move out of the way! Official police business!

PEDESTRIANS

(PEDESTRIANS GLANCE at the COP, but otherwise don't MOVE out of his way.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD RUSHES inside a music store.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT does not SEE OSWALD rush into the music store.)

STEAMBOAT also HIDES in the music store.

COP

(COP SEES STEAMBOAT RUN inside the music store and FOLLOWS him.)

II-3-3

CUT TO:

INT. MUSIC STORE - LATE-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD LOITERS near the string instruments.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT doesn't see OSWALD and RUNS into him.)

(They both fall.)

COP

Have you seen a short man in a cowboy hat come into your store?

MUSIC STORE WORKER

(MUSIC STORE WORKER SHRUGS.)

COP

I'm going to take a look.

MUSIC STORE WORKER

(MUSIC STORE WORKER nervously NODS.)

COP

(COP PATROLS the aisles.)

(OSWALD and STEAMBOAT STAND and dust each other off— they HEAR the COP. Panicked STEAMBOAT GRABS a mandolin from the wall. He DECKS OSWALD, PULLS his mask off, PUSHES his ears down, and PULLS the RABBIT's tail. OSWALD resembles a weird monkey.)

COP

(COP STROLLS down OSWALD and STEAMBOAT's aisle.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT TIPS his hat at the COP.)

COP

(COP CONFUSED.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT STRUMS the mandolin and PLAYS 'Stairway to Heaven'.)

II-3-4

OSWALD

(OSWALD STANDS.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT ELBOWS OSWALD.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD MIMES monkey noises and DANCES.)

COP

(COP WATCHES the DUO.)

MUSIC STORE WORKER

(MUSIC STORE WORKER WALKS to the DUO.)

Can't you read the sign?

(MUSIC STORE WORKER POINTS at sign.)

(The sign reads, 'No "Stairway to Heaven!"')

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT PUTS the mandolin back on the wall.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SEES a wall clock over the music store counter.)

(The time reads 5:44 pm.)

COP

(COP SHOUTS.)

You two! You're coming with me.

(OSWALD and STEAMBOAT look at each other, and sprint under the COP's legs and out of the music store.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD RACES in the direction of the transit center.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT HALTS and WATCHES OSWALD RUN.)

(STEAMBOAT ROLLS his eyes, and FOLLOWS OSWALD.)

COP

(COP LEAVES the music store. The DUO are out of sight.)

Damn it!

II-3-5

CUT TO:

INT. ALVARADO TRANSPORTATION CENTER - 5:54 PM

OSWALD

(OSWALD RACES inside the transit center.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT PURSUES OSWALD.)

(5:57 pm, BUS 791 to ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI pulls out of Bay 3. BUS 33 pulls into Bay 3.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD RUSHES out the other side of the transit center and HEADS toward Bay 3.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT CRASHES into the closed door.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD HOPS onto Bus 33.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT STANDS and CONTINUES out the door.)

(6:00 pm, Bus 33 pulls out from it's stop.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SILENTLY YELLS at the Bus and WAVES his arms.)

(The BUS DRIVER ignores STEAMBOAT. OSWALD LOOKS out the window and TAUNTS STEAMBOAT. Bus 33's marquee changes from "Bus 33" to "DENVER, COLORADO".)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT WATCHES the marquee change. He SNAPS his fingers, SMILES, and WAVES back at OSWALD.)

(The bus pulls out from the transit center.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
(END OF ACT II)

Oswald the Lucky Rabbit in

Trolley Troubles: Two
by
The Author

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality and is searching for a rabbit hole to Cartoonland.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

PASSENGER:

Stoner just trying to get home.

COLLEGE STUDENTS:

BAMA! ROLL TIDE! ROLL TIDE BABY, ROLL TIDE!

Scene: Bus in Colorado

Time: Late Night

III-1-1

ACT III

Scene 1

SETTING:

OSWALD is SAT on bus. STEAMBOAT HITCHHIKES to Denver.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD SNOOZES. STEAMBOAT HAS out a map.

FADE IN:

INT. BUS - EARLY MORNING

OSWALD

(OSWALD TOSSES and TURNS in his seat. He WAKES.)

(There are towering mountains in the distance, and the bus passes by a Colorado highway state sign.)

(Exclamation points appear above OSWALD's head. An awake PASSENGER across the aisle, sees the cartoon magic and rubs his eyes. They pull a ziplock baggie from their pocket with green dust. They look at the bag, shake their head, and place it back into their pocket and return to sleep.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD PULLS a map from behind his back and EXAMINES it.)

(OSWALD TRACKS the highway they're on and FOLLOWS it to Denver, Colorado.)

(OSWALD ROLLS his eyes, and continues EXAMINING the map. A rail-line appears to travel from Denver, Colorado to Chicago, Illinois. The train continues toward Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and then toward New York, New York.)

(OSWALD FOLDS the map and PUTS it behind his back. He NODS knowing what his new route is after taking a wrong turn at Albuquerque.)

CUT TO:

EXT. - TRUCK BED/EARLY MORNING

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT RUBS sand from his eyes.)

(Actual sand leaks from STEAMBOAT's eyes and pools at his feet.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT PEAKS his head from the bed of the truck.)

(STEAMBOAT TAKES a deep breath and PULLS out a map.)

(STEAMBOAT RUBS his chin and RUNS his fingers up the highway. He THINKS for a moment and a lightbulb appears above his head.)

(STEAMBOAT SNAPS his fingers and traces the rail-line to Chicago, Illinois and then follows it to New York, New York. He NODS and PUTS away the map.

(An hour later the truck stops for gas. STEAMBOAT CLAMBERS out of the truck and SEARCHES for someone going to Chicago.)

CUT TO:

INT. BUS - MID-MORNING

(OSWALD's bus pulls into Denver Union Station.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD EXITS the bus and MARCHES toward the train ticket booth.)

CUT TO:

EXT. - HIGHWAY IN COLORADO

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT HOLDS a cardboard sign that reads: CHICAGO OR BUST.)

III-1-2

CUT TO:

INT. - DENVER UNION STATION

OSWALD

(OSWALD TALKS with a STATION WORKER, and PURCHASES a train ticket to New York via Chicago.)

(OSWALD MANIFESTS Monopoly money and HANDS it to the WORKER.)

STATION WORKER

(STATION WORKER LOOKS at the fake money. A GLAMOUR is present on the money and the STATION WORKER ACCEPTS it.)

Here's your ticket, sir.

OSWALD

(OSWALD SALUTES and WAVES at the STATION WORKER, and TAKES his ticket.)

CUT TO:

INT. - DODGE CARAVAN

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SITS in a van heading toward Chicago, with a handful of college students on a road-trip.)

CUT TO:

INT. - DENVER UNION STATION

OSWALD

(OSWALD BOARDS the train. He SETTLES into his seat and RELAXES.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)

Cast of Characters

OSWALD:

Toonie manifest into Baseline Reality. To blend in, he wears an oversized hoodie and a mask. He's managed to preserve some of his cartoon-like magic. Has no idea how he ended up in this reality and is searching for a rabbit hole to Cartoonland.

STEAMBOAT:

Toonie manifest in Baseline Reality with the explicit goal of murdering Oswald. He wears an oversized cowboy outfit and a mask.

COLLEGE STUDENTS:

The undergrads find Steamboat to be a great conversationalist.

Scene: Chicago Union Station

Time: MID-AFTERNOON

III-2-1

ACT III

Scene 2

SETTING:

OSWALD is ON a train. STEAMBOAT is IN a van.

AT PRESENT:

OSWALD SAT in train, and STEAMBOAT ARRIVES in CHICAGO.

FADE IN:

INT. CHICAGO UNION STATION - MID-AFTERNOON

OSWALD

(OSWALD KNITS a small rabbit shaped sweater. He LOOKS sad for a moment and then CONTINUES knitting.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT EXITS the van and THANKS the college students.)

COLLEGE STUDENT

Good luck, man! Glad we could help.

(COLLEGE STUDENT FIST BUMPS STEAMBOAT.)

(STEAMBOAT SPRINTS toward Union Station and LOOKS for OSWALD's train.)

(OSWALD's train pulls into the station. STEAMBOAT PULLS out a watch and LOOKS at the transit signs and train number. He NODS and stows away on the train. Passengers ENTER the train, a few moments later, the train PULLS out from the station.)

(An hour and a half later OSWALD is in the dining car. He SIPS tea. STEAMBOAT EMERGES from the cabin and STALKS the halls.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD LOOKS out the window at the passing Midwestern landscape.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT FINDS a cabin door open and empty. He SNEAKS inside and RIFFLES through the patron's luggage.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD TAKES out his knitting gear.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT ENTERS the dining car dressed in an oversized trench-coat and Chicago White Sox cap. HE SCANS the seats.)

(A few patrons sit engrossed with their phones having their morning coffee. STEAMBOAT SPOTS OSWALD KNITTING.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT POINTS at OSWALD and MIMES SHOUTING.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD LOOKS up from his KNITTING. He JUMPS from his seat.)

(OSWALD TRIES to OPEN the door exiting the car. The handle is stuck.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT RUSHES OSWALD.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SLIDES under STEAMBOAT and KICKS STEAMBOAT's bum.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT SLAMS into the dining car door. Stars appear above his head.)

(At this point the patrons stop their morning rituals and watch OSWALD and STEAMBOAT fight.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT RECOVERS and TURNS toward OSWALD.)

(STEAMBOAT POINTS and MAKES a fist.)

III-2-2

OSWALD

(OSWALD REACHES into his pockets and CHUCKS BURGERS and FRIES toward STEAMBOAT.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT is PUMMELED by FAST FOOD.)

(STEAMBOAT WIPES the MEAT and POTATOES from his eyes. STEAM BLOWS out of STEAMBOAT's ears.)

(STEAMBOAT PUNCHES OSWALD.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD is KNOCKED across the car.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT RUSHES OSWALD again.)

(Patrons mumble to themselves. One patron shouts at the fighting duo. Another patron decides to ignore the fight and resumes his scrolling on his phone.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD HOPS over STEAMBOAT, GRABS him by the legs, and BODY SLAMS him onto an empty table.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT HOLDS his head as stars appear above his head.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD KICKS open the emergency door, and GRABS STEAMBOAT.)

STEAMBOAT

(STEAMBOAT FLAILS as OSWALD EJECTS him from the train.)

(Wide-eyed, patrons silently stare.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SWEATS and PUFFS out his chest. He takes a deep breath.)

(OSWALD in a deep New Jersey accent.)

No ticket.

(Patrons frantically pull out and raise their tickets.)

III-3-3

FADE IN:

INT. TRAIN - MID-MORNING

OSWALD

(OSWALD LOOKS down at his hands and then OUT the window.)

(Outside is gray and overcast.)

OSWALD

(OSWALD SIGHS and PULLS out the little rabbit sweaters he was KNITTING.)

(OSWALD TEARS up and EMBRACES the sweaters.)

(Ten minutes later the conductor announces the approach to New York. OSWALD LOOKS out of the window and SEES a towering skyline growing larger. Dense is the giant, and long is its shadow. The city that never sleeps, the city of 8 million, the mother of all major US cities; New York, New York.)

(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
(END OF ACT III)
(END)

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