News for June 2017

News Time Capsule

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Welcome to this installment of site news, where things start getting hot and heavy!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for this month are SCP-2268 ("Loaf Page") by SpectralDragon, The Battle of the Toys: The Breakroom Routing by Sad Xiao, and Project Proposal 2004-024: My Father's Values by Zolgamax. The first is about a website that burns bread, the second is about a pitched battle over the Foundation's toy chest, and the third is about a reality bender's brain on art. Check them out!
  • The featured articles for June were SCP-2354 ("Reasonable Accommodations") by Niblic, His Name by CirclesAndSquares, and 'Rogue AI' (NVEO4/YVN3E/PN6UG) by Doctor Cimmerian. The first is about the trouble caused by the Americans with Disabilities Act, the second is about amnestics gone horribly right, and the third is about a team of artificial intelligences infiltrating Marshall, Carter, and Dark. Check them out!

Editor's Choice Articles

  • Major Tom - Jack Bright has a family. This is their story. Written by thefriendlyvandal. A gripping, ambitious family drama with fantastically realized characters and one of the most sympathetic depictions of mental illness I can remember reading about in some time. The saga of the Foundation's family dynasty is told with an unmatched level of pathos and demands multiple readings.
  • Until Death - Do us part. Written by psul. psul takes one of the most beloved (?) and terrifying characters in the Foundation and somehow manages to make it even more horrifying. A masterclass in reimagining and cross linking that is not to be missed.
  • Family Disclosure Protocol - They say "We died in the dark, so you could live in the light," but you don't have to go into the dark alone - your family can be there for you. Written by Jacob Conwell. This tale is quite a bit like Major Tom in that it focuses on a family of Foundation employees. However, FDP is much more intimate and relatable. Sasha and Gabe Merlo are relatable, sympathetic, engaging characters who you want to succeed and be happy. It's difficult to articulate what makes Family Disclosure Protocol so good - but you'll know it when you read it.

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of June was narrative!

  • In SCP-1893 ("The Minotaur's Tale"), by Eskobar, the titular beast revealed himself to be more than just titular…
  • In SCP-1468 ("Literature Birds"), by General Harland, a small bunch of birds determined to create a work that would outlast them…
  • And in SCP-2763 ("The Tragedy of SCP-2763: A Modern Euclid Tale"), by Dr Solo, I, Sir Richard Gloster, mourn my inevitable fate…

Rest of the News

  • 10 years ago, SCP-173 was first posted in a thread on 4chan's /x/ board. The rest is history. To celebrate a decade of SCP, Dexanote hosted the 10 Years Birthday SCParty!
  • TheTBAPb, a prolific author on the Russian wiki and a contributor to our own, passed away recently. Some of his more famous articles include SCP-2195, SCP-2470, and SCP-1150-J. Good night, sweet prince.

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month.

Contest Articles

It wasn't an official contest, but the weeklong 10 Years Birthday SCParty produced a ton of fantastic entries revolving around everyone's favorite homicidal statue! Check them out!

Week of June 1st:

hehehehehe damej


  • SCP-3399 ("Family Tree") - The Daevas were very literal when it came to growing their families. Planted by Mortos.
  • SCP-3039 ("An Antiquated Guide") - Read it and weep. Written by TheLordSavant.
  • SCP-2679 ("Tube") - It's just nerves. Written by Jekeled.
  • SCP-3041 ("The Red Knife") - Why can't I bring myself to go down to my basement — why does it smell like rotting flesh? …and why do I own a crib? Written by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3014 ("Lonely Hungry Daemon") - one changes worlds. one fights. one builds. i speak to father. so many others. together so long. through space. not for here. somewhere else. Written by lord_pulsar.
  • SCP-3777 ("Jewish Mekhanite Golem Robot") - Writing the holy name of the Most High, he made a golem—a man of clay—and bade it protect the synagogue. (Surely the Jewish people exceed even the Mekhanites in such arts!) Recorded by Univine.
  • SCP-3877 ("MIЯЯOЯ BÄR") - When you look into the mirror, do you see your reflection? No, I see a bear. Written by RupturedAneurysm.
  • SCP-3078 ("Cognitohazardous Shitpost") - So funny I forgot to breathe. Written by UsernameAlias.
  • SCP-1912-J ("The Land of [REDACTED]) - The creation of SCP-1912-J occurred on January 6, 1912 when 490 old white-men in Washington, D.C., over 3000 km away, chanted and brought the object into being. Written by zkidanomalous.
  • SCP-3450 ("OC DO NOT STEAL") - SCP-3450 is a text document containing a work of fan fiction featuring characters from the Kirby video game series. Written by Relevart.
  • SCP-3029 ("KIC 8462852 ("Tabby's Star")") - Is it a Dyson sphere? Or is it something worse? Written by GeometryPrime.
  • SCP-3047 ("To Be Drowned by a Train") - This ain't your grandma's railway to the chthonic depths. Written by MrWrong.
  • SCP-1861-J ("Battle Hymn of the Foundation") - SCP-1861-J is the Foundation’s instrumental march or anthem, titled █████ ██ ████████ and composed by Frantisek Kotzwara in 1791. Written by zkidanomalous.
  • SCP-3090 ("This girl's gone bad on a game attack!") - We can be the anomaly that ends gaming addiction forever! Played by Decibelles and th4nkyoub3n.
  • SCP-3073 ("All the Men and Women Merely Players") - SCP-3073-1 has been observed performing plays, operas, symphonies and, on one occasion, something one researcher described as a "Penn & Teller-esque magic show". Performed by SatisfiedShark.
  • SCP-3096 ("One Day at a Time") - Agent Graeme is thirty-four years of age. He is still employed by the Foundation, and has provided the Foundation with all of its information regarding SCP-3096 through a causal loop whose position in time is continuously changing. Written by CannedBread.
  • SCP-3206 ("Who Wouldn't Want a Vomeronasal Organ?") - SCP-3206 is a phenomenon whereby humans develop a fully functioning vomeronasal organ (VNO) anatomically and genetically identical to that of Equus ferus caballus (horse). Written by Kid F.
  • SCP-2744 ("てるてるネコちゃん") - SCP-2744 cannot exist in a tangible form without its sheet covering it. Although SCP-2744's ears, eyes, and tail are clearly visible while the sheet covers it, any attempt to view SCP-2744 under the sheet is impossible. Written by ghostchibi.
  • SCP-3997 ("In My End Is My Beginning") - What you have read is not an escape route, but a testament to the Foundation's failure. Its utter, complete failure, which we have brought upon ourselves time after time after time. Written by Tufto.
  • SCP-3093 ("The Color Vulvide") - Subjects reported to have witnessed instances of SCP-3093 describe it as a a mixture of intense green and a self-illuminating magenta. Both subjects have referred to the color as "vulvide", despite having never come in contact with each other. Written by Vulvide.
  • SCP-3223 ("Ancient Egyptian Pet Whisperer") - SCP-3223-1’s primary anomaly involves creating instances of SCP-3223-2 from the remains of deceased domestic animals. Written by Zyn.
  • SCP-3322 ("The Flashcards") - Whenever SCP-3322 is observed by a child of the age 8 or under, no cognitohazardous properties are observed. Cognitohazardous properties become apparent whenever a test subject over the age of 8 years attempts to read the cards. Written by DrMiles.
  • SCP-3550 ("Cancer of Passion") - SCP-3550's extended eye contact, both directly and through video feed and photographs, along with extended skin contact will result in malign tumours appearing in the body of the viewer in 100% of cases. Written by Leveritas.
  • SCP-DAMEJ-J ("Damej Robit") - FEER ME I SHUTE U! Written by Decibelles, djkaktus, and Faminepulse.
  • SCP-520 ("Knife Switch") - When connected to an electrical circuit, SCP-520-1 does not function normally to break or complete the circuit to which it is connected. Instead, it splices itself, briefly and remotely, into the primary power circuit of one randomly-selected electrical device within ten meters. Written by Photosynthetic.
  • SCP-3165 ("Dog Teeth") - Wanting to be human makes a monster dog tired. Written by Dog Teeth.
  • SCP-3098 ("Triviality") - On 11-08-2021, the BepiColombo spacecraft discovered an unexplained structure above the Venusian cloud layer. Though the resolution of the images were too low to properly identify the structure, it is suspected that this structure is analogous to SCP-3098. Written by Bentu.
  • SCP-3590 ("A Dirge for the Silent") - No known data exists regarding how SCP-GAMMA came to be in Foundation custody. It is also unclear how the knowledge of SCP-3590 and its application as an effective counter-measure to SCP-GAMMA were discovered. Written by Jukse.
  • SCP-3697 ("Let Me Redirect You Right Now") - Holy Heck! You just missed Mr. Sex Number by Gamers Against Weed! Should you bother calling back later? Who is Dr. Wondertainment? Written by Monkeysky.
  • SCP-3442 ("Innovative and Synergistic Customer-Directed Actualization") - Let's schedule a synergistic round-table session for maximum entrepreneurial risk-taking to end the world. Written by Pedantique.



Author's Pages

Week of June 8th:

Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong…


  • SCP-3109 ("Indeterminate Source") - On 14 September 2448 CE, automated Martian deep-system survey equipment on Ganymede identified the 4th inclination of a new Kuiper Belt object approximately 1060 km in radius, and granted the designation KBO 2448-U102. Written by FortuneFavorsBold.
  • SCP-3250 ("Unconsecrated Waters") - For the duration of this event, several cadavers of newborn humans in differing states of decomposition will appear approximately 10m below the surface of SCP-3250, before floating to the surface. Written by Tufto.
  • SCP-3435 ("Dinosaurs and Dragons Care Not For Your Politics") - Cyborg dinosaur versus sorcerer wyvern - nothing political here. Written by Weryllium.
  • SCP-3375 ("Traveling Garden Eels") - Coins produced by SCP-3375, while in unusually pristine condition, exhibit no anomalous properties. Written by Zyn.
  • SCP-3217 ("Dead Weight") - SCP-3217 was a popular religious landmark in Cornwall, and served as "a divine example of God's almighty and everlasting presence". Written by Vulvide.
  • SCP-3792 ("Up in Smoke") - The exterior label reads "Smells Like Chicago Spirit"; other than this, there are no identifying marks on any portion of the canister. Written by Roget.
  • SCP-3408 ("Not Even Once") - Since the time of its surfacing in human populaces, over ██% of the Earth's population have willingly consumed SCP-3408 for recreational purposes. Written by Billith.
  • SCP-3514 ("The Moment of the Mahdi and the Moment of the Mortal") - The SCP-3514-2 instances then engage in combat, apparently recreating a version of the Battle of Chaldiran. Reenacted by Tufto.
  • SCP-3054 ("Cragstaff Sanitarium") - You are sick. You are broken. We will fix you. Written by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3108 ("The Nerfing Gun") - Life OP pls nerf. Written by Modern_Erasmus.
  • SCP-2841 ("Revenge of the Snakes") - SCP-2841 is an underground tomb dating back to around 1000 BCE1, located in ████, Henan Province, China. Written by SunnyClockwork.
  • SCP-3267 ("Memories Bound in Paper") - "I think these might be related to each other. In that case, it's the librarian who has too much time on their hands." Catalogued by Flawed.
  • SCP-3080 ("The Power of Love") - SCP-3080 was the designation for several anomalous phenomena surrounding the romantic relationship between Drs. Catherine and Simon ███████, designated SCP-3080-1 and -2, respectively. Written by CannedBread.
  • SCP-3530 ("Shooting Star School") - Attempts to remove SCP-3530 from the area have resulted in them vanishing and reappearing within school boundaries. Written by Witryso.
  • SCP-3130 ("The Princess And Her Bodyguards") - "I'm tired and want to stop. Just let me stop already." Written by Decibelles.
  • SCP-3332 ("Anchoring For A Citroen") - Shortly after SCP-3332’s manifestation, a large fishing net (SCP-3332-1) will appear and fall several meters from above SCP-3332's manifestation point. Written by Penton.
  • SCP-3374 ("Aquaria Phenomena") - SCP-3374 was first discovered in early April 2002, when local news stations reported a shoal of anomalous fish appearing in storm drains overnight. Co-written by Quantum Physician and Zyn.
  • SCP-3883 ("Dildos Have Dreams Too") - Never be afraid to aspire to more than what you are. Co-written by Sly161 and Zyn.


  • Containment Engineer - A Typical Day - "The chicken doesn't need any additional containment procedures. It'll be fine at one of the Foundation's animal care facilities. Stop coming to containment specialists about this." Written by rioludoodle.


Author's Pages

Week of June 15th:

In sickness and in health…


  • SCP-3077 ("Sugar Golems") - It was originally found contained in ten oak barrels imprinted with the label "Tillie's Terrifically Ticklish and Tremendously Thaumaturgical Treacle!". Written by DrChandra.
  • SCP-3045 ("bzzip.exe") - bzzip.exe is an anomalous application that reduces the size of certain media. bzzip.exe is an application that reduces media. bzzip.exe is an application. bzzip.exe. bzz. Compressed by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-L135-J ("Very Powerful Psychic Man") - Is there an object class that starts with "E"? Elephant maybe, or Einstein? Eukaryote? Euclid? Predicted by trennerdios.
  • SCP-3174 ("Kleiner Freund") - SCP-3174's anomalous properties activate when a human child (ranging from age 3 to 12) and a subject the child identifies as a parental figure enter within a 10 meter radius of SCP-3174. Written by Noxfero.
  • SCP-3637 ("Many Waters Cannot Quench Love, Nor Can The Floods Drown It") - A mother's love never goes extinct. Written by Weryllium.
  • SCP-3728 ("STOP. HAMMERTIME") - Give a kid a hammer, they'll build a tree fort. Give a kid a clown hammer, they'll knock their parents into Neptune's orbit. Written by DrBleep.
  • SCP-3817 ("Suffering For Your Art") - There is currently no scientific explanation to SCP-3817's continued survival despite its critical state of health. SCP-3817 has confirmed the damage to have been the result of multiple self-mutilation efforts in the 1██ years prior to its containment. Written by Mendelssohn.
  • SCP-3148 ("Tranquility") - Records of other worlds. Compiled by Bentu.
  • SCP-3202 ("Habeeb It") - SCP-3202 is a shared memory of a particular individual, designated SCP-3202-1, eating an acquaintance's pet while the animal was still alive. Written by Communism will win.
  • SCP-3365 ("Lunar Module 16 'Phoenix'") - That's one small death for man, three smaller deaths for mankind. Written by Beeso3.
  • SCP-3083 ("Echoes of a Mistake") - SCP-3083 appears to be the severed head of Researcher Corey Benich, in geosynchronous orbit above Site-22. Written by TL333s.
  • SCP-3579 ("Insta-Gator") - "Need some help with a troublemaker? Wish you could just eliminate 'er? We'll be your problem solving crusader. Just call us at Insta-Gator!" Written by Beeso3.
  • SCP-3257 ("A Priest in a Suitcase at Timbuktu") - He called upon God for the power to become Pope. Something else answered. Written by MrWrong.
  • SCP-2504 ("Embry-Os, The World's Most Popular Fetus Based Cereal Product!") - "Collect all 6 plastics body parts of the fetus and receive a very special exclusive prize!" Written by Varaxous.
  • SCP-3858 ("Hugbox") - DRM-free hugs. Written by Taffeta.
  • SCP-2836 ("The Air Swimmer") - Jesus walked on water; this guy swims on land. Written by yarou151.
  • SCP-3499 ("Unintentionally Bargaining with the Divine") - The Foundation intercepted reports of a mythical flying creature causing wildfires near the shrine along with other reports of people being inexplicably thrown around by invisible hands within the shrine. Written by Masterdarwin88.
  • SCP-3799 ("A Short History of Snowfall") - The end of all life as we know it didn't bother me anyway. Written by Tufto.
  • SCP-3044 ("Evolution In A Bottle") - Time within SCP-3044 flows at a highly accelerated rate, though this acceleration does not solely account for the speed at which life develops, suggesting some form of guided or controlled evolution. Written by Mortos.
  • SCP-7789-J ("There are so many possible puns for this! Some are too phon-ny and others won't fly.") - SCP-7789-J is triggered whenever an airplane passenger or nearby individual utilizes an active cellphone or smartphone which is not set on airplane mode during take-off or landing. Written by SpookyPizza.
  • SCP-3299 ("SCP-3299: ONE WEIRD TRICK! (YOU WON'T BELIEVE NUMBER 8!!!!)") - End clickbait forever. Written by Mortos.
  • SCP-3868 ("Constitutional Saving Throw") - It's the Constitution of New Zealand. And it only gets weirder. Written by Taffeta.
  • SCP-3120 ("Help Desk") - Licensed under Creative Commons 5.0 "XK Class End of World Scenario". Dialed by CannedBread.
  • SCP-3972 ("Ken Burns Presents: SCP-3972") - The first ever SCP that's an actual video. Made by Kate McTiriss.
  • SCP-META-EX-J ("The SCP Foundation") - How many levels of meta are you even on right now? Written by Billith.
  • SCP-3317 ("Libre la Livres") - Let's get meta. Written by MaliceAforethought.
  • SCP-3048 ("Tantalus") - A drink to your health… if you can. Imbibed by Rioludoodle.
  • SCP-3791 ("An Entirely Standard and Uneventful Anomaly") - SCP-3791 is room 1699 of Decommissioned Facility-US61, a component structure of a former Site-01 iteration. Written by Pedantique.
  • SCP-TLDR-J ("An Easily Digestible Document") - Too long; didn't blurb. Written by Communism will win.


  • Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel - Some people aren't driven to evil by illness or pain or horror. Some people are just pure evil. Written by Decibelles.
  • Eating Crow - It's just another weird thing for the Foundation - but these people aren't the Foundation. Written by RecursiveRecursion.
  • On the Home Front - Containment is hell. Written by zkidanomalous.
  • Bong Rip Tendency - The intrepid members of GAW fight anartists and prejudice. Written by kinchtheknifeblade.

GOI Formats

  • KTE-2013-Kapala-Mendes - Seven spears, seven blights, seven vessels for the scarlet Knights. Written by MegalomaniacInchworm.

Author's Pages

Week of June 22nd:



  • SCP-3974 ("Such Sweet Sorrow") - The bodies of SCP-3974 instances have been converted into chocolate candy1 through an unknown process. All organs corresponding to a human subject are present within the instances, and function as expected. Baked by xFox.
  • SCP-3636 ("World's Greatest Jukebox") - Let's groove. Quarter inserted by GerrymanderBassist.
  • SCP-3201 ("well, it was low-entropy while it lasted.") - Archeologists from another universe. Written by xplkqlkcassia.
  • SCP-3131 ("Auditory Entity") - Whale, this could be a bit of a problem. Written by kenoma.
  • SCP-3699 ("Memories of a Shingle Beach") - SCP-3699-1 instances are apparently capable of remembering their entire existence as a shingle-rock, while also remembering every larger object they were once part of. Written by Tufto.
  • SCP-3195 ("Making Our Mark") - Although SCP-3195-1 attacks are rarely fatal, approximately 70% of victims of said attacks suffer from progressive mutism and develop symptoms consistent with that of posttraumatic stress disorder. Written by Deathray.
  • SCP-3409 ("The Chocolate Factory") - Not even Wonka was this sadistic. Written by xFox.
  • SCP-3303 ("Champagne Supernova") - N-NANI?! Bottled by Communism will win.
  • SCP-3228 ("добрите стари дни") - Make a wish. Written by Dr Shaw.
  • SCP-3390 ("A French Tank") - Come on, boys! No sleep 'till the Bulge! Written by Malcious.
  • SCP-3043 ("Murphy Law in… Type 3043 - FOR MURDER!") - "She's the dedicated researcher with nothing to lose; he's the anomalous typewriter with dreams too big to last. And in the middle of it all is MURPHY LAW — the man you call when everything that could go wrong… does!" Case taken by The Great Hippo.
  • SCP-3835 ("Not All Dogs Go To Heaven (Some Of Them Would Rather Stay With Their Masters Forever Somewhere Else)") - Dogs love their owners, forever and ever. Written by ghostchibi.
  • SCP-3092 ("Gorilla Warfare") - What the heck did you just say about me, you little brat? Written by HunkyChunky.
  • SCP-3610 ("To Fill the Ocean") - DNA analysis of the subject shows no significant differences from baseline human DNA. However, AO#72976 possesses hollow bone structures similar to those found in avian lifeforms and half-developed wings in place of arms and hands. Written by SunnyClockwork.
  • SCP-3607 ("Residence Evil") - The bedroom of Devin ████ exhibits a major spatial anomaly, in which gravity is affected and the space contained within the room is much larger than normally possible. Written by xFox.
  • SCP-3381 ("Dream Studios") - SCP-3381-Alpha has varied from subject to subject, but has always been identified as a "movie studio". Written by Noxfero.
  • SCP-3126 ("The Immobile Muse") - Why suffer for your art when you can make your lover suffer instead? Written by Yarun.
  • SCP-3036 ("Stretchy, Clown-Hunter Extraordinaire") - Yeah, the surgery. It's how they created us. You don't turn a seven-year-old into a clown over night, you know. Written by BananaRepublic.
  • SCP-947 ("Son of a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]") - The best way to get a job is to infect the British Cabinet with a memetic swear word. Censored by A Random Day.
  • SCP-2871 ("Strong Interaction Amplifier") - S-sorry, I'm a bit nervous… It's my first time being contained, after all… Written by Scorpion451.


Author's Pages

Fandom Stuff

  • The KaktusKast returns in a big way, with a new website and a new podcast format! In Episode 23: Reintroductionkast, host djkaktus sits down with moderator Decibelles as they talk about music, the 3000 contest, TroyL's blood, and more! You can listen to and download all the podcasts from the official site!

And be sure to send in questions for Kaktus and his guests to answer with this easy-to-use contact form!

  • Accompanying the KaktusKast is a brand new podcast called The Foundation, hosted by Doctor Cimmerian, where he sits down and discusses and dissects the lore of the SCP Foundation and what makes its elements so compelling. Episode 001, appropriately enough, explores the 001 Proposals and what makes them unique among SCPs.
  • Two more podcasts are on the way: Social Commentary Podcast, about the community itself and how it's evolved, and Critical Procedures, where SCP members play a role-playing game under the watchful eyes of Taffeta and Silberescher in the vein of The Adventure Zone. They're still under development and want your input! Provide suggestions for social commentary topics to cover or roleplay ideas!


Thanks for tuning in again, folks! If you're unsatisfied with the blurb(s) provided for the article(s) you wrote, feel free to change it. Of course, you could just avoid that problem entirely by sending A Random Day a blurb for your article. We may or may not use it (if we can think of something more attention-getting, though we can try to stick with one you give us) but we'd really would just like them in order to make the process easier for making these. This is a community thing, and we want authors to give their blurbs to sell these articles much easier. It reduces the workload we have to do, and helps the news come out that much earlier!

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