News for April 2017

News Time Capsule

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Welcome to this installment of site news, where we celebrate "spring"!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month1, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

On-Site News

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for April were SCP-2135 ("91st Street Station") by ObserverSeptember and Funerals are Fun by WrongJohnSilver. One's about a mysterious train station hidden under Manhattan, and the other's about how reality TV can prevent cicada infestations. Check them out!
  • The featured articles for March were SCP-2870 ("General Malaise") by Bryx and Four Seconds, Low Pitched by ksaid. One's about a literally diseased society, and the other's about trying to live normally in a town that's anything but. Check them out!

Event-Featured Articles

The theme for the month of April was gravity!

  • In SCP-1506 ("Aerial Arachnid"), by DrMrTheMinotaur, the Foundation fought flying spiders…
  • In SCP-858 ("Gravity's Rainbow"), by Lowell, the sky stopped becoming the limit…
  • And in SCP-2597 ("Minus Two Kilograms"), by GeometryPrime, it actually became easier to lift two tons than minus two kilos…

Rest of the News

  • Series IV is open for business! Get posting in those 3XXX slots - Series V awaits!

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month.

Week of April 1st:

The joke's on you for thinking I'd have something funnier to write here.


  • SCP-2566 ("Demurrage") - In the town of Timothy, Nebraska, the love of money is not the root of all evil. Backed by Univine.
  • SCP-2873 ("The Power of Music") - The show will go on whether you like it or not. Composed by JRollerball.


GoI Formats

  • UIU File: 1997-007 - Summary: An unknown piscine meme communicated by fish-to-fish interaction, providing affected fish with the ability to telepathically communicate. Written by SpectralDragon.
  • SC-14/126-20/921 - The Chaos Insurgency have developed the perfect weapon - unless it tries to kill them first. Written by Blibby_Blobfish.

Week of April 8th:

I'm more of a cupcake man myself…


  • SCP-2637 (" A controversial chunk of rock with 196,884-dimensional stakes") - They say that within every atom is another universe. Turns out they weren't too far off. Written by 440 Hertz.
  • SCP-2785 ("Self-Replicating Automaton") - In Soviet Russia, machine builds you. Written by not_a_seagull.
  • SCP-3000-EX ("Modified Hospital Beds") - Sometimes the mundane is more terrifying than the anomalous. Written by psul.
  • SCP-2742 ("Caelivorous Remnants") - Reality itself is a feast for the beasts from beyond. Written by NatVoltaic.
  • SCP-2479 ("Animaland!") - You can ride like a man or get whipped like a dog. Your choice. Written by Haydenhead.


  • Coming Down - Security Officer Rance Roberts has been accused of a heinous criminal act. That's the good news. Written by Cyantreuse.
  • Der Machandelbaum - The Foundation must hunt down an anomaly in the depths of the Black Forest, aided only by the centuries-old writings of the Brothers Grimm. Written by Oboebandgeek99.
  • Keters With Hats - Caaaaarl! There's this weird statue in our living room and it's not doing anything! Yelled at a llama by Crash1337.
  • A Day, A Night and Some Lead. - She’s barely sixteen. I squeeze, allowing no air to pass between her lips to keep her from screaming. Written by Esheter.
  • The Great Site-87 Bakesale - Site-87 in Sloth's Pit is having budget problems. Clearly the solution is for a reality bender to host a bake sale. What could possibly go wrong? Hosted by Ihp.
  • The King of Coins, in the Cup - Two men discuss a business proposition in hell. Written by Dr Gears.

GoI Formats

  • Recruitment Drive (R-28126) - Unfortunately, Elder Foreman Steve Al'uth had not had the chance to take a lunch break yet this month and had to terminate Worker Jesse Lenz' employment to fulfill himself. Written by MayD.

Author Pages

Week of April 15th:

Here comes the Sun, and I say, it's all right…


  • SCP-2693 ("You've Been Down Too Long in the Midnight Sea") - At what point does a human cease to be a human? At what point does a beast cease to be a beast? Written by ghostpage.
  • SCP-2597 ("Minus-Two Kilograms") - This is to counteract the force of gravity, and prevent the object's escape through the ceiling. Written by GeometryPrime.
  • SCP-2853 ("From Dust to Dawn") - Ashes to ashes, life to dust. Written by Billith.
  • SCP-2657 ("Puppet Master") - You hear that? That girl crying out for help? Run for your life. She's hungry. Written by AFX Neuromancer.
  • SCP-2893 ("A Bubble in Time") - You can crush our legs, break our hands, and destroy our weapons, but you will never break our humanity. Written by BananaRepublic.
  • SCP-2629 ("The Twenty-Nine Year Paintball War") - These ghosts don't want to possess you - they want to play paintball. Written by rockyred9.
  • S.D. Locke's Proposal ("When Day Breaks") - Embrace the darkness. Fear the light. Written by shaggydredlocks.
  • SCP-9000.01-J ("SKIP SHIP") - Well my skip could beat up your skip! Written by WrongJohnSilver.


  • Atzak I - Trapped hundreds of feet underwater in a steel coffin, you can't remember anything besides the gigantic eel slowly eating away at your sense of self… Continued in Atzak II, both written by djkaktus.
  • Skirmish at Crane's Pub - Marshall, Carter, and Dark seek to sell a haunted pub - but only over the owner's dead body. Written by MrAnakinSpecter.

GoI Formats

  • SPC-2000 - We have the technology to rebuild the world in our image - or just create genetic monstrosities to beat up sharks. Yeah, that sounds much cooler. Written by MrWrong.


  • O5 Command Dossier - Learn about the various incarnations and secret histories of the O5 Council across all of time and space. Written by thedeadlymoose.

Week of April 22nd

Please report all conspiracies to your local fast food restaurant.


  • SCP-2761 ("Bananazilla") - Yeah, I'm as confused as you. Engineered by OZ Ouroboros.
  • SCP-2166 ("Foot Pope") - Everyone played games that only made sense to them when they were kids. This one takes things further. Rules drawn up by Zyn.
  • SCP-2767 ("Oppression Blue") - This color is horrible. Makes me feel like the walls are closing in… painted by LordJord96.
  • SCP-2653 ("Sausages") - al-Assad was a pig, and by God, he'll be ground up like one. Grilled by LordStonefish.
  • SCP-2594 ("Extradimensional Waiting Room") - Please take a seat. Why not read a magazine? You're going to be here for a while. Written by LilyFlower and Roget.
  • SCP-2671 ("My buddy, the bird") - I just wanted to help. I failed. Written by ZapperTex.
  • SCP-2849 ("Insect Hospital") - Homeopathy has nothing on this. Written by Sirens and Roget.
  • SCP-2689 ("The Smooth, Rich Taste of Marlboro") - You'll wish that smoking these things killed. Written by Niblic.
  • SCP-2823 ("Fen Tigers") - Boy couldn't stick a turn if the reaper had his own pink arse on the wager. Written by Asaelka.
  • SCP-2739 ("Ab Inconvenienti") - This is all one anartist has left of her brother. Constructed by Agent MacLeod.
  • SCP-2641 ("Before The Fire") - God is real, and We have imprisoned Him. (Article Deleted) Written by Lt Flops.
  • SCP-2964 ("Xtreme Videozzz") - Taking SWATting to a whole new level. Filmed by Mortos.
  • SCP-2659 ("Finback Whale Psychopomp") - The Grim Reaper guides newly deceased humans to the afterlife. Who does the same for whales? Written by minmin.
  • SCP-2857 ("Dr. Ji Fan, Ph.D SOCA") - I came here to cook chicken rice and rip holes in the fabric of spacetime - and I'm all out of fabric. Written by MrWrong.
  • SCP-2691 ("Covered Bridge") - It's just a bridge… isn't it? Written by n0mgoose.
  • SCP-2649 ("Multidimensional Ceramic Omnivore") - SCP-2649 resembles a white teapot with four pairs of mobile arachnoid legs attached at its base. The mechanism by which these legs are capable of movement is unknown, as the entity appears to be composed entirely of ceramic. Written by GeometryPrime.


  • Deus Volt! - "Mike Pence Electroshock: 10,000 Volts!" he shouted, involuntarily, as lightning discharged from his hand into the chitin and flesh of the homunculus before him. Written by kenneth1221.
  • Bananazilla Begins, Part 1 - What's twelve feet tall and part-banana? An escaped anomaly, that's what. Continued in Bananazilla Begins, Part II, both by OZ Ouroboros.
  • Damnatio Memoriae - A reflection on the Foundation and its founder. Written by Taffeta.
  • Wasting - Amy finds herself trapped and on the run from a mechanical monstrosity, in Part 9 Of an Endless Hunt. Written by rumetzen.
  • The Coming Nightmare - There's a storm on the horizon. Written by DrBleep.
  • A Confluence of Clandestine Conferences - "Yeah, I think the Foundation is planning something big. Keep an eye out." "Sir, this is a Taco Bell." Written by TyGently.
  • "It Might Have Been" - It, the thing, it didn't own her, goddammit! Written by Zachary Maxwell.
  • Application to form MTF Rho-87 - Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to contain anomalous cheese. Written by ACal.
  • About the Serpent - Now that the two Dragons are both gone, the gods will surely feed upon the Nine Children and men. And when the Dragons return, they will surely consume all gods in turn. Written by SunnyClockwork.

GoI Formats

  • Project Osanshouo, 2006 - The IJAMEA seek to preserve the anomalous ecosystem of Japan. Written by Dr Solo.
  • SPC-1981 - RONALD REGAN SHARKED UP WHILE TALKING. Recorded by kenneth1221.


  • Antimemetics Division Hub - How do you fight a war against an enemy with effortless, perfect camouflage, when you can never even know that you're at war? Compiled by qntm.
  • Of an Endless Hunt - Amy has been a prisoner of the Foundation for five years. Then she is suddenly freed, and on the run from an enemy even worse… Written by rumetzen.
  • Comedown Machine Hub - A conspiracy of three acts, sponsored by Taco Bell. Written by TyGently.
  • Hunger Doggo Hub - Gay wendigos. Enough said. Written by AbsentmindedNihilist.

Author's Pages

Fandom Stuff

  • A Random Day diligently scoured the web for all manner of fan art, but if he missed anything, let him or rumetzen know!


Thanks for tuning in again, folks! If you're unsatisfied with the blurb(s) provided for the article(s) you wrote, feel free to change it. Of course, you could just avoid that problem entirely by sending A Random Day a blurb for your article. We may or may not use it (if we can think of something more attention-getting, though we can try to stick with one you give us) but we'd really would just like them in order to make the process easier for making these. This is a community thing, and we want authors to give their blurbs to sell these articles much easier. It reduces the workload we have to do, and helps the news come out that much earlier!

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