News for February 2017

News Time Capsule

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Welcome to this installment of site news, where we celebrate love and war!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

On-Site News

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for this month are SCP-2870 ("General Malaise") by Bryx and Four Seconds, Low Pitched by ksaid. One's about a literally diseased society, and the other's about trying to live normally in a town that's anything but. Check them out!
  • The featured articles for February were SCP-2944 ("An Anomalous Haircut") by Cavalry and Re: Promotion by OverThinking. One's about a peculiar pompadour, and the other's about a rather dysfunctional family. Check them out!

Event-Featured Articles

The theme for the month of February was empathic!

  • In SCP-1097 ("Liquified Empath"), by Kalinin, a block of gelatin became all too familiar…
  • In SCP-2296 ("Emperor Penguin Tube Mommas"), by Buttfranklin, an eldritch horror became concerned for the wellbeing of emperor penguins…
  • And in SCP-1977 ("Eye of the Storm"), by DrBerggren, a man literally became a gas…

Rest of the News

  • That's right folks - SERIES IV is upon us! That means it's time for the SCP-3000 Contest! The theme: horror! Posting starts March 24th and ends April 10th, so get cracking on some spine-chilling stories!
  • GoI Formats finally have a hub, courtesy of GreenWolf and Jacob Conwell! Ever wanted to learn how Prometheus Labs devised their products or how the members of AWCY plan their exhibits? Find out with these articles written from the perspectives of the Groups of Interest!
  • Long-time Site Administrator TroyL has decided to retire. Happy trails, TroyL, and thank you for your service.
  • On a lighter note, for the first time in many, many years, we have brand new Site Administrators! Congratulations to Roget, Anqxyr, Decibelles, Dexanote Zyn, Silberescher, and SoullessSingularity - we're sure you'll do great!

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month. rumetzen created the blurbs for the first half of the month, and A Random Day created the blurbs for the second half.

Week of February 1st:

Let's get digital.


  • SCP-2897 ("The Bard of Analytics") - What do you do with an AI capable of thinking that it doesn't think at all? The Department of Analytics thinks it has the answer. Programmed by GreenWolf.
  • SCP-2847 ("Yu the Great, and the Immortal") - When a hero falls, worlds will fall with him. Written by SunnyClockwork.
  • SCP-2921 ("Spawn of the Drakaina") - I wasn’t afraid of snakes before. I might be a little creeped out by them now. Written by Qwags.
  • SCP-2792 ("Sarah Snow Rabbit") - You cannot imagine the justice we will inflict upon you. Sentenced by Fantem.
  • Document OWi - A companion piece to the Wrong 001 Proposal, exploring how history has been shaped by the war that never was. A collaborative piece started by MrWrong.



  • Secure Facility Dossier: Lunar Area-32 - Yeah, I spent a bit of time there. It’s alright if you don’t mind being cooped into a 9 square meter room for 18 months. And the atmosphere is terrible. Written by Jack Ike.


  • Roget's SCP Writing Walkthrough - A guide filled with various tips, tricks, and pieces of advice for refining your first (or second or third or 103rd!) SCP. Written by Roget.

Author's Pages

Week of February 8th:

I'm on my way to the promised land…


  • SCP-1472-J ("Scranton Realty Anchors") - Want to stabilize your ontological inertia while boosting the value of realty investments? Look no further! Install today and you too can own the property you’ve always dreamed of! Written by Cyantreuse.
  • SCP-2817 ("The Carpet King Prosecutes Itself") -Embrace your suffering. It means someone still cares enough to inflict it. Written by LordStonefish.
  • SCP-2539 ("Highway to Hell") - Don’t fear what lies at the end of the journey, but what you might meet along the way. Buckle up with Taffeta.
  • SCP-2658 ("A Convincing Proxy") - Wouldn’t the world be easier if we just did everything for the fun of it? Written by eggs.


  • Mitochondria - The stone knows no pain. It knows no rest. It only knows its hunger. Hewn by thefriendlyvandal.
  • Casa de Jacinta / Jacinte de la Casa - Not everyone was able to enter paradise. The conclusion to the worlds-spanning 001 Proposal by Kalinin.
  • Come Rest Your Head A While - It's been a long time since we've seen these two. Not long enough, some might say - but fear not, UIU Agents Darnell Christman and Quinn MacAllister make their triumphant(?) return. Written by Ihp.
  • First Time's The Charm - Almost hard to believe we didn't attempt a mission like this sooner. Written by Boogey_man23.
  • When All You Have is a Hammer - What better way to spend Valentine’s Day than with a nice romantic evening in the Foundation containment chambers? Planned by DrMagnus.

GoI Formats

  • UIU File: 2016-004 - Wow! Who could pass on this amazing deal? Click here to find out how you can become part of the opportunity of a lifetime! Written by Penton.

Author Pages

Containment Engineer Colette Dale's Log - thefriendlyvandal's author page!

Week of February 15th:

Ever wanted to be a Theoretical Physicist? In the Foundation, you can be a Theoretical Architect!


  • SCP-2429 ("The Human Zoo") - I mean, humans are animals too. It only makes sense that they'd be in a zoo. Written by Secain.
  • SCP-2638 ("Alone in a Crowded Room") - I can't even bury my husband. He's rotting in our bed. They're still talking to him. He only wanted me to be happy. Written by CrystalMP.
  • SCP-2751 ("Hydrophobic Dogs") - Jesus could walk on water. So can these dogs. Written by thefriendlyvandal.
  • SCP-2724 ("X-Man") - All Jacob wanted was to be a superhero. This isn't what he wanted. Written by Augustt.
  • SCP-2589 ("Don't Leave Me This Way") - This Mouth Has People In It. Written by Faminepulse.
  • SCP-2491 ("The Bee Who Loved Me") - Trust me guys, these Bees, they have a licence to buzz. They take their royaljelly shaken, not stirred. Penned by DrBleep.
  • SCP-2579 ("Grant's Bears") - I knew the Naenae was all the rage, but I didn't expect the bears to pick it up too… Choreographed by tretter.
  • SCP-2596 ("A Big Ship-load") - The True Cross is united. The fragments no longer lie in mindless idolatry. Come to Lake Geneva. We will embark on the vessel to Heaven and be in communion with the Lord. Written by MrWrong.
  • SCP-2854 ("The Little Shop-Mart of Horrors") - The best store to ever be opened in Hell, Michigan! If you ever wanted to take a trip through the looking glass, you've come to the right place. Hosted by your tour guide, Shio.
  • SCP-3000-J ("Kellogg's® Foundation Flakes™!") - Part of a contained breakfast! Marketed by LordStonefish.
  • SCP-2543 ("Our Harriet") - It claims that this version of itself, hereby classified Wilson-X, communicates with an unknown quantity of Harriet Wilsons across multiple universes and is the source of its visions. Envisioned by Rejekyll.


  • Reap What You Sew - As strange and as unfamiliar as Life had been, Mr. Bear was completely bewildered by whatever Un-life he was experiencing. Stitched together by Shaggydredlocks.
  • Excerpts from Training Seminars for Lesser Known Foundation Careers - Not everyone can be an MTF Agent, or a site director, or a researcher. Some of us have to clean out the gunk from biological containment cells, and others have to burn the bodies.
  • The Parables of Pseudo-Nadox - Jesus's parables are about salvation. Buddha's parables are about enlightenment. Nadox's parables are about apotheosis. Compiled by Univine.

Author Pages

Week of February 22nd

What the duck??


  • SCP-2895 ("Stingy ") - Any solid objects SCP-2895 contacts with the end of its tail will experience sudden biological fusion with its body. Written by Roget.
  • SCP-948 ("The Workaholic") - Some people don't know when to stop talking. Why not? What are they putting off? Written by Rimple.
  • SCP-2861 ("Cozy Cemetery") - Turns out I actually kind of liked being buried alive. Co-written by Leveritas and Zyn.
  • SCP-2586 ("That's Not My Name") - Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Literal Serial Killer by Gamers Against Weed! The working title was "Mr. Empathy". Purchased by Communism will win.
  • SCP-2476 ("I Didn't Expect That") - Jesus Christ! You've just found yourself your very own Sir Monty Python And The Holy Grail by the Holy order of Knights Against Weed! Purchased by Penton.
  • SCP-2139 ("Indeterminate object or objects, or possibly a memetic effect of some kind ") - there is an anomaly that increases credulity, and it could be anywhere, and we think someone's using it to attack the Foundation, and maybe it's an inside job, and … wait a second! Speculated by psul.
  • SCP-2917 ("Twice-Stable Wormhole") - The other side is never the same. Written by GeometryPrime.
  • SCP-2694 ("Everyone's Favorite Song") - Sing for me. Performed by Spudkin.
  • SCP-2648 ("CJ's Shroom Farm and the Angering of the Fleshball on Acid") - CJ and their friend just want to live a quiet life. Written by Cyantreuse.
  • SCP-2859 ("The Space Serpents") - Like space squids, but bigger. Written by toastedraptor.
  • SCP-2730 ("Q U A C K - Q U A C K") - Gilbert Gottfried is actually a were-duck wearing a really good mask. That's the sane part. Played by A Random Day.


GoI Formats

Fandom Stuff

  • Cyantreuse diligently scoured the web for all manner of fan art, but if they missed anything, let them, rumetzen, or A Random Day know!


Thanks for tuning in again, folks! Many thanks to Cyantreuse for finding art for this month! If you're unsatisfied with the blurb(s) provided for the article(s) you wrote, feel free to change it. Of course, you could just avoid that problem entirely by sending A Random Day or rumetzen a blurb for your article. We may or may not use it (if we can think of something more attention-getting, though we can try to stick with one you give us) but we'd really would just like them in order to make the process easier for making these. This is a community thing, and we want authors to give their blurbs to sell these articles much easier. It reduces the workload we have to do, and helps the news come out that much earlier!

Thank you all for continuing to be an excellent community <3

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