News for January 2017

Welcome to this installment of site news, where we celebrate a brand new year of SCPs!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

On-Site News

Featured Articles

  • The featured articles for this month are SCP-2944 ("An Anomalous Haircut") by Cavalry Cavalry and Re: Promotion by OverThinkingOverThinking. One's about a peculiar pompadour, and the other's about a rather dysfunctional family. Check them out!
  • The featured articles for December were SCP-1175 ("Bovine Icon and Guards") by ChazzKChazzK and Sparks of Creativity by FreudianFreudian. One's about guard bulls, and the other's about a newly-formed excited AI. Check them out!

Event-Featured Articles

New in 2017, we've decided to focus each month's featured articles around a theme! This month's theme was performance!

  • In SCP-2960 ("The Show Must Go On"), by Jacob ConwellJacob Conwell, one high school's production of Urinetown went horribly awry…
  • In SCP-764 ("The Obscene Show"), by HeidenHeiden, Punch and Judy enjoyed some gallows humor…
  • And in SCP-1834 ("Uriel Fishbones"), by DrBerggrenDrBerggren, the titular circus performer gave his viewers an eyeful…

Rest of the News

Missing out on articles? Enjoy a recap on the articles from the past month1. A Random DayA Random Day created the blurbs for the first half of January, and rumetzenrumetzen created the blurbs for the second half.

Contest Articles

To celebrate the new year and the tenth anniversary of the SCP Wiki, we hosted the History Contest and challenged our authors to explore history - in the real world, the Foundation universe, and every place in between. The winners will be announced on February 6; be sure to read and vote on your favorite entries before then!

Week of January 1st:

Cocaine made of demons should not be snorted if you are pregnant.


  • SCP-2453 ("Pregnancy Test") - Some people who are mothers shouldn't be. Some people who aren't should. This test rectifies those issues. Administered by gishfacegishface and ZynZyn.
  • SCP-2381 ("Call of the Hyphae") - My spores, my fibers twitch in pride. Soon it will be stalks, and not the detritus of the floor that towers above the stalkless! Tell me, do you hear the call of your brothers and sisters who I first gave life to above? Written by DrBleepDrBleep.
  • SCP-2781 ("Bodhisattva of the High Seas") - Upon reaching enlightenment, one may choose to ascend or remain on Earth to save his fellow man. Agent Trip Kata made the ultimate sacrifice. Written by MrWrongMrWrong.
  • SCP-2786 ("You Tried") - Sometimes all you need to discipline a monster is a firm voice. Written by TL333sTL333s.
  • SCP-2738 ("Anticapitalist POS System") - Developed by Marxism-Leninism Software LLC. Programmed by Cyantreuse does not match any existing user name.
  • SCP-237 ("Self-Made Man") - When he got dissatisfied with one of us, he'd mash them down into the goop, and then start over. That's what happened to Dog, and Clown, and Nun, and Princess… they're just gone. Written by DrClefDrClef, rewritten by VoctVoct.
  • SCP-2385 ("Somewhere in the Between") - Life finds a way. Written by ShaggydredlocksShaggydredlocks.


Week of January 7th:

Bringing a new meaning to master-slave configuration…


  • SCP-2876 ("Dream a Little Dream") - Unsatisfied with your current life? Take a trip through the headspace of someone else, courtesy of the Oneiroi Collective. Written by RogetRoget.
  • SCP-2726 ("Post Ghost") - On the internet, nobody knows that you're a ghost hired to mimic someone's dead friend. Posted by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2791 ("Fauste Bank plc") - If you want a loan, you're going to have to provide your soul as collateral. Deposited by ButtfranklinButtfranklin.
  • SCP-2758 ("Self-Containment Processes") - I know you're out there. I know you're containing me. Written by Cyantreuse does not match any existing user name.
  • SCP-2897 ("The Bard of Analytics") - What do you do with an AI capable of thinking that it doesn't think at all? The Department of Analytics thinks it has the answer. Trained by GreenWolfGreenWolf.
  • SCP-2832 ("Hubris") - Whether it was an accident of design, pure misfortune, or… Hell, maybe we inadvertently summoned some kind of demon. There's no way to know. Regardless, SCP-2832 is our mistake, our burden, our mess to clean up. Created by TL333sTL333s.


  • No Good Deed - As Vincent Anderson, CEO of Anderson Robotics, seeks to make amends for past wrongs, he finds some damage cannot be repaired, regardless as to how much money, robots, and charm you throw at it. Written by Jacob ConwellJacob Conwell.
  • What Passes as Normal in the Digital Age - It's tough being the only normie in your group of friends. Especially when your friends are Gamers Against Weed. Written by kinchtheknifebladekinchtheknifeblade.
  • Nothing to See Here - He turned his head, his eyes moving to a picture above David’s bed. A boy strapped in a chair, blood dripping from empty sockets. “But maybe there’s still something I can do.” Written by AdminBrightAdminBright.
  • A Billion Brilliant Colors and a Spirit Less Than Human - In the distant future, buried under the dirt and filth and plants and trees and pain of a land closer to normal than your soul would have wanted, you awaken at freezing temperatures. Awoken by Cyantreuse does not match any existing user name.
  • Deliverance and Damnation - The saga of Harold Maine finally comes to its twisted close. Written by WilsWils.


  • Art Exchange Hub - Since 2012, the SCP Wiki has hosted an annual Christmas Gift Exchange, where writers, songwriters, artists, voice actors, and more come together to give each other presents in a giant site-wide Secret Santa. Check out all the gifts that have been given since the Exchange's inception! Created by Gaffsey does not match any existing user name.

Week of January 15th:

Need a new cybernetic hand? Want some fairy dust in your coffee? Trying to track down an art terrorist? Stop by Three Portlands!


  • SCP-2492 ("Soul Beacon") - All I’ve ever wanted was to be by your side. Was that too much to ask? Written by PentonPenton.
  • SCP-2952 ("Conveyance of Regional Gwerin Internationally") - C.O.R.G.I is not responsible for any lost items or deific condemnation that may come from the use of C.O.R.G.I. Solstace-long passes are now available. Unlimited rides for the low low price of dew off a child’s favorite toy! Written by AbsentmindedNihilistAbsentmindedNihilist.
  • SCP-2542 ("Grinds Exceeding Small") - Look man, I’ve got the hook up for some really excellent ████. This dude’s practically giving it away! And I bet he wouldn’t mind if he took a little extra for ourselves… snagged by kinchtheknifebladekinchtheknifeblade.
  • SCP-2562 ("RTFM") - SCP-2562: Evoking meaning through writing can be difficult. The balancing act between subtlety and direct conveyance of intention is one that can take a lifetime to master. / BOTTOM TEXT by Communism will winCommunism will win.
  • SCP-2419 ("Cross-stitch") - These are some gifts from grandma that you don’t have to fake being excited about. Originally by Dr Harrington does not match any existing user name and rewritten by ShaggydredlocksShaggydredlocks.



Week of January 22nd-31st

Change is gonna come…


  • SCP-1168 ("A Highly Immature and Completely Unofficial Parody") - Art about art critiquing art about art… or maybe it isn’t art? What it is, it’s definitely not gonna be tolerating any fucking weed near it. Written by DolphinSlugchuggerDolphinSlugchugger.
  • SCP-2871 ("The Cat With No Ass") - What could be more perfect than a regular cat? How about a cat that randomly teleports everywhere and eats literally everything! Wait, let me see that dictionary again. Written by ianofdoom2ianofdoom2.
  • SCP-2732 ("《缢王本纪》") - And so we descended upon the king and consumed him, making his blood our blood, his flesh our flesh, so that all who came after would know his crimes. Written by SunnyClockworkSunnyClockwork.



  • Photoshopping Your SCP: Ever wanted to use a picture for your article but couldn’t find the perfect one? Why not make your own? Check out this handy guide to image creation through Photoshop by Faminepulse!

Author's Pages:

Fandom Stuff

What's been going on in the community aside from our site? Well…

  • A Random DayA Random Day diligently scoured the web for all manner of fan art, but if you know of something he missed, let him or rumetzenrumetzen, or know!


Thanks for tuning in again, folks! If you're unsatisfied with the blurb(s) provided for the article(s) you wrote, feel free to change it. Of course, you could just avoid that problem entirely by sending A Random DayA Random Day or rumetzenrumetzen a blurb for your article. We may or may not use it (if we can think of something more attention-getting, though we can try to stick with one you give us) but we'd really would just like them in order to make the process easier for making these. This is a community thing, and we want authors to give their blurbs to sell these articles much easier. It reduces the workload we have to do, and helps the news come out that much earlier!

Thank you all for continuing to be an excellent community <3

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