NEW~!
Liti-Gatcha Game!
Listing by Thotticusprime
A↗T↗F↗
Need legal help in a hurry, but lawyers are bloodsucking, soulless leeches? Really need to sue someone — or protect yourself from being sued — but you trust local litigation like you'd trust a raccoon with your trash? Want to buy, sell, or haggle with property, but — okay, you get the idea. We all hate attorneys until we need them, and when we need them, they always manage to disappoint, right? Not anymore! We at ACCELERATE THE FUTURE have come up with a brilliant and inexpensive shortcut through all that hassle, and the best part is, it involves video games! That's right: with our new LITI-GATCHA GAME, you can instantly materialize a famous master of jurisprudence to defend YOU and your interests in any court of law!
How it works: Visit our website and download the LITI-GATCHA GAME (don't worry, it's free!). With a single tap and a crisp $100 sent to our lovely and talented fictomancer, the game randomly selects a FULLY CERTIFIED FICTIONAL LEGAL COUNCILOR to your side, instantly! Need more than one lawyer? No problem! Just tap the app again and presto! You're on your way to creating a dream team of attorneys! Don't worry about paying them: none of these lawyers are actually real! That's right, they work completely FREE OF CHARGE! Just think of all the legal fees you don't need to fork over! You can keep all that sweet, sweet moolah for yourself! Why pay tens of thousands for a stuffy, selfish, corrupt courtroom shyster when you can assemble the ultimate loyal legal team for a fraction of the cost?! Just think about it: all these famous JDs are available to serve you!
- Ally McBeal
- Perry Mason
- Jennifer Walters
- Ben Matlock
- Elle Woods
- Saul Goodman
- and more!
So download the app right now and get what's coming to you! Snag a rare Public Domain lawyer and get a free T-shirt!
WARNING: fictional lawyers will dissipate ten (10) hours after their initial summons (any more time and we'd be screwing around with forces beyond mortal — or legal — comprehension!). No courtroom case is guaranteed to win. Offer void where prohibited. ACCELERATE THE FUTURE is not responsible for any damages caused by, to, or with any fictional entity. To order your T-shirt, please enter the included code in the ACCELERATE THE FUTURE coupon redeemer in our merchandise section.
Download the app HERE!
Reviews
SoJournSoJohn ⭐⭐⭐☆☆
At first I was stoked when I pulled out Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice, but they ended up constantly screaming "Objection" and solving minor puzzles. Not sure if this is awesome or a waste of money.
NinjaBaseballMang ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Strange app, but it came in handy for reasons I can't legally disclose. I managed to pull Jack McCoy, Billy Flynn, and Atticus Finch, so I'm good to go. Only spent $1500! (the other pulls were crap)
Groovy1_52 ⭐⭐☆☆☆
I got Kevin Lomax (aka Keanu Reeves in Devil's Advocate), Abraham Van Helsing, the Black Bat, and Gomez Addams after four attempts. I'm scared.
OliviaNotRealName ⭐☆☆☆☆
GOT SOME1 NAMED OLIVER WENDELL DOUGLAS AFTER 9 ATTEMPS. LOOKED HIM UP & HE IS FROM A SHOW CALLD GREEN ACERS. WTF I DONT WANT A REDNECK FOR MY DIOVRCE HEARING!!1
JustARizzular4 ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
took me 17 tried but i finally pulled daredevil. next pull ws twoface, no joke. this should be interesting.
DJ2Crew ☆☆☆☆☆
Fuck. I only had $100 to spend and I got a fucking possum named Paw-Paw. Lost the case when my "attorney" bit the bailiff and peed on the judge. Writing review IN PRISON. Thanks for nothing.
FraglGragl33 ⭐☆☆☆☆
Dammit, I keep getting Lionel Hutz and Harvey Birdman.