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Welcome to the Meatverse


Hello and welcome to my Author page! I first began reading the SCP Wiki in 2013 while trying to survive a night shift job. The first ever SCP I remember reading was SCP-087: The Stairwell and it remains a personal favorite today. While my own style differs greatly from some of those S1 works, what I did read drew me in to this wonderful world with little difficulty.

Although I would not actually make an account for 3 more years and would not post my first SCP for another 2 beyond that, the SCP Wiki has remained a source of joy, inspiration, wonder, and community for me since the very beginning. Okay, enough sap.


SCP-MEAT's most powerful avatar


Pontifex Canis Major

The Author

I live in America's upper midwest region within a couple hours drive from Chicago, IL. In my off-site life, I am an IT professional with respectable class levels. I room with three animals, none of which pay rent, and all are picture in the image to the right.

I love to cook! All types of cuisine. I love tabletop RPGs like D&D 3rd Edition, Mage: The Ascension, and Scion, and other deep sets of systems with lots of books/content and loose rules. I have been GM'ing tabletop games for quite awhile and have made some incredible memories!

I love supporting my favorite teams and sharing the energy of team sports. I was an athlete in both high school and college, and although I only regularly participate in a couple privately today, I have been and will be a life-long fan for both college basketball and college football.

The Colorful Cast

Tara is my rescue mutt who I adopted in October of 2016. She was sent to me from a high-kill shelter in the Houston area originally as a foster but I, of course, fell in love. She's high anxiety around strangers but the epitome of a loving animal. She's high energy and high activity which, although it frustrates me some days, helps my lazy ass out considerably.

Gelidon, The Nightmare in Ivory is the white cat, named so for his bold personality, white hair, and maddening cacophony that he blasts me with during feeding time. He is one member of a bonded pair of litter mates that I took in from a family who adopted a cat they did not know was pregnant. Although he has his claws, I have never met a more gentle set of cats with regards to their surprise attacks. They've never once assaulted my hands despite nearly 4 years of belly rubs.

Umbrasyl, The Hope Devourer is the other half of the kitty-pair, the smoky gray cat, and is named for the potent Fear Aura he exudes on lesser creatures. He is far more soft-spoken and easy-going than his brother and loves to loaf around on the floor and in beams of sun from the windows. He is gentle like his brother and, despite his massive size, has one of the most smol and adorable meows of any cat I've ever heard.

Otto was one of the most gentlemanly and distinguished pups I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He came into my life in 2006 and lived 13 beautiful and happy years with me and then later my parents. Always impeccably groomed, his works were thoughtful and poignant and he loved to stay up with me late at night and watch Law and Order. I will miss you dearly, Mr. Otto.

The Inspiration

Many of my personal inspirations involve dry humor and absurdism. While I would not go so far as to call anything I do truly surrealistic, I do often find myself creating imagery in my head that would qualify and pursuing thought experiments that cook the noggin in a similar fashion as that genre.

John Cleese, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett are some of my favorite entertainers/authors. The Divine Comedy, The Discworld Series, and the Kingkiller Chronicle are my favorite written works. I enjoy numerous collections of short stories, particularly horror, but I find some of them difficult to defend for reasons other than my own visceral reaction.

Many of my favorite movies are comedies including Airplane, Space Balls, Blazing Saddles, Naked Gun, Animal House, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, and Office Space. On the occasion I do nominate a more serious movie, it stands an equal chance of being either a powerful but well produced action film like John Wick or The Equalizer, or, it is likely to be an epic fantasy movie like Return of the King.

Table of Content

Please enjoy a quick tour through my highest rated pieces. If you want to sample more of my works, you can find a collapsed table just below which is ordered by popularity. And hey, welcome to the Meatverse. I hope you enjoy your stay. After all, you're one of us.

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