Senecio rowleyanus is the plant Mother Nature uses when she wants to look her most regal. Strings of green pearls swooshing gently as the wind passes through. Tristan stood beneath a particularly impressive specimen. It was almost like a tree cave, seclusion on the green.
A swift kick to the shin jolted Tristan back to the present. Spinning towards it, he looked up, down, and around but saw only gravel and racks of plants suffering from chronic over-watering to varying degrees. It was then that he heard the rustling on his shoulder.
A fervent high-pitched voice began chirping from around the shoulder blade. "Jesus Christ, please, stop, just, please- hold still for just one second, for the love of life, the universe and- and everything!"
Freezing in place, Tristan's eyes began scanning his surroundings. Green pearls and leaves, none of which looked particularly conversational.
Another sudden poking, and a thwap as the speaking something hit the leaf of an elephant ear plant. Crouching down, Tristan gingerly turned the leaf over and looked at its underside. Clinging to it was a medium-sized orange grasshopper wearing a white lab coat and a matching miniature grasshopper photo ID badge. One of the grasshopper's appendages was holding a miniature black attaché case.
"You can call me Wendy, pal. I'm glad you could make it." Perching herself atop the leaf, she began idly rubbing her jumping legs together.
Blinking, Tristan's palms began to sweat ever so slightly, and he began breathing manually. Reaching for a handshake left Tristan hanging for a few moments before he withdrew to an awkward salute. "I can see that you weren't exaggerating your, uh, unusual stature?"
Wendy's antennae tilted up and down three times. "Don't worry. I hear it all the time. But, to business. I believe that you're the reporter with his finger in the Junior vs. Bread feud."
Glancing around to ensure a lack of eavesdroppers, Tristan leaned in close. "Look, I don't like to speak ill of the people I'm reporting on. But Junior is just a horrible person at every conceivable level. I can't imagine what structural problems exist in Manna to let such a remorseless… yeah, he's definitely psycho. Again, objective reporting and all but still he sucks… and that's how you feel too, right?"
Staring back at his inquiring eyes was the emotionless visage of a grasshopper. After a beat, the antennae began bouncing again, this time uncontrollably. "Ohh, boy did I make you sweat, kid. Gosh, sorry. That was fun. Anyways, here's all of Junior's unfinished business."
Reaching one of her appendages into her lab coat, Wendy produced a miniature five-and-a-quarter inch floppy disc.
Squatting and squinting, Tristan cocked his head to the side. "Uh, no offense Wendy, but I don't think that's going to fit in anything I've got access to right now."
"Oh, my bad. This is for someone else." Stowing it back beneath the folds of the coat, Wendy stuck two appendages to rummage for a moment, then two moments. Finally, a microSD card slightly smaller than the miniature floppy was flying in the air towards Tristan's hands.
It bounced off his palm, falling in the dirt. Dropping to his knees, Tristan began frantically searching in the black dirt for his illicit black plastic card.
Hopping down to ground level, Wendy immediately found the card. "Jeez. This is important to you, right? Try to be more careful."
"Sorry, sorry," Tristan mumbled, gingerly reaching his hand out towards her.
"Wait. Before I hand this over, we had a deal."
Of course. Reaching into his pocket, Tristan pulled out a miniature but fully-functional violin. It was a piece from a stupidly expensive Christmas ornament set that had cost more than his engagement ring. "Hey, doing quid-pro-quo like this is kind of an unethical thing to do, as a journalist, right?"
Shrugging as best she could, Wendy pulled the instrument close, holding it beside her thorax. "Hey, it's like Mark Zuckerberg once said: You can be unethical and still legal, that's the way I live my life.” Pulling a small ball of twine from her lab coat she began tying the prize to her back. "This'll do. Call it a cello and someone's bound to pay me for it. Thanks a lot, pal."
"Uh, yeah, sure, no problem. Hey, one more thing-" Tristan coughed, there was a small spray of dirt, and she was gone.
After a moment of fumbling, his new micro-sized incriminating SD card was safely ensconced within his smartphone, well on its way with him to the newsroom.
INTERNAL WORKING DRAFT - PROMULGATION NOT YET SCHEDULED.
DISTRIBUTION OR PUBLICATION WILL RESULT IN LEGAL AND METAPHYSICAL ACTION AT THE EXPENSE OF THOSE RESPONSIBLE. ALL MANNA CHARITABLE FOUNDATION EMPLOYEES SHOULD CHECK THE NON-DISCLOSURE SECTION OF THEIR MISSION CONTRACTS FOR MORE INFORMATION.
IN MEMORIUM
Alphonse Marquis, In Life
Alphonse Marquis' leadership enabled Manna Charity Chapter PPP to uplift those who had been ground into impoverishment by the churning gears of state power. He's finally done getting in the way for good.
Every small victory, from overturning the anomalous density public transit fee, to the legalization of collectivized inaction, and his cornerstone center for rehabilitation and hospice care, Free Help Beds.
Everybody in the communities he served_will be doing the serving soon.
Now, there's nobody else like him, but his dreams will always live on in our hearts. I am humbled to be stepping from the donation coordination position and onto the shoulders of such a giant, but I promise to honor his legacy in my thoughts and in my prayers. Thoughts and prayers, boys, thoughts and prayers.
Praying for the ever-lasing blessings and tidings of heaven,
Chief Helpmaster Mark Hanna Jr.
Approved by Manna Charity Chapter PPP Authorized Interpretation Committee
Tristan smiled to himself. But for the sound of the train's locomotion, the only other thing that could be heard was the rustling of newsprint. No chatter. The Story was hot off the presses and everyone had to read it. What a wonderfully queer feeling, at least a hundred people all thinking the words he'd written at the same time. Boy, now there's finding out what Wendy thinks to look forward to…
3PORTS ENQUIRER
The Final Word on Facts.
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MAJOR MANNA MONEY MISUSE? MARK MAKES MESSY MISTAKES AND MISFORTUNE FOLLOWS
Public outcry over leaked memorandum forces resignations, calls for an investigation.
By Tristan Pena
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