LordStonefish's Better, Much More Mature, and Actually Completed Author Page.

I wrote Talloran.

I also wrote other things. Mostly surrealist, indulgent things with nightmare logic and absurd humor. I liked to toss things off. I am a poet and a cinephile.

These are the SCPs I boshed out:

• SCP-2714 - ("Billions of Blue Blistering"), a minor entry in the Sarkic canon and a crossover with AWCY? It's about Tintin. Voct did some heavy lifting here.

• SCP-2432 - ("Room Service"), a horror story that uses cliche "ominous broken english", cliche body horror, and cliche pandering to the 18-24 year old bachelors that are the stereotypical site audience. It's about hotel rooms, and is based on a real hotel in my hometown. A great early effort.

• SCP-2817 - ("The Carpet King Prosecutes Itself") A simple story about a D-Class, his friendly childhood monster, and abuse. A spin-off exploring a minor character from [[[SCP-963

• SCP-3000-J - ("Kellogg's Foundation Flakes") A -J about cereal. Not a parody of the 3000 contest. Copyright humor makes me laugh, but the Izumi Kato joke didn't age well.

• SCP-3999 ("I Am At The Center Of Everything That Happens To Me") The Researcher Talloran One. The only one anyone reads. They might put it on my tombstone.

• SCP-2653 - ("Sausages") I start to disappear up my own ass with my attempt at a serial. This one is decent. Continues my love of fucking with the audience by mentioning real life celebrities.

• SCP-3380 - ("Science, Technology, Engineering, Divinity") A story about how devotion is the same everywhere, and how Kurt Gödel genuinely had mental problems. Co-written with NatVoltaic. A sexual spoof of neckbeards from a kid who hadn't gone to college yet.

• SCP-3520 - ("Fourteen Orangutans") A total nightmare. I guess this is my dealing with body image issues and climate anxiety. Fun fact, this incorporates a large chunk of my earliest writing for the site.

• SCP-3796 - ("What a Wonderful Unification It Would Be") A disastrous attempt to cross early 60's soul, SCP-3125, and HiveFind. Most hated the technobabble.

• SCP-3643 - ("ANOMALY IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL") An ambitious but failed effort to game the 2018 Jam Con with entries that are chronological on the Series III list. I thought I was so clever for doing that, I didn't realize he never brought his A-game to the writing. It was a story about a corporation that owns the Zodiac Killer, parrotfish slaves, and Hormel Foods, now those last two parts are gone and the only good entry remains.

• SCP-3373 - ("Our Whole Universe was in a Hot Dense State") I went to watch them tape Episode 4 of this shit at CBS and had a bad time. DJ Slimy and Roger are real people. Co-written with Rimple. Inspired by a podcast recording which never came to fruition. Sorry guys, you deserved better.

• SCP-3672 - ("Why are there so many songs about rainbows?") A skip about character actors who never existed and also Enoch. A favorite, and a level of gentle simplicity I never achieved again.

• SCP-2302 - ("The Ditz") When they formed the RPC Authority, one of those guys, name of, oh I dunno let's call him Pon Vincier, deleted the original SCP-2302, which was a favorite article. This is a tribute to that article and a dream I conquered long long ago.

• SCP-4012 - ("Than Teach Ten Thousand Stars How Not To Dance") To achieve the same results as reading this, go stand in an empty field alone on a clear night, blast some György Ligeti, and stare straight up. This is actually my biggest achievement, and my official contribution to the Hall of Fame. Music, video, and poetry dance around the true nature of existence, and it's an attempt to tie the more out-there cosmic SCPs together. Originally titled David Lynch's Proposal, and was part of an unfinished ARG. Ask your doctor if Cosmic Horror is right for you.

• SCP-4930 - ("Lennon/McCartney") What if you set a Fifthist skip about a square schmuck who became John Lennon to the tune of an actual Lennon song, haha that would be so funny. The prosody should work to the actual songs.

• SCP-Big egg Big egg funny. Big egg scary. Buried deep in the revisions one April Fools day is an origin story.

• SCP-4302 - ("Prior Predator") An article about a terrifying murder and the movies and also why time hates the movies. This article is so obscure and confusing even the most vocal fans were like "huh?"

• SCP-4701 - (“Well Yeet Me Mama Like A Wagon Wheel”) An article about yeet. A dying meme indeed, folks. My brain throws memes and Bob Dylan lyrics together, but this is a secretly a piece on the tradition of folk music and sampling.

• SCP-4292 - ("herbie fucker really very good circus of the unsettle by dado"). I wrote the beginning and made the video. DrChandra wrote the rest and the accompanying tale because I abandoned them in the lurch to go to college.

• SCP-4753 - ("Mysterious Object at Dodge City") The third part of a trilogy encompassing SCP-3672 and SCP-4012 that try to present my vision of how the Abrahamic God would actually work. This last part is very unloved, and represents a moment in my life when I found the surreal, sterile quality of language-model generated writing thrilling rather than boring and overhyped. Don't worry, I edited everything to shit, no AI generated text remains.

• SCP-5401 - ("Thing") My contribution to the Antimemetics Division. As with a lot of my work, the line between nightmare and joke is thin. Also based on dreams I had.

• SCP-5598 - ("I, Eurydice Ferlinghetti") A bog-standard Series I item (with a touch of Series III terminology) filtered through seventy years of American poetry, riffing on Bernstein, Antin, Olson, and Ginsberg.

• SCP-5702 - ("www.wikiflick.███") I indugled my cinephila with my love of testing logs. Inspired by Tim Pratt's short story "Impossible Dreams."

• SCP-5753 - ("duck you") This article is a bit. But no one on the wiki gets Disney World weirdness exactly right.

• SCP-6223 - ("Burn With Me") A sequel to SCP-3373, and kind of a career summation. A nightmare about religion and the American west, loosely inspired by the 2015 horror movie Southbound. Originally written as a radio play for BloodyDisgusting.com's SCP Archives podcast, and it incorporates a lot of that audio in the article, which fulfills my goal of getting a celebrity voice actor on the wiki, in this case the TV character actor and Broadway veteran Graham Rowat, who plays the motel owner and cop.

• SCP-6705 - ("The Bicameral Milk") A long-in-development Broken Masquerade/Moosphere story where I rewrote something Lt Flops did and I added videos of me being a bad pitchman and chugging milk. I chugged milk and made myself sick for this site. Think about it.

• SCP-6513 - ("Toe Jam") I wanted to write a straightforward gross murder monster out of a perverse desire that they'd finally feature my work on a shitty SCP animation channel. But I gave myself the constraint of "every element must come from a David Byrne lyric", and the result was not only obscure, but very, very, very gross.

I more carefully wrote these tales:

• Amnestic, a weird ass poem. It ties into minmin's SCP-2747.

• Portrait of Two Choreographers, a short romantic character study. This was originally a short SCP, and the letters materialized in a haunted house. People did not like that one, but this version is more liked.

• Glittering Horizon, a failed experimental fiction serial. is Wade Williams Distribution Presents, The News Tonight: Wednesday April 26th, 2017, and The Undoing, which was a trailer transcription(???) inspired by China Míeville's format of the same. I was too lazy to explore my vision for this, which involved the a conspiracy involving Sarkics, Second Hytoth radicals invading the Foundation, and the brave folks in the Photography Division.

• Holy Mackerel, An ur-3999, polished a little as a curio. Written right when I joined the site.

• UIU File 2014-014, a GOI about a giant shark, made the UIU finally interesting. Co-written with NatVoltaic. Let the record show that even though much fun was had writing this, Three Portlands is not nearly as fascinating as some people think it is.

• (The Engine of a Film/The Fine Game of Nil), a forsaken djkaktus joke made deadly serious so it could survive. Thanks kaktus! The new sections are a love letter to faminepulse whose work is adored.

• Grandchildren Frost, a Christmas gift for MrWrong, based on SCP-2617.

• The William Penn Iteration, a 3999 tale. Knockoff bad Flannery O'Connor, and I initially thought it far too overwrought and edgy, but people connected with it and it probably helped the 3999 myth, and years on I like how forceful it is.

• Excerpt From The Astrolabe Institute Journal, a fake GOI about memory loss and beating up defenseless animals. Very highly rated and some very good writing here. Part of Team Fuhgeddaboutit for the Doomsday Contest, now part of the Ad Astra Per Aspera canon.

• Petrified, a mostly true creepypasta co-written with my mama for Gears Birthday.

• asmr by dado, hello yes this is dado owner and operator of fine dado product and also patisserie and birdo rental. dado have many fun time recording of the asmr and he steal karakter from cactus man and become huge live saturday night star, sorry cactus man u loose. sequel not in dado contract unless dado agent negotiate with studio boss.

• The DevourerLand Diaries, a Christmas present for Gaffsey based on SCP-4884 and David Sedaris.

• RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE RAPPING. Available on Spotify, Apple Music, TikTok, and other music streaming services. I just had some bizarre lyrics in my head and made a rudimentary beat.

• End Of Deaf; or, In the Clutches of Dumb, a dipshit goofy parody of the End of Death canon for April Fools.

• Interior-Interior, a Christmas gift for Dysadron, where he wanted something about Crystal Elms Productions, something involving Cher, and something involving dinosaurs. I obliged. I let my cinephila run wild here, because something in treating fake art as real scratches an itch in my brain. In addition to SCP-3084, Abwesenheit, Straight to VHS: Sunday Dinner, SCP-5733, and the as-of-this-writing still unfinished Corpse Club, there are references in there to The Prestige, Fury of the Demon, Antrum, and the Terry Miles podcast The Last Movie, all about cursed art.

I was credited on these projects:

• Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys, tale about dado written by DrChandra where I got co-author credit for development but basically had to disappear before a word was written. I wrote none of this. I'll reveal instead that the dado voice is equal parts Russian accent, the Greek accent of an elderly record shop owner who lived in Boston suburbs, and Fleischer Bros. cartoon character.

• SCP-4525 - ("u come 2 dado go") I do the dado voice.

• SCP-4875 - ("Crying Beneath the Desert, Or; Lorem Desertum") Work for hire, basically. I did a salvage job on something written by a guy called Almarduk as a favor. No thoughts on this one but I technically wrote it. It's about a thing in Chile.

• SCP-5336 - ("Custom Print Settings") I did not write this, AnActualCrow did. I gave him the idea so he gave me co-author credit. It's about a printer that can read thoughts of things.

• SCP-6901 - ("The Long Parabola of Gravity") A radio play for SCP Archives that was not able to be uploaded in article form to the wiki due to someone snagging the spot. A goof on Thomas Pynchon's V and Gravity's Rainbow and J.G. Ballard's Crash. Because this was a crossover with Rooster Teeth's plane crash podcast, Black Box Down, it stars Gus Sorola as a perpetually stoned donut baker with a plane crash fetish and Chris Demarais as a sexually frustrated half-inch tall man.

• SCP-6881 - ("Project SERAPIS") I did not write this, Warhammer 40K writer Ben Counter did as a serial for SCP Archives. I formatted some of it for the wiki and found photos. It's about a place in Wyoming.

So, you see, the title comes from an earlier iteration, which you can unearth in the revisions, where I had an elaborate bit spoofing a Kaktusverse 001, and you see—

Stonefish was shot middle of sentence, and also dragged offstage with a big giant cane, and also pied in the face.