Agent MacLeod's Author Page

Announcements

Several dozen people stand upon a stage, facing the audience ranging in height from over 2 meters to about knee-height. There's also an English bulldog. There's a microphone on a stand in the middle of the stage, illuminated by a spotlight. At the forefront of the crowd is a monster of a man, 2.1 meters tall and half as wide at the shoulder. In lieu of skin, he has camouflage-pattern armor. In lieu of a face, he has massive, insectoidal compound eyes and what amounts to a fly's proboscis. Clipped to a strap on his shoulder is a "walkie-talkie" radio.

Populating the audience is a beautiful menagerie of people. Some are young, some are old. Some are new to this audience, some have been coming to this show for years. Many of them are themselves playwrights. They've come from all over and for reasons as varied as the crowd itself. They don't always get along and they don't always like the show and many of them wish this Playwright was far more productive. The Playwright is in the audience and he's among that latter category. But they've all come to this show regardless.

The beast of a man steps up to the microphone. He positions himself so that the radio is close to the mic. The radio crackles to life:

"H— hello? Test 1 2, is the microphone working?" The voice coming out of the radio has the slightest Russian accent. "Oh, excellent, showtime. Ladies and gentlemen and other respectable entities, I've got bad news. This show is cancelled indefinitely."

Some of the crowd vocalizes surprise. The rest of the crowd is shrugging and wondering whether they should scoot out of there to catch another show, or perhaps to their own studios to work on their own plays. The Playwright is watching, not sure what he's hoping for but expecting apathy.

The insect-man resumes: "Yes. The Playwright has asked me to inform you all that he's taking a break from this theater company. He also asked me to inform you all that we, his cast and his various props are available for any plays you will be writing in the future. However, he would like to ask that you consult him first; he'll try to remain available for such consultation. He would also like to offer apologies for this circumstance. Thank you."

The theater is silent as the bug-man bows and the actors prepare to shuffle offstage when a member of the audience stands up and shouts towards the stage: "Why, though?"

The cast turns around and bug-man goes back to the microphone: "Well, ah, you see, that's complicated. As many of you are aware, the Playwright has had a very severe case of writer's block for quite a while. It's been over a year since he's released a new play. In addition, many people, including some friends and very talented fellow playwrights, have left our fine theater company for another, taking their props and casts with them. Many of the Playwright's stories depended on these props and actors, so now he's a little lost. That's what he told me, anyway."

The crowd murmurs a moment before another member of the crowd asks: "Is he going to be joining his friends at the new theater company, then?"

"No, absolutely not. He's a member of our sister theater company, but he's even more quiet there. He won't be joining our young new competition, even if some of his friends have. He told me he may try to work on his own theater company, but it won't be in opposition to ours. And he'll leave us here, to put on old productions, so to speak."

"What about his plays that relied on the casts and props that are gone?"

"He said he'll try to rewrite those plays when he comes back, but is afraid he'll have to take those plays outside of circulation. He's unsure at this point."

"So that's it, then?" Most of the audience is shuffling towards the door, no longer interested in this halfhearted announcement of departure from someone whose presence barely registers in the massive theater company. Some of them are mumbling about a "Djoric," whose departure announcement play had been much better, apparently.

The Playwright has been sitting nervously in his seat, thankfully unnoticed by the audience until this point. As he sees them stumbling out the door, he realizes there's one thing left to say, and his star performer is ill-equipped to say it. He leaps onto the stage and grabs the mic, to the minor surprise of his cast and the remaining members of the audience alike: "WAIT! Just one more thing!"

Some of the audience turns around, curious. "I just wanted to say thank you. I know I'm not always the best person to work with or around. I know I'm not always a good contributor to the community or a good friend. Lord knows I've caused a couple headaches in my day. But I feel like I would hardly be half the man I am without this community. Every day for the last four years, you've been a pillar I can lean on and a wind in my sails. This world you've built, that I've tried to help build and contribute to? It's beautiful.

"This community has been a rock in a stormy sea on more than one occasion. I've seen things, learned things I'd never have dreamed of. I've made a lot of friends here. Or, at least, I like to think I have. But with everything going on, both here and elsewhere, I feel that my choices boil down to a lot of heartache and headache, or a controlled absence. I won't be gone forever, I promise. But maybe the next six or so months will be better off without me. I — thank you, all of you, so much, for everything. Goodbye."

The audience leaves, and the Playwright turns to the Cast. He speaks some quiet words not meant for the audience, mostly thanks and apologies and declarations of pride. They all exit stage right, the lights dim, and the curtain drops.

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Agent MacLeod

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SCPs

SCP-2173
+120 ^… 53
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 02 Jul 2024 04:57
Last edited: psychicprogrammer at 01 Oct 2022 19:53

Item #: SCP-2173 Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-2173 appears to be stable, containment procedures are primarily geared to prevent public knowledge and interest in...
tags: alive chaos-insurgency euclid extradimensional global-occult-coalition humanoid immobile location pattern-screamer sapient scp species

SCP-2237
+195 ^… 70
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 01 Aug 2020 18:42
Last edited: stormbreath at 12 Sep 2021 20:45

Fred was ejected from his latest refuge by its current occupants with some degree of force, and landed here, in this strange, dizzying place. SCP-2236 | SCP-2237 | SCP-2238 ‡ Licensing /...
tags: asci extraterrestrial foundation-made hmfscp satellite scp thaumiel vehicle

SCP-2273
+749 ^… 68
Latest comment: Maxyfran73 at 20 Nov 2023 20:44
Last edited: Jack Waltz at 02 Oct 2022 10:24

Item #: SCP-2273 Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2273 is to be contained in an M-SHACC1 with furniture that can accommodate SCP-2273's weight and size. Additionally, the...
tags: alexei-belitrov alive arthropod children-of-the-night electromagnetic euclid extradimensional humanoid military sapient scp skeletal

SCP-2367
+162 ^… 47
Latest comment: Maxyfran73 at 08 Jun 2023 15:47
Last edited: Jerden at 10 Oct 2024 21:04

Item #: SCP-2367 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2367 is contained on-site in a hangar constructed around it, with Level 5 security measures in place. A cover story of a...
tags: historical safe sc2015 science-fiction scp spatial structure teleportation temporal

SCP-2371
+202 ^… 48
Latest comment: GKEnder at 26 Feb 2024 22:25
Last edited: Jack Waltz at 02 Oct 2022 10:20

Item #: SCP-2371 Object Class: Keter Special Containment Procedures: All information and physical locations associated with the SCP-2371 phenomenon are to be secured under Level 5 Security Protocols....
tags: building collaboration document keter knowledge location sapient scp

SCP-2473
+90 ^… 40
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 24 Sep 2018 01:38
Last edited: Hexick at 28 Jul 2021 02:59

Item #: SCP-2473 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2473 is currently stored in Hangar 37 of Site-43. Efforts in restoration and reverse-engineering of the object are ongoing....
tags: electronic extraterrestrial mechanical safe scp vehicle

SCP-2739
+141 ^… 38
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 01 Aug 2021 15:25
Last edited: NebulousStar at 16 Oct 2022 17:40

Item #: SCP-2739 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: The apartment building containing SCP-2739 has been purchased by a Foundation front company; the wing of the building containing...
tags: artistic building extradimensional safe scp

SCP-2783
+168 ^… 35
Latest comment: Zyn at 17 Dec 2022 08:24
Last edited: FrankEntropy at 07 Mar 2024 13:09

Item #: SCP-2783 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: Complete information regarding SCP-2783 is restricted to individuals with Level 5 Security Clearance. Physical access to SCP-2783 is...
tags: blackwood broken-god cadaver doctor-clef doctor-light extradimensional inscription safe sarkic scarlet-king scp structure

Tales

keine Kosten zu hoch
+65 ^… 16
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 01 Aug 2019 02:04
Last edited: NewFoundDanger at 18 Apr 2024 20:42

No cost is too high for victory. Translated documents recovered from Ahnenerbe SS Headquarters in Berlin: FROM: Otto Weber, Director PROJEKT KOLOSS TO: Heinrich Himmler, Schutzstaffel Reichsführer...
tags: rei2015 tale

War is Child's Play
+117 ^… 56
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 28 Nov 2023 02:23
Last edited: Irina Bougainvillea at 26 Nov 2023 23:33

But in this game, there are no victors Author's Note/Content Warning; Read this first This is a story about war. At its heart, it's a sort of satire of Cold War attitudes towards victory and the...
tags: alexei-belitrov alternate-history bleak military-fiction period-piece tale

Strange Things Happen at Sea
+39 ^… 9
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 11 May 2018 07:51
Last edited: NebulousStar at 16 Oct 2022 17:39

But stranger things still happen in the hearts of men The old man felt a pain in his gut, something quite unlike anything he'd ever felt in his life before. He'd drifted for a very long time,...
tags: dr-wondertainment old-man-in-the-sea pangloss tale

Person of Interest File #2273/01
+328 ^… 60
Latest comment: Orbalorb at 09 Dec 2024 17:15
Last edited: Irina Bougainvillea at 26 Nov 2023 23:46

Some comfort may be found in the shadow of the Machine Goddess, our Broken Salvation Person of Interest File #2273/01 Legal Name: Alexei Belitrov Aliases used: Father Anvil Associated Groups of...
tags: alexei-belitrov alternate-history bittersweet broken-god cogwork-orthodoxy first-person manna-charitable-foundation no-dialogue religious-fiction slice-of-life tale

The only way left to go is forward
+33 ^… 10
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 28 Apr 2021 16:51
Last edited: NebulousStar at 01 Sep 2022 17:07

It's just one foot in front of the other In front of me, the shadow of Olympus Mons turns the already lichen-blackened clay a much deeper black almost velvety, like a clear night sky. In the...
tags: tale

Others

Recovered Document SCP-2173-004
+65 ^… 5
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 29 Sep 2021 08:46
Last edited: AstersQuill at 16 Oct 2024 00:26

The following excerpts are transcribed from documents recovered from SCP-2173. Note: Several excerpts from Document 2173-004 have been redacted for brevity or because of references to information...
tags: supplement

Agent MacLeod's Author Page
+43 ^… 50
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 10 Apr 2021 00:27
Last edited: DrLeviStarkin at 14 Jan 2024 03:47

Announcements Click here to read an important announcement circa 27 October '18. Click here to hide bullshit. All right y'all. I was gonna write some long-form pseudo-story again but na fuck that i...
tags: author

Collaborations

Aftermath
+81 ^… 25
Written by: Agent MacLeod. Written solely by me but posted by a buddy who has since deleted their account. Hence, "collaboration" section in the module whatsit.
Latest comment: Agent MacLeod at 16 Jan 2023 20:36
Last edited: Erminustay at 21 Feb 2024 23:09

I was there, assisting in the cleanup of something that should not have been In June of 2003, a few weeks after my 17th birthday, I swore into the US Navy with the intention of becoming a Navy...
tags: broken-god chaos-insurgency dc2014 global-occult-coalition horizon-initiative serpents-hand tale unusual-incidents-unit

SCP Objects

In chronological posting order, my skips are:

SCP-2173

-SCP-2173

SCP-2173 will always have a special place in my heart because it's the first thing I ever published to this site. Regardless of anything else I say here, I'm proud that it never had to be deleted by Staff, that it was (somewhat) positively received by the community.

Rereading it immediately prior to writing this review has been… insightful. For as much as I dislike it, for as many problems as it has, I did a lot right. I still have no idea where I learned to write Foundationspeak like that, and there are a lot of little details explaining that I at least thought I knew what I was talking about. The inspiration (I was taking HAZMAT A&O at the time I started writing) is pretty obvious, and it feels like I thought I knew more about HAZMAT/emergency/incident response and all that than maybe I actually did. I still try to cram little details like that in now, but with more… finesse. I think it's probably something I'll never quite let go of.

However, a problem I see with a lot of my writing is, well, hamfistedness. And holy crap is 2173 hammy. Seriously, I have no idea what I was thinking; Ephialtes is cliched as hell, the O5 note is hammy as hell, the Pattern Screamer note, the whole thing is just.. it's canned ham.

Another problem with 2173 is, well, it's sort of nonsensical. There's four separate stories, none of which mesh up with each other and are all somehow in the same document, with none of them being properly focused on in a manner that delivers emotional impact. Those stories are, in order of presentation:

A Foundationverse HAZMAT incident which has too many GOIs without any justification for it.
A Foundation researcher going rogue in a manner that's, well, under-explored and hammy.
A Foundationverse trans-universal diplomatic incident that's never properly justified in any conceivable way.
Pattern Screamers out of left field.

Clearly, it's a mess. I think a better approach might be to roll the Pattern Screamer thing into the trans-universal thing and make it all more subtle. The HAZMAT thing was dumb and can go away. The rogue researcher thing can be rolled into the other two if done correctly, but that'll take some effort and some hard thinking before it happens.

Honestly, rereading it just now has been the best thing for my motivation to delete it and rewrite it. I somehow got fanart, which is cool, so I'll try to write in a manner consistent with keeping the fanart accurate, but I'm less than impressed with the… not-Foundationspeak parts of the skip. I think I'm getting better, but I'm still disappointed.

Recommended Listening is…. I got nothing. The rewrite will be more coherent and therefore have a better soundtrack.

SCP-2273 is, at time of writing, my highest-rated work. It gets a lot of praise within the community, though it seems to be mostly unknown outside our close circle. Which is weird, because it's sitting at over +200 right now.

The writing features the same sort of bloatedness of my two earlier skips, and the interviews are campy as hell. However, I've created a character that is immensely versatile and… easy picking for feelsy stories. And, like I said, the character's been well-received by the closest parts of the wiki community. When I wrote the skip, I was more trying to create an alternate timeline wherein Joseph P. Kennedy Jr. had survived WWII and reached the Oval Office in lieu of his brother John. Instead, I now have a millenia-spanning alt-Foundationverse with dieselpunk and biopunk and atompunk influences.

For those of you interested in seeing how I went from "Joseph P. Kennedy Jr. in Oval Office" to "War criminal with PTSD and survivor's guilt," here's the story:

Joseph P. Kennedy Jr. was the older brother of John, Ted, and Robert Kennedy. He was a US Navy pilot in Operation Anvil, a joint US Army Air Force and US Navy project to turn bomber planes into bigass guided missiles. The planes required someone to take them into the air, activate the radio-control functions, and arm the explosives. This often ended in big firey explosions that would instantly kill the crew. Joseph P. Kennedy Jr. was one such crew member.
In order for my alt-universe to have Joe Kennedy as POTUS, he'd need to survive the war. For some reason, my first thought when presented with this conundrum was "biopunk computers did the flying for him, he was doing something less risky and therefore survived." I decided to stick with that and follow the logic train.
Biopunk tech had to be commonplace for Operation Anvil to have been able to use it freely. First thought on possible places to source biopunk tech from was SCP-1000. They'd have to have been in contact with humanity for several decades to have had a major impact, which meant I needed to come up with a point of origin for their diplomacy with humans.
This lead me to the idea of humanity "re-discovering* SCP-1000 during the Great War (perhaps caused by use of the Lochnagar mine or similar weaponry) and making weapons deals with them.
I didn't see them being happy just selling weapons to humanity, so I needed to come up with some sort of endgame for them. Eventually, I settled on the extinction of the human race through playing every side. Seemed like the obvious direction to take it.
This resulted in a story about an alt-ending to WWI and an alt-WWII, resulting in an alt-Cold War that went hot in 1963 during a fictitious "Turkish Missile Crisis."
After a lot of consideration, I decided that a good anomaly from this world would be a soldier who was accidentally sent to the Foundationverse via weapons that warp spacetime. The personal story came afterward, basically as an afterthought.

Alexei as a character is a combination of multiple things, ranging from campy '50s B-Movie monsters, to Nazi and Soviet and more obscure war criminals/war crime victims, from EDM album covers to me really wanting Halo-style power armor to find its way onto the wiki. He's an enigma to me because I somehow managed to take a child soldier/nuclear war survivor and turn him into a war criminal, a war crime victim, and at the end of it all he's a sad everyman character instead of some sort of larger-than life cliche. I'm proud of myself, and I hope to be able to match the achievement again in the future.

Recommended Listening is "Disposable Heroes" by Metallica.

SCP-2739 is deeply personal to me. There isn't much I'd like to say about it that I haven't already said on the discussion page. Instead, I'll talk about the inspiration outside of my personal life.

Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima, by Jim Rosenthal/the Associated Press

The men in this picture are, from left to right, Ira Hayes, Harold Schultz, Michael Strank, Rene Gagnon(back), Franklin Sousley(front), and Harlon Block. Strank, Block, and Sousley would die on Iwo Jima over the following days as the fight continued, along with 6,000 other United States Marines and sailors and 17,000 Japanese troops.

Ira Hayes was Native American; because the photo of him and the other Marines raising the flag was one of the most successful pieces of wartime propaganda ever, he became something of a celebrity when he came home. However, this was the 1940s. Mental healthcare for guys like him was next to nonexistent. And he was Native American. But he fought in the "white man's war." So white America didn't want him. His tribe didn't want him. He fell into alcoholism pretty damn quickly after Americans got bored with their war heroes.

On January 23, 1955 Hayes was found dead not too far from his home. Official cause of death was listed as exposure and alcohol poisoning, but he'd gotten into a brawl over a card game the night before. Tribe police never investigated. There was no autopsy.

Another story, unfortunately less verifiable than that of Ira Hayes, goes like this: several men from my hometown were in the New Mexico National Guard in 1941 when their unit, the 200^th Coast Artillery, was selected to deploy to the Philippines to bolster anti-aircraft defenses there. In December, the Imperial Japanese Army attacked and the 200^th were the first to fight. As the Japanese troops advanced, the 200^th retreated south, to the Bataan Peninsula. They were captured in April of 1942, among the last of American and Filipino forces to surrender. They were forced to march approximately 60 miles through the Filipino jungle without food or medical care to a train station that transported them to the POW Camp where they spent the next three years, facing treatment similar to political prisoners and "Untermenschen" in Germany at the same time.

One such individual survived the war, came home and, much like Ira Hayes, fell into alcoholism. He wasn't able to hold down a job or own a home or raise a family. By the '50s, he'd become a target of stones thrown by the kids of the men who hadn't fought alongside him. "He's just a wino, who cares about him?" The person who told me this story said that, when his father found out the storyteller had been throwing stones, he'd gotten his ass whooped and had the origin of the man's problems spelled out for him very clearly.

The point is, in military organizations across the planet, substance abuse is a deep-set problem. And in poor communities. Essentially, the most trodden-upon people and the people most willing to give everything they have for the sake of others are also the ones who are thrown under the bus, tossed aside and forgotten about. And it ain't fucking right. 2739 is, in part, a manifestation of my anger towards that.

Recommended listening is "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits.

-SCP-2739

SCP-2783

Tales

In chronological posting order, my Foundation Tales are:

Aftermath

keine Kosten zu hoch

Retired, Extremely Dangerous Page has been deleted. Contact author if interested in seeing a backup copy.

War is Child's Play

Strange Things Happen At Sea

Home is a Place with Mushrooms

Person of Interest File #2273/01

The only way left to go is forward

Alexei and the Walrus Page has been deleted. Contact author if interested in seeing a backup copy.

Hubs

Jefferson Submarine Page has been deleted. Contact author if interested in seeing a backup copy.

Below is a list of every original character and organization I have introduced to the site, in order of appearance by chronological posting of works:

SCP-2173 (and supplementary material)
- PoI 952404, "Ephialtes:"
  - This person is a disgraced Foundation scientist. I haven't settled on a gender for them, but they are very, very self-absorbed. They don't want to take responsibility for their actions and will stop at nothing for "progress." They have good intentions, but those good intentions mean nothing because they make no consideration for ethics. Essentially, they are exactly what early writers for the wiki probably thought of as typical for Foundation scientists. This person has no conscience and no sense of right and wrong when it comes to interpersonal interaction. They're brilliant but selfish. They're going to get their own someday. Appears in: Recovered Document SCP-2173-004
Aftermath
- Roderick Freeman:
  - This man is a former MTF Nu-7 operative, a former Navy SEAL, entirely too trusting, and poorly written. Hopefully, he'll be rebooted with the rest of the MacCanon as I rewrite my old works. Aftermath won't be rewritten at any point, but I do intend to do a spiritual rewrite; hopefully a similar, non-Elseworlds version of Roderick can come out of it. Appears in: Aftermath, semi-reborn in The only way left to go is forward
- Thomas Skip:
  - This is the second narrator of Aftermath. He is not outright named ('Skip' is used here as a placeholder surname), and is, quite honestly, probably the best character to come out of the story. At least one person mistook him for a her, and, since 1) this story is not canon, and 2) it's never blatantly stated that the kid Roderick reminisces about is the same kid remote-viewing him, I can probably safely revisit the entity. Perhaps in the spiritual rewrite, or perhaps on the mainlist. TBH, I hadn't thought about that too much until now. Appears in: Aftermath, semi-reborn in The only way left to go is forward
- The Bureau of Paranatural Affairs:
  - They are the US Government's response to the breaking of the Veil. Whether or not I'll bring them back into the MacCanon is undecided, but they seem like a fun organization to work with. Appears in: Aftermath
  - Agent Leonard Wells was meant to be a repeat character, one who'd show up in every new iteration of MacCanon as a traitor to the Foundation and his fellow agents. He's meant to be a shady motherfucker who doesn't even come remotely close to seeming that way. As I think about it now, I'm inclined to let him die, narratively, in the abandoned corner of Elseworlds that the rest of Aftermath will forever reside in. Appears in: Aftermath
  - Hailey Barret and Gabriel Rowley are throwaway characters who work for the BPA, but they (especially Rowley) were meant to be demonstrations that their organization is much colder than the Foundation. I don't think they'll get proper development. Appear in: Aftermath
SCP-2237 (both iterations)
- SCP-2237 instances:
  - Basically Gods who worship humans. There are 13 of them, one for each O5 Council member, with personalities based on respective O5 members. If I ever rewrite the skip, it'll incorporate the things I intended but never said. Possible connection to Overseers as they appear in Djoric's Stealing Solidarity…? Appear in: Document 2237 Alfa
- The Holy Emperor's Council on Unearthly Matters:
  - An Imperial Japanese organization dedicated to educating and advising the Emperor and his subordinates on paranormal shit. Meant to provide for the idea of a Foundation that was global from the get-go. Since renamed to match the IRL organization 'Bureau of Onmyo' by MrWrong in his SCP-2478. A precursor to the IJAMEA (from SCP-2937 by Mazyrian). Not as scientific or adventurous as other Foundation precursors, but wiser. Also, poorly-researched on my part. If/when I rewrite 2237, they'll still have a place there. Appears in: Document 2237 Bravo, SCP-2478 by MrWrong, possibly elsewhere.
- The Tsar's Seers:
  - Literally the exact same as the Council, above. Russian occultists who tell the Tsar what's going down. They didn't do so hot when the Revolution happened, but they essentially merged with the Foundation, with the holdouts joining the GOC or running off to the Library. There's a possible story arc involving them trying to reinstate the Tsars in there, somewhere. Appears in: Document 2237 Bravo, possibly elsewhere.
SCP-2273
- Dr. Thomas Friedrich:
  - Dr. Friedrich is a West German-born psychologist. He is fluent in German and English and passable in half a dozen more languages; he's constantly reading up on languages in an effort to make himself more useful to the Foundation, and therefore less liable to be put out of a job; as of the events of Person of Interest File #2273/01, those efforts have paid off, because his anomalous status landed him a place as a Type E Sapient Anomaly instead of as a regular skip. He is a devout Catholic and has difficulty reconciling his faith with his education and his work; the Site-17 chaplain is a close friend and confidante of his. He almost universally recommends downgrading sapient anomalies to Type-C, with the exception of the more dangerous skips that clearly need to remain Type-A. If he hadn't become an anomaly himself, he would have been made Site-17's Ethics Committee Liaison. He likes to play board and card games with skips, his patients, to put them at ease. Appears in: SCP-2273, Person of Interest File #2273/01, possibly elsewhere but I highly doubt it.
- Alexei Belitrov:
  - Alexei is literally a monster born out of the collective imagination of 1950s Americans: a Soviet military officer, a war criminal who has no qualms killing children, the nigh-unkillable result of inhuman military experimentation performed on children, the result of nuclear war with the Soviet Union, the list goes on. Nothing about his past is meant to make him seem like he should be empathetic as a character. However, despite his visage, despite the terrible, unforgivable things he's done, he's human. As stated in the discussion page for Person of Interest File #2273/01, he canonically gives up a life of violence. However, his entire existence for nearly three decades was war. It's something he's a natural for, even if he hates it, even if he wants nothing whatsoever to do with it. Elseworlds stories wherein Alexei goes back to fighting aren't canon simply because the primary world I want to center my stories in has him at peace for the sake of the greater story. His default setting is holding a weapon and attempting to use it, even if he hates himself for doing so. Appears in: SCP-2273, War is Child's Play, Person of Interest File #2273/01, possibly elsewhere but I haven't really checked.
keine Kosten zu hoch:
- Otto Weber:
  - A devout Lutheran, a dedicated member of the Nazi party, and a brilliant occultist, Otto Weber is basically every horror story one has heard about the Holocaust and every 'mad Nazi scientist' one has ever seen on TV/in books/in video games. He loves Hitler, loves Nazism, loves Germany, and loves the idea of building weapons to win the War. keine is the first dedicated Elseworlds story, and it is also where we see Otto Weber's true potential. It is also where we see his hubris catch up to him. His 'canonical' fate is much less certain and much less hubris-induced. In keine, he is killed when he is at his most monstrous, while MacCanon will force him to think about what he's done for a good, long while. Appears in: keine Kosten zu hoch, SCP-2367, possibly elsewhere.
- Entity KOLOSS:
  - Literally the Biblical 'Behemoth,' bound into a mundane weapons platform (specifically, the Landkreuzer P. 1500 Monster). Doesn't like being woken up. Doesn't like being turned into a machine. Basically a mecha-682. Gets blown the fuck up in baseline MacCanon. Blows up literally the entire Europe in keine. Appears in: keine Kosten zu hoch
War is Child's Play
- This tale is incomplete and I will not be listing the characters here until it is. Sorry.
Strange Things Happen at Sea:
- Humphrey:
  - A big ol' pupper. Will lick your face and fetch you endless buckets of ice cream if you're feeling down. Based on Isabel Wondertainment's corgi army. Nothing much else to him. Appears in: Strange Things Happen at Sea
SCP-2367:
- Do stains in the pavement count as characters?
Home is a Place with Mushrooms:
- Really? Fucking really? You're asking this question? No. Go sit in the corner.
SCP-2371:
- SCP-2371-3:
  - Uses an alias that's an old Greek word for "Nobody." Not connected to the rest of the wiki's "Nobody," though. Possibly pulling a prank on the Foundation. Possibly the Broken Goddess with a Jocasta complex. Possibly all be-tentacled and such. Possibly mistakes the Foundation for a hive-mind such as itself. The possibilities are endless, with ZOMBOCOM. Not likely to make any repeat appearances. Appears in: SCP-2371
Person of Interest File #2273/01:
- The Eastern Clockwork Orthodox Church:
  - A small sect of Mekhane worshipers who believe that Jesus Christ was born as the result of Mekhane's intervention, that the words of Jesus Christ are the path to salvation and Reconstruction. A derivative of the Russian Orthodox Church. Part of a larger phenomena generally referred to as 'Christian Reconstructionism,' which is a cover-all term for machine-worshiping Christians and not my original idea. They were incognito because of the Foundation until Lifted Veil Scenario 2217 was realized. The sect featured in the story is a monastic order, but not all of them are monks. Appears in: Person of Interest File #2273/01
- MCF Anomaly Reintegration Project:
  - Not quite a character or organization, but a major part of MacCanon nonetheless. The Project began in mid-2018 following the Lifted Veil event, with the goal of reintegrating anomalies into everyday lives. The biggest part of this was helping released skips and other non-harmful sapient anomalies find work despite their anomalous properties, and educating the general public on the nature of anomalies (in an effort to prevent witch-hunts). The success of those two goals was moderate. Appears in: Person of Interest File #2273/01
- Agent Lakshmi Turnbow:
  - A throwaway character who works with RAISA. I'm inclined to bring her back if I do more of this -F stuff. Appears in: Person of Interest File #2273/01
SCP-2473:
- Doctor Samantha Moodley:
  - Not sure what her doctorate is in… Archaeology, maybe? She's a Foundation scientist who specializes in restoration/reconstruction of damaged tech/artifacts. She exists in the future (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧. She's South African. Older, but not, like, geriatric. Takes her job seriously. Nice lady, but stern. Appears in: SCP-2473
- ~Spooky Unnamed Autopilot~:
  - Imagine the autopilot from WALL-E. Now imagine that it's less talkative and accidentally broke the one human it got stuck looking after. Now imagine that it facilitates games for that one human, but doesn't really know what the hell it's doing and has accidentally broken its own human even more. Basically, "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" but both characters are the evil robot and the depressed human at the same time.
- SCP-2473-2:
  - Little girl stuck in a big computer. Got tired of hiding, decided to run for once. Finally made it home. Damn shame home can't make her, y'know, not a frozen corpse. Maybe a little crazy. Definitely a little spooky to look at. Appears in: SCP-2473
- D-2473-01:
  - I had a real backstory for her at one point. This backstory no longer exists in my head. I can definitely say that she has never been incarcerated in the US penal system; I've worked with the kind of people in that system, and they are far from ideal candidates for human test subjects. Far too uppity. She's probably a clone of a Foundation scientist or something, Iunno. Appears in: SCP-2473
- Researcher Trudy Begay:
  - Navajo lady. Possibly the first definitive case of a female Native American researcher on the site. Not sure, though. Grew up on the Res, but somehow didn't get stuck in the 1,000,000+ traps contributing to the IRL, horrific circle of poverty there. Tries to support her family with her Foundation paycheck. Not really fleshed-out in my head though. Appears in: SCP-2473
The only way left to go is forward:
- Ophelia:
  - No last name for her. Lives in a post-veil world several centuries after the events of Person of Interest File #2273/01 on a Martian colony. Foundation employee. Broke our semi-unnamed narrator's heart, but not on-purpose. Probably a nice lady, which is why it hurt so damn much for the narrator.
- "Freeman"/the Narrator:
  - Semi-reborn version of Roderick Freeman from Aftermath. Started out as male in my head, has since become ambiguous. Clearly attracted to ladies, but not necessarily exclusively so. Has a nicotine addiction. Maybe puts too many eggs in one basket and has trouble bouncing back when all the eggs break.
- Quentin Storms:
  - Another colonist. Narrator's supervisor. Big heart. Maybe lets the Narrator get away with too much shit. Earth-born, wants to go home, can't go home because every trip to Clean Slate Station is one-way. His grandpa seems like a cool dude.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, iunno.

So shit happens. That's a fact of life. To the best of my knowledge, no member of this community is immortal. Someday, every single one of us will log into the Big Server in the Sky. And beyond that, other, less-final-on-paper-but-equally-final-in-practice shit also happens. I might get frustrated with this community and hit the exit button on all my wikidot/SCP stuff for a final time. I could be involved in an incident that results in a permanent disability rendering me unable to use this site. Average human lifespan is 70~ish years; statistically, I've got about 50 left, and a lot of shit can (and will) go down in that time.

So this bit is so the wiki can know, beyond a doubt, my feelings on what to do when I join the Writer's Club in Hell.¹ To that end, here's a bullet list of what to do if I disappear for more than six months without any sign of coming back or intention to return:²

Anyone can pick up my drafts and use chunks or even the whole thing in their own works. Credit me, though.
Anyone can use my characters if they credit me. I'd appreciate if you stuck close to my original intentions if you use them. If you're going to invert them in some form, either make it good artistic criticism of my stuff, or, barring that, at least have fun with it.
Anyone can pick up my incomplete long-form projects and make them their own. Again, however, I'd like such a use of my words and ideas credited in some capacity. Lord knows this community deserves closure on all the incomplete shit I've written. I've explained the end-goals for all those long-form projects in various places. Ask around if you need guidance.
If my extant works fall under deletion, any person who has demonstrated competence as a community author and general community member may rewrite. Please try to do better than I did in this happenstance.
Patrick can have my pet snail, Gary. Make sure you feed him twice a day and show him plenty of love, Mr. Star.

This community is a big part of my life. I have no illusions about my importance to the world or even this community, but I'd like to think I've contributed positively to both. In the inevitable (but hopefully very far-off) event of my permanent departure from this community, I'd like for that positive contribution to stick and perhaps even grow. So maybe I'm being overly sentimental or something, but I think that, assuming anyone reads this list and acts accordingly, that goal will be fulfilled in some sense.

Here's looking at you, kids.

MacLeod lights two cigarettes, hands one to you, exits stage right. Cue music.

Click here to read a story about Nobody in particular.

Click here to hide Marty Stu garbage.

Bullets whiz overhead as I begin making a foxhole out of the mortar crater I find myself in, my rusted and muddied rifle at arm's reach. The smell of rain, and death, and gunfire, and spent explosives, and a million other, more subtle scents that can best be described as "war" fills my nostrils. There is a steady drizzle, turning my entire world into sticky mud. If my uniform weren't filthy, there'd be a visible tag that says "Nobody" over my right breast pocket, and another that says "Some dead God"³ over the left. My gear is in tatters, and, as a missile from a ballistae zooms overhead and the distinctive rumbling and flash of a nuclear detonation far, far in the distance washes over me, I can only wish that I had MOPP gear (or at least a gas mask). I've already died three times this week, and I'm getting tired of it.

In a foxhole/mortar crater/natural dip in the terrain⁴ about three meters to my right, an Oxidist barely below autoignition temperature is likewise taking cover. I try to shout over the sound of, well, everything around me, to let him know he needs to stay in cover and cool down, but he can't hear me. Most of his body is in some sort of hexigrade configuration, but his left hand is clearly human for a brief moment that he takes to give me a thumbs-up, before he jumps out of cover for a charge and immediately explodes. I'd had the fortune of seeing that shit coming and had rolled further into the foxhole a mere instant before he'd exploded.

Just as I'm starting to think that maybe I should take a nap and wait for reinforcements (or my next violent demise) I feel the earth beneath me tremble in a way altogether different from the constant thudding of artillery and occasional thudding of rubble tossed by trebuchets. Before I can get the sense of mind to get out of my foxhole and start running back to friendly lines, a gigantic hand grasps me about the torso and lifts me into the air.

A moment later, I find myself face-to-face with a being that can only be described as an anthropomorphic demon dragonfly. Gigantic compound eyes reflect my own ratty visage back to me, while lobster-red carapace covers the rest of the vaguely-human-shaped monstrosity. Though I can't turn around to see, I know its hand is covered in the same carapace. Runes glowing in gold are scattered about its surface. The whole thing seems to be made of spikes. I know it carries some sort of massive weapon⁵ in its other hand. It's holding me Broken God knows how many meters above the filthy battlefield. A normal human would probably be terrified. Makes me grateful I'm not a normal human.

As I'm thinking that, my brain is shattered by a psychic barrage. INSECT YOU WILL SUBMIT/THERE IS NO SALVATION/THERE IS NO END TO THIS WAR/THE ONE AND SINGULAR GOD WILL CONSUME YOU TEN THOUSAND TIMES AND YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR HIS MERCY/ALL SHALL SUBMIT/I HAVE SEEN THE WORLD OF YOUR VICTORY/AND IT IS BARREN/I DO NOT WISH FOR THIS/BUT YOUR REFUSAL TO SUBMIT/HAS FORCED MY HAND—

When I feel myself getting ready to pass out, the whole world around me starts spinning; the damnable thing's let me go, and now I'm falling back to the ground. As I tumble, I notice a line of Colossi advancing towards me from friendly lines, dozens of tanks (ranging from British Mark Is to M1A9 Abrams fitted with 43,000-volt plasma accelerators) at their feet, prepared to deal with Ol' Red's Regulars while the Colossi deal with jerks like Lexx up there.

One of the aforementioned tanks had fired a shot at Lexx's face, resulting in my current predicament. Just as I'm mentally preparing myself for the oncoming 4^th death of the week, a blur of feathers and horsehair and Hun scoops me out of the sky and starts soaring back towards friendly lines. I couldn't help but tell the Khan's soldier, "Aren't you a deus ex machina for sore eyes?!" As we soar back to the supply depot, I start to think of the decisions that led me to this point…

I'd been born to an Army Infantry medic dad and an Air Force nurse mom. Between their PCSes and their TDYs and their other acronyms-that-meant-time-apart, my mom decided to let her contract expire without renewal, leaving Dad as the sole breadwinner for the family not too long after I was born.

When Bush Sr. decided we needed to bomb Saddam to Hell and back, my father went off to war. Both of my folks would later tell me that those were some of the most trying moments of their relationship. When my dad got back, he reclassed into a desk job at the earliest opportunity; steady work with limited chances of forced moves or deployments meant limited chances of missing everything he'd missed when he was in Iraq.

By the time September of 2001 rolled around, I was almost 12 and my father was pushing close to a pension. Between me and my kid sister, he wasn't ready to go back to war, even with the way people felt in the aftermath of the tragedy. So he stayed behind his desk with his NCO pay while my mom finally got around to using her GI bill money and starting school.

By the time I graduated High School, three things had happened: 1) My father had retired and we'd settled down in his hometown in southern New Mexico; 2) my mother had earned her bachelor's in business and was doing a pretty solid job of putting it to use for a local company, and 3) I'd gotten an Air Force ROTC scholarship lined up at New Mexico State. I lived in the dorms and barely managed to pay my way through the whole thing, but I was able to keep my scholarships and earn a degree in Mechanical Engineering, with a minor in Military Science that resulted in Lieutenant's bars being slapped onto my collar at graduation.

What followed was the Combat Rescue Officer pipeline. At the end of it, I was assigned a small unit of men who I was expected to watch out for and lead into combat. That was in 2014; my first deployment was to Iraq in 2015, as President Obama tried to get the whole Islamic State mess under control while the rest of the world seemed on the brink of burning down… Now that I'm thinking about it, it almost seems like the whole world has been burning down for a pretty long time. Heh. Kinda like the one Billy Joel song, I forget how it goes…

Anyway, I deployed with my unit to Iraq once before the shitstorm that was the 2016 Presidential Election, and once before the new Fearless Leader decided we didn't need to be hurting IS trash anymore than we already had. On the tail end of that deployment, I was tasked with helping some individuals who are best described as "Secret Squirrels" in their effort to get… someone… out of a really hairy place in the middle of fucking nowhere in the southern half of the country. The Secret Squirrels, being Secret Squirrels, weren't too keen to elaborate on who we were moving or why they were important. My job was to help organize the Air Force boots until we all got evac'd, and I'd learned from senior NCOs and my superiors not to question the motives of Secret Squirrels.

When I got back Stateside, between post-deployment paperwork and briefings and all the rest of the bullshit, I was approached by a grey-haired gentleman wearing a nondescript white longsleeve shirt, black tie, and what I'll totally objectively describe as bitchin' aviators with a job offer. My pay would go up significantly, but my life insurance and benefits would stay the same and I'd have to PCS and wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone where I was going.

I would later come to know that man as Colonel Baker, commander of Armed Mobile Task Force Sigma-117 ("Orbital Drop Rock Troopers"). I'd also come to know him as my boss.

The Foundation has a program for MTF Officers, wherein they have to go through a trial period as an enlisted MTF operator/agent before receiving a command position. Worst-case scenario, the recruit is a screwup and the Foundation gives 'em back to their respective military or police force (after a pleasant dosing of amnestics). Average scenario, they stay enlisted for longer than the minimum probationary period (because the Foundation needs the boots more than they need an uber-hardcore washout rate). Best case scenario, Foundation has a new MTF Officer. As much as I hate admitting that I wasn't good enough, I wasn't good enough for that officer position at the end of my probationary period.

So I took a hit to my paycheck and a very humbling reminder that, in this line of work, sometimes you have to climb up the ladder more than once.

Skipping over a decade of (admittedly really interesting) Foundation service, I found myself with the rank of Captain and a number of other MTF operatives (from multiple MTFs, no less) all learning to speak German, and learning to wear Schutzstaffel Uniforms, and waiting for some Nazi assholes to splatter all over the pavement in Berlin so we'd know it would be safe to use the time machine they'd failed to use as an escape in order to wrap up what appeared to be a closed-fixed temporal loop.

After what doing what was easily the most morally dubious work I've ever done in my life, I was presented with a choice: take on the moniker "Nobody" and go about being mysterious and shit while leaving everything I thought I knew and cared about behind, or die with a dozen other good men who had been abandoned to a predetermined fate they weren't even given the courtesy of being warned about.

I can't say I'm proud of my choice, but I can say that they probably got it easy compared to me, as evidenced by the fact that I've been fighting some dead god's war for the last few decades.

Click here to hide Marty Stu garbage.

Here's a link to my sandbox so you can spy on my WIPs like a creeper!

And that's a wrap! I hope y'all enjoyed your stay!

‡ Licensing / Citation

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page revision: 144, last edited: 14 Jan 2024 03:47

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