Paul: Caaarl! Why is there a statue in our house? It's looking at me funny.
Carl: Whatever do you mean?
Paul: The statue. Right there. It's in the middle of our living room.
Carl: Oh, that! I thought that was a mountain.
Paul: Mountains don't fit in houses!
Carl: How do you know that?
Paul: I don't! How'd you even get this here?
Carl: I didn't bring it here. For once I am innocent.
Paul: Then why is it looking at you??
Carl: Must be my legs.
Paul: Where did you get this from?
Carl: My nice, sexy legs.
Paul: Answer me, Carl.
Carl: It came out of a top hat I was using for a magic trick.
Paul: Caaarl!
Carl: Fine. I broke into a place called Site 19.
Paul: How'd you do that? You don't even have thumbs.
Carl: I used an egg sandwich and a mattress tag.
Paul: What even is this thing?
Carl: I don't know. I've tried eating it and it's just made of stone and paint.
Paul: Why would you break into somewhere and eat what you find?
Carl: Because the egg sandwich wasn't enough.
Paul: I'm not listening anymore.
(Paul turns before Carl blinks.)
Carl: Woah! That thing just moved.
Paul: What? I turned my back for one second. What'd you do?
Carl: I sunk a cruise ship 4 days ago.
Paul: I didn't mean that!
Carl: Then what did you mean?
Paul: Why did it move?
Carl: It had to follow its destiny.
Paul: Caaarl!
Carl: It slipped on the floor.
Paul: Be honest with me.
Carl: I don't know! It probably noticed your legs.
(Paul turns around, seeing the statue in front of him.)
Paul: Oh God.
Carl: Yeah, this was probably my fault.
Paul: You don't say?
Carl: At least I didn't bring back the other thing I found.
Paul: What was it?
Carl: Some pale guy, long arms. I looked at him for one second and he went crazy.
Paul: I'm so disappointed in you.
Carl: Well that's mean. Now I kind of wish I brought that pale guy back.
Paul: I'm not talking to you anymore.
Carl: Well, that's rude. I'm disappointed in you now.
(Banging at the door.)
Paul: Who's that?
Carl: Probably the pale dude.
Paul: What? Why?
Carl: Maybe it's the statue's best friend.
Paul: Caaarl!
Carl: Well, I didn't know.
Paul: You're just being awful today.
Carl: I stole this yesterday.
Paul: I'm not even shocked at this anymore.
Carl: Fine, I'll go answer the door.
Paul: You go do that, Carl.
(Carl walks to the door as Paul is stuck looking at the statue.)
Carl: Has it moved again?
Paul: Not yet!
(Carl walks back.)
Carl: Yep, it's that crazy guy.
Paul: I think you should keep the door closed, Carl.
Carl: Fine.
Paul: So, what should we do with this thing?
Carl: Sell it to an art museum.
Paul: I was thinking give it back.
Carl: No way, we could get so many dead bodies with this.
(Pause.)
Paul: Caaaaaaarl!
Carl: Fine, I'll give it back.
Paul: No, I'm giving it back.
Carl: Bad idea, Paul. They had lots of guns back there.
Paul: Fine. Well, did you do anything else there?
Carl: I killed some people and ate some paper.
Paul: Oh.
Carl: I mean, it was screaming as I was eating it.
Paul: The people or the paper?
Carl: What do you think? It was the paper.
Paul: Caaarl! What have I told you about eating things that scream?
Carl: The egg sandwich wasn't enough.
Paul: Caaarl!
Carl: You're right. You've told me not to do it.
Paul: Right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a way to give this statue back.
(Paul starts pushing the statue out of the house.)
Carl: Yep, he's going to get slaughtered out there.
Paul: I can hear you, Carl!
Carl: Sorry.
(Paul exits the house, screaming.)
Paul: Caaaaaaarl!
Carl: I told you, Paul!
(Ending theme.)
Keters With Hats
page revision: 8, last edited: 22 Oct 2022 17:36
