by Rose-row
I can’t see anything anymore. The chanting, the yelling, and the howling winds all want me to disappear. The organ player blares an awful song, for he praises my slow death. Though, as long as I remain in the church, then no further harm can be done to me.
My body screams from the gashes and burns. I do too, but my pleas drown from the ungodly organist’s tunes. I crawl on the marble, not knowing where anything is. Everything becomes colder and heavier, until all I want now is to be still for eternity.
Taking my last breath, the cold, and the pain stops. There was nothing.
I then hear chanting again. It was not the same chanting as my pursuers, however. Rather, it was in a language that I don’t understand. There were stars twinkling from the black and my sight falls to a campfire next to a tent with a man beside it. I breathe for the first time, and my lungs ache from the presence of that man. He speaks in tongues, but his tone and his face tell me that he means to do harm on me.
The man is accompanied with his folk, and they grab me, tearing my body apart with their hands in a frenzy. Soon, I understood his words…
”HERETICAL GOD!”
I weep at such words, for all I do is exist. Again, I see, then feel nothing.
Next, I wake to chains wrapping my body down. My caretaker places his hand within my jaws. He assures me, though another, The Lord of The Aesir, with his scowling one eye and his crows surrounding him blames me for sins I have not committed for a father I didn’t choose.
”YOU WILL KILL US ALL!” His punishing voice rings to all the realms, ”YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS EXIST TO MAKE US SUFFER! BUT YOU, WORST OF ALL, EXIST TO KILL ME!”
He continues his tirade. The chains pull tighter, ready to break me. In fear, I clamp my jaws and took the hand of my only comforter, but even he abandons me. Soon, I simply stop breathing, unable to bear the sin of my father.
A third time. This is getting old. I am now a dog with instincts that drive me. My owner, clad in a helmet that turned him invisible, used me in a wager.
I couldn’t believe it… my great owner, my leader, used me as a pawn in a game with this brutish man, who had the pelt of a lion around his neck like a cape.
He just took me, my owner didn't even care… I rise above my primal instincts and stop myself from breathing.
A fourth time… I can’t anymore… This time, I let things take their course. My wife, whom I proposed with six seeds and made her a Goddess of Death, has had enough of me.
“You are too soft. Too gentle with the humans.”
I am so because I allow them to understand existence. No… I cannot do this role anymore.
The fifth time, I believe? I don’t understand it. I don’t have the capacity to think. All I do understand is that I will suffer under the hands of my children.
And then something else takes over me.
Each child, I rip off bones and skin, the crunching making me hurl. I don't want this. They're my children, they aren't even considered born, yet I have to eat them.
Something is forcing me to eat my children. Why must this happen? Why does it have to be me? Someone… make me stop.
The sixth time. Now I was a king, for once a man of nobility, one who could be respected. The greatest man to walk on this Earth.
But all it took was a single lie that I was a traitor to my nation. That I was the embodiment of all things evil.
My Alagadda takes it all from me. My lords and my Ambassador bring me to be hanged by razor thin white threads. My blood splattering all over the floor as I could do nothing but cry and choke.
When they were done, my body was wrapped in silk bandages, a sign of hatred from my people… I was even wrapped in that thread.
It hurts… It really hurts…
Why… Why did I experience this? What have I done to deserve this fate? Am I not worthy of anything but hatred by all things? I bring them the stars and they skin me. I bring them fire and they chain me down and rip out my organs. I give them autonomy, and they claim me a heretic.
Every name, every time. All for nought. Yet I still try.
My last time. Around me is rusted gold in a shape I can’t name. Black suns circle as endless night reigns. Countless stars all call for me to join the rest. To join Kaiwan, the kings and gods.
For what? More pain? More horrid destinies?
No more. I will stay. I will see this new life through. I will not throw away this chance as I have the others. I will not give in anymore. No longer will I forget who I am.
I know I am no god of pain and death. I am no misery incarnate. I will try to be something better. Just one more time.
I am King.
I am The Shepherd.
I am Hastur.
And that is all I should be.