Jim North's Proposal
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Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Thaumiel1

Special Containment Procedures: Due to her irrepressible and utterly out-of-control nature, SCP-001 is both uncontained and potentially uncontainable. All Foundation personnel are advised to either join in on the madcap adventure or stay the golly-gee-heck out of her way.

Description: SCP-001 is a female humanoid known as "Dr. Isabel Helga Anastasia Parvati Wondertainment V". She's a totally badbutt Class-IV reality bender capable of just about anything your wildest imagination can come up with, focusing her abilities on the creation of a bunch of zany stuff made for children of all ages! She distributes these items via super-duper-ultra-anomalous means from wherever she happens to be at the time.2

She is responsible for a lot of the sillier SCP objects found throughout the universe, stuff like this and that and maybe this one too? Sure, why not! But not that Pretendo thing, because video games rot your brains, kids.3

Addendum 001/1 - History: Due to the wild and wacky nature of the entity, very little is currently known about SCP-001's past. She is theoretically the daughter of the "original" Dr. Wondertainment, but the exact method of Wondertainment reproduction is this whole weird area, so who really knows?4

She inherited the family business when her dad (who might not be her dad) died under mysterious circumstances involving a mass murderer, the leader of a shadowy international extra-governmental paramilitary organization, at least one deity, and four bent paper clips, all of whom may or may not have been the same person. She runs said business with the help of her loyal sidekick Emma Aislethorp-Or-However-You-Spell-Her-Name-Brown and her even more loyal corgis Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, and Jeremy.5

The perpetually lazy SCP-001's favorite activities include eating ice cream, sending Jeremy out to fetch things she doesn't really need, holding her breath to see how long it takes for her to pass out, and … and … and … oh, for Pete's sake!

Okay, so it is definitely a fun, silly thrill ride with silly jokes and a couple of empowering female protagonists, and that's great, I love it. But again, this is for the SCP-001 bracket! It needs to be grand, and majestic, and powerful! It needs to be …

It needs to be something true.

Well there we have it, don't we? You want to know? You want to know everything there is to know about Dr. Wondertainment? About what I really am? You want the truth?! Well here it is, boys and girls!


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