Jack Waltz, and You
rating: +56+x

Most likely me, taken oh so long ago. I ache for those days again…

Hi, I'm Jack. Jack Waltz.

Why am I here, you ask? Well, I'm not all too sure myself. I just feel like I exist in this world, of emptiness. I only feel nothing, the nothingness that exists around me. I know everything is there, and always will be, but…

Does it all really exist?

Hm, where am I?

Why am I here?

I don't know myself, but, hm…

I wonder if I'll rot with time like the rest of them.

I guess I'm pretty ancient, something akin to a husk.

Sometimes, for the briefest of moments, I picture this beautiful sight…

A view of the infinite darkness…

A void, simply uncaring…

The luxury of being able to merely, not care no more…

And just sleep everything away, in an undisturbed slumber…

Truly a virtue, man shall never reach.

Speaking of which, was I ever a man?

Probably, though I don't quite remember…

Hm? Oh, sorry for going on like that, guess I forgot you were even here.

I'm fine myself. It's been a long day, I'm kinda tired. Though, how about you?

You'd like to know more about me?


I guess I've made lots here.

To me, it's like my own little smear in the grand scheme, no matter how insignificant.

I'm very proud of them all, very very much.

I think I should have a list here somewhere.


There we go, just give me a second to put this all in order.

Here, just wipe off the dust.


To Have Burnt Like This

"…the cloud manifested an appendage, vaguely resembling an arm, and started knocking on the glass pane for two minutes before ceasing activity."


A Hand to Hold

"He brought some papers yesterday, a whole bunch of them, all old looking and worn. Didn’t tell me where he got them from, but it may have been from those fellows that he’s been getting acquainted recently with."

Originally by CremoCremo, rewritten by me and Machen IIMachen II

PSA: Cognitohazards and You!

A tale set in the Broken Masquerade canon

"Hello Kids! My name is Skippie, the Cognitohazard Expert! My job is to teach you all about basic safety measures to keep you and your family safe!"

Written by me, Fish^12Fish^12, korben600korben600 and TheBoxOfFunTheBoxOfFun


Sinners' Symphony

"…SCP-6447, and its ritualistic and melodic nature, exist to appease an Emergent Eschatological Entity (henceforth referred to as EEE-6447) being awakened by humanity's collective transgressions. EEE-6447's nature and motives are currently indeterminate and attempts to establish contact are ongoing. In the event its activity or existence threatens humanity, Directive APSYCHOS is to be initiated."

Written by me, AftokratorAftokrator, Cole 13Cole 13, ElunerazimElunerazim, GreenGolemGreenGolem, JakdragonXJakdragonX, LORDXVNVLORDXVNV, Lt FlopsLt Flops, MetalRavioliMetalRavioli and MoreMuffinsMoreMuffins


Held Back

"SCP-6501 kneels and covers its face with its hands. It is visibly sobbing as its body grows dimmer."

Written by me and MoreMuffinsMoreMuffins


Clouds and Clouds, All Around

"SCP-6989 was detected following an unidentified object breaching Earth's atmosphere on the 22nd of January 2021. It was located by weather radars after a cumulonimbus cloud manifested unnaturally in the local area. The connection between both events has not yet been concluded as a coincidence and an investigation is still in progress."

Written by me and Machen IIMachen II


Enjoy Yourself, You’ve Earned It


To Know All Stones

"Listen Jack, I couldn't care less about the anomaly. The only thing on my mind was that, sadness. That, depression. It was like, this existential madness, and stopping it was something I mustn't do. I shouldn't try to disturb it, stop it. I felt that would've been rude… to them."


Clean Your Drains, People

"A great majority fall, but a continuous stream manages to climb to the ceiling and move to a position right above him. Several of the instances cover the camera during this process. They then drop on D-22542, who, screaming, waves at them erratically, causing more to begin flight."


Foundationi yiputius

"Civilians entering SCP-6644 inhabited areas should be heavily discouraged from collecting wild mushrooms through the use of park/reserve guidelines and media campaigns."

Written by me and OzzyLizardOzzyLizard


All That’s Left to Regret

"And in all honesty, it simply wouldn't be fair for me to live a happy, normal life with everything I've done."

Originally by CremoCremo, rewritten by me


It's All Been Wasted Time

"SCP-6963-1 is a cognitoparasitoid entity sustaining itself through the consumption of all experiences, memories and other personal information present in the mind of a human being whom it has designated as its host."

Written by me and basirskipreaderbasirskipreader for DEPARTMENT-CON 2022


Stirrin’ Slowly Cross the Sky, I Said Goodbye

"SCP-4791 is a fully inflated and worn blue rubber balloon possessing a birthday cake pattern on it. Tied to the balloon's string is a cardboard note, seemingly impervious to moisture and weathering…"


Seeing the Sunset

"SCP-6246 is an unidentified entity, presumed human, whose head is constantly enveloped by flames."


God on Rye

"SCP-7444 refers to a sudden anomalous phenomenon that is believed to have begun on April 19, 2022, wherein all universal scientific laws began deteriorating in their absoluteness."


It’s a Beautiful Day, Today

"You see long tables around you, all with empty seats. You can hear the buzz of the fluorescent lights illuminating the room from all sides. The food in front of you is cold. You are in the cafeteria."

Written by me and FelixouFelixou


Behind the Cameras

"Later that week, Agent Ray Wolls reported a visual disturbance near a security camera while patrolling the property. Due to the aforementioned antimemetic influence, said visual disturbance could not be identified, with Wolls' report lacking sufficient detail to ascertain any information on the event before its demanifestation."

Written by me, FishishFishish and JakdragonXJakdragonX


The Thinking Man's SCP

"SCP-3691 is a bronze casting of Auguste Rodin's Le Penseur, which was situated in Albany, New York until June 13th, 2022."

Written by me and FishishFishish



"Approximately fifteen seconds after separation, this piece would begin to be transfigured, its shape and form altered to take on the anthropomorphic traits of a miniature infant and become animate."


Thirteen Indeed

"SCP-7013 was a probabilistic anomaly affecting the Overseer Council's ability to carry out its functions in accordance with the Foundation's primary mission. The anomaly manifested shortly after the addition of a thirteenth seat to the Overseer Council on 14/02/1969."

Written by me and FishishFishish for the SCP-7000 Contest


The Changeling

"SCP-4620 is a ten-year-old boy, named Jack Waelz, which is similar to a non-anomalous child of its age, is non-aggressive and poses little to no threat to human life with its anomalous properties. Any further information pertaining to SCP-4620's description does not exist."

Written by me and VivariumVivarium


Iscatbul (Not Kotstantinople)

"SCP-7272 must not be perceived by common housecats. All housecats that do so must be isolated until their limb and eye count return to baseline values…"

Written by me, AftokratorAftokrator, OriTieflingOriTiefling, GuaireGuaire, JakdragonXJakdragonX, LightlessLanternLightlessLantern, LORDXVNVLORDXVNV, RallistonRalliston, TrotskyeetTrotskyeet and VivariumVivarium

In a New Light

A tale featuring SCP-6246

"She opened her eyes and looked over at the apparent source of heat. The person who had approached and sat down on the ledge, mere feet away from Clara, hadn’t made any sound at all. The fact that he'd managed to sneak up on her almost made her overlook the roaring fire which shrouded the stranger's face."

Written by me and SynthPanda_SynthPanda_



"SCP-7779 denotes an anomalous event that occurred on August 23, 2009, at 1030 GMT, in which all geographical regions legally recognized as part of the French Republic abruptly dematerialized. The phenomena encompassed a landmass depth of about 2.5 kilometers and all artificial objects within France's borders, such as aircraft and satellites."

Written by me, AftokratorAftokrator, DrApricusDrApricus and Fish^12Fish^12


From Heaven I Watch

"SCP-7991 is a spontaneous and currently unpredictable occurrence that affects individuals who have been alone in their homes for a prolonged period of time, and who will continue to remain so for the duration of the phenomenon in spite of any and all unforeseeable circumstances."



"SCP-7788 is a non-Euclidian space, presumably limitless in size, with the interior resembling a vast wheat field."

Written by me and FelixouFelixou


Our Quiet Death

"He stares into the distance ahead of him. His gaze is intently fixated on the planet in front of him."

Written by me and Dr TrintavonDr Trintavon

And, that's it!

More is soon to come…

Or not…

…But I'll always remember my time here was a lot of fun!

Hm? Friends? Ah, I've got lots!

I'm sure I asked them to give me some quotes, now where might they be…

Oh, whoops.

That's a lot, let me pick those up…

All sorted. If I'm being brutally honest, I don't know half the people who wrote these!

"I am currently plotting the death of Jack in order to gain ownership of his absolutely poggers articles. Good luck."

MoreMuffinsMoreMuffins, with malicious intent.

"Holy shit, back away from my house or I swear to fucking god I’ll shoot you, I’ll do it. I said I’d crit your draft later, get the fuck away!"

Cole 13Cole 13, holding a shotgun, desperately attempting to protect his family.

"One day this fella waltzed in so smooth, it became his last name. To this day no one has any idea who he really is and where he came from."

Sirslash47Sirslash47, whilst sipping some tea.

"Gonna use my quote to say how cool you are"

WizzBlizzWizzBlizz, an adoring fan.

"I would kill Jack to gain his articles, but I just found out that he's been waltzing so hard he's immortal. Ah well, shucks to be Muffins, guess he didn't realise yet."

Machen2Machen2, sharpening his Swiss Army knife.

"This is getting out of hand. Now there are ██ of them!"

AftokratorAftokrator, during the annual Wiki Jack Census.

"Jack Waltz was hit by a drunk driver in 2002. What you see before you is a collection of works posted by unaffiliated artists, all conjoined under their similar pseudonym: that of the tragic victim of a motor vehicle accident. None of these artists have ever contacted one another. Please, respect the identity of what was once Jack Waltz."

RounderhouseRounderhouse, lamenting my death.


TopDownUnderTopDownUnder, speaking the town of her people.

"Stop it! Stop it with that whistling. Just let me out of here you sick fu—"

AvocadoMilkAvocadoMilk, in the dark room, resisting.

"Listen, dammit! Jack is a fucking maniac, he’s got me locked in god knows where, along with Slurp, Hex, Top, even Afto… I-I think I’m the last one and I’m scared. My wife is Hannah Iverson, I have two beautiful daughters I want to see again, my home address is 2609 Charleston Road, Mountain View, CA 94043. Please! I’ll give you anything, god, just help me please! What's that noise? Someone's… Oh. Oh go—"

MrIversonMrIverson, in the dark room, panicking. this is a call for help i am stuck in the basment hes trapped me in here please come and help me please hes coming i hear the whistling please i dont want to

"Heh, so in the end, I guess it's all of us who ended up in Jack's basement. Oh, that tune. Speak of the de—"

SphereFinaleSphereFinale, in the dark room, attuning.

"Everything you hold dear, everyone you know and love, they are here. Come, they beg for you. Come to the basement. We are all waiting."

Jack WaltzJack Waltz, whistling.

"I'm almost sure they can dance… almost."

HexickHexick, tangoing instead of waltzing.

"Cool author page, Jack."

T RutherfordT Rutherford, breaching multiple 'Pataphysical layers through reality, just to add this quote.

"How do i add a quote?"

slurpppslurppp, googling witty quotes to use.

"Weird things started happening when I didn't read his works. First, I dodged a flower pot falling towards me. Then, a massive spider crawled on my back and I swatted it off before it bit me. Then, I almost fell of a cliff! Please do what he says, as I'm afraid—"

boxynton does not match any existing user name, who is still very much alive, contrary to popular belief.

"Have never seen him waltz."

OzzyLizardOzzyLizard, confused.

"He locked me in the basement with the rest of them. Everyone else, I'm with them. But they aren't moving. They're not even breathing. Why am I alive? Why'd he not get me? I'm hungry. But I'm not eating that black stuff on the walls, no, no. Something else. I want to eat something else. Oh. They've got to be edible, right?"

MrIversonMrIverson, in the dark room, spared.

"Basement? What basement? As far as I know, everyone's on vacation in Jamaica, Jack's treat. There's really nothing to worry about — probably a very late April fools joke."

BattleblockB0ssBattleblockB0ss, shuffling through a stack of $100 bills.

That's all the ones I've got at the moment, but who knows, maybe I'll get a few more of them some time later.

Well, that was a nice talk. So—

Hm? If I… If I stop?

Well, I guess if I do go silent for a while…

…I'm more than happy to hand everything I've made to Uncle NicoliniUncle Nicolini, Machen2Machen2, and MoreMuffinsMoreMuffins, all great people I've met here, who'll be able to do whatever they'd like with my stuff! And everything I've co-authored will go to the respective co-authors, of course!

Well, I'm tired…

Mentioned I was tired earlier, didn't I?

Guess I might take a nap.

Well, see you later!

Let's see each other again, another time!

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