Jack Waltz's Page in Existence

Info

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I have no idea why you clicked this lol.

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Most likely me, taken many decades ago. Oh, how I long for those days again…

Hello, I am Jack. Jack Waltz.

Why am I here, you ask? Well, I'm not too sure myself. It's like I exist in this world, of smoke. I can feel nothing, the nothingness that exists around me. I know everything's there, and always will be, but… does it all really exist?

Where am I?

Why am I so old?

So ancient, all but a husk…

Imagine for a moment…

The infinite darkness, and the uncaring of the void.

The luxury of being able to simply, not care anymore.

Truly a virtue, man shall never reach.

…

How are you? I'm fine myself. It's been a long day, I'm kinda tired.

This is an author page I believe, I wonder what else I should put in it…

Got any ideas?

Can't think of anything myself.

Ehh… I'll just get this over with, and stop bothering ya.

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Behold… my stuff (in order of creation)!

1. SCP-6186 — All That’s Left of What Once Burned
   • Written by me, and thank you for the image Machen2!
2. SCP-6047 — A Bride's Hand
   • Written by me and Machen2! It's a rewrite of one of Cremo's self-deleted articles, thank you for allowing us to rewrite it!
3. PSA: Cognitohazards and You! — A tale set in the Broken Masquerade canon
   • A co-authored tale by korben600, TheBoxOfFun, Fish^12 and me!¹ I also featured it alongside cacbbi ;)
4. Jack Waltz's Page in Existence — Author page!
   • It might be my author page, but it's still something I made, right? Now that I think about it, is it possible for someone to co-author an author page? That'd be hilarious.²
5. SCP-6447 — Sinners' Symphony
   • This was an exquisite-corpse style collaboration between me, Elunerazim, MoreMuffins, Aftokrator, LORDXVNV, Lt Flops, GreenGolem, JakdragonX, Cole 13, and MetalRavioli. We had a lot of fun and hope you'll like it too!
6. SCP-6501 — Held Back
   • A collaboration with MoreMuffins. It has a ghost in it for spooky month's sake.
7. SCP-6989 — Clouds and Clouds, All Around
   • Something I dished out in a few hours after a long four-hour drive watching clouds. Special thanks to Machen2 for the amazing title and the final log, couldn't have made that without him!
8. SCP-6229 — Enjoy Yourself, You’ve Earned It
   • My most controversial article to date and also my entry to the NIGHTMAREFEST contest. It's a short read and I want to thank everyone who gave me their valid criticism and support on this piece. Still, it was fun to write and I'm still proud of the overall result. I hope you'll like it for what it is!
9. SCP-6766 — To Know All Stones
   • This was a fun one! It started out pretty meh, and if it wasn't for Ecronak and Kish99 this might not even be what it is right now. And I also have to thank the wonderful AnAnomalousWriter for making that fabulous image to fit with this piece! Hope you'll like this short story about Death, I'm honestly very proud if it!
10. SCP-6698 — Clean Your Drains, People
    • My first hand at a horror scip. Fueled by my phobia for cockroaches. Thanks to the amazing Uncle Nicolini for the title and Kish99 for his immense help during the making of this scip! This is also my first scip to be featured on the front page, all because of REDESERT and tawnyowljones. Thank you so much!
11. SCP-6644 — Foundationi yiputius
    • A collab with the wonderful OzzyLizard! I'll have to thank him for letting me work on this with him especially when the whole thing initially began as one of Ozzy's solo projects. It was quite honestly the most fun I've had working on a scip with its cryptid inspired anomaly. I'll hope you like this since I sure am proud of it!

These are my upcoming (possibly) and work-in-progress stuff, wanna take a peak? I apologise.

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Now for the fun part, quotes (which for some reason everyone wants in their author pages)!

Use the format:

[[div class="sexy-box"]]
//"Add your quotes!"// -- [[*user Jack Waltz]], most likely regretting his decision.
[[/div]]

and go nuts :P

"I am currently plotting the death of Jack in order to gain ownership of his absolutely poggers articles. Good luck." — MoreMuffins, with malicious intent.

"Holy shit, back away from my house or I swear to fucking god I’ll shoot you, I’ll do it. I said I’d crit your draft later, get the fuck away!" — Cole 13, holding a shotgun, trying to protect his family.

"One day this fella waltzed in so smooth, it became his last name. To this day no one has any idea who he really is and where he came from." — Sirslash47, whilst sipping from his tea.

"I would kill Jack to gain his articles, but I just found out that he's been waltzing so hard he's immortal. Ah well, shucks to be Muffins, guess he didn't realise yet." — Machen2, sharpening his Swiss Army knife.

"This is getting out of hand. Now there are ██ of them!" — Aftokrator, during the annual Wiki Jack Census.

"herggshsbdjwa" — TopDownUnder, speaking the town of her people.

"Let me out of here you fu-" — AvocadoMilk, in the basement of Jack Waltz's residence. How unfortunate…

"I'm almost sure they can dance… almost" — Hexick, tangoing instead of waltzing.

"Imagine putting your quote on my author page. So cringe smh." — Jack Waltz, defying all known laws of 'Pataphysics.

"How do i add a quote" — slurppp, googling witty quotes to use.

"Listen damnit! Jack is a fucking maniac, he’s got me locked in god knows where, along with Slurp, Hexick, TopDown, even Afto…I-I think I’m the last one and I’m scared, my wife is Hannah Iverson (maiden name Fuller), I have 2 beautiful daughters, my home address is 2609 Charleston Road, Mountain View, CA 94043, pleas I’ll give you anything god just help me please god." — MrIverson, who is only joking. Jack is perfect. He would never do this to anyone. Unless of course. They lied about Jack.

"Weird things started happening when I didn't read his suggested articles. First, I dodged a flower pot falling aimed at my head. Then, a massive spider crawled on my back and I swatted it off before it bit me. Then, I almost fell of a cliff… please do what he says, as I'm afraid I won't survive the next time I don't follow his instructions…" — boxynton, who is still very much alive, thank you very much.

"Have never seen him waltz." — OzzyLizard, confused.

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Anyways, thank you for looking at my author page! Hope ya liked it. Tune in at another time, there might be more stuff for your eyes to enjoy.

If anything grimdark happens to me, my respective co-authors get the pages we worked on and the rest shall be handed down to Machen2, MoreMuffins, and NebulousStar because they're really cool friends I've made here on this community. I hope nothing happens to me, but life's a fucking bitch so I'll expect the worst from her. Until then, have a great day (or night)!

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‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"Jack Waltz's Page in Existence" by Jack Waltz, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/jack-waltz. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

For more information, see Licensing Guide.
Licensing Disclosures

Filename: me.jpg
Name: Native American man in suit and cravat, possibly on the Olympic Peninsula, date unknown
Author: IMLS DCC
License: CC BY 2.0
Source Link: https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/1443c20f-159d-40a8-bd1d-3028ef93f95d
Additional Notes: Edited to look like Jack Waltz

For more information about on-wiki content, visit the Licensing Master List.

Footnotes

1. I'm still surprised they even gave me credit as a co-author. The major bulk was made by korben600 and TheBoxOfFun. All I did was give my insight into the realism of the piece. So thank you very much!

2. _{Contact me if you would like to co-author your author page with me.}