GOI: Das Wunderkabinett:1
Object: Pamphlet.
Discovery’s local and date: Marechal Thaumaturgo, Acre; 03/08/2003
Additional Commentaries: The effects of this item are similar, if not identical, to the anomalous condition of SCP-507. The Lusophone Director’s Council approved possible tests with the Anglophone branch in lieu of these items being found.
THE INCREDIBLE OZWALD’S SHOES
Ozwald's
Ladies, gentlemen, undefinable cosmic beings, and universe travelers eager to discover the secrets of reality’s weaves… now, locomotion through existential planes is much more hassle-free!
Tired of being unable to find your cartesian teleport agency because it’s always being banned by killjoys? Fear not! Your dimensional travel passport is now at your fingertips… Or rather, at your toe tips!
Introducing the Incredible Ozwald’s Shoes, a revolutionary product of excellent quality!
The only pair of shoes that take you wherever you want to go, always with elegance and style. This seventh dimension wonder is made with the best quality legitimate red ether. Not only that, your size and shape adapt itself to the user, providing maximum comfort. You heard it right, no more extradimensional calluses!
Enough delays, bureaucracy, and wasting time with one-tonne contraptions unable to make a single trip to neighbor dimensions. A pair of Ozwald’s is light as a feather, super portable and stylish. All you ever need to enjoy the versatility of this wonderful product is to connect both ion batteries on the shoe’s heels and vocalize the commands to the desired location. Voilà! In minutes you are teleported to the dimension you hanker for. And not a single lost organ in the process!
This is possible by the caption of the neural transmission system that utilizes the mental waves as activation fuel and physical-space coordination respectively.
It is really fantastic!
Traveling only through time is past news, adventure yourself to know the diverse layers that present-time offers.
By buying your first pair of Ozwald’s Shoes you earn an exclusive book, absolutely free, one of Das Wunderkabinnet bestsellers: “Down to earth travel - an A to Z guide of all cataloged dimensions”.
The ideal book for beginner adventurers and the ones that do not want to find themselves in danger, or dead, in an unknown dimension. The perfect opportunity for family fun times! Do not let this chance go to waste, order a pair of The Incredible Ozwald’s Shoes and knock your heels adventure’s way!
Warning: Das Wunderkabinnet does not offer insurance for accidents on high threat level dimensions or in the act of non-cataloged dimension exploration.
Misuse of the shoes as a weapon of physical aggression may result in the seizing and return of the product to Das Wunderkabinnet. Inappropriate use may also result in an improperly calculated teleportation of the user in the space-time continuum, causing potentially permanent physical damage to the user in many ways, including but not restricted to crushing, corporeal disintegration, compromise of molecular structure in the weave, among others.
Travels to alternate dimensions within the state of Kansas are not recommended due to sudden changes in climate.
Das Wunderkabinett does not accept rebates.
