Ihp's Author Page

HI.

If you're wondering why I'm shouting, it's because I'm going to do something very stupid.

As of writing, I am the second-most prolific author on the Wiki. And below (character limit permitting) I am going to attempt to write at least one paragraph about each of my works.

All of them.

I have over 200 pages on this site.

(some of those are hubs and shit)

God help me.

Expect self-deprecation

Like, a lot.

This is sorted by year

Important works will be BIGGER

Before all that: some fanart!

Fanart!

2012- Hello World!

Ohaiyou Sekai

Good Morning World

SCP-1071- Improvement Test

I don't really remember what I was thinking with this one. I never personally took the SATs (I did the ACTs, not that it mattered— got into college via a post-secondary enrollment program at my high school). I joined the site in late 2011, and my first attempt at an SCP was based off of my experiences playing a browser RPG game that I really should not have been playing. It flopped, and rightfully so.

SCP-1310- Examination Room 10

I was proud of myself for snagging the number because it ended in a "10". At the time, I was undergoing a regimen of injections which were meant to improve how my body handled allergies. In order to make sure that you didn't get a reaction after injection, you had to wait in the examination room for at least half an hour. One time, it took two hours for them to get back to us (thank GOD I had my DS) and I wondered if they'd forgotten about us, which led to the creation of this SCP.

SCP-1658- Textual Mold

I was a big fan of Fahrenheit 451. Still am. The idea of book burning in media fascinated me, and I wondered: how did the books feel? Part of the impetus for writing this was an image that I sadly can no longer use (curse you, creative commons!) that was titled "textualmicrobe.jpg".

Lord Blackwood-939 Tale [DELETED]

Some time between 1658 and the next one, I wrote a tale about Lord Blackwood encountering SCP-939. It was based off of a series of Lord Blackwood tales that another user had been doing on the site at the time. And it sucked. It is one of my least-favorite pieces of writing ever.

SCP-1366- The Rumor Mill

The fact that this is above +100 is entirely due to a suggestion made in the comments by Anaxagoras. This was originally going to be based off of Helltown in Ohio, and it kind of… spiraled out of control into an amateurishly-written work about moral panics.

SCP-1812- Extralunar Meme

This is my first SCP to be featured on TV Tropes, on the Nightmare Fuel page for the Foundation. It also shows why I am not a scientist, because, again, this was salvaged by people in the comments telling me that gravity does not work the way I thought it did.

Halloween at S&C Plastics

This is my longest-surviving tale on the Wiki. This spiraled out of control into what is now the S & C Plastics Canon. Written for the OG Halloween Contest in 2012. I hate the way it's written, but it got me 2nd place in the contest (Damn you, DrGears, with your Treats!!!) While some characters (Johnathan West and Agent Ewell) would make frequent appearances in later works, others (Such as Margaret Reese and Dr. Matterson) would be a bit more uncommon.

And I Feel Fine

My second S&C Plastics thing. By now, I had grown more than a little attached to the characters I had written, and decided to do a follow-up, focusing on the then-relevant 2012 apocalypse scenario. It didn't come to pass, but I'm willing to bet more than a few of us wish it did.

2013: Getting Bigger…

Reveal Yourself!

Hide yourself.

SCP-1438- Invaders

This is nowhere near as clever as I thought it was when I was writing it. Next!

Issue 100

Dumbass crossover fanfic with Atop the 4th Wall of all things. Next!

Life in the Multiverse

Djoric claims that he wrote the Bailey brothers as a joke. Well, what's a good joke if you can't develop them into proper characters? I absolutely hate the ending of this, but I like the rest of it. Might revisit it sometime to re-do the ending.

SCP-1554- The Damaged Fellowship

I have… odd feelings about this SCP. It was created in response to a challenge made by a user who is pretty much one of the original persona non gratas on the wiki. The fact that it's an anomalous copy of The Fellowship of the Ring was based off of the book in the image having the title of one of Fellowship's chapters as the only legible text. Said image may no longer exist by the time you read this (again, THANKS Creative Commons.)

Last Days at Camp

Sloth's Pit had had lore forming in my head for a while before I wrote this. I wanted to explore the incident that put Sloth's Pit on the map for the Foundation.

S&C Plastics Hub

People (by which I mean no people) have often asked the question: Is it "S&C Plastics" or "S & C Plastics"? To which I respond: I don't know.

It took a while for this to get a proper hub. The canon contest was held in early 2013, and most of the ones produced during that time have kind of fallen by the wayside, with the exceptions of Broken Masquerade and Rat's Nest. It's a pity, because there are some neat concepts— Man Who Wasn't There was pretty neat, in my opinion.

But this became a canon after ksaid wrote something for it focusing on the inhabitants of the town, that being Four Seconds, Low Pitched. I am grateful to them for making S&C Plastics possible— it might have been another six months before it happened otherwise.

SCP-1265- The Mesozoic Preserve

I like dinosaurs. This one is based off of the alleged dinosaur sightings in the Congo, and I rewrote the ending paragraphs a bit in late 2018 to better reflect modern Paleontological knowledge. It was originally going to have a nebulous anomalous organization watching over it in an attempt to de-extinct dinosaurs. Still one of my favorites.

Attack of the Keter Skeeters!

I was originally going to make Jason Hendricks a recurring joke character. He's popped up a few more times, but never as much as I would have liked. The most notable thing that ever happened to this tale is Dmatix being annoyed about the fact that "Keter" isn't meant to rhyme with "Skeeter".

Also: the Keter Skeeters are real. Just not in the form you think. :3

SCP-1972- Escort and Officer

Eesh, if there was ever a title I regret. I like the work, but I wish we had picked a different title.

The first collaborative SCP I did, with Djoric. Some people love his writing, some people hate it, I personally think he's an all right guy and a pretty damn talented writer. He's also responsible for the original conception of S&C Plastics, and I wouldn't be where I am without him.

This is also the SCP with the second-most interesting fan-art I've gotten. Thanks, Kea.

Playing With Flames

Ah, Katherine Sinclair and Montgomery Reynolds. Arguably, they've become the Mary-Ann and Salah of S&C Plastics. They're certainly two of my favorite characters to write, and I took a lot of cues from HammerMaiden's essay about writing anomalous characters in the Foundation, Let's Talk About Character For A Moment. Plus, Magic in the Foundation is just cool.

Local Legends

Sloth's Pit began to take a concrete shape in my head starting with this tale. It's essentially the ideal Midwestern town, with all sorts of odd stories, legends, and people in it. The Hum was meant to come back in a more meaningful capacity, and this was intended to be the start of a tale series in which the Goatman fought various expies of Creepypasta characters. Thank god that never came to be.

SCP-1774- The Proof's Equipment

I honestly forget I wrote this thing on a regular basis. This is so forgettable it's shameful.

Incident 239-Abridged & The Rest of the Story

There was a point where the abridge version was rated higher than the original Incident 239-B Clef/Kondraki tale. I can't believe it either. I'm putting these two together because they were both attempts by me to pisstake old tales. I like the former, not so much the latter.

Automata Et Cetera

This was written for the History contest, and if I recall, managed to place somewhat high? It was probably just because I submitted it early. This was my first serious attempt at writing for the Church of the Broken God— it'd long been my headcanon that the CotBG and the worship of Hephaestus were somehow connected. There's a reason a fair bit of CotBG stuff is associated with Greece (at least, stuff I wrote).

UnScience

Just a goofy tale where a bunch of researchers at Site-87 riff on bad "documentaries". The Foundation needed more Slice of Life stuff, and I was happy to oblige. Plus, it's always fun to pick on the Used To Be About History Channel.

Facts Concerning Team 15 of Chapterhouse 4 and the Black Book

My sole contribution to Et Tam Deum Petivi. This was meant to be a lead-in to a series wherein Chapterhouse 4 was going to combat various fictional deities that were being made real through the power ironic worship, but it never came to be.

SCP-1863- Lime Liftoff and Sarsaparilla Cream

I wish I'd gotten the science better here. Actual Cola Wars was an idea that had been in my head for a while at the time, and I'm… relatively happy with how this turned out. I had planned a sequel to this where Citrox and Carl's were doing a whole Pirates vs Ninjas thing involving a scurvy-curing soda, but that never went anywhere.

This thing beat out the Coffee Machine in the TatsTop video about Food SCPs. So that's kind of neat I guess?

Dance the Danse

My second Halloween tale. I knew I was going to make it an annual affair (or at least try to) form this year onwards. I wanted to show off more of the Legends, and ended up introducing Sinning/Singing Jessie (who I do pair with the Goatman, don't @ me). None of the other Legends have come back since, with the exception of the Hook-Handed Man. Kind of wish that I'd written something about the Queen of the Hoop Snakes.

SCP-2013- The Reptilian Meme

Remember when the 2000 contest was won by an article that was at +186? Man that was weird.

I am… not very happy with this SCP. If I could go back and change shit, I would. This placed 12th in the contest, at only +86. It's since doubled in ratings, but I still don't like it.

Send In The Clowns

…I don't know what I was thinking when I was writing this, beyond "I want to do something for the lolFoundation canon".

Alternate Character Interpretations

An attempt to break canon on several characters. It failed. Next!

A Very Bailey Christmas

My first attempt at writing a genuinely emotional story. It seems to have landed with more people than it hasn't, which is good. The Bailey Brothers are some legitimately cool people, and they need more love.

2014 & 2015- Brain Fog and Horrible Writing

You Say Goodbye

And I say hello

These… were not good years for me. I hate pretty much everything I wrote during them. Everything I can remember, that is. Between a new living situation with me going to college, a massive change in medication that fucked my brain over, increasing anger issues, and just a whole host of other bullshit, it… wasn't great for me.

I'm going to just list off every work I did during this time. I can count the number of things I like from this time on one hand.

And Now, He Is Gone

An art exchange tale featuring Dmatix's SCP-1295. Carl is meant to be Conquest, who was replaced by Pestilence in the more modern interpretations of the Four Horsemen, for… some reason.

SCP-1645- the Viper and the Virus

This is one of only two rewrites I did that I'm actually writing something about. The other will be in the 2018 segment. It's… okay. I wish I'd deviated more from the original work, and the Hydra/Orochi angle is pretty weak here.

Stupendous Containment Procedures (Deleted per Project Crossover Cleanup)

I'm pretty sure that if Bill Watterson found out about this, he'd drive over to my house and strangle me. And considering I live about an hour's drive from his home town of Chagrin Falls, he'd be able to do it.

I'm a bit sad that this god deleted in the Project Crossover cleanup, to be honest. I get why it happened, but some of my first instances of writing when I was a little kid were Calvin and Hobbes fanfic.

SCP-2560- Polar Opposites

I'm thankful to Kalinin for encouraging me to change the title— the original was something like "Fucking Magnets". This is based off of the life of Edward Leedskalnin, a Latvian engineer who is responsible for Coral Castle near Miami. It is a really neat place, and fairly small to boot, and if you're ever in the area, I suggest checking it out.

A Merry Fellow

A Day in the life of Tom "Bombadill" Bailey. Explored some of the more esoteric aspects of SCP-1483— did you know they have fucking cars in the Antarctic Empire? And Radio? It's a lot more advanced than I originally thought.

Tax Man

I was collaborating with HammerMaiden on an S & C Plastics series in 2014, about Site-87 being audited. It never got finished, because of a particular critic demotivating us both. Hammermaiden's final tale in the series, forever unpublished, was where the Goatman of Sloth's Pit got his name.

Said critic ended up deleting their account after derailing another collaborative project. If you can't say anything nice…

Implanting God, GoHW > Chapter_5.js, & The Heresy of Disassembly

All written as part of the 2014 Groups of Interest Contest. I was on the team Rapid Nomenclature Shift alongside HammerMaiden and another individual who I do not care to name. I was in charge of the more cyberpunk aspects of this interpretation of the CotBG, known as the Church of Maxwellism. The stuff I wrote is easily the weakest of the bunch— there's a reason the CotBG format hasn't been widely used compared to, say, the MC&D format. I still like it, and it's inspired a fair bit of cool art, so there's that.

SCP-2425- Fifth Church Recruitment Tool

My attempt to grok Fifthism through the lens of the Church of Happyology. Could have gone a lot better. I still don't get their deal.

A Suicide Note

I remember when I announced this on Reddit, another user said I nearly gave her a heart attack because of the way I did so. This was both a bit of leftover backlash from 239-Abridged thing, as well as part of an attempt to give Clef a bit of semi-sympathetic characterization. Did it do that well? Maybe. Clef himself gave it a 3/5.

The UIU Series With No Name]

I will finish this some day. Maybe. Before the heat death of the universe.

This is my second crack at it. I got some incredibly disheartening critique on my first attempt, so I tore it all down and re-wrote it from the ground up. I'm averaging a post a year in it. It's hard to find motivation to write for it, but I do want to.

As far as I'm aware, Quinn MacAllister was one of the first LGBT characters on the site. Probably not the first, I'm not going to presume that much. The name of her fiance, Harley, is not a reference to Harley Quinn— I legitimately just needed a gender-neutral name for her.

SCP-2217- Hammer and Anvil

Before I wrote this, I legitimately contemplated leaving the wiki.

My writing had gotten horrible. I couldn't get a solid idea down. I was having more emotional episodes than ever up to that point, college was going poorly, and my entire life was a clusterfuck. I stared at the draft that eventually became this, wondering what I could do.

Then, something clicked. And I went "Holy shit" and banged out the current version in about… two days? I was so happy when I posted it, I rode that high for a week. It's one of two works I consider as a Magnum Opus of mine on the wiki.

SCP-563- An Abandoned Farm in China

I have nothing but gratitude to Zyn, the patron saint of the Wiki, for helping come up with the food ideas in this. I wanted to come back to the theme of eating dinosaurs eventually, and I did, a few years late.r

2014 Halloween Tale [DELETED]

This was garbage. An attempt to look at Sloth's Pit from the perspective of the townsfolk, following a sudden snowstorm. It was my weakest S&C Plastics thing to date.

The 12 Days of Site-87's Christmas

I'm pretty sure the Hague has a warrant out for me for the creation of this, due to the pun at the end. I banged this out stream-of-consciousness style, and it shows. I go through it and touch it up some every now and again, and it needs it.

Excerpts from the Medical Tragedy of Dr. Bartholemew Artz, Author Unknown

This is one of the last works I clearly remember writing, before my brain fog got really bad. I wrote this as part of the Reimagining Contest, and I'm fairly proud of it, but I'm confident it only got up so high because, again, I wrote it early. Another work (listed a bit later on) was intended to be my original entry, but was denied for reasons I legitimately cant' recall. 049 as an Elizabethan drama is fun.

Satyr's Reign

I'm not proud of this one.

This was written as a pisstake towards the Resurrection canon, by and large. Certain references and analogues are there (for instance, a camera shop getting shot up was meant to be a shot at Iris) and the premise of 'psychopaths take over a town' was meant to be a riff on 'psychotic researchers are taking the wiki back over'.

It is one of the only times I've used fiction as a weapon, and I honestly regret it, but I'm leaving it up as a monument to my sins, because it established several side characters in the canon, and helped cement the eventual romantic relationship between Sinclair and Reynolds.

SCP-2307- The Pen Is Mightier

I want to rewrite this. So bad. It's Excalibur with a CotBG Flavor, what's not to like?

EVERYTHING. The writing is jank as hell, the flow is worse than a drunk Soundcloud rapper who thinks that it's okay to rhyme "drink" with "drink", and it's overall just mediocre. I do like my take on Arthur, but the rest…

Oricha's Folly

This was originally intended to be my Reimagining contest entry, a re-imagining of SCP-148. I can't remember why it was denied entry, but The Medical Tragedy is far better, anyway.

The Old Ice

Fantem is awesome. Pitch Haven is a great canon, and I'd love to see more from them. This is something I wrote for the canon, and was, at the time, the latest-dated one in Pitch Haven. I like it.

SCP-2147- Neverglades

I'm putting this as important because, for a long time, I legitimately thought this was going to be my last work on the site. My mental issues had snowballed out of control, and I pretty much ragequit the community after several heated discussions and fits of anger. It would be over a year before I published anything else on the wiki. I do like it, but it was a sour note to leave on.

I still don't feel as if though I paid my pound of flesh for what I said and did back then.

I deleted my first author page then.

2016- Guess Who's Back?

Back Again

2017: Renaissance

Take me home, country roads

To the place I belong

Imperfectly Fossilized Eggs and A journal found in the collection of the Peabody Museum of Natural History

Written for the History Contest. Marshall, Carter and Dark eat dinosaur eggs during the Bone Wars. Not much else to say beyond that— except for an Easter Egg (ba-dum-tish) hidden in the MC&D Format.

Coyotl

I freaking love SCP-2547, and Petrograd suggested in the comments of it that I have it visit Sloth's Pit. So, I did, and it seems to have become a greater part of the Verdant-Veldt Conflict. Which is neat, because that's some good shit.

Excerpts from Training Seminars for Lesser Known Foundation Careers

This is fucking hilarious. I laughed out loud while writing this, and it's my highest-rated tale for a reason.

SCP-3020- Depression

My 3000 entry. The reception to it was… mixed. And so are my feelings for it. I should have picked a less personal topic.

I kind of wish I'd picked a different number for this. I keep on seeing stuff about SCP-2030 and think "oh wow someone's covering my thing!" and then, nope.

Fools of Us All

This tale doesn't exist.

The Great Site-87 Bakesale

I'm reluctant to acknowledge the existence of this one as well. But I do like the version of Clef I presented in this.

Bazyliszek and Kirche

I'm lumping these two together because they're both set during the 7th Occult War, and deal with the consequences of World War II on the anomalous. Bazylisek is based off of the Basilisk of Warsaw, and my grandmother's experiences during the Warsaw Uprising. Kirche is based off of the Dresden bombing, and the inconsistent death toll.

These were written in the wake of a backlash against a pair of… very unfortunate tales, featuring the Foundation collaborating with Nazi forces during World War II. While realistically, it would have happened (if only out of pure pragmatism), but when you have one tale depicting Anne Frank as being a reality bender and the other saying that the Foundation killed mentally disabled people as a service to the world, they should not exist.

I want to make this into a proper tale series one day.

SCP-3773— 9,000 Lives

One of the reasons 2015 was so hard for me was the disappearance and death of one of our cats. His name was Oliver, and while we suspect we know what happened to him, we didn't have any proof. He was an incredible sweetie pie, and I will always miss him coming up to snuggle next to me in bed.

Cassandra Pike's cat is based off of my Oliver, broken ribs and all. This is some weird roundabout way to give myself closure to him. I'll always miss you, boo boo.

Black Autumn

Fourteen tales. One story arc. Halloween goes horribly wrong in Sloth's Pit, Wisconsin. It's been annualized (hopefully).

I like this, but I wish it was better written. The last two parts really don't jive with the rest, but I think I did a good job keeping the element of mystery as to exactly what was causing this intact. People seemed to like it, and I liked writing it.

Kind of wish I still played The Secret World, as that's what influenced the hub. But the game is kind of… dead. Still, the Buzzing is a great way of conveying lore, and I'm grateful for its influence.

The Lizard in the Mosaic

The Log of Anomalous Tales was a fun project. Also, from what scientists have been able to tell, a stegosaurus could easily have been able to live up to 120 years old. So that's pretty cool.

(I need to do more dinosaur stuff).

SCP-3882- A Literal Metal Band

There's a reason I'm a writer and not a lyricist. Intended to be a more-or-less direct sequel to 2217, there's a lot of stuff in here I like— namely the fact that the Foundation has its own record label, and the Shattered Deus is not at all surprised.

2018- Rancid Time

Time, Time, Time

See What's Become Of Me

This year was way longer than it should have been, for reasons that should be evident to anyone who was part of the wiki at this time. That's all I'll say.

Grim

Another Occult War tale, probably my weakest. It started a little in-joke on the wiki that I've been trying to insert into my works since that's a bit hard to explain, and I can't remember who suggested it.

In several American TV Shows, there is a brand of cigarettes called Morleys. It's most associated with The X-Files due to being the preferred brand of William B. Davis's 'Cigarette Smoking Man'. Morleys was the antagonist of the Season 7 episode 'Brand X', where they developed a 'super-tobacco' infested by killer tobacco beetles.

In physics, it used to be believed that space, rather than being a vacuum, contained an element called aether; its existence was disproven by something called the Morley-Michelson Experiment in 1887. Because someone made this suggestion, I've made Michelson Cigarettes something of a running gag in a few tales of mine.

SCP-3167- Character Assassin (Or: The Serial Killer), Dr. Keith Partridge and the Strawberry-Banana Smoothie of DOOM & Hotline: Eventide

The first annual Jamcon gave me some very 'meh' things. I like Eventide the best, even if I haven't gone back to it.

Yet.

SCP-3256- Web of Murder

This is one of the few SCPs I've written that I am unconditionally proud of. I fucking love this thing, and nobody will take it away from me.

This ties in with an entry for the SCP-3000 contest. Spoilers follow: It's SCP-3966 (Can't link it due to the red text of the link showing up despite me setting it to white). 3256 is essentially what happens if one of the spiders from 3966 decides to infest your body instead of just sucking you dry in your sleep. But a four-dimensional being trying to impose itself on a three-dimensional one does not work. It hurts not only physically, but ontologically. You are spiders.

SCP-2947- Fidget Winners

LET'S BEYBLADE! BEYBLAAAAAAAADE.

This was completely fucking dumb. But I love it all the same.

I.H. Pickman's Proposal- Story of Your Life

My 001 proposal. The culmination of over half a decade of writing about a little town in Wisconsin and all the people in it. It's my 100th article… I think. It's intended to be, but SCPPer counts things weird, and Jarvis was being unreliable at the time. As far as I'm concerned, it's my 100th.

For my 200th (if I ever get there before Wikidot blows up) I want to do another 001.

SCP-4100— Future Imperfect

My big 4000 entry. Got me into the top five, closest I'll ever get to a x000 slot. I banged the first draft of this within a couple of hours of the theme being announced, and people on the chat went "What, already?!" Most of my SCPs are written within a couple of days, so I was surprised by the reactions. The theme of History struck a chord with me, what can I say?

4100 is a perfect example of how readership can impact the author's view of their own work. The pictogram at the end was originally intended to be a warning— "We beat this one, but there are more out there. Secure. Contain. Protect." But some people have taken it to mean "We beat you. We're coming for the rest." I honestly like this interpretation better— gives the piece a more hopeful tone, and the ending was always meant to be ambiguous.

SCP-2117- The Stolen Solidarity

I'm glad I rewrote this. I'm even more glad I went back in 2023 and added pride flags to every offset.

Black Autumn II: Rise of the Pit Sloth

This was so much fun to write, and I think it's a lot better than Black Autumn I, because I keep it largely focused on two characters (Alison Carol and Robert Tofflemire from SCP-4040) instead of trying to have it as an ensemble. Still probably not as clever as I thought.

SCP-3495- St. Brendan's Howler Monkey

Originally written as part of the Draftswap thing Rimple does on a semi-regular basis. Not as good as it could have been, but I still like it. St.Brendan's story is trippy.

SCP-4918- Bergentruckung

I'm just going to copy/paste most of my author commentary from this one so I don't repeat myself.

So I had this idea about a week ago, just before the 100th anniversary of the Armistice. It wasn't originally going to be a World War I piece, but The Great Hippo made a few good arguments about why it should be WWI and not WWII, among which was the fact that Finland was an allied country, and I think that any Finnish SCP Foundation readers would have their eyebrows raised if Väinämöinen was allied with the Nazis. Same with Frederick I— he was really progressive for his day, and would probably have hated Hitler.

This is also based, in part, on Overly Sarcastic Productions's video on Fionn Mac Cumhaill, specifically the segment where Red discusses how the apocalypse is going to be a lot more interesting depending on how many King in the Mountain/Sleeping Hero myths are true.

A Christmas Caterwaul

I… don't really like Christmas. For more details, read the author commentary.

2019— The Trainwreck, Part I

I got employed in 2019 at a soul-sucking retail job, and it caused by ability to be creative to go down the shitter, as well as any time I had to write. My output slowed to a trickle starting in June, and hasn't gone back to normal levels since.

So live the rebound

Welcome to the Breakdown

Untitled Jewelry Piece, (Clarice's Doom), 1480s, Donatello's Sculpting Tools, Circa 1409, Is Goliath Not a Philistine?

These are from an International Groups of Interest contest hosted by the International Translation Archive wiki. I worked with AthosNetwork, RockTeethMothEyes, and TSATPWTCOTTTADC in order to import the Italian GOI known as the Medician Academy of Occult Art, which was just that: an art museum for more classical anart. Athos did Mon Amour et Mon Aide, and RTME wrote Goliath, Circa 1505 and Art is Boring but Profitable. Is Goliath, Art is Boring and Goliath 1505 were all meant to be part of a central story arc that never got finished, due to real life getting in the way.

The contest itself… hooo boy that was rough. For some reason, the people on SCP-INT running it made the rule that instead of the contest winner being based on the total number of votes, it was based on the average number of votes. I don't know what possessed them to do this, but if I recall correctly, the winning team submitted all of one article.

And regarding Clarice's Doom in particular, I remember getting into some hot water because the title initially included the year of Clarice Orsini's death, which is a number associated with certain hate groups. Overall, I think these are all well-written, but they weren't necessarily fun to write.

I am somewhat surprised that the Academy has found a foothold in the English wiki in my absence. I wasn't expecting it to. Maybe one day I'll finish the Goliath series on my own.

SCP-4481- A Casualty of the Single Worst Astronautical Disaster in History

Short and simple, an SCP about what might have happened if Big Bird got put on the Challenger. Probably one of my favorite things to write in 2019, because of how simple it was to put together.

SCP-4256- Bootlegger's Press & Caroll #280/R-01221

A collab I did with Uncle Nicolini for the Collaboration Contest of 2019. For those who don't know, it was a contest where people had to collaborate with each other to write articles about collaborations between two different Groups of Interest— in this case, the Chicago Spirit and the Factory.

The Factory is probably one of my least-favorite GOIs because of how underutilized they are, and the Chicago Spirit is one of my favorite ones because I am a sucker for old-timey gangster stuff. This gave us an opportunity to flesh out the Factory a little more.

The Barrels of Hooch might have been slightly inspired by the barrels that we see the Tall Man from the film Phantasm use to transport corpses to his home dimension, where they're revived as slave creatures.

Crying Over Coffee]

A more somber S & C Plastics tale, about caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's. Harold West is based off of my father in this example, and Tom Masterson (a relatively minor character that's appeared once or twice) was based off of his brother. He passed away in 2020 from COVID-related complications. We couldn't even have a funeral for him.

I wanted to link to an Alzheimer's charity in my tale after my uncle died, but was unfortunately denied by staff.

Seven Lies a Week

A tale about the Department of Misinformation, and all the gaslighting and other nefarious things that they have to do in order to keep the Veil intact. Again, probably one of my favorite things to write. For as much as I bemoan 2019, I did like a lot of what I wrote in it.

The Tale With No Name

Utterly goddamn self-indulgent. This was the 100th tale I'd ever written (The most out of anyone on the Site until recently— damn you, HarryBlank!) and is a walkthrough of various background events in what would become MetaFoundation, providing character-building for Dr. Pike, Dr. Mattings, Dr. Sinclair and Reynolds, as well as some closure for the UIU Tale Series With No Name. Which at this point, I'm probably going to pull a Real Adventures in Capitalism and write a summary in that style.

2020— The Trainwreck II: Breakdown Boogaloo

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It's COVID time. While I wouldn't end up catching the virus until I took a hiatus from the site again, it defined a good portion of my life for the next few years.

SCP-5500

Constant bugs, people telling me they were sick of metafiction at every turn, and the fact that I wrote it while recovering from a car wreck make this my least favorite thing I've ever written. I hate it. I wish I had taken up the offer to join the team that ended up writing 5999 instead. Every second I spent writing this was a waste.

To add insult to injury, I ended up basing this article around the premise of an author avatar whose creator turned out to be a predatory waste of carbon atoms, and with most of their legacy being uprooted, it likely won't even make sense in a year or two.

SCP-5926— Fursonal Issues

The idea of a haunted fursuit as an SCP has been a bit of a running gag on the Site for a while, and I figured I should try to make it work. But… mmm.

I occasionally do a thing where I Google my SCP numbers to see if anyone outside of the main wiki is talking about them. 5926 came up on the SomethingAwful thread dedicated to discussion of the Foundation, and the reception was… not great. People said that I was just making a furry OC for the wiki, or that I was appropriating shamanistic artifacts for the anomaly, and a bunch of other shit. I've not looked at that thread since; I still feel sick thinking about it. It put into perspective that, outside of the site, I'm not that great of a writer. :/

SCP-5483— Benthic Beckonings

A collaboration with notgull, inspired by my time playing Subnautica. I wish I'd put more effort into this; I genuinely feel bad that it's languished so low for so many years. I'm sorry.

Black Autumn IV: Nothing To Fear

It took me over a year to finish writing this, which threw a massive wrench in a bunch of other projects; SCP-6500 and the Time After Time Password, for instance, were meant to reference the fact that Tristan Bailey was made director at the end of Black Autumn IV, but because it took me a year to finish it, it never happened.

Still probably one of my favorite things to write.

2021 - I've run out of clever titles.

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The Lamest Story Never Told

I relate to William Wallace Wettle maybe a little too much. Both I and he are abrasive assholes whose luck is non-existent, who feel constantly down on themselves, can't get anything done in life, and are probably looked on with derision by most everyone in their life. I feel bad for the poor guy, and I wanted to do something to make him a little cool. Considering it inspired SCP-7000, I think I succeeded.

That said I'm thankful to Harry for going in and changing a particular word after I self-destructed and left the site. Holy shit I don't know how that didn't get caught in the original editing.

SCP-6500 - Inevitable

Alongside Aethris, DarkStuff, Grigori Karpin, HarryBlank Placeholder McD, S D Locke

I'm hoping I can use the fact that I helped craft this to get professionally published one day. Alas, doesn't seem to be going well so far. I'm proud of it, but that pride was severely wounded during the contest itself, when several memes essentially pissing on the parts I wrote climbed to over 3000 on Reddit.

A few years in the future, and far as I'm concerned, the fandom's opinion on this article is irrelevant. I helped write it. I'm proud of what I wrote. I wish I'd done more with it but then my brain caught fire. This is one of two times I've enjoyed participating in a Kcon, and then staff went and made it harder for anything like this to ever be made again. Shame, shame.

Some commentary for the paths I wrote:

Path of the Mage:

For years, I had the concept of a Nexus road trip in my head. It was originally going to be Agent Pryce from S & C Plastics and some poor rube who get thrown into the Bottomless Pit, and end up touring nexuses around the world, trying to find their way back home because they can't physically leave Nexus zones. Kind of like Quantum Leap if it were mediocre. So, the Quantum Leap reboot. I got to re-use it here.

Originally, there was going to be a segment where Sinclair ran into Mary-Ann Lewitt in BackdoorSoHo in New York, presented as beat poetry, but I couldn't make it work. So instead, we got sent straight to Three Portlands.

Path of the Reliquarians:

I like history. If I actually got a useful degree, it would be an archaeologist. And I decided to just… mash a bunch of historical and archeological facts together in one place, with a bunch of characters created by myself (Lea Zer, Laura Cruz, Pryce, Wexley) and my friends (Athenodora Cat, Daniel Navarro, Wettle).

This is another example of me writing Wettle as a Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass. I feel weird about it because Wettle probably should be a failure 100% of the time, but… I relate to him too much. I want him to have some dubs.

I'll probably do more with Threshold now that I'm back.

Pickman-Blank Proposal- The Frontispiece

Collaboration with HarryBlank who is always a joy to work with. I love historical fiction, I love his concept of the giftschrieber, and this provided an opportunity for us to do both. The main thing I want to talk about is the SCP Explained video on this.

To whoever the hell is in charge of that sewage runoff you call a channel, here are a few things you left out or got wrong:

it's pronounced "oy-ler", not "Yew-ler".
You never actually explained why the SCP Acronym works. It's because those three letters start more words in English than any others.
You skimmed over a bunch of historically important stuff, like Site-120 establishing good relations with the Serpent's Hand, why the Foundation had a foothold in Cuba to begin with, the context behind why Canada and basically every other country withdrew support…
You implied that the whole world knew about the Foundation during the 1960s. Only world governments did.

In short, SCP Explained deserves to be clowned on. At least they properly attribute their videos, which is more than I can say for other content farms.

SCP-6221- A Very VKTM Christmas

I had to cut out a few segments here because the references were too obscure; I was going to dunk on "The Christmas Shoes", the worst holiday song ever conceived with an equally rancid film, but nobody has actually seen it. I almost had to cut the Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer one but the fact that the final act of the film turns into A Few Good Men and references the OJ Simpson Trial of all things made me keep it in.

One last bit of trivia: instead of the VKTM note having a cognitohazard forcing people to read it in the voice of Jeffery Dunham (who I just chose because they're an awful comedian and VKTM would want to torment the Foundation with him), it was going to be Micheal Kovach, the voice of Rocky in the pilot for Lackadaisy and a few other projects that I will deny knowing the existence of, but again, I felt nobody would get the reference.

SCP-6780— helth by dado

VKTM is great. I have a lot of fun in the few instances that I've written them. Grigori was great to work with on this, and I hope we can do more in the future, especially now that their lore has been expanded. This is also another attempt by me to make dado into an interesting character.

2022 - Goodbye for now

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Unused Ideas

I have a lot of unused ideas I'm leaving here for people to claim. Tell me when you do, most of these are canon-neutral.

"Eat with your eyes"— an SCP featuring a guy who digests things by looking at them.
"More like WHY School Musical"— Tale where a task force gets sucked into a high school musical, and they have to sing their debriefing until the antimemes arrive. I envisioned Gilbert and Sullivan for this, for some reason.