Of course I had no idea. That was how things always were, even at the very start: You keep your head down, you do what you're told, and you never, ever ask any questions. That was just how things were, and they didn't even need to tell the new guys most of the time. They'd come in on day one, take one look around, and just get it right away, you know? The place had a certain air about it. I think it was the lights. Ugly, ugly things, and they were never changed, but they never burnt out, either. They just got dimmer and dimmer as the years went by. That was just how things were, and it didn't take very long to get used to, but when you show up for your first day on the job as a younger guy, it makes an impression, you know? Same thing with the smell. When you first walk in, it really blasts you, and it's bad on the second and third days, too, but you get used to it by the end of the week, and by the time the next new guy comes in, you've completely forgotten, and it takes you a second to understand what he's talking about when he complains.
What? Of course I never asked about the smell. Haven't you been listening? When I say that you never ask any questions, I mean it, you understand? You'd complain to the guy next to you at lunch, sure, but that wasn't the same thing as asking questions, and even then, they didn't like for us to be doing that either towards the end. Right before you all showed up, we pretty much stopped talking. It was just how things were, everyone doing their jobs in silence all the time.
Hm? My job was just to move boxes around. Not sure why you're so interested in that.
I don't know! All I knew was, I would go to one part of the building, somebody would hand me a box, and I would take it to some kind of storage room. They never told me what was in the boxes, and of course I never asked. I wondered, especially towards the end when they started to get bigger and heavier, but by that time I had gotten very good at putting that stuff in the back of my mind. We all had. It was just how things were.
Hey, if all you brought me here for is to accuse me, then I can stop talking. If you want somebody to put in a cell, go talk to whoever was running that place. We all just did what we had to do to survive. You know how tight money has been for everyone, and this place paid way better than anywhere else you could go without a college degree, and I had three other mouths to feed at home. You go ask the others, and you'll get the same story. I promise you. Judge me if you want, but it was how things were.
What was I supposed to think? I assumed they just got fired or quit. What do you think when someone stops showing up to work? It wasn't like I knew any of the others very well, and I knew better than to ask around. I just kept working, kept my head down, and kept feeding my kids, and if you've got a problem with that, you can go to Hell.
Look, maybe you need someone to take the fall for what happened, and maybe that someone has to be me, but don't expect me to cry like a sinner in church. I was desperate, and I did what anyone else would do. I took all of that stuff you've been talking about, and I put it all in a box in my head, and I put that box in a dark room with the others like it, and I never went in there or looked inside. Everyone does that, whether they own up to it or not. Who are you, with your uniform and your big table, to sit across from me and act like you don't? It's how we are. I'm done talking to you.