Authpageophage (non hibibli version)

POI #2001-WAT

Description: Subject appears to be a human male. Subject is a member of the Serpent's Hand, and appears to be particularly adept at stealing docu-

You know what, to hell with this. I can't afford to steal all my writing styles from Crashington.

Let's do this again, shall we?

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So who is N_Aepic_Fael?

Well, according to word of god, he's a bit of an idiot, so that's to be expected. After all, what kind of wri-

Nope, damnit, I'm stealing from TheMightyMcB now.

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Can I do anything without stealing?

• … Eh, author avatars are out of favor, and I don't feel like stealing from RockTeethMothEyes
• If I'm too serious, I'll be stealing from qntm
• If I'm too flamboyant, I'll be stealing from Rounderhouse

Looks like there's only one thing left to-

Fuck, I'm stealing from the Wondertainment Proposal now. Fuck.

You know what? To hell with this.

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Item Number: SCP-CRANKYBASTARD

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Ignore if possible, for subject will rant needlessly when given the chance. Subject demands snuggles from SCP-4966 on an ungodly basis on ScipNet as user naepicfael. Researchers are encouraged to infuriate the subject by incorrectly spelling their ScipNet name, or calling them any name that begins with V, provided that it is not "Victor." After all, Victor is not real.

Description: SCP-CRANKYBASTARD is some fool we picked up from ScipNet. Subject is apparently a thief, but most of the documents recovered didn't even belong to us, so that's a blessing, I suppose. Hopefully the fool doesn't have any more classified documents on him.

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Wait, I just stole from LordStonefish. fUCk-

Recovered Documents

SCP-4958: You Are Loved

+ Comments

Damnit Crashington, you were supposed to let this one fester!

Anyways, first SCP article I ever wrote onto the mainsite, whose execution I absolutely butchered. Foundation send SCP Psychiatrists to deal with shitty relationships marked by a bored god.

Funnily enough, this was actually my third article on the wiki, right after I Don't Want to Know Anymore and That Fucking Bug, and only this survived

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ROCK WAR! ROCK WAR!

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Hell yeah, baby, it's ROCK WAR time!

I've said it dozens of times before, and I'll say it again, my favorite article I've written as of yet. SH gives social commentary on battle royales involving literal rocks. Not golems made of rocks, no. That would be boring.

I AM THE ROCK GOD, AND rattles IS MY PROPHET.

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Karcist Halyna Ieva, or The Mother Who Demands One's Toes

A collaboration with TheMightyMcB

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Listen, we all knew it was coming.

It's toe mama. Sigh…

Christ guys, you really won't let my jokes die, will you?

Sarkic lady with no toes acts as a tool of the Archons and pisses off literally everyone around her, including her fellow Nalka. I'd include the symbol over the "a" but that'd imply I actually have standards here.

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Another Soul Joins the Halkost

A collaboration with TheMightyMcB

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Toe Mama can't be killed, bitches.

McB and I are planning on turning MWDOT into a canon/GOI, or at least a tag. Why? Fuck if I know.

I blame XilasCrowe. I always have, and I always will.

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Thank You, Reviewers

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A thank you to everyone who takes the time to review other people's works. If nothing else, it's also a metaphor for the struggle people have with writing - something that many, many people can relate to.

Once again, thank you. All of you.

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SCP-2410: We Are Beary Sorry

A collaboration with Crashington and TheMightyMcB

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Ah, the pinnacle of the Triumvirate. I don't like taking credit for the last note, but I'll soak up in any glory that I can get.

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Et Ecce Equus Pallidus

A collaboration with MalyceGraves

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How I wish I contributed more to this timeline.

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Retirement Letter

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A eulogy to five years on the wiki, posted before five years have passed because of course it was.

Characters

Nevryn Aepiculus Faelligan:

Our dear idiot, he who pissed off eldritch abominations, he who was supposed to be my author avatar but Crashington beat me to the chase.

Typical thief, stupid and cocky, but also has a small amount of common sense. More than Alabaster, at least.

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Ganymede:

A lich? Le gasp! Did I steal from RockTeethMothEyes

Probably.

The most level-headed one, he's also a bit of a cockwit. An undead mage, yes, and also a teacher.

{I'm getting some serious self-insert vibes here…}

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Alabaster Stahlsbeird:

Did I spell this idiot's name right? In any case, he's that cranky uncle that wants nothing more than to kill flesh. He raided somebody's tomb to get some dusty as fuck weapon.

Also, has a metal skeleton and shit, but no one cares.

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Halyna Ieva:

You know what, I'm not even going to bother trying to describe her.

One of the first things that children learn is equivalence. If a girl dares hurt someone? She gets punished. If a boy dares insult someone? Punishment. Toes, I believe, are the ultimate insult - something so infuriatingly useless, yet so priceless. After all, we are only born with a set amount of them. We revile those who lack toes as we do who lack limbs, for the infirm are incapable of performing work at an ideal pace. Why, then, can I not exact my vengeance on those who have what I cannot? Ye who mock the toeless, understand that I will come and harvest thy appendages to exact equivalence. You cannot discriminate if no one is different. ~ Ieva

For all further inquiries about MWDOT, please refer to TheMightyMcB or XilasCrowe. I'm not nearly as invested as those two are.

Check These Guys Out!

Some of my favorite authors. Will be updated as I get less and less lazy, and more and more people show up.

Me am lazy, so me will steal from Crashington's author page and add later.

ENTER HERE

In all seriousness, the list from his page is down here:

User	Author Page
devonmartin	http://www.scp-wiki.net/devons-den
DarkStuff	http://www.scp-wiki.net/dr-k-stuff-s-personnel-file
T Rutherford	http://www.scp-wiki.net/t-rutherford-author-page
Nameless Mediocre	http://www.scp-wiki.net/nameless-and-mediocre
Laneous does not match any existing user name	http://www.scp-wiki.net/laneous-s-outlet
Oboebandgeek99	http://scp-wiki.net/oboebandgeek99
Rounderhouse	http://www.scp-wiki.net/rounderhouse-s-author-page
TheMightyMcB	http://www.scp-wiki.net/themightymcb-s-author-page
MaliceAforethought	http://www.scp-wiki.net/maliceaf-author-ght
NatVoltaic	http://www.scp-wiki.net/watts-maxwell-personnel-files
Mortos	http://www.scp-wiki.net/mortos-author-page
ManyMeats	http://www.scp-wiki.net/manymeats
RockTeethMothEyes	http://www.scp-wiki.net/researcher-mathias-s-colleague-protocol
Weryllium	http://www.scp-wiki.net/weryl-wrote-stuff-come-look

And yes, I stole that title from Veiedhimaedr (and Crashington by extension).

‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"Authpageophage (non hibibli version)" by Naepic, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/he-who-cannot-stop-stealing. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

For information on how to use this component, see the License Box component. To read about licensing policy, see the Licensing Guide.